"You're so dressed up!" - YouLookFab Forum

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Dressing

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"You're so dressed up!"

karymk

Veteran

What do you make of the open-ended comment, "You're so dressed up!" Has this ever happened to you when you show up at school, or the store and run into someone you know? I hope so because then I'm really going to have to rethink cranking down my mojo a bit!!!

If someone really meant to make you feel good, wouldn't they have just said, "You look so nice" or "You're so pulled together"? I love hearing those two comments more than I love chocolate!

I can't decide if it's snark or support to hear, "You're so dressed up!"

What's your best comeback for the comment, "You're so dressed up!"? How do you defend your right to be beautiful, expressive and sartorially happy in a gracious way?

Dressing

38 replies

Latest reply was from

Sona

Veteran

"Thanks"

Enuf said.

Sometimes the most effective comeback is just that simple word.

Word Lily

Veteran

I don't read it as snark, but it's certainly not a great compliment. I think it's maybe best read as: They noticed how you're dressed, that you gave attention to your outfit.

But yeah, I don't have a great response. Maybe just "Thanks." like Sona said.

rute

Veteran

All the time! I don't care. Some people instead of beeing Nice and just saying, you are lovely, say those things. I could reply, oh, Thank you, it's better to be overdressed than to wear what you are wearing for work, it's not appropriate. I don't answer, i just smile and continue.
Think, those people say that because they don't want to say Nice things, but inside they envy you.

Diana

Veteran

I get this a lot. Sometimes I actually am dressed up for a reason, in which case I might tell the truth and say something along the lines of, "I'm going to the symphony tonight". Other times I just felt like wearing something nice, in which case I just smile and say thanks.

unfrumped

Veteran

I think it usually just relates to how casually dressed we have become in most circumstances. That said, it's possible to look more or less effort-ful and so if it really bothers you could see whether you're dressing the way you want to for you.

I usually don't have to worry too much about looking too dressed up, but at times I've taken a second look on the way out the door and adjusted if I thought I had to many "focal points" or something--because I want to look polished but not like you could tell I agonized, you know? And because I don't want that middle-aged lady look of too fussy a scarf or something. Or sometimes it means doing more "juxtaposing"--if you combine just one of your dressy items with casual or RATE pieces, sometimes that does end up looking really great but no one can actually tell why, or that you're "dressed up".
But mostly I'd not worry about it. And, there is no good answer other than a breezy "thanks" unless it's your BFF who serves as your style-feedback person. The more I try to explain anything, the deeper I get.

Anonymous

Do these people have no filter? Sometimes I think not. Does it really mean, "Oh no, you're dressed nicely and I'm not!" Or, are they trying to be snarky? It reminds me of the comment, "You look tired." What the heck is that about? Do people not think that what they say is going to have an affect on us? Or are they really that mean spirited that they want to take a jab? I can't decide.

So I guess the best response (which I can never seem to muster) is a melodious laugh, and wide smile and a confident remark like, "Oh, this is nothing for me!" I love to dress up!"

MsMary

Veteran

I've posted this before, but I love it so I'll repeat: Some years ago at lunch, I heard a colleague of mine laugh and say "I'm almost always the most dressed up person in the room, everywhere I go. And I'm perfectly fine with that!" I thought that was great and I've adopted it as my motto, too!

And I think it's a great response to "Oh, you're so dressed up!"

Amy

(website)

Veteran

I think people often don't realize how their comments may come across. This often comes up in regard to my knitting...people say things like, "you must have too much free time," or "that looks like a real sweater." And yes, I also get the "you're so dressed up," and "wow, that jacket is bright." Sometimes I respond with a simple "thanks" or make a joke like "I'd hate to be a wall flower." Don't worry about it too much.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I love Sona's response. If this ever happened to me, I'd smile an extra big smile and say: "THANK YOU".

Echo

Veteran

I am not sure it is meant to be taken in an insulting way. While I agree that people ought to keep their mouths shut more often, sometimes people say it as a simple statement of fact. When I show up at school in a dress, people will sometimes say things like this to me. And the fact is that I AM dressed up in comparison to how many people dress at school (parents, teachers and students). But I knew that before I went, and I am usually on my way from somewhere else, so I'm not shocked to hear it. Don't overthink comments that other people say; reply with a, "Thank you!" and go about your day.

Aida

Veteran

I get that comment fairly often, and always reply with a smile and a "thanks!". I don't give it much thought beyond that

Anonymous

I used to get this a lot but now I think people are used to seeing me dressed up. I think some are concerned that they are not dressed appropriately (shorts and tank to church!) I usually just say "thank you". If it's someone I know well I might say something like, " I'm on a crusade to get women to wear dresses and skirts more often."

Beth Ann

Veteran

I think dressing for public consumption is always about being your best self and showing consideration for others. While I would never wear a couture dress to the Food Pantry, I would look nice and put together if I were helping out there. If someone I knew fairly well said something like this, I might look for a genuine opportunity to give them a compliment on the color of a sweater, or a pretty necklace, just to let them know that I don't expect a certain "dress code" from the people around me.

