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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Why do you think the real you...

rachylou

Veteran

Comes across when you wear certain things and not others? Is it just certain items signify this or that?

I’m thinking of a certain politician who my mum always says doesn’t look right in her clothes because she doesn’t know who she is. But she’s a politician: she wears what all politicians do... a pantsuit. And yet somehow, yes, you can somehow imagine a pantsuit more suitable, more true...

Dressing

45 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

Cee

Veteran

I guess that's how Lois didn't realise Superman was Clark Kent for more than 50 years when all he did was put on a suit, tie, glasses and combed his hair back

Joy

Veteran

I think dressing bombshell with short, tight, clothes or bodycon fits would not be authentic on a sporty lass or tomboy type. One's clothes do send a message. Wearing a stretched out tee and badly distressed jeans does not help one to look capable or professional. I think of on older lady I see around town who is usually wearing an appalling mix of patterns and colors. I am all for mixing but a fleece coat covered with cardinals in snowy evergreens worn with tights with purple pigs on a shocking pink background and a top with orange tiger cats tumbling with black and white ones on an olive green background, purple slippers and a rhinestone festooned evening bag purse looks like the wearer is a bit batty. I forgot the handmade granny-squares hat done in grey and black yarn. . She also wears My Little Pony leggings sometimes with the cardinals and a skull tee. Maybe she is actually making a sartorial comment on life or something , or she may just be wearing what she likes.

rachylou

Veteran

Cee, I’m laughing and yet the thing is, it’s true!

Joy, omg, my mind gave out somewhere around purple pigs.

I suppose in my mind I’m thinking I’m really pretty preppy, in terms of life, but I’m incredibly uncomfortable in preppy clothes. Or how I can think of a lot of people who I think look a lot more natural in their weekend clothes than their work clothes. And vice versa.

...You might say, not all aspects of a person’s personality make for a good outfit on them...

Style Fan

Veteran

Cee, you make an excellent point. Joy, that sounds like a very interesting outfit.

I could ask myself what part of my personality do I want to make an outfit for today.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

You do know there's a whole "rebellion" /punk side to preppy, right? Isn't that you?

I could go line-by-line: I like to be active, so flat shoes are "me" and fussy details aren't. I think of myself as strong, so pastels feel like a weird mismatch (unless I can work out a way to contrast them with "me" in a way that brings out my strength). I don't thing sexuality should be hidden in shame or put on display, so where I've got curves, I let them loose without pushing them. But I don't think this kind of fine-grain analysis is very interesting, or what you're looking for.

One thing I can say overall that this week's posts show clearly is that when we are our real selves, it's beautiful. Sounds schmalzy as can be, and that's not quite my style, but seriously, the photos view of the forum this week is absolutely stunning. Not just a good outfit here or there, but all of them, even if people are wearing something I've usually got a "poison eye" for. I'm sure Angie knows this from her clients; I hope she brings it back around and points out to the forum how awesome everyone looks doing their own thing.

Ginger

Veteran

I think it comes down to being comfortable in your chosen clothing. Not necessarily physically comfortable, but just that restful feeling when you get dressed, "Yes, this is good for me." And then usually forgetting about it, since you're so sure in what you're wearing.

Taking your example, it sounds like that politician is dressing for what's culturally typical of her role and title, but is not herself comfortable in that clothing. Similar to how you can tell women who are not used to wearing heels (high or not) - they move more tentatively and walk like they're having to think about it, not as naturally and thoughtlessly.

Joy's example... now, that lady may be truly comfortable in what she is wearing. Or she really may be making a statement. Or she may be identifying with an alternative clothing/life style, like goth, lolita, rockabilly, punk, vintage, hipster, etc. Ironically, it may *not* be the real her, but the identifying. It takes a lot of time to assemble the pieces for an alternative wardrobe, and it may remain a habit even as one's preferences start to change. I did the same with vintage for a while.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

" It takes a lot of time to assemble the pieces for an alternative
wardrobe, and it may remain a habit even as one's preferences start to
change. "

I agree. No need for judgementalism.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Excellent point about Superman and Lois Lane! How about this: we humans construct our identities and when the construction goes the way we want it we feel more integrated.

rachylou

Veteran

That’s a good point, Ginger. That may be it: A certain comfort in what one is wearing that comes across. A freedom of movement.

bj1111

Veteran

i think there are two questions/concepts both of which have surface.

one is comfort in one's clothes. even if there is dissonance between the clothing and the internal feeling, as long as you look like you belong in your clothes then that speaks to self-knowledge and comfort with who you are.

the second is that there is no perceptual disconnect between who you are internally and how this outwardly manifests. i'm not sure why it's important that others perceive no disconnect if you yourself are comfortable in your clothing choices. so dress punk think prep--it makes sense in the story you tell yourself. others don't need to understand the story. what we see (and react to) is how comfortably you inhabit your clothes.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oooh....I like BJ's line: what we see (and react to) is how comfortably you inhabit your clothes.

But what makes us comfy in this as opposed to that? Why does one person feel "herself" in preppy outfits (even if she didn't grow up a prep) whereas another feels great in goth? Or what have you...

