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When do you accept reality

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

AKA give up

The stress in my life is pretty much on going and will get worse.
So my plans to get back on track with diet and exercise have of course not happened, unless you count a two pound loss in about three months.
I've been getting away clothing wise with some minimal cheap purchases this year and with the dive in my social life, it's honestly ok. Or hiding horrid muffin top with bigger tops.
But I have a closet full of all sorts of designer clothes. A bunch of Isabel Marant from her last interesting season (the cowboy one). And the carefully collected long sleeve opera dresses. Plus whatever else I just avoid eye contact with; leather leggings are hiding in a not visible section.
Should I start selling, or hold on a bit longer?

General

53 replies

Latest reply was from judy

gradfashionista

(website)

Veteran

It depends.

If you've exhausted different forms of stress management techniques; and you don't think you'll be able to find a better coping mechanism; and you don't think you'll love the garments by the time you lose weight/inches, then I might start selling the least loved of the lot.

I found that keeping garments that were too small stressed me out because of the pressure I felt to lose weight.

I would still hang onto the best pieces, though, because even if it takes longer than you anticipate, you might still find yourself fitting into them later on.

Joyce B

Veteran

Maybe put them in a holding zone if you can? Unless you prefer to sell them, of course, but I would wait a little longer.
Take good care of yourself, that is the most important thing, particularly when stress is high.

Thistle

Veteran

I can't say whether or not you'll fit back into your old clothes. I know my body now, and I know what it would take me to lose 10-20 pounds.
I have fought my weight for 3/4 of my life. I know your pain.

I have never had the kinds of designer items you do, so clearly, my experience is very different.

The few times in my life I have successfully battled and won required a commitment I probably won't ever have again. At one point in my life, I got down to a size 4 and wasn't happy because I wanted to be a size 0. Another story, but yes, i was once thin.

My most recent weigh battle has been after having two babies and many miscarriages. My body is not young, taunt and smooth. It never will be again. I may not ever get back into straight sizes again on my bottom half. I want yo say I am okay with it, but it's a struggle.

I boxed up everything that doesn't fit and stored it in the basement. I checked back in spring to see if anything fit and again in summer. I will do the same thing this fall, winter and next spring and summer. If it doesn't fit by next summer, it's gone. I will donate it all to either dress for success in the case of my suits or to my church.

Life is too short. My body may not meet the young, toned, smooth, and thin definition of beauty that our culture is obsessed with. But it's mine, and I will take good care of it and dress it to the best of my abilities whatever it's size and shape right now. It does most of what I ask it to, and I am fortunate to have my health and my daughters. Rather than view it as the enemy, I try very hard to treat it as a friend and never think or say anything about it I wouldn't say about a friend.

retailgirl

Veteran

For me, when I'm stressed or in situations beyond my control, doing something that is within my control...like eating healthy....helps me to cope. But I know that every one is different. But having clothes in my closet that don't fit is a stressor, too. I'd pack my favorites away until I can face them again. But with a fashion forward wardrobe, you risk that they may be out of date and you could have sold them. It's tough!

Kari

Veteran

Anna, I think unless they are making you happy to see, and it sounds like they are simply bringing you down, put them out of sight for a while. (Back of closet, a trunk, wherever.) Keep visible what you can and like to wear, or pieces that make you happy to see (I admittedly have some wardrobe pieces I'll probably never wear but still smile when I see them; when I stop smiling I'll let them go.)

I'm sorry that this past year has been so stressful. My stressors are different but I hear you; it's hard to make changes in your life when you feel like you're lacking control over the stressors.
Hang in there. And let's try to meet up when we can. It was a lot of fun last weekend.

Aida

Veteran

Your wardrobe is so well curated Anna, I would be inclined to hold on and do what Thistle recommended: box most of what doesn't fit that you still love for now and revisit when things calm down. You'll know where those items are, and you can always go fish them out if you want to wear them. If there are pieces that you don't anticipate being into in the future, or are a truly small size, or perhaps have gone more mainstream than you're into they might be worth selling. But of course that will take some time and commitment, too.

*HUGS* Sorry things are in such upheaval for you!

(PS: With the crappy weather coming this weekend, could be a good chance if you have some time. That's basically what I plan to do this weekend, ruthless weeding out of wardrobe items that don't fit right any more. Hard to get motivated to do it when there's lots of sunshine and more fun to be had outdoors! Going to mix up a pitcher of Sangria and get to it. Not really looking forward to doing it, but I know I'll feel better once it's done.)