Cary

I get that comment all. the. time. Where I live, if your sweatpants don't have holes in 'em, you're dressed up. I am used to women saying "orange SHOES!" or whatever. But you know, I am who I am, so I just smile and say "oh, you mean this old thing?" and do a little smug preening. It amuses me greatly.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I usually do the big smile and "THANK YOU" approach - I think there's a bit of snark behind all of those types of comments.

Marmee

Veteran

I have received this comment too, since I started paying more attention to what I'm wearing, and I agree that a simple "thank you" works best. When I've tried to explain it, I feel like I've just ended up putting my foot in my mouth.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Where I live, if your sweatpants don't have holes in 'em, you're dressed up

Now that is the quote of the day. Thank you, Cary!!

(We must live in the same city...)

In all seriousness, I think people usually say this out of insecurity and a feeling that they are not dressed very well themselves -- perhaps some embarrassment, even. Sometimes it's snark, but even when it is I think it arises from a sense of inferiority.

I think "thank you," Is a great response. Like Joy, I've found that once people get used to how I tend to dress they stop saying it.

If it's someone I genuinely like -- and I suspect she's really saying I want to learn to do what you do -- I sometimes explain how my tube skirt (for example) is just as comfy as pajamas -- and have her feel the fabric. I might talk about my thought process putting the outfit together, or where I bought the items (especially if the price was great and affordable to this person).

Sometimes I recommend You Look Fab! I tell them I learned everything here.

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

I get this all the time, too. Usually it's a compliment, and sometimes it's not. If it's meant as a genuine compliment, it's usually followed up by something else, "you always dress so cute, so nicely, etc."

Regardless of the intent behind the comment, I always reply with what Sona and Angie both said: "Thanks!"

I don't think any of us should let someone else's insecurity or fear, or whatever, stand in the way of one's sartorial self-expression. Let your light shine!

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I get it a lot from mom's in jeans and tennis shoes...I just laugh and say, Yeah that's just me!

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

My mother says this to me every time she sees me (I only get to see her a couple of visits a year). Half the time she follows it with, "And I look like such a slob!" I always say, "thank you, and you look great, too!" And then compliment and ask about something she has on. Her comments always make me feel bad, but I don't think that's her intent.

Scarlet

Veteran

Nobody says that to me anymore because they are used to me now I agree a smile and a thank you is the best response.

Lucy

Veteran

This happens to me all the time! I think the commentator is often insecure about what they are wearing, and it has nothing to do with me at all.

I usually laugh and say I am chronically overdressed .Which I am. Which I don't mind at all!

Lyn D.

Veteran

I try not to 'over-dress' most days, and find it a shame that my social engagements are so casual.
I think I am still more dressed-up than most, but that my friends are used to it.
One nice result is that my close friends make more of an effort, and sometimes ask my advice re. their outfits and shopping difficulties.
Take those comments as a compliment!

BlondeAmbition

That doesn't happen here in NYC but if it were to happen to me I'd be inclined to say "is that a compliment?" with a smile.

Deb

Veteran

Good on you for caring for yourself and presenting well. Many people have such low standards of dress nowadays and many are too lazy to make an effort. When you think about it it doesn't take any longer to get dressed nicely. Just tell people you enjoy being stylish......and thank you for noticing!!

LACeleste

Veteran

Oh---the comments from others. I hear you. Someone once wrote about LA's "tyranny of the casual" re: dress and I totally understand after moving here from NYC/East Coast. I agree that we should dress the way that pleases us and a smile and a "THANK YOU!" are the best responses.

Alexandra

(website)

Veteran

I get that a lot. My usual response is "what a lovely compliment, thank you!"
If the person was being snarky, this lets them know that it's a personal problem and not mine. If the person was sincere, thanks are appropriate anyway.

FlorenceFearne

Well, I think this is a 2 part thing. Well, I also think it depends on whether you're more dressed up than is normal for YOU, vs more dressed up than the average person in your area. If these are people who normally see you looking different, then I could see it being neither compliment nor snark, really, just a statement acknowledging that something has changed. Similar to the way everyone on earth apparently felt compelled to let me know that my hair was green. I knew!

If it's just that you're always the dressiest person in the room, well, then it still depends on the person who said it. I hate to say it, but I do believe a lot of the times it's envy. Many people aren't sure how to dress in a flattering way and think it's semi-crazy that anyone is polished all the time. But we know otherwise, which is kind of why YLF exists. I often take Suz's tack and explain where I got my items, or how comfy they are, etc.

Disha

I get that a lot. Especially at work since everyone is dressed super casually. HR recently sent an email about hoodies/sweatshirts being ok at the office - that's how casual it is.
I try to look dressed up at work, instead of looking like I don't care. Personally, I have many reasons for this -
a) I have worked hard to lose weight and I enjoyed where I am and I like to show it off
b) I look like a little kid in jeans, and it is very easy to fall into that rut of jeans and t-shirt at work. However, if I want to be taken seriously, I have to dress the part to a certain extent or I am subconsciously bundled with the little kids from Marketing - while I am R&D with a PhD who looks like a recent graduate.

So, when I get this comment - I say thanks! I love dressing up for work. It makes me happy :). To me, that makes it more about me rather than a comment about the low standards at work.

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