YLF likes it, but I'm not so sure... - YouLookFab Forum

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YLF likes it, but I'm not so sure...

anne

Veteran

All the editing questions have made me wonder about keeping things that are in this category for me, i.e., had YLF approval but I am not sure about.

Before YLF I dragged my husband along to make me make up my mind. Now it's you guys who make me buy anything at all, often.

To give some background, I am extremely fussy, and an underbuyer, and if I got rid of some things in this category I would have no white summer shorts (and only one other pair of decent shorts at all) and no work blouses. I'd also lose one of my (handed down) designer dresses.

In short, I'm much harder on myself than YLF is....

And are you the same?

Discuss.

General

24 replies

Latest reply was from unfrumped

Elizabeth P

Veteran

I think this is quite common, as YLF can't judge the fabric, the garment in motion, and, lets face it, the garments true "happy factor" and how it fits in your style. All we can comment on is if it looks good, and if it seems to balance with our perceptions of "you", as you choose to share "you" with us.

I'd hate for you to be naked, but I think you need to have the final say on whether you want to keep and wear something, once it passes the YLF test. Or doesn't, for that matter.

Bijou

Veteran

Well you do need some clothing to wear!

I don't require everything in my wardrobe to spark love. Some items are the support act and as long as they are comfortable and functional, they play well with the items that do spark joy.

Anne you always dress beautifully. I hope that some of your recent purchases are things you love. You bought a wonderful checked dress that looked amazing on you and your silver pleated skirt is sublime. Now with a skirt like that, you probably need a relatively simple top, support act pieces that showcases the statement skirt. It is not really the item in isolation that you should be considering, but the entire outfit. I usually purchase in outfits for that reason - always a skirt with a top - so that the statement pieces I own have something to work with them.

Most of us need YLF to act as the voice of reason and to stop us over-buying. Refreshingly, and it shows what a beautiful and well balanced person you are, are quite the opposite, you should be proud of that.

lyn67

Veteran

It makes perfect sense. We cannot judge the sense of the fabric neither the feeling (of sparkling joy or fusiness) the high or low maintenance factor or the true integrity of blending in (or not) with your other things and style etc. There is so much more points to consider. I so never (or rarely) asked Keep/Return. I am just used to do my hard work with the mirror and my selfies (which are the most helpful of all) alone. Then I wear it , see how it feels and that's it - my own personal style. Then you get my candid wiw's:-) loving and appreciating all the constructive comments but...I have learnt to trust my eyes and feelings first.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I am not an underbuyer at all, but full disclosure: there have been a number of times I've posted a new or possible purchase to YLF for feedback, gotten rave reviews, and still ended up returning or not buying it. It's usually because I've decided I won't get enough wear out of it, or it doesn't really feel like me, or it will be hard to style, or it's for my fantasy lifestyle.

The bottom line is, YOU are the one who has to wear it. Only you can tell whether it is comfortable, both physically and emotionally, to wear. Only you can determine whether something will truly be useful in your wardrobe for your life. Only you can really say whether the color and style make you happy. I see YLF as a valuable sounding board, but the final choice is always mine. I try to not be swayed so much as simply see where opinions lie, and get insights from other viewpoints.

I do see that you can be hard on yourself -- something that many of us women seem to have in common. It's good to be choosy and have high standards, but I hope you will be able to see yourself in a kind light, for the beautiful person you are, inside and out.

anne

Veteran

Thanks Bijou - and don't worry - I'm not talking about either the silver skirt or the checked dress! And I agree with you about not everything have to spark joy - I'm ok with settling for functional too.

Lyn67 - I guess I've got a way to go until I can reach were you are!

Kari

Veteran

What Janet said. There have been times that folks I trust to give good feedback- YLF friends or others who get my style, my mom and sister who are my NAS shopping buddies - said YES to something that looked great, but to me it just wasn’t right. It didn’t feel comfortable, it would be orphaned with most of my wardrobe, it was fussy to wear, or none of those things were true but it simply didn’t make me feel joy and happiness. I think the latter is a valid reason not to purchase something too.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

YOU have to wear the item - not us! I am always on your side, Anne.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Another voice chiming in to say that we only get a couple snaps from a couple angles. We don’t know what the thing really looks like, much less anything about the fabric and the feel.

I don’t think you should keep something you dislike. That would result in you either wearing things you don’t feel right in or just having extra stuff in your closet.

I didn’t comment at the time, but that gingham dress is really great on you. Have you worn it irl yet, and did it feel any different than the rest of your clothes that are fine?