Vildy

Veteran

You're all day around illness and injury. It might be good to scare up some gratitude for your body being robust just now, so it sees you through rough times. I would at least box up because it seems like it's bringing up negative images of your "failing" to lose weight. Maybe your body's just really got its own wisdom and knows how it's supposed to be just now. This isn't really about the clothes it seems. Not being able to control your weight just now probably feels unsettling because it echoes the other things you can't control. I know that a lot of clothes you like aren't offered in your new size. Any chance of getting something wonderful made for you? Why should you let the opinions of manufacturers tell you how to feel.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'd hold on a bit longer - but make the items that you DO enjoy wearing right now more visible. Box the other lot up - or pop it into another closet.

Anna, there are food services that can help you with the diet part in all of this - that is, if you want to get onto a food plan and not worry about the planning and prepping of it. They deliver.

milehighstyle (Linda)

Veteran

I also vote wait a while and use a holding zone if you can. I got rid of some things that I really liked because they no longer fit and regret it as I lost the extra weight a year later. It may take longer than you thought it would, but eventually you will find a way if you want to. But I know, it's really hard and a lot of factors are out of your control.

columbine(erin)

Veteran

Can you find a few things to sell that might fund something fun for yourself?

Anonymous

Designer pieces are one thing, but everything else? Let them go. I have been around this block so many times it's sad. And what I have learned, is that it takes longer to get weight off than it took to put on, and a lot of hard, hard work. If you get to your goal, often a fairly long period of time has passed, and those old clothes are no longer of interest. I know it feels like giving up, but it doesn't have to be that way. I think of it as moving on, but still holding true to your goals (if they are a priority). I've never really owned true designer clothes other than a piece or two here and there, but if there's an ebay market for what you have - maybe list a few and see how it goes. Will you really want to wear them again in a year or so? This is really tough, I know, and I get it. I don't think there is any one right answer.

E

Veteran

I just wanted to send you some virtual support Anna! I hope the stress in your life eventually eases up, but for now, I'm sure it sucks. I think you should do whatever makes you feel happier/calmer/less stressed during your down moments.

Helena

Veteran

Anna, first of all, I echo E and others in saying I hope the stress lessens and your are able to focus in on those things that make you feel great.

From what I know of you, you are such a true lover of fashion that if you have pieces that you love, even to look at, then I think you should keep them, but perhaps somewhere other than your dressing area for now. Anything that is not giving you that happiness, I'd just box up out of sight and then revisit when the stress dies down a little (or, if you don't miss them, buh-bye). But, again as E says, ultimately let your gut be your guide and do what gives you the least stress and more comfort and calm.

Deborah

Veteran

Anna, I am not sure what to suggest. I am sorry that you have been experiencing such a challenging time. Purely from my own experience, weight management being a lifelong challenge, I have never regretted moving things on that didn't fit. I found that the things I kept that did fit after weight loss fitted differently, or looked different or something! and I ended up moving them on too. However, much of your collection is high end designer and I am thinking, as others mention, that storing these items for the time being would be the best option. Get them out of site. Make your wardrobe a place that pleases you (all items that fit and make you feel happy) and address the stored items a little further down the track. Sending you positive thoughts and hugs.

catgirl

Veteran

If you still love them, hold on - otherwise let them go.

The sedentary nature of my new job and the shift to "comfortable" clothing has expanded my waistline shockingly. But I have a closet full of pants and jeans I want to wear again. DH and I have made a vow to lose a certain amount of pounds together by year end and I'm hanging on to those items to give me a reason.

Marlene

Veteran

I've been battling this issue the past year. Between menopause and foot injuries, I'm a much different shape now than I was 18 months ago. I am really frustrated getting dressed since pretty much everything doesn't fit anymore. Grrr. I actually did do a big purge and boxed up all the stuff I still liked....the rest went off to consignment. It's helped. The good news is that this forced purge has also forced me to look again at my style journey and decide where I want to go next. Its basically a clean slate...

Dee

Veteran

I moved last fall and (for whatever/many reasons) put on enough weight to go up a full size. I don't have the designer wardrobe you do, but it was the highest end I had ever purchased. I made it through winter with two pairs of jeans I purchased and a handful of oversized sweaters and assumed I'd bring the rest back in as I lost weight over the summer. Well, summer's half over and the weight didn't come off, so I bought more jeans at NAS and have a huge consignment pile. I figure a year is enough time and aside from a few key pieces, if I do lose the weight after this point, I'll prefer buying new anyway.

I empathize, and good luck whatever you decide.

