What to wear to a memorial service

I am attending a memorial service for my husband's aunt at the end of the year, while we visit his family in the Bay Area for the holidays.

The only instruction as to how to dress is "bright colors, not black." The event will be during the day with a light lunch. There is also an optional 3-mile hike around a local reservoir afterwards, and we'll likely opt into it.

I'm not sure if I'll have time or facilities to do more than change my shoes after the event. I don't think I need to wear hiking gear for the hike, but I'm guessing I shouldn't wear something like jeans to the event (even with a dressy top half). Although maybe "hike after" implies that something like jeans with a dressy top is okay to wear!

So unless anyone else has a brighter idea, I'm thinking of neutral slacks with some brightly colored top half, like a fun printed blouse? I may have to buy something new. I do have bright colors and prints, of course, but most of the appropriate items are short sleeved. I think I'd rather avoid choosing and packing something to layer over, as my best looking dressy options are mostly black. My bottom half will have to be dark (my neutrals are black and navy), but I think it's okay if I have brighter colors up top and choose the navy pants over black.

I can write and ask for clarification about the timing, but I'd like to wait for my husband to formally accept the invite first. (I'd like it to be him who does it.) Also, I can just choose a dressy top and then wear either with slacks or jeans, depending what I find out later from the family. But if I decide I need to buy a top, I'd rather do it this week before the stores are too full of sequins and party dresses, though maybe velvet in a bright color would be okay.

ETA: Thinking about wearing a pullover now, per the comments below, and I already have some that fit the bill (whether it ends up being a jeans or slacks type of affair or not).

Banana Republic

Washable Merino Wool Stripe Turtleneck Sweater

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Silk-Cashmere Pleat-Sleeve Boatneck

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6 years ago

Liz

Veteran

I'd wait to hear what your husband hears about the timing before you make any plans. If there's a hike afterward, I'm guessing that the people who go on the hike will dress for it, and that this isn't a formal or dressy event.

Christina F.

Liz, it definitely won’t be formal or fancy. I know them well enough to know that. But there’s the kind of occasions where jeans and a nice top are acceptable, and I’m wondering if this is that or a small step above that (more like business casual, I guess). I’ve never been to a memorial service beyond a work obligated one for someone well known in the community. Where I’m from, it’s all funerals and wakes and dark colors. I’ll instruct my husband to ask about he timing when he rsvp’s, anyway. I imagine that some people who have to travel in for the event won’t be able to change for the hike.

The fact that I have to make my outfit part of a travel capsule for the holidays is just kind of adding to my anxiety about it. If I could find something, or choose something from my closet, that can be worn on Christmas or Christmas Eve too, it would help.

SarahD8

What about a brightly colored knit skirt? That could be presentable for the service and totally comfortable for the hike. (I actually prefer to hike in jersey skirts/dresses rather than pants.)

Sarah, it will be cold enough that I would have to wear tights or hose, and I don’t think that I would be comfortable hiking and tights or hose. I don’t find such items comfortable, in General. Anyway, I don’t own such a thing either,
and I do want to avoid shopping if I possibly can ... I have some brightly colored think knit tops (like J Crew Tippis sweaters or similar). I am starting to think one of those might fit the bill, and they would work whether or not I can wear jeans. And I wouldn’t have to shop.

Another factor is that I would like to wear something fun in honor of her, because she and I did bond over fashion a bit.

DonnaF

Sad to say, I attend way more memorial services than weddings. No black; no suits; no formal get-up. You will probably see women in jeans and yoga pants, but that's not my personal preference. With an optional hike afterwards, you will probably see many folks in gear! This is to say, I doubt folks will get all judge-y on your garb no matter what you wear as long as it is clean and mended. Besides, when you tell local folks that you flew out from New York, their gratitude for your presence will obliterate any notice of your clothing.

No need for a dressy blouse. But surely you must have sweaters/pullovers? I think we heat places less here than in other places where it gets really cold outside. I find many churches cool and a bit drafty, especially in December.

Lafayette Reservoir? I think it is slightly less than three miles around and it is flat and paved; no need for hiking shoes or boots.

Donna - yes, thank you! it's Lafayette. I think the event is at a community center - definitely NOT a church. I wouldn't be packing hiking boots anyway, but due to a back injury I almost certainly will have to wear sneakers, though I just got some black chelsea boots that would probably work too. Sneakers are a bit better for my injury, though. I don't mind changing into them from whatever I wear to the service.

I too just thought about my pullovers and will post some Finds above. I think it's more the way to go for a bunch of reasons.

Sal

I think smart casual is the way to go - and I would wear very tidy jeans with a jacket or smart blouse and shoes if necessary. Or slacks/pants similar. I think aspects could be black as long as the overall impression is colourful eg black pants with a red jacket.

I would wear smart shoes to the ceremony and change shoes for the hike. Or add a puffer over the top.

I hope it goes well.

Ah, I see. I was imagining warmer weather. I wouldn't want to hike in tights either! I like those bright sweaters you posted in Finds. A nice tribute to your husband's aunt.

In your situation, I think I'd wear my black Eileen Fisher stretch crepe pants on the bottom half -- comfy and washable, but eminently presentable. Or maybe even skirt leggings. Offering just as data points in case that sparks a thought of something that could work similarly from your wardrobe -- I get not wanting to shop!

California is very casual, and services in community centers even more so. The last memorial service I attended was in a community center out that way, and we were instructed to wear Hawaiian shirts and the like.

Would your gold quilted sneakers be comfy enough? Otherwise, wear your Born booties; charcoal sneaks are too casual even for me. Do you think you would get overheated in your red striped pullover? Or the one with the stars? I'm thinking the day is likely to be in the low to mid-60s with a bit of a breeze both at the reservoir and the community center near there. I've only hiked once or twice at the reservoir and that was many years ago, but IIRC it seemed open and exposed without overhanging trees.

Donna, your words of wisdom and local perspective have made me feel a lot better. Thank you so much! I will choose one of my fab pullovers - maybe the pink and red houndstooth, to be extra bright and fun. She would have loved me wearing that. I'll have to see about outwear; I can wear a jacket as needed or take it off if the day is too warm. I can

The gold sneakers may or may not come to California at all, but they may be comfortable enough if I add an inserts. It will depend on the progress of my recovery by then. (It's slow and incremental, though it is happening, I swear!) The New Balance sneakers would probably be the best, but I could get by in the Chelsea boots if I add the inserts,

Sarah - I have some black cropped ponte pants, the ones from Halogen that go on sale for NAS. Comfortable but maybe slightly elevated from jeans? I also have navy blue velvet jeans, now.

Anonymous

Velvet jeans, houndstooth sweater, and chelsea boots or gold sneaks
Sorry to hear about your aunt in law though

suntiger, I think we are on to something! The velvet jeans (wearing them today) are comfortable enough for a long walk. And they are a festive addition to my Christmas travel capsule.I'll have the other sneakers in case I want to walk in those instead, after the event.

And thank you - she was a lovely, positive, active woman who developed cancer too early. She fortunately had a stroke before the illness was able to make her too sick to fully live her life, which I think is really something of a blessing, because the illness was terminal. She wasn't put through a year+ of suffering. She was an interior designer so I think she'd appreciate my use of color here. My husband says her favorite color was "all the colors."