Natalie you are gorgeous and you look beautiful in the outfit. Your sweater is oversized and is meant to be worn that way.

I think this is a matter for HR too. Your prankster colleague needs to understand the impact of his actions. You should be proud that you cried, because that showed him how hurtful he has been. He should have apologised and been mortified by his callous actions. If he did not show remorse, then he is a bully and needs to be censured.

As a working Mum (of only 1 child - so not Superwoman like you), it is hard to balance time with family, career and health. Everything in moderation is my mantra. You are healthy, that is the main thing.

Once you get into your 40's, people assume that you are over the having children stage and you won't get these comments. Hang in there.

Oh I just want to give that co-worker the death stare. You should not need to defend your decision to spend your precious free time with your kids rather than chasing after some ridiculous beach body ideal to anyone - most of all yourself! You look great, you are doing a fabulous job running your practice and your family and the last thing your patients or family need is for you to further stress yourself out by giving up sleep in order to work out. I don't know what your area of practice is, but there may be something about it or the medical setting that puts babies on people's minds - I am shocked people keep saying things to you. Regarding plastic surgery - something I have dreamed of since my huge last trimester with my twins - as you say the cause of the problem is the reason not to take the time, risk and/or expense. Alas.
The sweater is great and so are you.

I love this sweater. I love you in this sweater!

Ok. I think you need to find your Spirit of Mean. Double up on the awkward. If someone asks you, you should say, ‘Thank You!’ Then say ‘Do you want to feel my tum?’ Or talk about boob swelling.

Or just think about doing that. That would be hella funny. Maybe you’ll get presents...

Oh good grief. That behavior is unbelievable.
You look fabulous in the sweater- it’s a great pick.
Since my babies I struggle with the weak lower ab muscles and belly pooch. A lot of regular exercises don’t really target that. I have had some success with some exercises I found as “ 5-Day Abs” ( not get fixed in five days, but a rotation of exercises that hit the different ab muscles) and core exercises like the Plank. I mention those because I can do them at home in just a few minutes and they’re low- stress.
But yeah, my tummy is different now and there are many constraints on vigorous or explosive exercises such as ongoing muscle & joint probs so I have to plod along.
I think those office people have lost their filters, manners, brains, really.

You are a beautiful, loving, kind person, mom, and professional. You look beautiful. I am so very sorry when you are not feeling good about you body someone was cruel. Our bodies perform miracles but there is a price. Your colleague is a jerk if he meant to deliberately hurt you. There is a special place on h*** for people who do that. He is the ugly one and while you go home to love he lives in envy and ugliness. I would file a complaint w HR. It's not ok to harass people and putting an ugly spot on his record is important. It's possible he grew up in a climate of harassment perhaps a convo w HR will be an awakening and he may change. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If not they are aware and will hopefully monitor and sanction further negative behavior.

Golden pig, as another physician, I always marveled at the balance you strike between work, family and style. You are an inspiration. A beautiful, graceful person inside and out. Sending hugs, strength and wishes that you see all the beauty and goodness in yourself that the rest of us see!!

I am so sorry Natalie. I can’t believe your coworker did that to you . Ugh.
I have had those comments before too and I know how embarrassing and hurtful they are. I tried to spin it that at least they think I am young enough to be pregnant! But you are younger than me so that may not work for you
Hang in there. You are beautiful and accomplished and seem like a great mom.

It is so unfair that this happened to you. Especially about the colleague who tried to prank another innocent colleague through you: what an insensitive thing to do on the part of the first colleague, hurting two people with the same stone. You and coworker B should join forces and get back at this person (not too meanly of course, but enough to get the message across).

I am a (French) teacher to young adults/older adolescents and recently in one of my classes they called me on my belly. I was wearing a hip-hugging high-low skirt from Marciano I love. Students had to construct sentences and one team came up with "What if Madame were pregnant and not telling us...?". I tried to laugh it off and take it as a compliment, since at 49 I am rapidly moving away from the child bearing years, but deep down I was quite disturbed. In my office I have a thin mirror in which I caught a glimpse of what might have prompted them to imagine I was pregnant. That skirt came off as soon as I got home home, while I declared to my husband I wouldn't wear it anymore, and, also, was quiting wine.

