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Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?

KeepTheKey

(website)

Parkmommychic started this thread (http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....rds/page/2) asking other members what words they use to describe their style. I noticed many people saying they aspire to have a certain style, but had not yet achieved that goal. This seems wild to me, as I just buy what fits, that I love. Maybe it doesn't fit everyone else's idea of Bohemian Rockstar Lumberjack, but I see it, and that's what matters to me.

So maybe I sound silly for asking this, but why do you ladies think it is that you aren't there yet? I can imagine a number of reason (weight loss or gain, starting over, a desire to de-frump), but I'm interested in hearing about member's personal experiences from individual standpoints

Of course, speculation is always welcome, too!

Dressing

61 replies

Latest reply was from

Vildy

Veteran

Your original question more intriguing:
"I should start another thread to ask why others are
"finding" their style "

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

Interesting question. I think my style is a moving target so I am not sure I will ever be there. For me, it is also linked to weight. I have a tendency to gain and lose weight from year to year and often buy a lot of new clothes after a loss. The cuts and styles that work for me at my lower end and higher end are quite different as well so that impacts my preferred style.

I also go through phases. For the last few years, I have not been wearing button woven shirts. They just didn't seem to fit where I was but this year they really appeal to me again. I also got on the slim/skinny pant wagon for a year or two and am finding that the style no longer feels right to me so my Kut catherine jeans are languishing in the closet.

Interesting question KTK.

Windchime

Veteran

For me, it's going to require time and a learning process. I'm not sure what sparked it (maybe a significant birthday this year), but I've decided to put more care into my appearance. I've "gotten along" well enough until now but want to raise the bar. It will take time to figure out what works best for me and to feel comfortable trying some new types of looks.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I came here after significant weight loss three years ago, and more than a decade of ignoring fashion. So first I needed to educate myself, then I needed to figure out how to dress a new shape, and then I had to budget (allowing for mistakes on the way) and purchase bit by bit.

I'm pretty clear now how I would like to dress (even this took quite a bit of time to figure out -- and of course, it is continually evolving.) But I still don't always recognize the pieces I need to make that happen. I still make purchasing mistakes or can't find some of the things I want. So it's an ongoing process.

Anonymous

I also came from a place of not buying many clothes for years, and then two pregnancies and then changing job duties. I feel like I have an idea of how to dress, and now that I have the basics covered, I can start to add the pieces that sing to me instead of ones that are ok. I don't have an enormous budget either, and actually I can't believe how much I have spent on clothes the past year, but it has been worth it.

Anonymous

Sadly, money.

Anonymous

I'm not sure that many of us ever get there because style evolves. Like Suz, I had to learn first. Then I need the discipline not to settle or to get overly enthusiastic about a style only to tire of it. Dressing is a creative outlet for me, so I constantly want to wear things in new ways. Even a small change makes me happy.

Golden

Veteran

For me it is ever evolving, I think I have it down...then I discover something new or "better"!

Liz A.

Veteran

Budget constraints.

Anonymous

I agree with Joy that style evolves. My goal has always been to be appropriately and stylishly dressed for the occasion. Obviously, that means that what I choose to wear depends on where I'm going, what I'll be doing, who I'll be seeing, and what the weather will be like.

Amy

(website)

Veteran

It boils down to four things:

(1) Fit challenges. Ready to wear doesn't often fit me that well.
(2) Money. Aspirational style can be expensive.
(3) Patience. Sometimes I settle for something that isn't what I really wanted because I wanted something sooner rather than years later.
(4) Time. I could sew a lot of things that would fit the bill, but I'm dreadfully short on enough free time to do that.

Thistle

Veteran

I figured fashion didn't apply to me. I am an overweight accountant that lives in the midwest. I then had a baby and Natalie pointed me to YLF to help beat the baby blues after having a baby.

I have a lot of learning to do, and style for me is learned, not intrinsic.

amiable

Veteran

I had no style when I came, and no idea how to develop one. I'm a long way from "there", but I have started to be able to discern what fits and doesn't, and started to develop what I like and don't - and even to notice patterns in what I like and don't so that I can predict before bringing something home whether I like it enough to wear. For me, it's a pretty long journey

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I agree that it's an evolution process. I've been visiting YLF for almost three years now, and my style -- and my style goals -- have definitely shifted along the way.

