What is it with these husbands?! - YouLookFab Forum

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What is it with these husbands?!

Peri

Veteran

Two posts in two days where husbands are complaining about looser fitting pants and saying skinny jeans are better. My husband is the same way. And yet my husband wouldn't walk around in tight fitting clothes no matter what I said, I bet money the others wouldn't either.

What is this?! Are they used to current styles and see anything new as "weird"? That's what mine says whenever anything is off the beaten path...it's weird. Or different or unusual...but not said enthusiastically.

Or is it even more...the historical and cultural constant of women as eye candy? Men liking tight fitting pants so they can see the exact shape of every woman's butt?

I don't make many comments on whether my DH wears figure flattering clothes! How about the rest of you?

General

27 replies

Latest reply was from Emily

Suz

(website)

Veteran

My DH is the opposite -- it took his eye a LONG time to adjust to skinnies, both on me and even more so on (some) others. He just doesn't like snug fitting clothing. Tailored, sure. And body con dresses can pass his style filter. But not pants, really. Not ever. He much prefers a fluid fit. Then again, he likes short hair on women, too. He's an outlier. Which suits me just fine.

He also doesn't care to wear snug fits.

I don't comment on his clothes unless he asks my opinion, but he often does ask. I will make suggestions on fit. He is not easy to fit because he has narrow sloping shoulders. He asks me a lot about colours, too, and accepts my verdict without complaint. We tend to agree on colour in general.

He comments all the time and often negatively (at first) on new items I wear. It's not always about figure flattery. It just takes him a long time to adjust to any new look. Typically, if I decide to keep something and wear it happily and with confidence, even if he was a nay-sayer at first he will become an enthusiastic proponent.

The longer I've been on YLF, the more often he will like something right off the bat. It could be that I am choosing better or it could be that his eye is becoming more educated.

Also, I've learned that he is a bit like the forum. It really, really, REALLY helps him to see the item styled as I plan to wear it. If I simply pop it on over whatever I'm wearing he cannot see its potential. He needs to see it in motion, in an outfit, to understand what I like about it.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I will tell my BF when things aren't fitting him well. Took me a while to convince him M tees were his size now, not L. He has an interest in fashion to some degree. Or at least looking good if not knowing the most current trend or designers names beyond his upscale business wear brands.

EDIT: my BF also is similar to Suz's husband in that he isn't much for really bodycon looks. He hates what he sees as 'bimbo' or 'biker' looks and tight falls in that category.

ramya

Veteran

Mine mine:)
Well my DH is 30:)
Guess he still is very much a boy at heart;)
But in husband's word, why waste money on pjs is what he says about loose fitting pants. Rear flattering is a priority for him. He likes bootcuts with heels.
He just can't understand why would pants not fit tush;)

Anonymous

My husband is super-conservative. When I showed him the Okala pumps, he said, "What street corner are you going to be standing on?" In the past, that comment would have made me return them, but I said, "I think they're stylish, and it's all in the execution." Once he saw them put together with classic items, he came around. I'm so glad I kept them!

shedev

Veteran

Hedev likes most of what I wear. But the first time he saw the red tartans, he said eww plaid. Calling them tartans didn't make him like them anymore. He got used to them and doesn't comment anymore, but he will never like them. He also doesn't really understand donating perfectly usable clothes just to get more clothes. I tell him that they had fit issues. Most of the time it is true.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

Well, I have switched DH over to slim fit pants and shirts over the past few years and he loves them, so guess I can't say anything if he wants the same from me....

Gracie

Veteran

My hubby also prefers I wear slim jeans and slacks, which is my preference as well, and most of the time I will balance the bottoms with a soft drapey button-down blouse or knit top. He sometimes comments on what I'm wearing, almost always positive comments. I often approach him wearing different shoes for him to choose, specially when we are going out, and it's fun to listen to him "opinionate" on the pros and cons of each.

Helena

Veteran

Hi there, I can say my husband just doesn't care one bit about the fashion aspect; in that sense he is probably more in tune with figure-flattery than trend and so would probably pick fitted over baggy - however, I don't feel it's in any way disrespectful. I am always happy to know what he likes so I can wear that! Sorry if that sounds 1950's :S He is equally happy to wear things that I think look nice on him, too

Thistle

Veteran

Hmm, DH has never once mentioned anything abotu it. But then, I never got on board the skinnies train.

