Why is it SO HARD to let clothes go? - YouLookFab Forum

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Why is it SO HARD to let clothes go?

aloha emily

This is a season of wardrobe refining and purging for me, as I’ve realized how much I personally love having a closet with only my favorites and plenty of space to enjoy them. As I curate, I’m surprised by how hard it is to let things go. Specifically, I had a jumpsuit that I hadn’t worn in a year despite many, many opportunities to do so. I knew exactly why I didn’t like it: 1. It was cropped and I’ve realized I prefer longer pant lengths. 2. It was sleeveless and I prefer sleeves. I tried it with various tops under and jackets over but still just didn’t like it.

It wasn’t an expensive purchase, it went unworn for months, I could pinpoint the unfixable problems with it, and it was in pristine condition so someone else will actually be happy to have it. But I STILL had trouble passing it along. Why?

(I finally gave it to a great local organization supporting refugees, so it ended up with a good home.)

General

22 replies

Latest reply was from Lisa

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I definitely get this. I actually do let a fair amount of clothes go to consignment or donation, but certain pieces are more difficult because I think one day I might be in the mood for them even if I am not now. The more unique or difficult to find item the harder it is for me to let go. Perhaps this is the case with your jumpsuit?

VioletMyra

For me it's the memories attached to those items or ensembles. Best wishes to all.

Indigoprint

Veteran

Yes
I try to purge and try things on and think "well I like this...".
Using a "holding" bin has helped a lot for me. If after a period of time (longer than a year for me) . If I do not miss it then I feel ok about passing it on. Helping me in the purging process that it is not gone "tomorrow".

Sal

Veteran

It can be hard - I also have a holding zone and as with Indigoprint I find it useful.

I think it can be guilt (wasted money, environment cost) as well as the feeling that one day you may want it back. I also struggle a bit with things that are too worn out to donate, but still wearable.

The below finds are things I have considered editing out for various reasons.

The blue boots and puffer are almost worn out. Not worth repairing but still have wear in them.
The cream jackets (x2), Black sheath dress and white trousers have all been largely unworn for two years. The linen one is in the donation pile.
The floral dress and mermaid skirt don't quite fit my current style direction - I like them both - not sure what to do. The skirt is also great for biking days as it packs small and does not crease.
The black shorts feel a bit short.
The cream blouse and black blazer have been replaced by pieces I prefer - so are duplicates - but are they worth keeping (this blazer is shorter and so at times could be better than a long one)
The green sweater is too short after washing....
The jeans feel a bit short too but I love the cut

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Carol

(website)

Veteran

Yes--I have an apple green dress that I thrifted that is incredibly ill-fitting around the collar, and I can only wear it by messing with pins or putting another shirt on top. I think it is hard to get rid of because it represents part of my personality--the one that likes vintage farm-style dresses, the one that wears dresses at all!

Sisi

Veteran

What VioletMyra said! I'm terribly sentimental.

Dee

Veteran

I feel very similar to SAL, there's a bit of guilt involved, the wasted $$s, and environmental impact. Often the quality of my item is soo... much better than what's likely to be available now. I do keep a holding zone just in case, and a few items have on occasion been reactivated back into my wardrobe. I have lots of classics, so its often harder to get rid of these compared to my trendier stuff. Definitely anything with sentimental attachment is probably the toughest to say goodbye to.

LJP

Veteran

I have to admit I've never understood sentimental attachment to clothing . Sure , something handmade or passed down from someone special - that I can understand, but for the rest of it? It's just an item that once served a purpose but no longer does, or was a mistake I don't need to be reminded of . I'm pretty ruthless with editing my wardrobe and rarely regret passing along things that don't belong for whatever reason. It's probably the environmental impact/consumerism aspect that bothers me most, which is why I'm attempting to move to a slow fashion wardrobe .

Suz

(website)

Veteran

For me, it is rarely sentimental -- I think this is a matter of personality -- some of us are very attached to our clothing that way, to the memories...and some of us less so. (For me, getting rid of books is harder.)