Helena

Veteran

I agree with Ginger, but now Suz' question has me thinking ... I *think* for me, it's because my 'me' clothes align with my personality ... I am pretty conservative (in my own personal life, that is), sort of quiet unless I'm really in my comfort zone, pretty practical and as low-key as it appropriate to the situation, usually ... I think these characteristics are represented in the clothes I feel like 'me' in ... but I hear you Rachy, someone could be, let's say, super-careful with money/education/employment, etc., but still have non-traditional or edgy taste in clothes ... in which case, maybe it's an outlet for some divergent aspect of their personality? I don't know, just throwing ideas out ...

gryffin

Veteran

I agree there are two parts to this story. How do our clothes make us feel? How do our clothing choices effect how people to react to us and does that reaction allign with who we are and make us comfortable. The first part is obvious - we are comfortable in how we present ourselves. But the second, if you wear overtly sexy clothing, but that's not who you are or how you want to be treated and perceived you, the reactions you get will make you uncomfortable. OTOH if the clues your clothing gives off represents you accurately, then the way you are treated, usually, will align not only with what you expect and delight in, but others, as they treat you in regard to that assumption, will get the behavior they expect - because who you are aliigns with the visual clues as presented. I'm saying it badly but you get my gist.

rachylou

Veteran

I do think it’s really interesting when a liberal or conservative person looks more natural in ‘the opposite style.’

And that’s also a really interesting point about a feedback loop... how the reactions of others effect how comfortable a person feels in a certain style or not. Why doesn’t that inform people who dress ‘opposite’?

gryffin

Veteran

Rachy - it does inform people but they don't understand why they get that feedback. That's why there are so many fashion books trying to help people align their dress with how they want to be perceived and treated. That's why corporations hire stylists to help them decide on uniforms and help senior employees dress their best. How often do we all look but fail to see?

rachylou

Veteran

Good point. Quite hard to know what you’re looking at lots of the time.

I’m quite contrary. I want people to know I’m old, but the sort of clothing that will make them call me m’am depresses me. Lol.

Gaylene

Veteran

“Meaning resides in the person, not in the word” is a communication axiom, especially when we are talking about labels. So, maybe the “opposite” resides in the dissonance of the observer and not in the internal state of the person being discussed? Whether or not the person being observed is aware of, or receptive, to feedback, to say nothing of how feedback cues can be filtered, altered, and interpreted, is also a minefield of subjectivity. Short answer is that my feelings of disconnect between what I think a person “is”, and whether or not her clothes align with her “true” self, are always saying more about me than about her.

I’m actually more inclined to go with Gryffin in focusing how the the nonverbal signals given off by my clothing affect my interactions with others. If I’m happy with the assumptions and reactions I’m getting then I feel comfortable in my clothing choices. If I sense a disconnect, then I can choose to adjust my external nonverbal signals to manipulate a different reaction—or I can reconcile myself to the dissonance and stay the course.

But I’m not sure what any of this has to do with my “real” self—or even what the term means.

rachylou

Veteran

That’s true what you think about someone else probably says more about you than them. But you know, a lot of people ask me if I smoke weed, lol... purple hair... so I mean, I navigate the street ok, but yeah, that’s a no.

Gaylene

Veteran

*laughing*

Well, if it’s any consolation, Rachylou, I recently had a new acquaintance comment that I looked like a woman who drinks single malt scotch instead of wine. I’m still trying to process that one—especially since I’ll admit to being familar with my highland tipples! Maybe it’s those cashmere sweaters I wear with my jeans?

Anonymous

You lot crack me up!
Now I didn't realize preppy was rebellious, since I'm it's polar opposite-do tell...

Staysfit

Veteran

An interesting read here but I’m too tired to add anything intelligent other than thanks for the thought provoking thread Rachy.

I wonder what would happen if we purposely tried to wear outfits that felt dissonant, or maybe with one or two somewhat subtle dissonant elements———for example I would feel odd wearing a western belt. Would it look odd to other people if I wore one?

Anonymous

Hmm I've worn dissonant things in the past under duress-too big company t shirt, too big work uniform (friend said I looked "like a dork"-she was right!).

rachylou

Veteran

Yeah, the punk-prep connection... says so right there in The Preppy Handbook. It’s my cover story!

That’s so funny about the single-malt woman. I do also like my whiskey neat... and it does put a lass in an interesting social position... !

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, that would be interesting, Staysfit, to try a look that you know is really not you... I’m not sure I have the skills to even attempt Big Rich Texas (the reality show from yesteryear)... would be a hoot, tho!

Sal

Veteran

I have a fairly broad comfort level with clothing in terms of colours, silhouettes, body con vs looser etc....but there are items that feel off or not authentic to me - Western belts and clothing, moto styles, frills and bows usually, and nautical looks...I like these looks but they don't feel like me at all.

I do know people that take pride in being underestimated - wealthy males who like to wear sports shorts and workboots for example. I think we can make the wrong assumptions if we judge someone entirely by their style and appearance.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Well, prep can be punk! Tartans and kilt pins can be worn in a variety of ways...

Cee

Veteran

I'm imagining Johnny Rotten in a pastel poloshirt with a sweater tied around his shoulders now, Suz

rachylou

Veteran

No clothes don’t tell you everything, only a little. It’s weird, tho, when you are something, yet unconvincing dressed as such...

Gaylene

Veteran

I think preppy has always been subversive—those prim collars and pleated skirts are excellent ways to camouflage a rebellious nature. No point in letting people know what you are up to until you are good and ready to make your move.

One of the reasons I’m aching to have my hair go completely gray is to have younguns think of me as a stereotypical little old lady. It’s such fun to see their consternation when I decide it’s time reveal my single malt side. Like Sal says, we ought to be cautious when we judge someone by their style and appearance.

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