If one small comment sent me there, I can't imagine what it must be like for you. I don't understand these people because you are tiny and so sweet, and always dress with such taste. Have you thought that some people might feel insecure because of your beauty, and respond in a way to make you feel in turn insecure as well (humans, sometimes...)? Some people might also be jealous because you are blessed with a wonderful family and practice and get to help others, and are beautiful too. Hugs to you. You are so strong. I'm sure you do so much good around you and one proof is the radiant smiles of your children in the pics with them.

And BTW this sweater does NOT make you look pregnant, it just makes you look stylish and cool. I love the purse you chose too! So bad-ass! I am inspired and might copy you.
xoxo hugs

I love this outfit on you. It looks stylish and cute, not pregnant at all.

That co-worker is a jerk, unbelievable that he thinks that is an appropriate way to act. Embarrassing for you and I assume also for the person who "congratulated" you, while he laughs? Simply outrageous. That is a bully through and through.

As a working mom of three kids older than yours (26, 24 and 21), you are totally smart to focus on them right now. All too soon they will be moving on and making their own lives and this phase will be over. Our time with them as children is so short and goes so fast.

I can relate to body issues, I think many of us here can. Hang in there!

It is so bold an intrusive and I am sorry you have to deal with this.
You look absolutely gorgeous in my opinion.

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this rude and obnoxious behavior. Quite frankly you look awesome in the sweater and certainly not pregnant.

Natalie, I didn’t even read the comments, but I just want to say I’m sorry that your coworker makes such ignorant and thoughtless comments and jokes. People can be awful.

I don’t see pregnant or big or anything like that looking at your photos. I see a beautiful, busy, dedicated mom in a fab outfit. The sweater is way cool.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. It means so much to me and makes me feel so much better! To clarify, none of the other doctors I work with was involved. We doctors are considered the heads of our organization (ie I don't have a boss) because the revenue we generate pays the salary of all the staff. Coworker A is a midlevel employee. He is the only one I am angry with. All the other staff are super nice. Coworker B is a junior staff and was tricked into congratulating me on being pregnant--he did not do it maliciously and was totally contrite, so I am not angry with him. Though I did sit him down and educate him that you never ask a woman if she is pregnant, unless she tells you herself or is in the process of giving birth! Coworker A lacks a filter and has a habit of making inappropriate jokes and playing practical jokes on the staff. I was fine until he started blaming Coworker B in front of Coworker C (another junior staffer) for what Coworker B said to me. That's when I angrily told him to stop and started crying. He looked startled and said "Sorry!" and beat a hasty retreat. He never said anything to me afterward or all day yesterday, so at the end of the day I confronted him in the break room and told him that what he did was insensitive and hurt my feelings and that he needs to stop and think before he speaks and if he's not saying something nice, don't say it. I can't believe he doesn't know this, but he has the brain of a 12 year old boy. He was defensive and said he was sorry and didn't think I would be offended and that it was just a practical joke on Coworker B, not me. I told him he needs to act professionally at work. He said, "Look, I've already apologized to you twice, once yesterday and once today and I'm not going to keep apologizing." Yeah, barely apologized, but only because I confronted you! I ended up talking to my office manager who is coworker A's immediate boss (unfortunately he's the one who also asked if I was pregnant a few months ago, but he wasn't trying to be mean) and the office manager said he would talk to this person and said he has been talked to several times about this. I told him about other inappropriate things Coworker A has said to other doctors and even patients. Also, now that I think about it, every other staff member calls me Dr. Lastname, except Coworker A who calls me by my first name (I think maybe he tends to see himself as the equal of the other doctors, even though he is not a doctor). Another midlevel employee who is the same position as Coworker A always calls me Dr. I think I am going to insist that he call me Dr. from now on. I don't care if he thinks it's petty, I deserve respect! I think I have been extra sensitive about this because of all the harassment cases being brought to light in the news (not to mention the attitude toward women displayed by even the top officials in the country), even though this is not a sexual harassment issue (and is not a HIPAA violation either, I am not a patient). Anyways, I have done what I could and I think I am happy to move on from this. I am not going to let him bully me using the excuse of trying to be funny (though I do think he wasn't intentionally trying to bully me, he just has no insight or social graces). And I will keep the sweater! Thanks to all of you for your wisdom and warmth!

