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When do you relax your standards?

Dee

Veteran

This year, I've been trying my best to buy higher quality items and items made of natural fibers (cotton, wool, silk). I've also been trying to upgrade my business casual capsule and I'm having a lot of trouble finding items that fit my criteria. And the options are even more limited because I'm a petite. While I don't mind if some of my sweaters or tees are a little long in the sleeve or longer overall than is ideal, since they are extra cozy and JFE to me, it's important to me that blouses hit at the right spots.

So I'm debating whether I should keep hunting for lots of HEWIs or relax my standards so that I can put together a capsule that feels functional. What do you do when making these kinds of decisions and why? I've been trying to practice PPP but at what point to you sacrifice quality for convenience, or do you hold strong?

Shopping

32 replies

Latest reply was from WitchyD

Diana

Veteran

I've done it when:
1. I really need the item to get dressed for an important thing (in this case I'd settle for good fit/subpar fabrication but not vice versa).
2. I want to try a new trend that I'm not sure I'll like.

In both cases though, it's implicit that these items are placeholders until a better one comes along. As such, I'm not willing to pay a lot for them. (Basically little enough that I could replace it without guilt at any time.)

The one thing I'm absolutely unwilling to compromise on is shoes. Too much potential pain there.

Ginger

Veteran

Good question. It gives rise to more questions in my mind. What is your motivation for buying high quality and natural fibers? Are you overall happy with what you have, or are the holes bringing down your joy and making you sad and frustrated?

I am very much a rule-follower, to the point of sacrificing of a lot of personal priorities/happiness. Even when the rules are my own resolution. I've been trying to be more aware, and to question why I made this rule. Is it a wise rule? What was my goal in making that rule? Is there another way to meet that goal or satisfy that motivation without a restriction that makes me really unhappy?

Vildy

Veteran

I'm very experimental, so I don't think I have any standards. I notice a lot of folks aim for 8 out of a scale of 10, if not 10's all the way, and this made me realize I have no interest in that. I think of clothing more as ideas or sketches. But I'm with Diana in regards to shoes. Sometimes it takes a while to find out that shoes will cause me pain but when it happens, they're gone. This doesn't mean I insist on expensive or comfort brands because it doesn't seem to make any difference to me - it's more the last it was fashioned on - and some comfort brands, like Born, cause me immediately foot pain, like a torture device.

Sometimes I get a lot of enjoyment out of taking items that have disappointed me and aiming to restyle them to where I actually become fond of them. So, clothing to me is less about what it is and mostly about how I decide to wear it. My only possible standard is that I don't want an item of clothing to outshine me.

plonkee

Are you happier with your current business capsule as it is now, or is your 'want' to add more items closer to a need? If you bought nothing where would that leave you?

I'm petite and particular about colour, and find it very difficult to get the combination of right colour, right size, right style and good fabric. I don't particularly consider fabric because so few items really hit the first three - if I waited for the right silk blouses to come along then I would spend a long time wearing outfits that were only so-so and literally wear out my clothes. My main exceptions are for more straightforward pieces where the style is ubiquitous (and so there's a wide selection of colours) and the fit is flexible. For example cashmere sweaters.

So, I would say that if you have a large business capsule wardrobe that you like, and contains 'enough' wait for the right fabrics too. But if your business capsule is smaller or you don't like some pieces then do some temporary upgrading. It's possible that perfect pieces will come along so infrequently that you'll never have a full collection of them - each piece wearing out, or going very out of style before the collection is ever complete enough to only wear the good stuff.

unfrumped

Veteran

I always remind myself that in Angie's PPP, none of the P's are for "perfect". "Practical" would include being sure you have something to wear and balancing wish-list with availability.

I find it harder than expected to get "high quality" workwear items that are not quite corporate but also not high-fashion/trendy. They may be out there, but there are a lot of brands that don't "get me" (Theory is one) and B&M stores are often skewed toward more casual items--maybe the business wear is mostly online. Or sometimes high-priced items don't have quality commensurate with cost.

