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You Are Fat !

Sisi

Veteran

Hello Fabbers

I would like to share with you this story to know your wise opinion.

There is this guy I know since childhood. We are not in contact but it happens that from time to time we meet by chance and recently he has started to make rude remarks about my weight. His level of rudeness is even comical. While he speaks he giggles in a sarcastic stupid way.

I never reply, I just look at him with a condescending face.

I have always been kind to him and every time we meet I stop to exchange a few words in memory of the good old times but at this point I see it is not worth.

What do you think of this? What would you do?

Thank you!

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27 replies

Latest reply was from Sal

Janet

(website)

Veteran

How totally rude.

In my experience, people who feel the need to criticize others this way are projecting their own insecurities. It sounds like he's feeling bad about himself.

I would like to believe I'd have the guts to simply tell him his remarks are rude and inform him that if he can't speak to you without saying those things, you have nothing further to say to him.

But the truth is, I'd probably just avoid him. And stare him down when he says something nasty like that. I'm not great at direct confrontation, but I do passive-aggressive really well.

RobinF

Veteran

Wow, what a rude person! I would probably react like you do and later think of all kinds of better reactions I could have! I agree Janet, sounds like he has some personal issues.

Anonymous

Ditto Janet and Robin! If he was a nice person before is it possible he's coming down with dementia? My inlaws friend is, and I think shes in her 50s only. Totally changed her personality.

Anonymous

Totally bizarre behaviour. I wouldn't subject yourself to any more of him.

kellygirl

Veteran

Ditto what everyone else said. That's just bizarre. I'd make it a point to avoid him.

Runcarla

Veteran

Avoid this guy. The problem is his, not yours. No one needs that kind of negativity in their life.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh my word. You don't need negative energy like that in your life. Avoid. Stay away, and rise above the situation. NEXT.

Style Fan

Veteran

How horrible. I would try and avoid him. Confrontation takes up so much energy. Why bother?

JAileen

Veteran

Avoid him like the plague. Life is too short.

Sisi

Veteran

Thank you all for your comments ! I have to run now. I will be back tomorrow.

Anonymous

My brother (age 71) is like that. He has no idea what a jerk he is, so I am guessing that your "friend" does not know it either. The only way that I deal with my brother is to tell him directly what an insensitive jerk he is and to take a long hard look in the mirror. The other day we got into a heated argument (I won't get into the details) but told him that he needs to be more tolerant and he proceeded to tell me that he can say whatever he wants. I then told him that I do not want any contact with him until he changes his behavior. I have tolerated him too long and it has caused me a lot of anguish. BTW, it is not hard to believe that the people he is friendly with are exactly the same as he is.

So when you see this person - look the other way, cross the street, and do not acknowledge him. He will get the picture eventually.

rachylou

Veteran

I’ll be honest, my bff is like that. He tells people things like ‘My! You’re looking well fed!’ He totally has pent up generalized resentment that leaks out. He’s a provoker, poking people where they might be sensitive. You can’t take him anywhere. I don’t wonder if he thinks he’s trying to toughen people up. I say, ‘Oh, aren’t we having a cow today?!’ And he just loves it. Some people like a bit of fight. My mum is like that too.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

A couple of years ago, my husband's old Navy buddy saw hubs' ex-wife for the first time in many years when they were all at our house. Navy buddy exclaimed to her, "You got fat!" She didn't miss a beat and said, "So did you! And bald!"

Touche.

Gigi

Veteran

This guy sounds mentally ill, TBH.

I would avoid him if possible. If not possible, when he makes such a comment, do you think you could say, "It makes me really uncomfortable when you mention my weight"? If he's not truly mentally ill, he should wise up and not mention it anymore. If he continues to mention it, I would repeat the statement and also mention that if the subject continues to come up, you won't be talking to him anymore. Then you can walk straight past him in public, and he will know that he has only himself to blame.

Vildy

Veteran

I wonder if he's practicing his neg-ging skills on you. See Pick Up Artist.

Sisi

Veteran

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. You have helped me have a clearer view of the situation.

