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What is the one thing?

Elly

Veteran

What has been the one piece or practice that has made the most difference in your style journey or how you feel about yourself?

I have one very stylish friend that has a bag addiction that insists that buying her first designer bag/sunglasses totally flipped a switch for her (she buys a pair of high-end sunglasses each couple seasons when she buys a nice bag-- together they have a vibe and she keeps the glasses cased with the bag for the most part). She had been a non-traditional student who went back to school after many years and is now a nurse. She told me that when she got her first nursing job she saved and saved and saved. It took her a while to realize she finally had money that she could afford to spend on herself. She said that when she bought that first bag she knew that she was worth it and her success with her education finally hit home. Since she spent up to 50 hours a week in scrubs and commuted in them and lives in a hot climate, the bag/sunglasses combo was a great way to show off her style and made her feel good and put together on workdays. Apparently that spurred her to slowly build up the great closet she has today.

I have another friend that has always been at a healthy weight and attractive and always spent lots of money on every kind of beauty product and clothing. Turns out that she never felt good about herself until a small family health scare got her into exercising. Feeling strong and powerful helped her love the body she had always had and overcome her perfectionism issues. After that point she stopped having to always have the next big thing and doing short and tight and really has developed her own style.

I just found both of these ladies so inspiring, and I need some inspiration!

Anyone else have a moment, a favorite piece of clothing, or a life change that helped you come into your own?

28 replies

Latest reply was from CocoLion

missvee

Veteran

For me it was the realization that I could just relax and enjoy fashion as another opportunity to be creative in my life. When people meet you for the first time, yes they notice what you are wearing, but what they remember afterwards is how friendly or interesting you were. Fashion IS fun and it's a journey of self discovery that never ends. I wore things in university that I wouldn't be caught dead in today!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

It may sound dumb but lengths flipped a switch for me. Shirt lengths, skirt lengths, pant lengths depending on how narrow the openings are: none of these things entered my mind before. That's why I have midi's without even knowing it at the time of purchase lol! And why I now have bootcuts that are too short at 32" but straight/narrow legs that are too long at 32". I just hemmed everything to that length arbitrarily.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Elly, these are very inspiring stories indeed! Thank you for sharing them. The nurse one especially, what a splendid idea.

Lynne

Veteran

PPL: perfect pants length. Like Mo, I used to have my jeans hemmed to an arbitrary length, and then wear them with different heel heights. Now I have 3 pairs of bootcut/flared jeans, one each for flats, low heels, and high heels. As Angie says, the devil is in the details.....and thank heavens she's here to point them out to us.

mamaKate

Veteran

This is for all the pear shaped ladies out there:
Accentuating my waist.
Belts, high-waist pants and skirts, dressed with waist insets, etc.

I used to be really self-conscious of my hips and thighs, which had "womanly curves" ever since I was a teenager. But once I started to accentuate my waist - (and avoid miniskirts) - the proportions suddenly looked just right - and actually quite flattering, if I say so myself!

(I have temporarily moved from pear to "hourglass" while my babies are little but this truth still holds.)

Those low-rise jeans from the late 90s did nothing for my self-esteem. Thank you, YLF for helping me propel my sense of style and comfort with my body!

Vani

Veteran

Learning about layering and discovering boots (especially utilitarian boots) was a real game changer for me!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What inspiring stories, Elly! Thank you for sharing.

Now, as to "the one thing" — you know what I'm going to say, right?

Following Angie's advice (and the promptings of my own heart) to CUT MY HAIR!

Anonymous

I still might be waiting for that switch to be flipped, so I'm not sure......but I'm realizing that I need to put everything I know together.

I have items in my closet that I like because they are good quality OR a good color for me OR great fitting, but few of them are all three because I've settled in the past. I want to build a wardrobe where each piece is good quality, good color on me and great fitting. Maybe that will be my "Aha!"