He does, however, greatly prefer skirts and dresses over any type of trouser on a woman. He gets that its cold and trousers are easier to wear, so he never says anything, but whenever I ask his opinion on a skirt or dress he reminds me how much he loves them!

And he loves long hair and curvy women. I guess he has an old fashioned streak

DonnaF

Veteran

Hmm, I usually don't ask for DH's opinion unless it is between one pair of earrings/shoes and another, and he doesn't provide unsolicited comments. I don't think he wants to get in trouble!

DD and I were floored when DH seemed to like some loose fitting skinny jeans (in colors!!!) that I got him at that fashion house, Target. So much better than his baggy jeans that he will also continue to wear until the end of time. He hates to shop so I have gone out/ordered nearly all his wardrobe, including footwear.

Emily

Veteran

My DH totally notices when I wear a flowy, fluid or waist surrendering top. If I ask what he thinks he will give his opinion and add on a "BUT I think it is a bit big on you" or similar. Then I say something like, "It's supposed to fit like that. Flowy tops are cool." And then he throws me a very flattering compliment about my voluptuous upper half. He has never made a similar comment re: pants. I have one pair of boyfriend jeans, and he said I looked like a movie star when I wore them. I guess I can stop working out my glutes?

I definitely notice when he wears something too loose for him. It is usually because he's dug out some shirt from University that he bought a size bigger so the arms would be long enough or pants from the 90s when bigger was better. I comment most of the time and the offending duds wind up in the donate pile. The man is pretty good about buying things that fit him properly.

gardenchick

Veteran

Hmmm...my husband actually complains if I buy something that he thinks is too tight, especially pants. He'll say it doesn't fit well. Sometimes I listen to him, other times I try to convince him "that's the style".

carambola

Veteran

My husband has never complained about seeing me in BF jeans or slouchy pants. He says they're "cute" if I ask his opinion. However, his response to the question, "Are these too tight?" is a guaranteed, "No such thing!"

cciele

Veteran

I think, instead of historical, perhaps it's an anthropological/evolutionary reaction for men -- liking to see the female form (no matter what that form is). Most men I know do not like "man repeller" type outfits -- multiple layers, voluminous, not traditionally figure flattering.

That said, my guy likes my baggy slouch jeans and dropped crotch pants. And he asks me about how his clothes fit, so we act as reality checks for each other ... most of the time

Faith

I'm so glad you revived this thread, carambola, because, very curiously, I've recently experienced quite the opposite phenomenon. I adopted the skinny trend early, and within a couple of years it had pretty much taken over my jeans and trousers wardrobe. In the past year or so I've embraced a slouchier fit, but it was only a few weeks ago, inspired by the Spring 2014 runways, that I decided to take out the wide leg trousers that haven't seen the light of day since, oh, sometime in 2007?--and the male response, to one pair of high-waisted, somewhat retro, black trousers in particular, has been overwhelmingly positive, from strangers to my near-and-dear. And in retrospect, it's a silhouette that has always garnered compliments for me. Admittedly, I have relatively long legs and a small waist, which I do think the pants flatter, but I was still somewhat bemused by all the attention, given that I felt a little bit like a character, in sea of skinnies-clad 20-somethings. There is no doubt in my mind, however, that the response is all about figure-flattery and not at all about fashion. So I've been thinking about it, and I think that Angie's blog post today crystallized the conclusion I was coming to already -- the highlighting of long legs and a small waist is great, but it's the movement of the garment, and the way in which the combination of drape and movement alternately conceals and reveals the form underneath, that's truly alluring. It's entirely possible that my s.o. would agree that it's hard to beat the view of a pair of skinnies walking away, but he (and evidently he's not alone) is equally arrested by something rather more billowy walking towards him.

rachylou

Veteran

I think it's tribal culture. My bf is also conservative (when it comes to clothes, otherwise he's a flaming liberal, haha!). He doesn't want to see anyone's shape, that's for sure. He also doesn't bother with the finer nuances - like the difference between hoochie and heroin chic. Ohmigosh. Hahahaha!

