When body image starts to wane - YouLookFab Forum

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When body image starts to wane

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I don't know if it is because of we're in the middle of a long dark winter, but I'm increasingly disatisfied with my body. I go the gym on my off days and do a combination of aerobic and weight training. I know I'm getting stronger. I can do a plank for a full minute without shaking. I'm increasing my weights on the machines. My weight is stable. I just feel nitpicky about my body. Like why isn't my stomach flat and even though I have a muscle curve from my quads on my lateral thigh, my upper inner thigh is still flabby. I realize I'll never be skinny-skinny with my bone and muscle structure.
Any suggestions for turning my head thinking around? Or should I start trolling through the archives of Already Pretty.

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16 replies

Latest reply was from CocoLion

Aziraphale

Veteran

Oh, Anna, I wish I could help. You just have to work through the feeling, and convince yourself that it will pass. Sometimes your body dissatisfaction is actually about something else, some struggles in another part of your life. When a person is feeling a little out of control in some part of her life, it's easy to transfer those feelings onto her body, because it's something we feel like we *should* have control over.

I have been there. I'm actually still there, although I don't hate on my body anymore -- now it's my face! This Christmas season is turning out to be a little rough for me, emotionally, and when I look in the mirror, the face I see looks old and tired, with dark circles that no amount of makeup can hide. I don't particularly like what I see. But I know that I feel OK about my face when I'm not anxious and depressed, and I have to keep reminding myself that, as Dan Savage says, "it will get better".

I guess what I'm saying is that you may just be feeling a little low right now (which the dark winter probably doesn't help), and directing frustration at your physical self is an easy thing to do. Remember that your body is a wonderful thing. And skinny is overrated.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

When I see your posts I see a beautiful, fashion-forward woman with an amazing sense of creativity. I don't see random body parts that may or may not be perfect. Sometimes it is important to see treat ourselves as we would our best friends. What would you say to a friend who had your feelings; how would you help her?

Mo

(website)

Veteran

If it helps to hear, I have those days too. I know rationally I am in decent shape and can do more than a lot of people my age. But yeah, sometimes the soft tissue is a bummer, no matter how strong I may be or far I can run. It's just a part of not being 20 anymore, I think. I mean, we could really work round the clock at being ripped and eat a special diet and all that, but I prefer to enjoy life's pleasures a bit and settle with looking fine if not model awesome. (I have a former childhood friend who is my age and as fit as can be - but she works hard at it and it's literally her business, as she does fitness modeling).
You look just great!

Irene

Veteran

I think the point of good body image is realising you'll never look like a model -and then be fine with it. And it's hard with all the media.

Also, I've found the fitter I get, the more of a perfectionist I become. I can't remember feeling so self-conscious about my skin, or my cellullite, or my bumpy stomach when I was larger. But now that I have what most of my friends consider 'the HOT body I'd love to have', I find myself finding fault in almost every inch of it.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Oh Anna - I'm afraid I have nothing more to add other than what has already been said. I have suffered from poor body image off and on my entire life and I still haven't figured it out

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I can relate totally, Anna. Sometimes I even think it doesn't help me to look at style blogs and such because then I start thinking things like, "Well, *I* can't wear that because of (fill-in-the-blank-with-perceived-body-flaw)."

Caro makes a good point -- we need to be as kind to ourselves as we would be to a friend who is feeling self-critical. I remember reading somewhere that when we're feeling this way, a good exercise to do is to make a list of five or ten or twenty things you like about your body/appearance, and also a list of things your body is able to do, and things you're grateful for. I think the point overall is to focus thoughts back in a more positive direction. I know that once I start letting myself "go negative" it's hard work to stop piling on and reverse the direction.

I also think this is a tough time of year. Short days, long nights, holidays can be stressful, etc. Be kind to yourself!

Anonymous

Studies have shown that women who were happy with their bodies feel at least *some* dissatisfaction after looking at pictures of fashion models. I find this to be true for me too. Sometimes I need to stay away from Pinterest because it gets me down.

Like the others have said, it's a tough time of year. Add to that the need to wear bulkier clothing to keep warm and you have a recipe for not feeling great about your body. This too will pass.

Gaylene

Veteran

Maybe it's time to think about what you are trying to achieve with your workouts and what you want from your body? It sounds like you were able to achieve your original goals; your body is stronger, your weight is stable, and you are showing some muscle definition. But, as Mo has said, maybe it's time to figure out how far you want to take this pursuit, because you are no longer talking about basic fitness here.