For me I have had this ideal at times of each garment superbly tailored, Italian wool or this or that, exquisite construction, wears like iron, yadayada and guess what--not happening!

Though Ann Taylor gets a bad rap, most of my AT wool blend trousers have lasted for years and worn well even when the blend has been reduced to lesser quality.

I think it's still possible to identify the right balance when you see it (meaning try it on) and then, as Ginger said, are you holding yourself to some ideal that's not your own? Quality includes, the right amount of quality for my budget, time constraints, how this garment is usually made & marketed.

If you try on a JJill Wearever top and it fits great and packs well and and feels comfortable and goes with your outfits, but it's rayon-polyester (actually rayon is a type of "natural" fabric, so maybe the wrong example!), do you talk yourself out of it because it's not fine-gauge merino or silk knit?

The key to me is, does it fit great (that's usually possible at a wide range of price points, once you identify the types of fits you like (--+ hemming of course, or small waist alterations. I think those are hard to avoid) and is the fabric comfortable. Fabric comfort is very person-specific and climate-related or office temp-related. For example, I have no problem with polyester blouses in A/C and in fact they're not warm enough! Further, a poly shell, which avoids the hot confining sleeves/armholes, is easily tolerated indoors under a jacket. I like silk blouses but I don't like ones that easily show every spot, and in August, these aren't that comfortable either and are not easily laundered. And is it not what I call "shoddy construction"--stitching askew or , I hate stripes not matched, or shrivels up in the wash, flimsy looking and feeling. That's just a waste of money but is not the same as what I think of as ordinary quality or pretty good quality and sometimes you can't even predict it, even within the same maker, but if you actually can see it looks bad, don't buy it.

That's quite a ramble, but perhaps it somehow addresses your question!

VANIITAS

(website)

I've done the great switch, it took me over year (and still going). I just let it grow organically. But I must say, there were months when I only had one sweater since I did not find any to complement my wardrobe.

And yes, there were moments when I saw something trendy and thought: I NEED THIS. But looking back, I'm glad I didn't bought it, it would've been hanging in my closet anyway.

Also I feel that a quality fabric should not always be natural, there's a big difference between highstreet polyester and high end polyester. Don't let natural mislead you since most of your garments are dyed with toxic paint.

Author Linda

Veteran

I buy quality and certain fabrics because many years of mistakes and successes have taught me a boatload of lessons I apply to every purchase. When it comes to what makes you happy, everyone's mileage differs, of course. But life itself is one big crash course in the making of compromises.

So where do I compromise?

A basic item I'm just not finding in the "quality" version. If I need a black tee or a white shirt, I will compromise for one that looks good on me, fits good enough, and doesn't need dry cleaning (because I reserve added ownership costs for high quality/satisfaction items).

A special occasion item I might wear only once. I don't need to spend days hunting for the perfect no-compromises dress for any wedding besides my own (and not even then). I can look just as lovely and make just as much of an impression in something I found at the mall, provided it fits nicely. I might not like that color or beading next year anyway. Christmas sweaters and some cruise clothes are included here.

Skirts. Experience has taught me that I can wear a cheaper shirt in a less perfect fabric just as effectively as a pricey one in a gorgeous fabric. The key is a great jacket, great shoes, and a great bag. Just saying. That's my PR career speaking. Also, hemlines rise and fall and date a skirt more quickly than most other items of clothing.

Summer clothing other than classic. Summer trends can blow by in one season. For that reason, I drop my standards a bit for fun summer wear and snatch up those cute shirts or breezy toppers on the cheap.