Have you started looking for other white shorts or work blouses? Those sound pretty essential.

LaPed

Veteran

Nodding along. A photo never tells the whole story. Maybe the zipper catches, or the knees bag out, or the pockets are too small, or the soles too slippery. Each of these has been the deciding factor for me on various items that I otherwise liked, or even loved. There are issues that have nothing to do with colour, fit, flattery, or style, that can't be captured in a photo -- and they're often things we don't even notice until we've put an item through its paces. I've developed a strong preference for companies with a generous returns policy for this very reason. Mistakes happen and sometimes an item isn't as great as it seems at first blush.

And while I agree that not every single item in your wardrobe needs to "spark joy" I do think there are categories where a high happiness factor is practically essential, such as festive party wear, or jewelry and accessories. I can look back on a number of events and occasions when I talked myself into wearing something not-quite-right, telling myself, "It's only a few hours, this will do," and now all I can remember of those events is the uncomfortable shoes, the borrowed dress that just wasn't me, etc.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Photos don't tell the whole story! It has to work and feel right for you!

KikiG

Veteran

And on the other hand, there are things that photograph poorly, or the light catches in a certain way, and would not get good reviews, but in my real life, I feel wonderful in. I do sometimes think I am too picky. (6 pairs of black booties went back, and I kept pair #7.) But that pair feels great and looks fantastic.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Everything said above AND
everyone has a different set point for joy. Everyone evaluates things differently. With my joy point, I would be naked. I go for satisfied. Feeling like me.

For further clarification, when I think of sparking joy I think of one outfit from my teens, one or two from my twenties.....you get the drift. A different example. My friend RAVED about her chicken dish. To me it was fine but nothing special, and no better than ones I make that I consider fine but nothing special.

I also am fairly picky and was on the fence about items that became workhorses.

So, the upshot for me is if something works for you keep it and if it doesn’t, don’t.

JuniperGreen

Veteran

YLF has expanded my tastes and encouraged me to experiment more - but like everyone says, you're the one who has to wear it at the end of the day.

I'll keep coming back to this forum for responsive, constructive feedback and awesome ideas, even if I don't necessarily follow through! Just nice to have my own style routines shaken up once in a while.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I think I might be looking for clarification rather than approval. I'm unlikely to post before I buy something unless I'm already not sure. For my recent purchase of bronze cardigan, I had already bought before I posted and was just showing it not asking for approval. Some other items and dilemmas as to whether I should get something or not just cause it appeals but I already have enough, or whether it replaces a loved worn-out thing enough, YLF has definitely helped.
I understand that all women have been brought up in a very body-critical culture and it is such a shame how that affects women's happiness in general. YLF-ers are extremely kind to each other in terms of critiquing outfits but in the end the poster is the one who has to wear it and she has to feel happy herself.

Canada

This all makes sense to me. I KNOW most of my figure strengths and weaker areas but it took me 65 years to get there and I'm still learning. And thanks to YLF, branching out in baby bird steps to try new ideas. But if it doesn't feel right, it won't be comfortable for you, no matter what any one else says. My mom always urged me to " try it on." She was right. Doesn't cost anything to try it on. Bigger size, smaller size, different color, maybe even something you would NEVER consider. Your inner voice will calm your doubts if YOU feel comfortable in it.

Sal

Veteran

It is a tricky thing about forums and the comments/feedback. I have had both - pieces that I really like being criticised - and pieces that I think are meh be favoured or complimented. All in a good spirit and with the right intentions though.

But I am not an underbuyer and nor are most of us on the forum:) I think shopping when you are short of time, on a budget and have "needs" can be hard. We have all had that experience of shopping to find new jeans and them all being awful....

I would put those pieces to the side for now and wear what you love - even if there are lots of repeats. See if you pull them out. See if you wear them how they make you feel. And maybe consider in time replacing them.

I have items like this - and sometimes I will tolerate a less than perfect item because I don't want to spend money upgrading, or time looking, or just feel wasteful. At the moment some black boots and my puffer jacket are like that.

rachylou

Veteran

Yeah, I feel bad when I reject everyone’s advice, because they’re probably right. But the reality is, I just have to have a little wrong. What’s that Vegas commercial? ‘The right amount of wrong.’

Beth Ann

Veteran

Keep clothing that makes your morning easier and helps you feel confident throughout the day! I do think it’s fine to keep so-so garments when they’re plugging a wardrobe hole, too!