Achieving and maintaining a highly toned body requires dedication and a willingness to make sacrifices in other aspects of your life. It is also a constant quest because you will always find new areas to "improve". Maybe the question you need to think through is how far do you want to go in pursuit of physical perfection? How much of your time, money, and energy are you willing to put towards achieving this end? And, even more important, will the pursuit make you happy?

Personally, I think that learning to love the uniqueness of our bodies is a much harder task than we credit. It's actually easier to feel dissatisfied and want to keep "fixing" things that we think are not quite right. And that is a never-ending, slippery slope to travel down.

Laurinda

Veteran

Big hugs, it is easy to feel down about complaints that are really very minor.

I've had a rough year losing a dear family member. Dealing with medical and care-giving facilities have changed my perspective on my own body issues:

Are you walking around on your own? Then you are doing great!

Are you walking with assistance? Then you are doing great!

Are you getting around in a wheelchair? Then you are doing great!

Are you enjoying holding a hand in your hospital bed? Then you are doing great!

ETA: A 60-second plank is awesome!

bj1111

Veteran

you've already figured out that we carry our weight differently. getting comfy with that is very very tough. it takes practice. personally, when i am feeling fragile, i just pretend that those aren't my thighs and focus on my neckline instead, which by the way, is fah-bulous.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What Gaylene said, really resonated with me. The more attention you draw to areas you feel "need fixing" - the more slippery the slope becomes.

Disappointment is the result of an unfulfilled expectation. It's as simple as that. Take away the expectation and you take away the disappointment. My suggestion is to step away from it all - perhaps you are going to gym too frequently? Do not expect things from your body that can lead to disappointment. Before you know it, you'll end up in a heap of dissatisfaction despite your efforts - and that is NOT good.

Your mind is in control of how you feel about your body. You are strong minded, Anna. Redirect your thinking. Do not focus on what is not - what good does that do? Focus on what is. You have a body to be proud of - be proud of it!!

ManidipaM

Veteran

Have to agree with what Elisabeth, Gaylene and Angie have been saying.

Short version: The 'less than perfect' bits don't matter in the holistic picture. Because when you put the jigsaw of parts *together*, you've got a whole beautiful body that functions just great and is actually improving, at an age science used to (not too long ago!) call past the prime! You're doing brilliantly well, Anna, from an objective perspective, and you look fabulous each and every time we see you.

Sometimes, I think very carefully planned and targetted exercise regimens have the unfortunate side effect of putting our focus on small body parts. And then, before we confuse ourselves with too close a perspective (always results in distortion, dontcha know?), it's time to step back from the mirror and get the WHOLE of that gorgeous body in the frame, in focus...

Chin up, beautiful lady! You have every right to walk tall, strong and proud of all you have achieved this year.

Anonymous

What Gaylene says! In my case, I do love food too much, so I do sacrifice some flabbiness for that extra scoop of ice cream, That makes me happy! I do rebel against the ideal standard of beauty, in my own way as well. In Colombia, women are obsessed with their physique and go thru very extreme measures to achieve that ideal body and face. You just have to google plastic surgery in Colombia to see the horrid and extreme things women put themselves thru. I have an internal rebellion by being imperfect and quite happy about it. I rejoice in my flaws because that makes me natural and ME!

I am very healthy, on a healthy weight and BMI. I cannot ask for more. ( Don't get me wrong, I would die for 6 pounds less but oh well!)

You gotta find your happy, that's all.

For one, I think you are amazing!

catgirl

Veteran

I agree with Angie 100%. With everything going on in my life, something has had to give, and right now it's that little voice saying "you're getting fat, you look old, you're out of shape.' My holiday gift to myself was a little bit of forgiveness for the minor slip-ups and the 5 pounds that eating out has added.

You are not alone.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Admittedly I'm taking a gym hiatus while my father is in town. Going to gym in my normal time is non-negotiable. It's a stress reliever and also good for maintaining my fitness for activities I really enjoy like hiking, and hopefully skiing this year. Also perhaps most importantly I need to keep my core strong so my back injury doesn't flare up again.
But as Zapotee points out I guess I'm not also willing to make the necessary sacrifices. I like wine and good food too much. Though I do temper it by eating a lot of salads.
The funny thing since I work in healthcare, I see a huge range of body types, healthy and unhealthy.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

My only suggestion is to focus on ACCEPTANCE. I try to take time every day to focus on this concept. The other concept I meditate on is GRATITUDE. They go hand in hand. My greedy mind is always telling me, be richer be skinnier. I want to remember my life is good just where it is.