What I never compromise on? Diana said it first: shoes. Professionally, I wouldn't lower my standards for work horse items like jackets or great pants, but that's just me. The right pants in the right fabric make a world of difference for a gal with my curves.

kkards

Veteran

as linda as, when its a one and done, I go for good enough.
when something is at a price point that I won't feel i wasted money if the perfect something turns up next month.

tulle

Veteran

Oh, I know it's hard to find high quality clothing made of natural fibers you are not a standard size. Part of the problem is that there are simply fewer pure cotton, good-quality linen, wool and silk clothes being made. Even very high-priced designer wear is being made of rayon and polyester these days. My solution is to hunt for second-hand treasures. I like thrift shops; some prefer ebay or consignment places. If you haven't tried this route, you may be surprised at the fine quality woolens and silks you find. And here's another secret: because many women give away clothes that have shrunk at the dry cleaner or just fit too snugly, these pieces tend to run smaller than in most retail stores. In thrift shops, sizing can be inaccurate, so I shop by color and quality, try on everything I like, and generally go home with something good for a fraction of the price I would have to pay for a new piece of lesser quality.

Dee

Veteran

Diana, that's a good baseline. And you are completely right about not compromising on shoes. That's been a rough but important lesson for me the past few years.

Ginger, those are all good questions. I'm not happy with some of my current options but it's not just frustration. For me, I overhear easily, which triggers migraines, and I find synthetics the worst offenders for that. I can tolerate it in bottoms but tops are just out. So it's not really an arbitrary rule. That said, I find myself thinking that it doesn't always give me a migraine, and I won't be wearing these items all that frequently, and so on.

Plonkee, I'm facing a lot of the same issues when finding pieces in a petite. And you've hit the nail on the head that enough of the right pieces may never come around! I wish there were better options.

Unfrumped, your reminder that it doesn't have to be Perfect is appreciated. Part of my fabrication issues are for health reasons, which is why I'm trying my best to follow it. I've had luck with Ann Taylor in the past but less so recently - I should probably check them out again.

Vanitas, thanks for the other perspective. I've definitely been happier with items I didn't compromise for, but I don't want to end up in your one-top-only situation either.

Linda and kkards, thanks for the specifics. These are all good to keep in mind.

Tulle, you're right that some items don't seem to exist anymore even at higher price points. Thrifting is an option I hadn't considered but is probably worth it. Thanks!

rachylou

Veteran

What a superb question. I'm like Vildy... I don't think I have standards. I don't often dress sharp because it's the wrong vibe for my life and my style. So I might go a smidgen short on a sleeve or a little wide in the shoulder on a jacket, depending on the fabric.

On the other hand, I don't sacrifice on certain key points, most of which involve comfort... No waistlines on the tight side (indigestion), nothing too short (drafts), no shoes with irritating seams, no pants that saddlebag on me (flapping). And I cannot for the life of me buy an unlined suit.

Keix

Veteran

Price didn't make it as a top factor in your first post, so I'm going to suggest the expensive option... shop for high-quality clothes in natural fibers that are NOT petite sizes (or at least, don't worry about whether petites are available). Then take them to the tailor and have everything taken up/shortened to fit. In essence, mentally add $40-$50 to the true price of each piece you're considering. For this I do recommend finding a tailor who doesn't work out of a dry cleaners, but in major metro areas it hasn't been too hard for me to find a decent tailor for most alterations (short of having to reline a jacket or making the shoulder smaller).

There's a time cost to tailoring as well, but that may be balanced out by the additional shopping time if you keep waiting for the perfect (or even just adequate) petite-sized item to come along.

Anonymous

Yes, I do drop my standards.

I often have sleeves that are too long (even on the XS and I'm 5'5") so I compromise on that, and roll the sleeves up. On my leather jacket, I'm ok with longer sleeves. On my wool coat, I'll get the sleeves hemmed.

To get a button-down shirt/blazer to lie flat, I have to size up, which causes the shoulder seam to be in the wrong spot. Last year, I wouldn't have compromised on this, but this year, I'm ok with a more oversized look.

I always try to camouflage a little pooch in my abdomen. That's one area I always deal with before I go out in public

always trying

Veteran

Longevity is a major factor for me. Also paying more for quality footwear that I can walk in all day, things like running shoes, etc. but sometimes price has nothing to do with comfort, weaability style,longevity or anything. What bugs me, especially in footwear, but clothing sometimes also, is in certain sizes, colors. Etc. the price is vastly different.