I do think that this guy feels bad about himself and after the last episode when he passed the limit and became disrespectful, I also started to suspect some sort of mental problem. I know he has a habit of getting drunk on Saturday nights (his father used to do the same ) and now I wonder if in the long run this has had an impact on his mental faculties.

Or simply he has turned from a nice little boy into a stupid adult.

Anyway, I will follow your suggestions and ignore him from now on.

And lesson learnt - stop feeling sorry and being kind to people who repay you with negativity!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Sisi, forgive me, but I laughed out loud at this comment: "Or simply he has turned from a nice little boy into a stupid adult."

I think, Dr. Sisi, you may have got the correct diagnosis right there!

In all seriousness, he sounds really difficult to deal with and no one should have to put up with that kind of negativity. I'm so sorry you have been subjected to his hurtful remarks. And I hope he gets some help, because if this is how he behaves, he's losing out on real friendship.

Sisi

Veteran

Suz, I am glad that I humoured you!

As they say, sometimes the simplest solution is the right one ....

Jokes apart, since when I put on some weight I have received a good dose of rude comments. Seriously, I am grateful for this because it was a mind opening experience. For the first time in my life of thin person, I realized to how much sarcasm overweight people are exposed. Thanks Heaven I have a huge sense of humour and I am almost never hurt by the comments, but I am appalled at people's lack of sensitivity . So unbelievable to be even laughable.

Laurie

Veteran

Sisi, where do you live? North American culture considers any comment about weight (unless it's to compliment weight LOSS, I guess) to be extremely rude. I know that in other cultures it is considered more "acceptable" to tease people about their weight. I remember living in Brazil and they used the diminutive of the word for fat, gorda, if they were teasing. Que gordinha! As an American, i still found it so incredibly rude and insulting.
Sorry about this guy - avoid him!

Sisi

Veteran

Laurie - right observation. I live in Italy. I agree that we seem to be more "tolerant" of certain behaviours.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Actually Sisi, Laurie brings up a good point. In Hong Kong and in the Netherlands - where I have family and friends and visit very regularly - these types of comments are simply thought of as direct and not rude. I do think of it as rude

Joyce B

Veteran

I would avoid him if possible but if not possible I would figure out where it hurts him an give it right back to him. That generally stops stupid comments. Sort of like what Janet said.

anchie

Veteran

I am always puzzled how people sometimes say the most inappropriate things - I am wondering if they are not good at small talk and just say the first thing that comes to their mind without thinking.
I have similar issue with my former boss. When he was my boss I was still coloring my hair. Then he moved to a different position within the same organization and I still bump into him from time to time. And every time when that happens he says the same thing - how he almost didn’t recognize me because of my hair, how I have changed for worse and that I should color my hair again. I always stay speechless and later kick my self for not coming with some clever response and showing him how rude he was. He is Australian with Indian heritage if that has any relevance. Just happened again two days ago and I am still hurt.

Sisi

Veteran

Joyce B - yes I should. But I stupidly commiserate him.

Anchie - how irritating!! I would say "My husband loves it". With a beautiful smile.

Coincidenally just yesterday a person who knows the Rude One told me that actually he is considered a silly boaster and that he drinks too much.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I agree with others that this person might be mentally ill. My inclination, however, is not to ditch the person who's struggling, but to move closer to see if there is some way I could help, perhaps just by really asking how it's going, or by pointing out that his repeated question makes me wonder what's going on, if he's ok.

Sisi

Veteran

Fashintern - I was also considering to do what you suggest. Last chance anyway! Too many times in my life I have been kind and patient to people who then made me regret. We will see.

Sal

Veteran

These situations are tricky Sisi. Having met you I know you are definitely gorgeous and very attractive. So do not let him put you down.

There are a variety of ways you can handle this- depending on my mood I would do one of the following:
- call him out on his lack of manners
- walk past ignoring him
- ask him if he has a problem himself

It sounds like he may have something going on himself. I don't think you need to get involved in that as you are on the fringes of his life.