Would you rather be told when you make a fashion/style faux pas? - YouLookFab Forum

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Would you rather be told when you make a fashion/style faux pas?

Tara

(website)

Veteran

I pondered this yesterday after having quite a tantrum at my other half for pointing out something rather embarrassing.

I appreciate honesty and want to genuinely look good - I don't want to be told I look fabulous when I look awful or when something doesn't suit me. I'd rather be told...most of the time.

But what gets on my goat is when someone says something to you that you can do nothing about, at the end of a long day (or other inconvenient time). Like, they point something out without it being particularly helpful to you.

My BF, bless his cotton socks, nonchalantly announced that I smelled "garlicy" yesterday after I got in the car after work. I have no idea why I smelled garlicy, but apparently I did. I was not feeling well, was tired and a little cranky and this did not help. Of course, he meant nothing by it and is always honest and compliments me heaps, but I just blew my top! I was very cranky for a good hour afterwards and I think the poor guy didn't know what had hit him!

What do you think? I appreciate honest and constructive feedback but sometimes, when I'm not asking for it, I'd rather the other person would just hold their tongue!

General

15 replies

Latest reply was from Tara

shana

Veteran

I appreciate getting a heads up on stuff like spinach in my teeth, unzipped fly. I guess if it's something that I can correct, I would like the warning. I had someone once comment that a dress that I was wearing that had an exposed zipper looked "weird" which I would rather have not heard.

bj1111

Veteran

totally agree that the time to comment is when one can correct the flaw.

on the other hand, i can't expect hubby to read my mind when criticisms (no matter how constructive or well-intentioned) are going to set me off. (well actually, i do expect him to be clairvoyant. but in my more lucid moments, i think that is a tad unreasonable!)

AJ

Veteran

I don't think I've ever heard of someone smelling "garlicky" if they haven't been anywhere near garlic.

When I first bought my fedora, the kids got all excited about it and said they liked it a lot because I looked like I was a newpaper reporter in the olden days. Well they totally meant it as a compliment but I was silently cranky about it. : )

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

I'm a pretty plain-spoken girl and appreciate the same from others. Particularly on matters of style. I can't look in the mirror myself, and honest feedback is the only thing I can truly count on to know if I look ok. Ditto for unpleasant smells. Others are better judges of that than I am, so I'm grateful if someone speaks up. I may be embarrassed in the short-term, but I'd be mortified in the long run if they held their piece.
And when garlic attacks, I turn to listorine strips that I carry in my purse. Greatest invention ever.

Tara

(website)

Veteran

Lol! Well, I hadn't eaten anything garlicky since the day before...when he had also complained about it then! I guess it was just bad timing and also figured, hey, I took it yesterday but back off, ok???

I am very sensitive to smells and usually smell nice (I use body lotion, nice smelling shampoo and body wash, roll on deo and spray, and sometimes perfume). So I was doubly embarrassed

Megan

Garlic is pretty potent- you can still smell of it the next day if you've had quite a bit (it seems to leech from your pores rather than from your breath).

Being told something like that would've made me embarrassed and angry also- it's not like he was saving you from social embarrassment; he was just complaining!

I do appreciate a heads up for an unzipped fly or dress tucked into my knickers type thing though! I discreetly told the waitress at my regular pizza place that her knickers (a gstring) were on show the other night- she was SO grateful

Frances

Yes, if they tell me discreetly rather than make an embarrassing announcement about it in front of others. And if it's something fixable.