As for natural fabrics, I have several cotton sweaters t shirts, pants, and jeans from Bass outlet that are super,and not expensive. I do not have much in any form of wool as it is not practical in my climate. I also have some great silk tops found at places like TJMAxx. Great linen can be found in places like J C Penny's, Khols, Marshalls.

Lyn D.

Veteran

I too will compromise on fabric but not fit, especially for a trendy item that I don't expect to wear for years to come.

LaPed

Veteran

I feel like every pair of pants I own is a compromise in some way!

The ones that fit perfectly look dated, or are just really old and worn.
The ones that are the most comfortable are too big.
The ones that are the most versatile are made of a fabric that feels cheap to me and is a magnet for dog hair. Argh.

Pants are definitely the bane of my wardrobe. It seems like every time I find a pair I think is perfect, I lose or gain a couple pounds and suddenly they don't fit anymore. (I gain/lose weight in the hips and thighs first. I've worn the same shirt size my whole adult life, but I think I've worn 4 or 5 different pant sizes!)

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Personally, I am am absolute stickler for fit, fabric comfort and colour, and will not settle. Most of the time I purchase quality pieces - but since I love high-low style, I wear Topshop & Zara too. And their quality is very inconsistent.

Like Diana, I will NOT compromise on footwear comfort though. Those days are long gone.

Dee

Veteran

Rachy, I'm like you for my casual life. I can tolerate a few imperfections in an item I love. But when I need to look put together, those imperfections ruin the attempt for me. Ugh. But I totally agree with your comfort criteria.

KL, I hadn't considered the tailoring option. I don't have one I trust out here yet but you're right that there must be one. And it's not that my budget is unlimited (anything but...) but for a few strategic completed pieces, that might not be a bad idea.

Smittie, I seriously share your pain on sleeve length! Interestingly, I don't mind them long in coats because I like the extra warmth.

Always trying, thanks for the shopping location suggestions!

La Pedestrienne, I hear you on the pants problems! I've been pretty much the same size on top since college but gone up two to three pants sizes. It seems to be the only place a really fluctuate, weight-wise. And those are many of the issues I'm currently having.

Angie, thanks for chiming in. You're right about quality being inconsistent. And I know you have the most stringent standards and space limitations so I'm not surprised you don't compromise. Do you tailor most of your pieces or expect at least a majority to fit well off the rack?

Eliza

Veteran

This is an evolutionary process for me. I am rarely willing to compromise knowingly these days, but still occasionally get something home and realize that while it fits well and is nicely made, it doesn't work with what I had intended to wear with it. I am quite fussy about fabric "hand" and its comfort, as well as how well it is assembled. No bargains when all the buttons are loose from the beginning and seams aren't secure. I have also been chagrinned at how scratchy even high end wool coats can be these days. I couldn't stand to have a high itch factor at any price.

Agree with others on shoes: no compromises and much time test driving them in the store if they are not an online order. That said, I have shoes that work for an evening out and shoes that work to beat the pavement for 8 hours a day. I am okay if they perform the function they are intended for in concert with the comfort level of my feet.

Anonymous

I won't compromise on shoes. As for clothing, I won't compromise on fit, but will buy something that doesn't fit perfectly if I know it can easily be altered and the price is low enough to offset the cost of the alteration. I'm picky about fabric, as I have sensitive skin and can't stand anything that's itchy, scratchy or stiff.

rute

Veteran

When I want to try a new trend, I sometimes do that just to check if I like, but in this case I never spend much.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Dee, very occasionally I have an item hemmed or the waist band adjusted. But almost 100% of the time, items fit straight off the rack.