My aspirational style is probably pretty evident by my Pinterest pins, and the thing that holds me back from being a total copycat is the fact that the looks are all modeled by women who are 20 years younger and 20 lbs thinner than my average-sized, middle-aged self. I am trying not to think of this as a limitation to my style, and I really don't like the notion of "age appropriate" dressing (it ranks up there with the phrase "bikini body"). I'm just always seeking the sweet spot where figure flattery balances with a distinctive, sleek, sophisticated rock'n'roll style.

Anonymous

I think I've always had a good idea of where I wanted to go, fashion-wise, but I had a hard time executing. I still do, sometimes. My issues are:

1) Fit issues, coupled with a body type that doesn't play nicely with the style I've tried to pull off in the not-so-distant past. My challenge is incorporating the overall feel/vibe of my style preferences while using pieces that are better for me.

2) Time and money. Enough said!

3) Lifestyle restraints. My personal life is VERY casual. (Midwest soccer mom in training, hello!) My professional life requires clothing that is nicer than business casual but a step below business formal. My real personal preference falls in between. Many of the looks I'm drawn to fall into the "fantasy lifestyle" category. (Or, frankly, after a week of dressing up for work, I'm really happy to get into those comfy uber-casual clothes.) Again, my goal is to figure out how to get a similar vibe but in a way that's realistic for how I live.

Like many of the other ladies here, I don't think I have a natural knack for fashion and style. It's been a learning process. Overall, I'm much happier with how I present myself than I was five or 10 years ago, when I was in my 20s. I am much better at working with what I have and even appreciating it. So what if I'm not blonde and willowy?

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Money, and lack of brick and mortar stores in which to try things on. Add to that, I am in that middle ground where juniors is ridiculous but the misses sections seem to steer toward career wear and conservative, which I don't need, and don't like.
I'm beginning to think I can't really find a style that speaks to me in mall type stores in suburbia, by and large. Sure, a few select pieces pop out, but I don't find the overall vibe appealing. (I should add that I have plenty of these - Gap, Target, even Kmart - as basics and they're okay to do the purpose at hand but not 'my style'.)
Thanks, you've helped me hit on a reason I'm not there yet - I have been looking for non pedestrian style in very pedestrian places. Smacks forehead.

pastrygirl

(website)

Veteran

One of my problems is that I see something in a store, on a hanger, and it doesn't call to me. Later on, I see it online on a body and it looks great. I haven't figured out how to translate hanger-to-body all that well, though I'm starting to try more and more types of things.

And, the opposite. I see it online on a body and it looks fantastic, then I try it on and it doesn't look the way I was hoping it would.

I have an image in my head of what I might want to look like, and it's often a look that's only achieved by lots of pins and posing.

I love hanging out in my workout clothes and a fleece. It feels great, I feel powerful... but that's not what I want to look like outside the house. So, I don't just buy and put on what feels great -- it takes more thought and effort than that.

Alassë

Veteran

Great thread, KeeptheKey; thanks for starting it. I've enjoyed reading.

For me, the process has taken multiple years because I couldn't find everything for my aspirational style in 2 years. Year 1 was educating myself about fit, preferences, etc. (basics); year 2 was hunting down key items for my style (pretty well defined in my head). That part is going to drag on a couple more years, I expect.

tammyw

I have a Pinterest board of styles I like. In looking over it, it's totally my style. I've created a list of things I want to buy next, to be able to complete my "favorite pinterest styles". I'm just hoping I can find them.

Part of my issue usually comes to:
- not liking particular styles I find (having a hard time finding cognac boots I love)
- only willing to buy stuff I love
- not liking the fabrics used in things I DO find (eg too much acrylic, yuck)
- in one case, a cashmere sweater I simply adore is $800. I live in San Diego, and can't really justify such a purchase when I wouldn't be able to wear it much (I run hot and it rarely gets cold enough)

MsMary

Veteran

I think the main thing holding me back at this point is that I don't have ALL TEH MONIES!!!