Jane

Veteran

Everything above, and for me also it is about The Balance! I’m tough on myself in all sorts of ways, I think it is a common trait! So I need to be good at forgiving myself. But I need to not be too introspective. So I strive for balance!

Staysfit

Veteran

Anne, I agree with most everything above. I say follow your heart. Does it matter if you only have one pair of shorts? You will wear and love them more than someone who has a closer full. Confidence in yourself and being nice and respectful to others attracts more positive regard than variety in wardrobe.

I try to filter the feedback here on YLF from what I know about a garments qualities in my personal experience. If my doubts about a garment are too big, I am unlikely to wear it and it collects dust regardless of what anyone else thinks. If a garment doesn’t feel “right” when I put it on, then my first reaction is to remove it. There are times forum feedback is helpful when a garment “feels” okay, but I’m uncertain about a particular detail. For example, sometimes I am uncertain how to style a garment that fits and feels fine, and to my eye looks okay. Sometimes I wonder if a garment works better in a larger or smaller version, but I lobe it’s overall color, shape, and other qualities. I have found YLF feedback helpful with sorting these sorts of questions helpful, and I would have more tendency to trust that feedback because I have already tried on the garment and typically like the way it feels when I wear it. I believe forum members are great at helping people to find pieces to fill various wardrobe needs, like a topper for a dress planned for wear at a wedding. They are also good at helping sort between several similar options if they all seem to fit well. Forum feedback is also great when transitioning to a new to you silhouette that feels awkward and there remains some uncertainty about the overall look for your style. I find it takes my eye some time to adjust, and other people can see things I am not able to see in that situation.

The way you ask a question of the forum can also make a big difference in the nature of the feedback you receive. I typically consider what feedback I am looking for when I write my post, and hopefully the responses turn out to address my primary concern. My outward question may not directly draw attention to the feedback I am seeking, and then if people notice what I am concerned about, I know I have hit on something relevant.

The best thing about this forum is the kindness and generosity everyone displays towards each other. I see sincerity, thoughtfulness, and a true desire to be helpful with promoting each other’s unique sense of style. When I have big doubts about a garment, I rely on the people in my life, my DH, my friends, and my DD.

anne

Veteran

Lots of wisdom here. Wanted to respond first to the Staysfit - yes I too love the kindness and helpfulness here on the forum.

I wanted to clarify that I agree there are details, like those of fit, feel and quality that are hard to show in a photo. Those were not the things I was thinking of.

Increasingly I think too, that I'll ask someone in RL about colour. I have a friend who has a great eye for it and it's so hard to be sure we are looking at the same thing onlin

The thing is, there are things, like the silver pleated skirt and the checked dress that Bijou mentioned, that I may not have gone back for without the encouragement of the forum, even though I liked them. Like in Barbara Diane's instance, I had doubts, but have ended up wearing them a fair bit (though still feel a bit self conscious in the silver skirt, especially since my children beg me not to wear it to school functions etc)

And the white shorts actually fit and that in itself can seem reason enough to keep them (it's the pockets I' not sure about).

I agree that YLF is GREAT for styling suggestions - I'm often amazed by the creativity of people here.

Canada - thanks for the encouragement to try things on - that's a big step for me.

Barbara Diane - yes I'm not much of a raver either. And yes, there's only a few clothing items in a decade that I really fall for. And one needs to stay dressed in between!

anne

Veteran

FI - I forgot to answer your question. Thanks for the compliment on the pink gingham dress. I haven't worn it again, but that's only because the weather is still too cold. I wore it on a rare hot day, or for an hour or so of it, but our early spring is mostly not that warm.

Staysfit

Veteran

Anne, your point about asking for a friend to help with color is excellent. A subtle difference in undertone can make a big difference and is unlikely to show up well online. I recently invited a good friend over to help with my closet edit, and having her input about color was tremendously helpful. The example I will give is about white items, which I found are not working as well for me since my hair turned gray. She has a particularly good eye for color, and unlike me could easily detect the very subtle undertones of pink, grey, or yellow, that were also present. For whatever reason, I found that very difficult to do on my own. The whites that didn’t work were those with yellow/warm undertones. The same can apply to any other color, and the effect is subtle enough that an onscreen photo may not show the undertone well enough.

unfrumped

Veteran

Agree.
I always appreciate YLF input and find it so supportive no matter what I decide.
I have kept thing because of encouragement, but have also NOT kept things despite rave input— a lot of what Janet said. Also have kept things YLF were not fond of!
That’s the beauty of the process, I think.