What to wear at a funeral?

Andrea please accept my heartfelt condolences on your loss. If you have an dark, knee length, not embellished dress - black, navy, charcoal that would be traditional. I wore a little black pants suit to my dad's funeral. Dark coat. Dark skirt and jacket would work also. Jacket if you have or topper, even under a coat. I find grief and stress makes me very cold. On shoes, low heels, knee high boots or booties - you are going to the grounds. Nothing precious or with a sharp heel to sink into the earth. Wear something you've worn before that you feel good in. You'll feel awful enough, you want to be comfortable so you can forget about your outfit. I wore a piece of jewelry that my dad gave me. That was meaningful. If you have something of your mom's wear it. It's comforting. Beaming prayers of solace to you.

6 years ago

Liz

Veteran

Funerals vary depending on where you live (region or country), whether the funeral is held in a traditional religious setting, and how formal or casual the family is. Can you give us some more information about the context?

6 years ago

andrea96

Active Member

gryffin Thank you so much !!!

Liz Thank you Liz.
Well, The family is traditional but not religiously fanatic. The family is Christian. The funeral will be in Belgium, I'm from the Balkans. Otherwise, the deceased was 28 years old man,my cousin.

6 years ago

Liz

Veteran

Ah. Thanks for the details. It sounds like the funeral will be in a church. That means you'll want to stay away from a dress that is revealing (tight, short, or low-cut). Use what you know about your family, and about Belgium culture to dress in a way that your family will view as respectful and subdued.

6 years ago

andrea96

Active Member

thank you for answering.
Yes, one part of the ceremony will be the church. After that, within a few hours, the remains will be buried in a village cemetery about 25km from the city.
The day before the burial in the morning I will visit the mother of the deceased and in the evening there is a commemoration in his house.
Are the years of the deceased important in the context of dressing

6 years ago

Liz

Veteran

Do you mean, would you dress differently if the deceased were a young person than if the deceased had been elderly? No. At a funeral, you're dressing more to respect the family and the setting, unless the family has requested something to honor the deceased. At a casual funeral in the US, for example, a family might request people wear the deceased's favorite color.

But since you're dealing with traditional family members who live in a different country from yours, dress with respect in a subdued way. (And since you will be at the cemetery in a village, no high heels that are going to get caught and ruined in grass and gravel.)

6 years ago

andrea96

Active Member

thank you
What shoes would be best for the village cemetery?

6 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

This might be helpful:

https://youlookfab.com/2010/02.....a-funeral/

6 years ago

andrea96

Active Member

Angie thank you

6 years ago

The Cat

Veteran

It is wise to dress respectfully. My recommendations are:
- a skirt, kneelength or longer
- a decent blouse or pullover (avoid deep cleavage)
- closed toe shoes
- avoid jewellery that makes noise, and heavy makeup
- neutral or muted colours. (Black is not necessary.) Be careful about wearing bright colours unless you know for sure that it was wished by the deceased or is appreciated by the closest relatives. If in doubt, check with the family, and respect their wishes

6 years ago

Aurore

Veteran

Andrea, first of all, my condolences for your loss.

Concerning your question, I agree with all the previous commenters said. Their advice would be appropriate for a funeral here in France, where I think the customs are quite close to the Belgian ones.
I live next to a very traditional Catholic Church and cemetery, and women of all ages usually wear dresses or skirts with dark hosiery and flat shoes for funerals. Few wear trousers, although I don't think anyone there would consider dark dress trousers non appropriate (but definitely no jeans, even dark ones).
Even in summer, they wear long or 3/4 sleeves or a shawl/wrap. No hats.

6 years ago

krishnidoux

Veteran

All my condoleances.
If you have pearls, with black dress slacks.
Slacks because inside, outside, your legs are protected from temperature changes.
Booties or boots: avoid dainty heels that will dig into soil outside.
Top and topper: something not too tight, relatively roomy, with large armhole sleeves: you may have to hug people and if your jacket is too tight when you raise your arms then it's not so comfortable.
Sometimes, a nice, sober pashmina can prove useful again for temperature variations (inside church, outside, inside home...).
Hugs to you.

6 years ago

ChrisM

Veteran

Condolences to you and your family. It’s so difficult when young people pass before their elders. Such good advice here -

Some Christian traditions ask that you cover your head with a dark scarf for services. You can ask your aunt what the tradition is.

It’s good to keep an umbrella handy, and consider keeping a trench coat (simple, dark if you have it) available.

Also it’s good to keep simple snacks and water handy - maybe in your bag - since the day will be long. A handkerchief or tissues might come in handy too, either for you or someone from your family.

6 years ago

The Cat

Veteran

In line with what ChrisM wrote about handkerchief/ tissues, I'd like to add that waterproof mascara can be also be a good idea, and dark sunglasses might be nice to hide behind, at least some of the time.

6 years ago

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Hello Andrea, sorry to hear of the loss of your cousin. When my father died my 2 daughters were 19 and 16 and my son was 13. They dressed in black except for one daughter had a black and white floral skirt with her black top. They looked appropriate and the funeral was in a church.
I agree with everyone who says fairly flat shoes or boots because of grass at the cemetery.

6 years ago

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