Michelle - I've felt so badly that you're going through this right now {{{hugs}}} I'm glad to hear that there are signs of improvement for Corey, and I'm thrilled that you are taking good care of yourself.

You need to keep yourself strong and healthy - it will help you physically, mentally, and emotionally, and you need to be strong when lthings are so difficult. It's loving to ourselves to take good care of ourselves, and you need that right now.

Michelle you're so wise to be aware of your own needs during this tough time. A body under this kind of extreme stress needs high quality food, exercise and fresh air, and as much sleep as you can possibly get. You're in a marathon here not a sprint. Even if the meds start working well, the fallout from this episode is going to take a long time to resolve. Stay strong, and reach out for help wherever and whenever you can.

Sending continued love and support, Michelle!

Thinking of you, Michelle, and glad to hear that the meds seem to be starting to work.

Michelle, I was traveling when you posted this, and I'm so very, very sorry that you are going thru such a rough patch in your life. I don't have any wisdom to offer, but just know that I am thinking of you.

Hi, Michelle - I am so late to this thread but just saw it and wanted to say that no matter what happens with your relationship, you are a thoughtful, kind, eloquent soul ... not to mention a brilliant woman and talented writer ... and you must not lose that bright light that you are. I know you won't let that happen. xoxo

Dear Michelle,
I came here form another thread, hoping to find out more about how you are. I am so, so sorry to read what you're going through.

I haven't read everything everyone wrote, just a few posts, I'll come back to it all later as I'm sure there are countless pearls of wisdom to be savoured.
But, Inge wrote such sound advice, Una also gave a valuable perspective and there's very little to be added there. One thing that came to mind, though, is that it really is of utmost importance to take care of yourself - first and foremost. I always think of safety procedures on the airplane when adults are advised to put the oxygen masks on themselves first, *then* on the child next to them. There is nothing we can do for anyone if we don't take care of ourselves first, as simple as that.

Also, in situations like this I'd opt for physical distance if at all possible, even if just temporary. I think being away from the unhealthy atmosphere really helps look at things more objectively, rather than sharing the space - physical and mental - and always starting from the deep negatives and wasting so much precious energy and strength just to get yourself to that balanced state from which to start assessing how to get through another day. One gets to start hearing onself, the own inner voice, to enjoy the balance and piece that was craved for - all this can be achieved again.

A friend once told me, while I was going through some turmoils of different sort when I was weighing whether to stay in the bad, but familiar circumstances I knew how to handle or to jump into the new and the unknown, that we tend to lull ourselves into false sense of security in the old situations - no matter how bad they are, we have ways of handling them even though they use up our resources; on the other hand, the natural caution before the unknown is mistaken for the insecurity. Please, don't let the fear of the unknown stand in your way of untangling this.

You are a beautiful, intelligent, talented and extremely brave woman and have no reason to either tolerate or stay in the circumstances that are not worthy of you or do not make you a better person. Your life is yours alone and it's your one shot at being happy and fulfilled.

Lots and lots of love.

Michelle, I am just seeing this today (I keep forgetting to check the OT tab). What a terrible time you've been through! I was wondering where you had gone, but then just figured work was busy, etc. etc.

I think seeing a therapist on an individual basis sounds really good. It can be so hard to have a clear head about things like long-term relationships, love, moving forward, etc. A part of you might want to try to keep things the same, while another part says something totally different! With your relationship with Corey, it's probably difficult to separate what is going on with him and the depression, vs. what is going on with your relationship.

I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best. You *will* get through this and come out stronger than ever.

Michelle- I haven't commented here as I felt that I had nothing to add, but want you to know you're in my thoughts. Depression is NOT easy to live with, and while it is not the fault of the afflicted, we can't deny that it effects our relationship. You absolutely must take care of yourself... it is so easy to focus on the "sick" person and not take care of our own needs when we are in this type of relationship. My husband suffers from depression, and thankfully has been doing very well on medication... but I remember that very hard time when I did feel that I just needed to deny myself and focus on him because I knew that I was healthy and could handle it. That was absolutely not the right way of thinking. I was contributing to the problem by thinking that if I could just always say the right thing and do the right thing, that I could keep him in a good place. I see now the folly of that way of thinking.
But anyway, do make sure you take care of yourself and get wise counsel and therapy so that you can move forward and make very wise decisions.

Michelle;
I've forgotten to check this section for oh, the last two or three weeks but have been wondering what happened to you and whether you are okay. So sorry these challenges are the reason why. Just wanted you to send you my support and virtual hugs.

Hi Michelle, I just came across this thread, as I am guilty of not checking the off topic tab as well. I have lived the life of a clinically depressed individual, as a side effect of medication, and the only thing I can say is that I don't wish that to even my worst enemy. It was a nightmare I hope to never experience again. My thoughts and prayers are with Cory and all of those who battle this illness each and every day. It took for me to get ill to finally understand the chaos that having a mental illness is.

My behavior was somewhat similar to Cory's, sans the suicide attempt: Erratic, violent and detached. I know you wonder about whether he means what he says. What I can tell you is that many of the things I said and did, were not coming from my heart. I was hurting so bad, that my only outlet was to be aggresive. I don't know how else to explain it.

I don't want to give you the impression that since it is the disease talking, you must "take it". On the contrary, you have a divine responsibility to yourself, to seek out happiness and remove yourself from an unhealthy situation. I was and still am eternally thankful to my fiancee, who never abandoned my side and helped me thru, but I would never, never expect for him to stick around and suffer with me. In due time, Cory would understand if that what you decide to do.

This is a very complex issue and I so wish I could provide with better advice. Stick with individual therapy and take care of yourself. A million hugs to you and Cory.