AJ

Veteran

Learning how to dress for my shape was mind blowing for me! Dressing used to be so frustrating and I used to feel so frumpy. Now I save time and money since I have guidelines on what not to buy.

krishnidoux

Veteran

I was always coquette. As a child and teenager I knitted heavily - yet I hid it from my peers because it was uncool in the 80's. I spent all of my babysitting money on yarn. It taught me at an early age about quality. I would go into chic stores, find a great piece, discreetly "count" stitches and evaluate wool size, zoom back home and reproduce it (with various results). Later on when I could afford them, I'd buy one then use it as pattern to make more.

Once I wore one of my creation to school, and a classmate asked me to make her one. She brought the most expensive, cool wool for me to use. The result was a disaster, it didn't fit her properly. I still am mortified when I think about the face she made.

But what truly was a turning point in my style journey was in my 30's when I inadvertently inherited a bunch of high quality suits and coats from my deceased grandmother. She was not a nice grandmother. She didn't like my mother, and told her every time she could. She didn't like us either. We feared her. Meeting with her was an awful experience. She froze us with terror. She was of another era, another country, another continent, she still lived in a world of divides and hierarchy. For some reason an aunt and an uncle were her "preferred" children and she lavishly spoiled their children, my cousins. When she passed away, my aunt found herself with her closet full of nice, women's clothing. However my grandmother had actually been petite, and my aunt and cousins were not. So the closet stayed intact until I visited, and my aunt led me to it. To my amazement, everything was perfect: color, cuts, fit... only minor alterations were needed on some garments.

Suddenly I found myself with a new closet, things that actually went together, made in superior materials. I was starting a new job and so it was god sent. It spun me onto this style journey and made me renew with my old habits of knitting, crocheting and fabric lover in general.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I've been every size from a 4 all the up to a 22 and back down again. Now I'm comfortable at a size 10 and staying there! For me, the "switch" was realizing no matter what size I am, I can dress my body to still look my personal best. That number on the clothing tag is just a number - it's how if fits and how it makes you feel.

Queen Mum

Veteran

There have been a few defining moments along my style journey.

First was an introduction to the concept of body types. .. slapping forehead "So THAT'S why so many things just don't look right!"

And the second defining moment was realizing that if I wanted to look like a million bucks, I needed to be willing to spend more than ten. Not that you can't look stylish on a budget, but when I started to allow myself to not be so hindered by the price tag, I began buying better quality which resulted in being able to buy less. I will say this, in working through this process, the pendulum did start to swing to where I would think that if it were pricier, or a well spoke of brand, it must be better and I'd buy things that still weren't quite right. But I've sorted through those incorrect thoughts as well and feel that I have become fairly good at discerning what works and what doesn't.

Elly

Veteran

Wow-- this thread has been inspiring. It is great to hear other women's stories about feeling great, things clicking, and coming into their own.

Thank you all for participating---

I particularly loved MissVee, QM, and Claire's replies.

I am not sure I have found my own "click" moment yet . . . but this is the time and place of my life to do it (YLF to the rescue!).

Anonymous

The One Thing was learning at this site that denim could be worn with dressy pieces and vice-versa. It opened a door to expressing myself in creative ways with my wardrobe and has made fashion so much fun.

Carole

Veteran

With terribly painful bunions, my shoe options were so limited. I have payed close attention to Angie's recommendations and have to say that has really put the fun back into getting dressed everyday. Tall boots, oxfords and Fidjis have helped me feel so much more stylish and have inspired me to take more interest in my wardrobe.

Kari

Veteran

Here's what flipped the switch for me, though it was more gradual and I can't pinpoint an exact moment when things changed:
I don't have to wait for my body to be a certain size or look a certain way before I can dress stylishly in a way that I enjoy. I can love my body NOW and think that it is beautiful NOW.
While I'm much over my ideal weight at the moment, I feel like I'm in a very fulfilling place in my style journey and have never had more fun.
I felt this way when I weighed less, when I lost weight, or when I gained weight. I felt this way when I was working out regularly and when I wasn't at all. The only thing that has changed about my attitude is that over time, while my self-esteem absolutely has peaks and valleys, my confidence that I am and can be attractive and stylish and appropriately groomed has increased over time, without relation to how "in shape" my body actually is.
I hope that makes sense. It's hard to translate this thought process into words!