I also have no problem letting go of items that simply don't fit right or have shown themselves to be problematic, i.e. they itch, pull, stretch out, stain, don't play nicely with other things in the closet or just plain make me feel unhappy when I wear them. We all make the occasional shopping mistake and some items don't show their defects until we have worn them a few times. I'm a lot better at choosing than I used to be so this situation is not so common for me. But it still happens!

What makes it hard for me is when the item was pricey and I have not worn it much, or when I think about the environmental impact of wardrobe churn. In other words, the "shoulds."

But better to let it go to someone who may enjoy it and get wear from it than keep it around. Someone else is just longing for a cropped, sleeveless jumpsuit, you know?

Marlene1

In my case, I have clothes that I try on and think "this is fine - I should keep this." But I'm not excited to wear these items and rarely do. I think the problem lies in that since retirement, have more clothes to wear than I have occasions to wear them.

avicennia

Veteran

When I first became a member YLF I did a big closet purge. I later regretted giving up on a few of pieces, but most truly needed to go. As I’ve refined my style with the help of Angie and this community, I’ve actually purged and less. The pieces that I have fit my body and style and I don’t have a lot of closet churn anymore. Now I only get rid of things that are worn. I know this hasn’t totally addressed your question. But the point I want to make is that I do regret giving up some pieces. And if you can’t give it up, maybe you should just keep it.

Roberta

Veteran

Well, I gave away that jumpsuit this year for the same reasons - I hated having to put a cardigan or jacket over it because the armholes were too low cut. I replaced it with a well made jumpsuit with half sleeves.

As Dee said, the quality of these older items, not to mention the fact that they are already in your closet, makes us reluctant to weed something that (sort of) works. I am FINE with passing on something that doesn't fit my body or my lifestyle. Also, a very few times I have regretted getting rid of something that I could use now - especially when I can't remember why I purged it! I was thinking today about a brown sweater skirt that I gave away because the waist elastic had completely failed and I didn't think I needed skirts anyway. Now I wish I had it back so I could replace the elastic and wear it with the tall boots gathering dust in my closet. *sigh*

Kate

Veteran

I don’t have trouble weeding out my closet—in theory—actually doing the hard work of sorting and deciding which means of dispersal (selling, donating, giving to friends) I want to use is the problem.

I am rarely sentimental about my clothes.

RobinF

Veteran

I definitely have a hard time getting rid of things because I worry that I might miss it. It doesn't usually make sense, these are items I have not worn in a long time but you never know...

I do occasionally hang on to things that are past their date, usually that is because I love them and can't find a replacement so I keep wearing them even though they are in bad condition, or I hang on in case I want to wear them (even though they are usually bad enough that I will only wear around the house).

In actuality, there have only been a few times I have regretted getting rid of something and I am willing to guess that even those would not get worn if I had them back.

Peri

Veteran

I'm with you and others, I find it really hard for several reasons.

I'm with Marlene in the thinking that it's "fine". Going along with that is that despite years on this forum I still don't like to shop, so sometimes the effort involved in getting from fine to great seems daunting and not worth it.

I'm with Kate in wanting to avoid the work!

I'm with several who mentioned guilt, but mine comes in sideways through a different door. I have problems with all kinds of change, and my guilt takes on this weird thing that probably needs therapy..."why don't I like this thing I used to love? Why am I not that person anymore? Am I that fickle that I just toss out old loves?" I can't unpack this one because I don't get it either! Everyone changes, but I'm not allowed to?

Anyway, yes, I find it hard.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I am sentimental and always have been. Some people are. I remember where I bought something most of the time, for decades. It feels like whatever it is becomes a part of me somehow? I realise that is not the case, that the things are a part of me, but psychologically they somehow are so I feel that makes it harder to let go than for someone who doesn’t have such thoughts. And if whatever it is becomes too worn out, I can usually let it go, but if something later comes along that strongly reminds me of the first thing, I can want that new item partly because it brings back the good memories of that other time.
The forum and Angie’s advice has helped me much like Avicennia above, because I prefer to buy once, buy well, keep and wear a long time. Then I am more likely to be able to donate (or even trash if it is well worn enough, which I love if that’s the case) and I will have less churn- which makes me happy personally. Some Fabbers including Angie are happy with more churn, especially if they are/have been in the fashion industry and are more concerned about staying current than I am. I am slow to edit and do keep a holding zone, as more likely to realise I don’t need the item if it has sat there for some longer period of time. I was able to take 2 good items in that category to a clothes swap of NZ designed items at our NZ Fashion Week recently and got two great new tops.
So I feel you! No real solutions but for me I do feel I am making progress on a functional wardrobe with more space than it once had!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I have trouble letting things go when I still like them and they fit on my body, even though I’m not feeling the style at that moment. I’m always aware that trends and my dressing moods shift, and that piece may come back into favor. Recent examples are my old moto jackets (a few in my holding zone, waiting for their day again) and my old oxford style shoes — I’ve broken those back out to wear recently and am absolutely enjoying three pairs of them. One got worn for five minutes and went in the donation box because they just aren’t comfortable anymore.