Anonymous

Same with me, Angie. The alteration needs to be something simple, and the garment has to fit in every other way. I'm blessed that my body is not too difficult to fit, though. I can wear most things straight off the rack. That said, I know my body type, and don't look at silhouettes that I know for a fact won't work. Pants seem to be the most difficult thing to get right when it comes to fit.

rachylou

Veteran

It just occurred to me... If I wanted a particular type of blouse to wear with a suit or something, but couldn't find it - you know, I would definitely take another type if it fits well and looks good. But I wouldn't do the same with the suit. I wouldn't buy a pinstripe bank branch manager suit just to have a suit. Any suit I own has to have a little funk or it's pointless...

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I've been thinking about this and decided that I compromise all the time. But then, I think of what I'm aiming at as guidelines, not rules. (I think Suz said that first and I'm stealing it from her.) I have goals for style, fit, fabrication and price, but it's pretty rare that I can meet all of them at the same time. Plus I can't control what's available at retailers at any given time, and sometimes it fits and suits me and sometimes it really doesn't. And as others have mentioned, the logistics make a difference too - sometimes you need something urgently and sometimes you can wear what you have until you find exactly what you're looking for.

I also choose not to make my life harder than it needs to be in some ways, which is why although I'm interested in the idea of buying ethically made items, I doubt that I'll ever be able to switch to that entirely. I'm already an inbetween size and taller than average; that's already hard enough to deal with in my budget range even if I buy from everywhere.

Obviously anything that impacts your health seriously is the first priority, like quality shoes for most of us, or fibers if you're sensitive to them. (My sister in law is allergic to wool, and she was so happy when she moved from Indiana to South Carolina...) Then all you can do is the best given your budget and the time constraints you have to shop.

Anonymous

I never see anything good happen when standards get relaxed. (I'm talking to you, Ann Taylor.)

Gigi

Veteran

Dee, I hear you on how hard it is to find good-quality, natural-fiber petite options. I too have to have petite sizes for tops, and the selection is abysmal.

I rarely compromise unless I absolutely have to: for instance, if I absolutely HAVE to have a particular item to get dressed, or maybe I can see that having item X would make my life a lot easier. In that case, I will buy something that is so-so in terms of quality or fit but will not spend a lot for it, knowing that I will replace it as soon as I can. But in general, I make do with what I have, even if it means wearing it into the ground.

I compromised on a few things last year, and I am sorry that I did. One was a top from Loft that contained a higher percentage of nylon than was stated online; that top pilled before too long. Another item was a pair of jeans (also Loft) that had I think a 40% poly content. Sweat city, and scratchy to boot. Luckily, I had gotten the jeans on sale and thought I would use them as a test case to see how I liked lots of poly in jeans. They are currently in the purge pile. I replaced them with a pair from J. Crew that are awesome.

Have you tried Anthropologie for petite tops? Almost all of their items come in petite sizes. The price is a little spendy, but there is a nice selection of styles available. I have been enjoying J. Crew also.

Anonymous

I didn't comment earlier because I wanted some time to think about your question. I was certain that upon reflection I would agree with other posters that there are certain times you have relax and compromise your standards/criteria.

Yet I couldn't think of a single instance in which relaxing my standards actually worked out for me. In contrast, I could think of many times I rationalized buying that wasn't quite up to my standards. Every single one of those purchases was eventually purged (some with a great deal of bitterness because I "knew" better at the time).

I reached a very comfortable place in my wardrobe planning so I may have the luxury of waiting for a more perfect piece to come along. For example, I don't feel fabulous in cropped pants. I bought fewer pants when I couldn't find full length. My skin has very recently determined that natural fabrics are best. I could buy other fabrications, but I really won't be able to wear them. My buying strategy is to wait for garments that meet most if not all of my criteria. If I don't, I do regret it.

Oh, and one last thing. I find I am actually dressing better with fewer, better quality clothes.

Dee

Veteran

Gigi and Sterling, I was somewhat surprised more people didn't say that they regretted compromising. I do find that I keep searching for "the one" when I buy an item that I don't love. So I'd been trying to shop better and less in part to curb that impulse. But it's hard when you can't even find items to try on because nothing fits your criteria, which is why I asked the question.

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