Kate

Veteran

Wow, I don’t think I can name just one, so I’m going to share a whole bunch and keep them as brief as I can.

When I was studying in Poland I felt horribly out of place with my footwear, so I bought a pair of brown boots. They were a big push in the right direction, but I still wore boot cut jeans tucked into them for another year and a half! (pic 1, in Berlin, Feb. 2008)

When I got back to the US, I started moving towards having bangs (inspired by my time in Europe) and developed a slight obsession with nail polish. I started having fun with fashion. By graduation, the bangs were a bit more complete (pic 2, May 2009)

I got to grad school and realized I needed to start upping my game so that I would look less like an undergrad. By the time I finally started posting on YLF in early 2010 I was a complete skinny jeans convert, but was still wearing my too bulky boots, crew necks, chunky sweaters, unflattering colors, and had hair that was weighing me down. (pic 3, one of my first on YLF, Feb. 2010)

By March I had chopped off much of my hair, bought some awesome new boots, switched necklines, tossed my chunky sweaters, and started transitioning towards more flattering colors (pic 4, Mar. 2010).

Since then it’s been a lot of fine tuning, honing my style, and small epiphanies. These include: I love my body so much more when I’m exercising regularly and a small, well-cultivated wardrobe gives me far more options than one full of many clothes and accessories that I don’t love.

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Elly

Veteran

Kari--- your post was really touching. I don't deal with body love issues (I love my body, except when it is trying to crap out on me!) but I certainly struggle with a lot of other things in my life. I love how you have found a way to look so put-together despite whatever else is going on--- which is something that I aspire to.

Kate-- your transformation in pictures is quiet dramatic. Thank you for posting them. Certainly inspiring-- I too came to YLF right around the time I graduated from college, and then again after getting a second degree and am feeling that pull to transition from a kinda fashion-and-presentation-stunted, education-focused person into a working person that needs to put together a more impressive and self-aware front. Right now I feel like I am a bit in limbo and slowly falling into the black whole of unemployment-- I need to get unstuck!

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Brilliant question Elly!

I have been thinking about similar thing as I'm nearing my 25th themed week here on YLF and I had started putting together my learnings and thoughts from that approach.

I'll open separate thread around my silver jubilee :), but in the meantime I just wanted to say that apart from accepting myself as I am *now* (whenever that now is) and having support here, one thing that made a difference to my style are my themed weeks. The focus, consistency and patience I had to demonstrate to myself while ploughing through wardrobe hits and misses, while realizing along the way that I have always known what i liked but didn't have courage to trust myself, had made the lessons from my wardrobe trials much more generic and relevant for many other areas of my life.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Kate, Thank you for sharing your style journey in pictures. What a change! It's a complete turn around, very inspiring.

HeleenH

Veteran

I think the most important revelation was that if clothes that I like on the hanger and try on don't look right on me, it is not my fault, it is just made for someone with a different body type.
Also - it is similar but not the same - that my body looks so much nicer if I dress in the right clothes. I don't have to cover up and hide, actually I would be doing myself a disservice if I just slapped something large on.

nicoleb

(website)

Veteran

Hmm. My style is probably still going to change and evolve but understanding what worked for my body type REALLY helped me out. I remember looking at photos of myself back then and always seeing that i looked so much larger than i was and wondering why lol.

And more recently i've gone from trying and wearing just about every single trend that comes around to focusing more on my personal style. Now that i know what works best and combining it with things i love best.