Wendi1984

Similar to the other responders, I am still learning and "evolving" my style. I'm also losing weight, and dealing with fit challenges. (I'm long-waisted, and have a large bust for my frame.) And I am dealing with the common middle-aged (40s) dilemma of: I still feel like my young self inside, but will I look weird if I dress like that? How do I combine my style aspirations with my actual body type, age, and lifestyle? It's taking me some time to figure that out. And my budget limits me; I have to share my clothes budget with my husband (who needs to dress professionally for work) and my 17-year-old son who is becoming more interested in developing and expressing his own style with what he wears.

Marlene

Veteran

Style is an evolution. Mainly for me, I have a closet full of clothes and not enough time or money to replace everything with "my style" clothes in one fell swoop. So while things transition, I am often wearing "not my style" with newer "my style" stuff. I spend a lot of time feeling like I am aspiring to something that I have not yet achieved.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

If I really answer openly, I might have to say I'm a little lazy when it comes to fashion. I only like "playing in my closet" sometimes, and the "work" of trying on all kinds of combinations of things kind of overwhelms me. Also, it's hot here so much of the year that layering is not so easy except in winter. Finding great stand alone pieces for very hot weather is hard and they can feel boring worn over and over the same basic way. I've done a better job this year than I have in many years though, thanks to YLF.

AviaMariah

Veteran

For me it's a combination of learning what styles I love on others vs what I love on me. Also, learning what I will actually wear. I've purchased so many items that I love but that aren't really comfortable; thinking that it is so cute that I will wear it anyways. I've finally learned; I do not wear clothes/shoes that are not 100% comfortable. So really, it's just learning to apply fashion to myself. Also, I "know" intuitively what I like but I haven't been able to put that into words yet. I'm hoping that documenting WIW's will help me with that.

LACeleste

Veteran

Angies's blog post title today about party separates captured the conflict in my style. I am so torn between the practical and the fabulous. Lifestyle and budget are realities which must be faced! So many of you make it look easy. YLF!

Peri

Veteran

Health problems! Nagging issues that keep me from being able to just buy whatever I want to wear, and what I could wear to accommodate those issues is not in the stores. You can't buy what no one is selling!

Lack of time to look high and low to find what I could wear, plus lack of a real joy in shopping are other factors. I don't hate shopping, but I don't love it when it is so hard to find what I want. I like getting new things, but I don't love the hunt itself like some joyful shoppers do.

Some other things that others have mentioned...evolving style, never being "done", purging decisions...all play in also, but health is my big obstacle.

Anonymous

I'm trying to put a lot more thought into all areas of my life to weed out anything less than ideal. Realizations I had in the past year that pushed me into my current style journey:

- Just because something looks good on me doesn't mean I have to wear it.

- I have probably reached my average size for my adult life and can give my teen cousins anything that doesn't fit cause it never will again.

- Finding something amazing at the thrift store doesn't mean I have to buy it. Unless it is perfect for me I should appreciate that it's amazing and leave it for another lucky person.

- I am a creature of habit. I can make small changes if I really want to, but in general I will not change my stylistic habits just because I bought a bunch of cool new items. (Example: I like boots, and I wanted to learn to like ankle boots with dresses. I'm becoming accustomed to the look and enjoying wearing it. Alternately, I've always liked the look of pencil skirts and blouses. But I don't like wearing them, and I avoided the ones I owned, so I gave them away.)

- Mixing and matching lots of separates stresses me out. I prefer to establish set outfits that I love and repeat those outfits.

- If I put a lot more thought into choosing and purchasing my items, I'll stop feeling like I have nothing to wear when I have tons of clothes!

Anonymous

Because I'm too damn lazy to get dressed and I don't like changing clothes 3 times a day. The funny part is when I was a child I drove my mom nuts because I would change clothes several times a day. Also, I live in delusion between my life and my fantasy life.
Often I hang out in frumpsville because if I don't know what the day is going to bring so I wait in lounge clothes or pjs so when life does happen I only have to get dressed once or sometimes twice.

Greyscale

Veteran

I'm great at finding individual pieces that scream my style. I'm less good at combining them into outfits for the overall look I have in my head. And, LACeleste nailed it: sometimes I shop for some mythical fabulous lifestyle that only exists in movies, not the actual life I live!

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