Hi, everyone! It's been a while, for reasons I'm about to talk about in this post.

It's been two years since my ex-husband and I split up, and I'm doing great and not so great at the same time. On one hand, I'm really coming into my own as a functioning, self-sufficient (more or less) adult. On the other hand, I'm dealing with trauma from emotional abuse. But enough sad stuff--I'm here to talk about retail therapy, because that's more fun to write about, and to read about, I'm sure!

During that relationship, I wasn't "allowed" to buy much clothing, even though I really needed it. I've never been one to over-buy, although I definitely have bought things on an impulse and regretted the decision later (I've gotten much better about that with time and practice). I like to buy a reasonable amount of new things once or twice per year--basically with the seasons here in Atlanta, where it's either stupid hot or stupid cold, but not cold enough to snow most of the time. One of the first things I did after the separation was to drop about $300 on sorely needed clothes--which may not sound like a lot for some folks who shop with a larger budget than I do, but for me, that's quite a lot for one season. And it was hard for me to do. It felt great to make my own decisions, set my own budget, and not worry about getting another person's approval, but I still felt anxious about it.

Last fall, I did it again, and I treated myself to new skincare products and the most expensive makeup I've ever allowed myself to buy. And this year, I've fully allowed myself to buy what I need to, when I need it. I have a decent amount of professional clothing for the first time in my life, as I am getting ready to apply to doctoral programs a year from now and needed things for interviews (plus I go to research conferences in the spring and last year I felt like I had nothing to wear). I have a sufficient number of high-quality bras--at the time of my separation, I had ONE bra that fit properly. I've let go of trying to dress for other people for the most part (I don't think anyone dresses completely, 100% just for themselves because we are social beings). I've given up on trying to perform femininity in a way that doesn't work for me (I think I mentioned it in a previous post, but I'm nonbinary--which means that I do not think of myself solely as a woman). I've had an absolute blast shopping in the women's and men's departments at will. My style has shifted tremendously--I'm not sure it counts as an overhaul since it's been a two-year evolution, but it certainly feels different in the best possible way.

I think that subconsciously, I felt weird about posting here for a while--even though this community is tremendously supportive, part of me associated it with this longing to be able to enjoy developing my personal style and not being able to. I needed some time to just DO what I needed to do without feeling like people were watching. Generally, I can say that my style is currently more maximal than before, I wear mainly neutrals and colors that can function as neutrals, and the single most important thing right now is comfort. I never buy anything that I wouldn't want to wear all day (formal wear aside, anyway--I'm a very casual person and it always feels like a costume, even if it is comfortable to wear). I've also shifted more toward the rough-around-the-edges end of the spectrum rather than the polished end, and I'm really enjoying it right now. Anyway, I'm happy to be here, although I can't promise I'll be super active because university is keeping me super busy. My girlfriend, who just started her Master's program this fall, jokes that I'm treating undergrad like "grad school lite."

I've attached several pictures from the last year or so that illustrate the direction my style has been going--mostly selfies, because 1) I'm a millennial and it's what we do, apparently and 2) I don't like bothering other people to take pictures for me.

1: Me in northern Spain this summer, rocking my transition lenses.
2: A very silly picture highlighting how curly my hair gets when it's humid.
3: A rare full-body shot of me, taken by my wonderful girlfriend. These are one of my favorite pairs of jeans.
4: The most recent of these pictures, taken around my birthday earlier this month. Featuring an enamel pin of Jiji from the Studio Ghibli film Kiki's Delivery Service.
5: A picture from last winter where I'm wearing my favorite jacket--it's faux leather and it has roses embroidered on it! I'm also wearing a beanie my mom crocheted for me that I adore.
6: Christmas last year, featuring one of my many plaid shirts and a green cardigan I snatched from my parents when they were going to get rid of it--my dad is the original owner, and it makes me think of him every time I wear it.
7: Wearing a tie-die shirt I bought at the end of this summer and a hand-me-down hat from my mom.
8: Me being a goofball, featuring my denim vest and several pins and buttons. They're becoming a Thing for me, I think. They're inexpensive and so much fun to collect and wear.

Next on the retail therapy agenda: some waterproof sneakers (I had to walk about half a mile in the rain the other day to get back to the car after a long library study session and it was NOT fun because I was wearing sneakers that soak up water like there's no tomorrow) and a pair of hiking boots because I have two more adventures planned for next year: Peru in May for a school trip, and the Grand Canyon in June or July to visit my best friend who moved out there last month for a job opportunity. (If anyone has any recommendations for either of these two items, PLEASE feel free to put a link in the comments!)