SandyG

Veteran

It sounds like you've had a bumpy ride this year. Although your post is about the riddle of designer clothes (always cut small) and clash with your current body outline, I'm focusing on the unrelieved stress in your life coupled with your (seemingly) resigned state.

Here's the touchy feely part: you have to burn off stress chemicals with measured bouts of vigorous exercise or they compound and spin your life out of control. Similar to Thistle, events crushed my lifelong hobby, fun and the armor of a dramatic wardrobe + avant grade footwear, and I had to figure out who I was without all my stuff. It's no fun to feel naked and vulnerable.

Finding YLF and Angie's advice to 'clothe the body you have' presented me with a new direction, kept me saner and after a while, pretty well dressed It still stings to not dress my former self; I miss that fun; I'm healthy and happy. Tackle what you can. Cheers in advance!

frannieb

Veteran

I hope the stress lessens soon - I would pack up the stuff that doesn't work move it out and only keep things in your closet that make you feel great.
At my lightest and my heaviest (right now) I have always been curvy and have learned to love the body I have at this moment.
Like you my life went wackadoo a couple years ago. I kept all the things that didn't work and then I had an amazing vacation planned and didn't have a thing to wear. I had to go to Nordstroms and by a whole wardrobe just take the trip and finally because I let go of some stuff emotionally and physically I was able to enjoy that trip and start and amazing new journey.

"When one door closes another opens: but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us."

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

What I do is move what doesn't fit out of my closet. If it is something quite special and irreplaceable I save it with the rest of my off season, waiting to be sold stuff. If it is less valuable to me I give it away or sell it.

One other suggestion I will just throw out there. During stressful times, and they are all stressful times for one reason or another, the one thing that keeps me together is regular exercise, particularly yoga. I would forget the diet for now and just get into a routine of regular morning mind/body oriented exercise. One piece of cake (or too many glasses of wine more likely for me) can "ruin" a day's diet, but once you work out nothing can "ruin" it and the positive effects of yoga in particular on my mental health are cumulative and well worth the 30 minutes I can devote to it.

Jen W

Whenever I am in a period of major transition and stress I try to just sit tight for a bit. Whenever I haven't managed to keep myself still I've caused major regrets. Usually mine involves horrible hair color choices. I would box up items you love and move things you aren't as fond of out of your life. You can make decisions about the stored clothing once you've come through emotionally. Once you're set mentally, the physical will follow. Then you can decide if those things "fit" that new you or if you've moved in a different style direction.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I would hang on to what you really, truly love, and what speaks to you right now. And sell the rest of it. Fashion is ephemeral and there are diminishing returns the longer you wait. This awareness has caused me to jump the gun a few times and later regret selling the item too quickly, but then again I have the comfort of knowing I got a good price for that item. Overall I am very happy that I have adopted an unsentimental, almost business-like approach to monetizing my wardrobe question marks/mistakes. (And yes that recently included two pairs of Rag & Bone jeans that I wore each once, because I just am not going to fit into that size!!! Even if a sales girl tells me I'm that size! I want to keep my own internal organs thank you.)

I think you are being super hard on yourself, you look good to me.

rachylou

Veteran

5 years of no-wear to put a cold hard number on it.

Summer

Veteran

Another vote for holding on a little longer, especially as these are well-loved designer pieces. Feeling down can sometimes lead to making rash decisions, so put them carefully out of sight for now, and wear what fits and makes you look and feel good while you sort out your other problems.
I don't know you too well, so I hope you don't mind my adding my opinion here.

Anonymous

You have a gorgeous wardrobe. I would suggest not taking any action today that you might regret tomorrow.

As many others suggested, move those items you are not currently wearing out of your working closet. I box things up, store them in an out-of-the-way closet. I schedule and event on Outlook to revisit them in 12 months. I re-evaluate at that time. Sometimes I thrift them at that time. Sometimes they are given another 12 months.

Warmest regards.

Glory

Veteran

I would not get rid of them at the moment but I would box all items that are not currently working for you. I would not even sort them at this point. I like the idea of reviewing in the future and making a decision at that point.

Daria

Anna, I'm so sorry you are going through tough times. I second shevia in that yoga and exercise have always been a great stress reliever. I would also hold on to your clothes a bit longer.

Alassë

Veteran

I'm sorry to hear of your continued/overwhelming stress, Anna. I hope some of the advice above resonates with you and provides a way to lessen at least some of the stress.

donnat

Veteran

I would not get rid of the good stuff just yet.... but I would definately move it out of sight.

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