I think so long as I don't have a nose ring, tho, he'll still talk to me ;>

Mander

(website)

Veteran

I'm quite fortunate in that my husband seems to think I look good in just about anything, including some of my rattiest old sweaters. The flip side of this is that on the rare occasions he tells me he doesn't like something then I know it must be pretty awful.

Gaylene

Veteran

Mr. Gaylene and Mr. Mander obviously came from the same mold. Even if I'm half dead with the flu, in my ratty sweats, and surrounded by used tissues, he tells me I look good. What can I say-- we've been married for 40 years and there is no way I'm letting him go.

Both he and my sons actually seem to dislike very tight, overly revealing clothing. Their comments aren't suitable for this forum.

Windchime

Veteran

My quite-conservative husband has been lavish with compliments about almost everything I've bought since intentionally working to improve my style. The one thing that puzzles him is animal print. I brought home an animal print shirt recently, and he didn't know how to respond. With the animal print, I'd gone in a style direction he hasn't seen from me before. I'd been seeing it on YLF and thinking about it for weeks, but he was kind of caught by surprise. I'm pretty sure that he'll be more enthusiastic when he sees the shirt functioning in my wardrobe and life.

Marmee

Veteran

My husband is not crazy about animal print either.

Peri

Veteran

Okay, chiming back in! These husbands are very sweet. Mine gets mad if I say I don't look good. I just get mad sometimes at women's fashion and what we put up with sometimes to follow outside decisions on what looks good.

It's probably just me, fighting the skinny trend because tight pants have started to hurt me and I want other options that the stores aren't stocking. And I've read reports of them causing nerve damage, so I'm not alone. Add that to heels and toe crunching shoes...the things we go along with. Can you imagine men hobbling along in high heels and jeans that compress their sensitive stuff, just because they want to look good?

I'm just ranting...it's a sore subject for me!

Lucy

Veteran

What an interesting post! Boys are funny things. Mine has two main issues. He doesn't like green, which isn't really a problem as it doesn't suit me much anyway. The other thing he doesn't like is when I walk in the door, take off my dress or skirt and shoes and put on leggings and slippers. He says it makes him feel like I only dress up for everyone else! So I try and compromise and stay dressed a few times a week at least...

Peri

Veteran

Haha, Lucy! But what does he put on when he comes home from work? Except, oh yeah...what he wears to work (excluding a tie maybe?) probably doesn't feel much different from comfort clothes! You should say "oh honey, put on this tie for me? I feel like you only dress up for other people!"

Just kidding...don't want to instigate any marital stress!

Lucy

Veteran

Peri you are totally right! His workplace is casual corporate - so he works in jeans and Vans !!! Can't get much more comfy than that...

Emily

Veteran

Peri, just wanted to jump back in and say that I totally see your point about the standards for Women's appearance being more time consuming and impractical than Men's. Every time a man at work complains that women can wear skirts and sandals in summer I point out the plucking, shaving, moisturizing, exfoliating, painting and polishing that we are expected to undergo. They smile and nod, but I'm sure they don't really understand the time, effort and discomfort that Women accept as routine. It is absolutely true, too, that womens' fashion is much more likely to be restrictive and uncomfortable and I think you are quite right that this is a function of our historically patriarchal society.

(I'd burn my bra for emphasis as I step off my virtual soapbox, but these puppies require underwire, and I sort of love stilettos. You can't stop Stepford?)

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Gaylene

Veteran

Emily, do you think women do all that plucking, shaving, moisturizing, exfoliating, painting and polishing for men--or for other women?

Being the sole female in a family of males, I've found that the men in my life couldn't care less about all the grooming that we women think we must endure. They seemed to think all that effort doesn''t make much of a difference, one way or the other. And I won't go into the teasing I got whenever I wore an outfit that restricted my movement or was uncomfortable.

Emily

Veteran

Gaylene - I have been thinking about your question for a while now. There's definitely a lot about women's grooming habits to unpack. I am sure you're right that a lot of the time men don't notice, and I know you are right that women dress up more for women - baby/bridal showers are excellent proof!

What I was getting at was more that the standard for women's appearance reflecting a historically ornamental role: Young, slim (or plump, depending on the time period, to reflect having lots of time to spend on one's body or not needing to work), tan (or fair, see previous), generally well tended. Whereas the standard for men tends to be muscular (powerful), possibly rugged and a bit of age/experience is more valued.