WHAT? Well that co-worker is just a clod! You look great and in no way pregnant (and who cares if you did?). I'm in the same boat as you except 2 kids and a full time profession and you know what? We just can't do it all. I have to keep telling myself that. But you know what your priorities are and who cares about anyone else! Plus, like Angie's friend, you could be working out everyday and still have that "problem".

You definitely should insist that he calls you by your title. When impertinent people used to ask me my name I would say, "My name is Firstname, but you can call me Mrs. Lastname." I would say this without a smile.

IMO, if he does something like this again, he should be fired. You should make a note in his personnel file.

Unbelievable! Your co-worker is a sexist jackass with a vision impairment. Heck yes he needs to call you by the title you worked so hard to earn.

Natalie, I am so sorry. This really makes me mad. The immaturity and lack of sensitivity is just mind-boggling. I think your outfit looks fab, and if it's any consolation I often think of you for inspiration with your awesome style. To be honest, obviously I am not the expert, but my feeling in observing my own body is that due to hormonal changes I now put fat on my tummy whereas before I did not. My suspicion is that exercise and diet would only go so far unless I were an extreme/professional athlete with no body fat at all. You are doing everything right and your style is fabulous. I think nearly every mother has a tummy, at least more so than before, and I also suspect that with menopause one develops more of a tummy as well. I think it's normal.

You look fab

Mr A is destructive to your organization.

If you take Mr. A at his word, that he was only trying to play a joke on coworker B., it still tells me that he has no interest in furthering career growth opportunities for Mr. B. Instead he's trying to secure his own position and make Mr B so miserable that he leaves.
By tolerance for bullies, you may lose less aggressive more competent junior folks. It would be be great for your organization if all of upper management (all of the doctors he works for) held a meeting where they called him in alone and him that he needs to be a team player or find himself another job. What he did was disruptive to everyone and could easily compromise patient care. What if you or the other person who was the target of the bullying were too upset to prescribe the right dose for your next patient? There's so much you cannot control in a medical office that no one should be purposefully adding more chaos.

I saw a medical receptionist wearing normal clothing and a headband with furry ears on Halloween. I was not at a pediatric practice. That's the kind of silliness which improves patient experience by giving them a humorous surprise.

Congratulations on calling him out directly. I would ask the office manager to start documenting Coworker A's "pranks" with a view to terminating his employment because it sounds like he is disruptive to the entire organization.

On another, more frivolous note, I'm seriously thinking about copyng your sweater, although I wonder if I could carry it off as well. I love the conservative color combined with the drama of the drape.

Sigh....I guess every office/work environment has its share of jerks. It just never goes away. I’m sorry you had to deal with this jerk and that he hurt you. You look fab in that sweater. My baby is almost 21 and it took me 10 years to lose the weight and the tummy is still hanging around. But you know what? Those years went by so fast and I don’t regret one moment spent with my children. You’ll get some “me” time eventually. You rock, Natalie.

I'm sorry you have to deal with a coworker (subordinate!!!) like this. And good on you for speaking directly to the point with A (who sounds like a classless coward).

If you are interested, there is a good blog, Ask A Manager. She is great with scripts for dealing with problem employees.

Though be forewarned that the comments from readers can veer off in wild tangents and speculation, so tread carefully if you go beyond her own advice.