Mac

Veteran

A few thoughts on this:

1. a lot depends on the delivery. For example if someone tells me, "Oh, that dress is gorgeous on you. I think it might look even prettier with a red leather belt instead of the orange velour belt you're wearing today because the texture would be a better fit," it protects my feelings (compliment) and gives me information I can work with (dress good, belt I'm wearing bad, idea for better belt, understanding the "why" behind the suggestion). Whereas, if someone just tells me, "That outfit looks bad." it can hurt my feelings and doesn't help me understand if the belt is bad or the dress is terrible and what I can do to fix it and why that solution might work.
2. For me, there are only 2 people besides Team YLF who can give me criticism in a way that's helpful and who I know love me enough that I don't feel humiliated. You might be like this... or not. But remember if you're giving criticism to someone else, you mightn't be on their list of people they WANT to critique them.
3. It's hard to take criticism from people who don't have great style themselves. Granted, I definitely think I have a better eye for others than I do for myself (have a hard time seeing my own body clearly) so I know it's possible that someone might look a mess but still have good advice. But when my partner's mom tells me that I'm not elegant, I look at her and wonder what she could possibly know on the subject.
4. If I don't feel strong enough for negative feedback, I don't ask (one of the many reasons I've rarely posted here on YLF). Some days, I feel like any more "bad news" might just push me over the edge. And some days, I know I look a mess and just genuinely don't feel the need to be told.
5. Sometimes, I have to check myself. Do I want to give feedback to person XYZ because I think she'll appreciate it or am I just feeling cranky, self-satisfied and more-stylish-than-thou today? (Often, it's the latter... so I keep my mouth closed)

SO, I fall on the side of not giving negative style feedback unless 1. someone asks me point blank 2. they're one of the two people I know for a fact wants to hear what I think without actually soliciting my opinion. And when I do give negative fashion feedback, I try to be diplomatic, and I try to compliment that person when they genuinely look great.

Tara

(website)

Veteran

Interesting thoughts Mac...I love my BF with all my heart, he is very lovely and always makes me feel good...well usually! I think I was probably being a bit over sensitive, but he is definitely one of the people in my life who I would take criticism from for sure. I usually welcome it!

It just got me thinking is all...I think I probably overreacted slightly...ok, well, a lot maybe!

Louise

Veteran

I think we're all prone to overreaction when feeling cranky, though as you say telling you that at the end of the day isn't much help! x

Sihaya

Veteran

I would want someone to tell me - I can really not think of much an exception to that. Having said that, it doesn't mean that some of it doesn't hurt but I'd still rather know. It's been a few years but one time as we were getting into the car, a close girlfriend crinkled up her nose and made a disgusted face and handed me her packet of gum. I was glad to know I had bad breath that evening and that she had gum but her delivery stung. So I totally agree that *how* you deliver the feedback can make a world of difference while still achieving the same purpose.

Kristine

Veteran

If it's something obvious or embarrassing, I want to know. Being told I'm garlicky isn't that helpful, it's vague and not constructive. You know him best, but it sounds a little passive agressive, as if he was annoyed or angry with you over something else.

My husband only tells me if I ask. The other day I tucked in a shirt with a wide belt and thought it looked a little boxy. When I asked him he agreed (kind of quickly), but I appreciated that he gave me time to reach that conclusion on my own.

Louise

Veteran

I think it depends on who gives the critiscm. If BF says something I don't like I sometimes loose my rag but say someone at work said something and I'd seeth silently. One colleauge said once "isn't that dress a bit short?" to her face I politely said "that's why I'm wearing leggings" In my head I Bi**hly said " your trousers are too short for your shoes!!" x

Isabel

Veteran

Gosh, I soooo agree with you !! I really want people to tell me when something is wrong........but not at the end of the day or if it is out of my control. My husband is famous for this so he must wear the same brand of white cotton socks your BF does. We have had conversation after conversation after.......well you get it. My DH claims it is simply observational, you know, like thinking out loud, but to me it is bad timing.

Tara

(website)

Veteran

LOL Isabel, that's EXACTLY what my BF said "It's just an observation". Anyway, further into the evenign once I had showered and decided to stop giving him the steely silent treatment we had the "sometimes some things just don't need to be said" conversation and all was well.

He's definitely not being passive aggressive and I know he didn't mean anything at all by it! But yeah...coulda done with it. Anyway, hopefully (for him) it's a lesson learned