Lisa

Veteran

My style journey is far from over but a few landmarks were:

-Learning my body shape, and the guidelines for it. This helped me realize that not all clothes will fit me, because not all clothes are made for my body shape.

-Finding out other people have the same shape as me AND the same fit issues. And that other body shapes have other fit issues. This shifted me from less "it must be me" thinking to more "it must be the clothes" thinking which was a huge help to self esteem.

-Colors, they come in warm and cool shades and light, med and dark saturation levels. It's hard for me to decipher certain colors, hence a strong blue obsession in my closet, but I can tell warm from cool and it helps knowing before I try on that something isn't worth trying on because of the color.

-It's ok to wear flats and you can still be fashionable. I've always had foot issues and learning I don't have to suffer to be stylish because you can be stylish in flats was also a big help. I rarely see flats in magazines or store ads.

-PPL, I've become quite keen to this now and the difference it makes in the visual legline.

-Premium denim, I wear jeans often and my Joe's Petite Provocateur's fit me better than any other jean. It was a huge workout to figure out what brand and style works for me, but the reward was so worth the effort. They make me feel like a star whenever I wear them. My happy jeans!

Kristine

Veteran

-Cutting my hair! I think I had reverted back to long hair in an attempt to capture the last time I had felt stylish. When I cut my hair I felt like a whole different style direction opened up for me.

-Shopping more regularly and allowing myself a clothing budget. I used to rarely shop so when I did it was desperate. Now I have a really good working wardrobe and can take my time to buy things that really work for me. I no longer feel guilty about buying clothes, as long as it fits within my overall budget. I'm 40 and make a decent living, I realized I don't HAVE to shop at thrift stores anymore (but still sometimes enjoy the hunt).

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Elly, thank you so much for beginning this thread. And Krisnidoux, Kari, Heleen, Kate - I was so moved by your stories!

lynne

Veteran

A pivotal time for me was when I went to an image consultant years ago to find which colors, shapes and patterns worked best for me. She helped me see the difference between warm and cool tones of the same basic color and how choosing the right one made a huge difference. Shopping is so much easier when you can hone in on just the right colors, shapes and fabrics.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

This is a great question and a fascinating thread! Thanks for starting it, Elly.
I had a pretty good sense of fashion basics when I found YLF, i.e. I knew my own body shape, what colours worked for me and the importance of proper fit in everything from bras to boots, but I was progressively lost as my body ballooned past levels I was comfortable with. I felt I was too big for my age, and the selection of frumpy plus-size atire out there didn't do much to counter those thoughts. To compensate, I often dressed more casually than I was comfortable with, somehow equating casualness with youth. When I found YLF, I was introduced to a number of styles I had never tried before, including skinnies and tunics, dolman sleeves, leggings and pencil skirts. The site also helped me rediscover denim, which I had begun to neglect...but a penny dropped for me when I discovered the versatility of pearls. When I acquired my first gumball set, I realized how naturally I was drawn to them. They've been part of my style ever since, and making that connection allowed me to accept my dressier sensibilities and embrace them. Through that connection, I've started wearing many more skirts and dresses than I did in the past. The rediscovery of denim, however, helps me feel grounded and youthful and convinces me that I can look right for both my age and my emotions.
Discovering jackets helped a lot too, from denim to velvet and everything in between...but that's not one thing, so it gets the bonus spot.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

There is not one thing, there are many things that have made a difference in my style journey.
- Playing dress up with my grandmother's furs and capes.
- Making clothes for my Barbie.
- My mother's LBD which she wore with Chanel #5.
- What rock stars wore, especially the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, David Bowie and Iggy Pop.
- Discovering my Dad's clothes and re-making them into my own.
- Buying my first Italian-made suit. It was from Max Mara.
- Living in the East Village and living in Hollywood.
- At some points in time, fashion magazines.
- A store in LA called "Traffic"
- Premium denim.
- Fashion blogs.
- YLF.
- My camera. It is far more truthful than my mirror.