Why do women so often respond as if there were something wrong with us or it’s our fault when we are harassed? This needs to be reported to HR; he is probably doing this kind of thing to a lot of people. HR needs might not want to get involved after one small incident, but if they have a series of reports on one person, eventually they can have a real case.

I think you read him absolutely correctly and are right to insist he use your appropriate title in speaking to or about you, always. This kind of “joke” is all about power, wanting to increase his by making other people feel bad. If he does it to you, how does he treat patients and their families?

You might be right that his development is stuck at a 12 year old’s level. Most people eventually develop beyond that point. Does he need some kind of assistance growing up?

You’re beautiful and you look great in that sweater. You know you are healthy and are making the right choice about time with your little ones during these precious years. Parents’ empathy and love literally help their brains to grow and develop. Isn’t it awesome how they are so curious and love babies and life?

You did the right thing by confronting him. He is a bully--and a stupid one. How do you bully your boss? He should fear for his job. Perhaps you should document his attacks on not only you, but patients and other co-workers. Keep a running list; there's always a last straw....

I am so angry on your behalf, that someone would behave in this manner. I want to put on my steel-toed boots and go give that person a swift kick where the sun don't shine. I don't even own steel-toed boots, but I would go buy a pair right now, if it meant I could take a crack (pun intended) at this person.

You should definitely report this. Absolutely get HR involved. What your co-worker did was harrassment and bullying. Not just to you, but to the co-worker he/she set up to come congratulate you. This person has created a hostile environment for you. NOT COOL.

I feel like this is so important. People think they have free reign to harrass women on their looks - men and women both do this. This is so ingrained in our society and it is NOT COOL. Every time someone (male or female) critiques a woman's looks, they are critiquing all of us; re-establishing that there is this almost impossible standard, that most of us can't possibly meet, because it is a construct.

Stamp hard on that snake. Talk to HR.

You are beautiful, and NO, that sweater does not make you look pregnant. I think, though, that you should pass it along, because I think it's going to hold memories of feeling unhappy and uncertain.

I found two things really flattened out my stomach: 1) I did Whole30 last year. Not going to lie, Whole30 is extremely time-consuming, both for shopping, and food prep/cooking. So let me break down what I learned about myself, from Whole30: flour, legumes, and dairy all give me a poochy belly. I've had other friends report the same, so I think maybe this is common to a larger portion of the population.

I still have flour in my diet, but when I see my belly start to ploop out, I cut out the flour again. It's sneaky and creeps back in. (Actually, it isn't sneaky, I seek it out in breads and wraps). In place of flour, I eat sweet potatoes, Japanese sweet potatoes, Korean sweet potatoes, salads, fruits, berries, raw veggies, and meat. Coffee with coconut milk, and I still eat dark chocolate.

2) The other thing that flattened me out, are two 30-day challenges that I've been doing every day since June. At the start of the month, I start it over. It takes me maybe 15 minutes a day, because I take breaks. You can modify the planks to accomodate your strength.

My point is... you don't need to give up time with your kids, or kill yourself trying to achieve some imaginary 'standard'. Give yourself 15 minutes a day. And/or take your kids outside, and play with them.

So much love to you, Natalie, you ALWAYS look fabulous, and I always have considered you to be one of the stylish cornerstones of this community!

<3 <3 <3

https://www.shape.com/fitness/.....-core-ever

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I'm so glad you found the strengt to do the right thing. You're intelligent, beautiful, caring and have your priorities right. I know too well how kids, family life and full time job puts you in a crazy place. Be kind to yourself, breath and focus on your priorities. Suddenly your babies are all grown. And keep in mind that tiny, tiny baby steps goes a long way. (My eight year old literally embraces my tummy every day and says he loves it because it is so soft and cushiony. I think his perspective is both adorable and quite healthy.)

This sweater is massively cool...where did you get it?

I don't think you look like you have a baby bump at all, I think people associate loose styles with pregnancy, because if you're not pregnant, people expect you to wear form fitting sexy stuff. *shakes fist at the patriarchy*

Seriously though, you look awesome in this outfit.

Kwood, you’re right about that.