I’ve had occasional regrets letting things go, but in the big picture, nothing gutting. I could do better editing, but sometimes my superpower of seeing potential in a lot of things means that I also hold onto too much.

LJP

Veteran

I saw this yesterday and thought of your post . I’m trying to adopt these thoughts as my own mantra .

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Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Emily, if the item does not spark enough joy when you wear it, and you can live without it - pass it on to a good home. Shopping mistakes are inevitable. You learned some great lessons! It will make someone else happy

Like LJP, I have no problem passing on some items. Items that no longer work for a myriad of reasons. It annoys me when they hang around!

I AM sentimental about some items, though. Those are harder. I kept my very special jodhpur jeans from Milan that I stopped wearing 10 years ago - holes everywhere! I cannot part with them.

I'm sad to let go of faves that are worn out. I wear them right to the end! It's hard to let go of comfy shoes that really need to go....

aloha emily

Thank you for so much insightful feedback, my YLF friends. So often this forum is more thought-provoking than therapy!

The “shoulds” definitely plague me, Suz- the jumpsuit was a great color! Fit beautifully! I should have loved it! But I didn’t.

Financial guilt is a killer. I’m realizing that the more I refine my wardrobe to include only items I adore, the easier it becomes to not waste money going forward. As my closet reflects my style with ever sharper focus, its easier and easier to say no to items that aren’t deeply true to me.

I struggle to make time for outfit creation, even though I know it’s the single most helpful thing I can do at this point in my style journey. I am starting to see, though, that the more I weed out items like the jumpsuit, the more excited I am to make outfits with the gems I can easily see in my less full closet. I feel less overwhelmed.

Peri, VioletMayra, Jamie and Carol, yes- sometimes I feel sentimental for the person I was or could have been in the item, not the item itself. I am passing on a bubble skirt this week but keeping a sundress with a bubble hem. The style of the dress feels fashion forward and chic to me. The specific skirt reads too innocent and childish for me right now. But as many have said, this is a tough moment in the world and part of me wishes I could stay young and childish!

Thanks again for so many thoughtful replies.

JAileen

Veteran

Like others, I have things that I don’t wear. One category includes things that don’t fit anymore. My weight has fluctuated and as soon as I donated it, I find I’ve lost weight and I’d like to wear it again. This makes me hang onto things. Another category is I don’t have anything to wear with it. My personal rule is I won’t buy something if I don’t already have something to go with it. Obviously I’ve blown this rule many times. Another category is things I cannot get rid of no matter what, whether I wear it or not. This includes the sweater my mother knitted back in the 60s.

Lisa

Veteran

This is a great question that I don't think has one answer.

Sometimes it's hard to let it go because the item has a nice memory to it. Keeping the item helps to spark the memory. I have a few sentimental items in my wardrobe that I haven't worn in years, but I keep because they spark joy.

Other times it's hard to let go because letting it go means accepting that you made a mistake (such as when an item still has tags on it). For purchase mistakes, I've learned to accept that the price I paid was for the experience of buying and owning the item. How often I did or did not wear the item doesn't matter, this helps me let go of items that spark purchasing guilt during a closet edit (ie I paid a lot for it yet I and rarely or never wore it so I'm going to keep it and try to force myself to wear it). Forcing myself to keep things that aren't working just makes me unhappy with my wardrobe and want to buy something that makes me happy!