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YLF has opened doors that I had previously closed.... You?

morethanbeige

Veteran

I am feeling very grateful to YLF today. Angie (& Greg) and you lovely ladies have really changed my life.

Pre-YLF, I didn't even realize how many doors I had closed, such as:

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. (oops, kitty walked on keyboard)

1) I can't wear x, because I am too (fill in the blank...hippy, old, short, ....)
2) Color x is not for me...I don't look good in it.
3) Don't wear x. What would people think?
4) After age x, I won't care about fashion.

I could go on and on. And as I got older, my options shrunk. Now, those doors are opening one by one. And I am thinking, what doors in other parts of my life might I have closed that so don't need to be closed?

15 replies

Latest reply was from Mander

missvee

Veteran

It does make you think, doesn't it. There's a lot of truth in the saying that we're our own worst enemies. I'm glad you're rediscovering your options, in fashion and maybe elsewhere in your life!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Great thread! I share your gratitude!

In my case, some of my closed doors included:

1. I can't afford to spend money on myself for clothes, especially because with my poor taste, I am likely to make terrible choices.
2. I don't deserve to buy anything full price.
3. I don't NEED a pair of shoes that are not black.
4. Just because I love it and it fits well and feels good is no reason to buy it!! I should have an OCCASION to buy something fabulous.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Here here! Great lists! My own previously closed doors:

1. No trends - they only make you look frivolous and high-maintenance.
2. No figure flattery - the only way to improve the look is to lose weight.
3. No high heels - they are only for the ultra-femme.
4. No (or very few) female friends - women are just catty catty catty!

What a difference a year on YLF makes!

Jonesy

Veteran

This is a great thread! I love the sense of freedom that can come with opening these doors!

My list of closed doors that I have opened with Angie's and YLF's help:

1. Work wear should be practical and not distract from the Serious Business of the Academy.
2. I used to be creative and have fun with clothes, but that is in the past now that I am an adult with a serious job.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Hmm, I think I am starting to open (very slowly) the door to what I consider more conservative wear, and shopping destinations, with the idea and knowledge that I can style these things in a more 'hip' way. For lack of better phrasing. I don't mean to say that conservative is automatically unhip.

I also bought, and actually wore, a 3 trend item (red, moto, skinny, zipper jeans!) without feeling out of place or conspicuous. So I guess being brave with your choices and not fearing what others will think is what I'll label that door.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Yes, YLF has opened doors for me:

"It'll make you look FAT!" was written on a closed door in my head. Well thanks to YLF I finally opened that door, ready to brave the balloon I would become, and what did I find? Style, inspiration, creativity, technique, expression, solidarity, boost... no ballooning in sight. I looked back at the door and saw there had been a typo on the last letter. The sign on that door was meant to have read "It'll make you look FAB". Ah! now I get it.
Then a little while into my style journey I started to meet others confessing of having had the same experience!
We should really tell those companies crafting the signs, you know, to be a bit more careful...

Another thing: I used to feel very isolated in my love of clothes, now I don't. When I get out in the morning, I have a sense that I'm part of a community, that elsewhere tons of other similar YLF's are looking fab around town, and it makes me want to give that little extra care, which in the end makes me feel good about myself and goes such a long way.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

On a more wardrobe-related note:
1. Tall does not equal frump.
2. Stripes rock AND they are not for kids only.
3. Tall can wear heels and not feel like others are intimidated by extra inches.
4. It's OK not to be able to wear any color.
5. It's OK not to be trendy.

But, this question for me personally is so much wider than about style and content of my wardrobe. I call this life lessons learnt from YLF.

1. I know what I want and what I like, I just didn't know how to express that before.
2. My way of doing things is as good as any.
3. Slow and steady progress.
4. It's fun and even necessary to have fun.
5. Less is infinitely more.
6. You know what? Actually, I am stylish. (There, I've finally said it).

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

*tears of joy slide down my face accompanied by the odd chuckle*

morethanbeige

Veteran

Wow, thanks for your posts. Some of your comments really hit home with me. For instance:

Ornella -- "My way of doing things is as good as any." YES!

krishnidoux -- "We should really tell those companies crafting the signs, you know, to be a bit more careful... " HERE HERE!

Jonesy -- "I used to be creative and have fun with clothes, but that is in the past now that I am an adult with a serious job." Yes, and now I need to be serious!

Suz's - Just because I love it and it fits well and feels good is no reason to buy it!! ME TOO and WHY NOT??!!

bj1111

Veteran

closed door: "i'm not normal (-sized, -overly interested in fashion, -etc)

open door: "i AM normal"

DragonflyJane

This is really thought provoking. My own closed doors are very similar:

I'm too old
I'm the wrong shape
My tastes are not "right"

It's an ongoing process, but finding this site has made me realise that the above is just not true!

Finding my style-self is going to be a fun & fantastic journey and I'm looking forward to it

Astrid

Veteran

Great post! Here are my previously closed doors:

1. I don't have enough money to try to be as stylish as all the other girls anyway.
2. The clothes I want to wear won't fit me no matter what.
3. My life is way too casual for the look I dream of having.

Now I know that being stylish on a budget is possible, even if it takes a bit more time to get there. I learned about fit and flattering cuts and silhouettes and am now well-known at my local alteration shop. And I know that there's a thing such as smart and business casual and that dressy isn't equal with impractical.

Lisa

Veteran

Interesting post. My previously closed doors:
1. I'm an odd shape that no one else has.
2. I'm the only one with fit issues.
3. Items have to fit properly off the rack.
4. You must wear heels to be stylish.
5. Dresses and skirts do not fit my shape.

qfbrenda

Veteran

My old closed doors...

1) I'll always been this size/shape.
2) Nice clothes are too expensive.
3) I don't have time to care about clothes.
4) Clothes have to be big and baggy to be modest.
5) Fashion is frivolous.
6) A real bag/purse isn't me.
7) I'll never wear jeans.

I could go on. I feel completely different after months of YLF.

Mander

(website)

Veteran

Ah, these are all so profound! I'm just getting started but in the last few weeks my thinking has somehow shifted away from these thoughts:

1. I'm too fat to look good, so why bother trying?
2. My old clothes are still in (mostly) good condition, so I can't justify buying new ones. So what if my jeans are a bit too big, my shoes are all practical, and my bags are all boring?
3. I don't deserve to update my style until I lose a lot of weight.
4. I should be using the things that I have purchased, even if I don't like them anymore. I'm too poor to buy replacements so I'll just have to wear unflattering clothes.
5. It's vain and vapid to care about your appearance, even though you admire other women who look well put-together.

So I'm trying to replace those thoughts with these:
1. True fat acceptance means working with what you have, and not accepting artificial limitations on what you can and can't wear.
2. You've held on to these clothes long enough to get your money's worth out of them. It's not wasteful to pass things on if you don't want them anymore.
3. Weight does not equal virtue. You deserve to be kind to yourself.
4. You don't have to wear unflattering clothes just because you already have them. Why not give them away? Even if you can't replace them, there's no reason to let them weigh you down.
5. It's human nature to care about your appearance, and appearances are an important social and cultural tool. Your appearance sends a message about who you are and what you do in any case; why not learn to control the kind of image that you project?