I just saw your post and think your outfit looks great, and not remotely pregnant! I share the collective horror at your co-worker's treatment of you, and probably others. I understand how upsetting it is to cry at work and I am so proud that you stood up to him so directly and professionally.

I hope he has learned something, but it sounds like that might not happen. As it sounds like a pattern of behavior, all you can do is not tolerate it and report it when it happens. Hugs!!

(When I was younger I have gotten the "are you expecting?" question and completely agree that it is never appropriate.)

Does Coworker A do anything so special he can't be replaced immediately? This is certainly not his first offense, he isn't going to change. You don't need the stress of dealing with someone and something like this in your life.

I just want to say that you are so healthy - your reaction was completely normal and your resistance to do unnatural things is excellent. I fear I would have been down a far less sensible path already in this circumstance.

You are beyond fabulous. We all know it, you know it. Get rid of A, ASAP!

What Elle said. As well, could you and other doctors log what A has said so far, with contexts and dates as well as you can remember, and then ongoing?

Dear wonderful Dr. N,

I don’t have time to read through everyone’s responses because I have been trying to play catch up after taking my second 10 year cycle MOC exam last week. As a physician, my perspective may be different than some of the others you have received.

First, under no circumstances is it okay for someone to make a joke at your expense, especially if it is one that is demeaning, degrading, or alludes to anything about your person that makes you feel discomfort. Comments that are sexual or that make reference to your body, or allude to your being “less than” because of your gender or role orientation, or that evoke shame for any of these reasons are called “sexual harassment”.

I had hoped female physicians would experience less sexual harassment now compared with 2.5 decades ago when I was in my residency. Clearly, there is still much room for improvement. I could share many awful stories of how I was treated in the past. Thankfully, it doesn’t happen anymore.

I have a way to think about the type of “joking” done by your male co-worker. He belongs among the characters who experience shame and insecurity......
Here is a bit of my thought process, FWIW: You are wonderwoman, or whatever other super hero you would like. As a superhero, you are mother to your lovely children, spouse to another working physician (if I am remembering this correctly) and working in a surgical subspecialty. You do it all, and you do it well, plus you have an amazing wardrobe with the best shoes and bags I’ve seen! You are confident and competent. (Even if you don’t always feel these things, you must feel them often enough to be where you are, so I bet it’s true.). There is no one more intimidating to an INSECURE man than a competent female who is successful in the roles of parent, profession and personal relationship. No man can accomplish this in quite the same way, because, men cannot get pregnant. What if you show him up and are a better doctor than him? So, it really is the most insecure who become the most obnoxious with their harassment. This may be the only way they can tolerate being in the presence of someone who they worry may outshine them. Dr. N, you are a burning bright sunbeam!

All people in a high stakes medical workplace get concerned if the professional they rely on for care or coverage is either ill or pregnant. I understand this all too well. All medical practices benefit from clear coverage plans for when something like this takes place so the rest of the practitioners are not left feeling anxious about what to do or feeling resentful about extra work. Sometimes obnoxious joking can come from anxiety over this sort of worry. In my fellowship two of six of us were pregnant at the same time leaving four to cover what normally would have been done by six. (I was one of the pregnant women).

Hopefully other people have addressed the issue of what to do when this situation happens with caring and curious people. It’s a completely different line of thought!

Regarding time for exercise and priorities. Everyone has different values and ideas of how thei life should work. There are limited hours in the day. I started to exercise every morning with my dad when I was a young child. It’s a habit that I continue regardless of my circumstances. The same has been true for my brother. (We are both physicians, his wife is also an MD, my DH is not). I know that most people do not share this family habit. We both chose athletic spouses (my DH was on the Crew team, and SIL, rides horses). Our savior has been carefully selected hired help. I have had times when someone has chopped and prepped the veggies I need for meals, transported children to various activities, and entertained them or gone over homework while I was exercising. The time savings from our household helpers, allowed us to do some things that maintained our sanity.

Finally, KEEP the sweaters!