what is high maintanance? - YouLookFab Forum

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what is high maintanance?

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

I think that people may define this differently as i recently found out. I always thought that high maintanance is someone who spends lot of time and money on themselves, very demanding that people adhere to certain standards. However, I never thought of myself as being high maintanance in any way.
In a recent conversation with a friend, she told that she always thought that I WAS high maintanance. Her words"in 5 years that I known you, I never saw you without makeup, your hair is always styled, your nails are always polished, you never look sloppy, always wear jewelry, etc". I guess to me that is just personal grooming and I don't actually spend lot time of my appearance. Asked DH, he said that he doesn't think that I am but other people might because I always look put together. clearly oppinions vary. I guess I am curious what is exactly high maintance?

Dressing

27 replies

Latest reply was from Aziraphale

jenanded

Veteran

You look pretty hot and I would aspire to always having all those elements in place. i think High Maintenance is people's behaviour - you can't DO something because they have to fiddle (or more!) their hair/shoes etc and they act very demanding about everything... Looking gorgeous and maintained is respectful to others, but expecting everyone to keep complementing you or delaying them when going out is not!

Anonymous

I used to think it is someone who spends long periods of time making themselves look how they want to, but a friend informs me it is someone who spends a lot of money on fashion/make-up.

Maybe it is a combination of both.

Anonymous

High maintenance would be someone that did all that grooming on a camping trip.

or

High maintenance is someone who is always needing to be fussed over and indulged.

Anonymous

The first time I ever heard the term was in the movie When Harry Met Sally. He informs her that she is high maintenance because she wants her salad dressing on the side and wants everything "just so" if I recall. Later I remember reading an article about it in a beauty magazine. Their definition was someone who got all of the services at the salon (hair color, facials, waxing, mani/pedis) as opposed to low maintenance, which would be natural hair color--maybe in a style where it didn't need to be cut every 6 weeks or wash and wear, bare nails, little make-up and not a lot of product needed.

ETA: I don't think it's a compliment to call someone high maintenance. If someone wants to say it about themselves, fine. But it's kind of like calling someone narcissistic in my book. If you don't spend a lot of money but just take care to groom yourself, that is hardly high maintenance! Plus, if I remember correctly, you live in Hawaii where little clothing is needed. Manicures and jewelry are even more important to feeling well dressed I would think.

HelenInCanada

Veteran

"High maintenance" is usually used in a derogatory way, as in a man dismissing a potential mate for that reason. The opposite of easygoing and down-to-earth and carefree. How I interpret it is he worries the guilty party will spend ALL her time and money achieving and maintaining a perfect "look" - at the expensive hair salon, spa, getting highlights and manicures and pedicures ad nauseum (not that there is anything wrong with pampering yourself!), and shopping constantly for clothes and accessories she'll wear once and then tire of. That she can't "have fun" outdoors, playing sports, or getting crazy at an amusement park, etc. because her nails will break or she'll wrinkle your clothes. You know the drill! Interfering with "life". Just the connotation of the term to me!

The difference between high maintenance and simply taking good care of yourself, though, lies in the extremes. High maintenance wouldn't be able to cuddle her kids or her pets for fear of ruining herself, etc...you know how it goes!

rae

(website)

Veteran

Huh. I always thought the same as you - that a high-maintenance person would be similar to a high-maintenance car: requiring a lot of time and energy. Furthermore, I always thought of it in emotional terms - like, "O she's so high-maintenance and needs to be reassured all the time." I guess it does make sense in physical terms, too, but why would anyone care - or how they would even know - how much time/effort it takes someone else to get ready in the morning is kind of mysterious to me. Shouldn't someone who makes *themselves* up be low-maintenance... like a self-cleaning oven? o_0

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

Interesting input, ladies! In my case, I like to look nice but don't like to spend lot of time on it and I absolutely hate going to hair salon(even though I do because my hair is so short). But its a tradeoff because it takes me 5 min to get ready in the morning which is just how I like it.
Claire, yes, because its so warm year around, women here always sport manicures and pedi, lot of women are drapped in all kinds of jewelry, much more than I ever saw living on the mainland.
Personally, I wouldn't bother with all that stuff if I was going outdoor activity but I had a friend who took 3 hours to get ready and was even late for my wedding because she had to go back to her house to change her outfit one more time. Hmmm...I can't imagine spending this much time on my apperance

Queen Mum

Veteran

haha- apparently my son is high maintenance

DH just asked him why he isn't taking a nap (he gets up early for school and he has late play practice tonight.)
Son's response: "Cuz then my hair will get all messed up." LOL...and he was dead serious. This kid cracks me up.

MsMary

Veteran

Team High Maintenance here, ladies!

I'll admit it: I get my hair colored every three weeks and flat-iron it near daily. Semi-regular waxing and mani/pedi's. Personal trainer twice a week, boot camp classes three times a week, tap class once a week. You know I spend a lot of time on my outfits. I've had various, uh, medical interventions. And yes, I tend towards emotional high-maintenance as well.

Hey -- at my age "fab" doesn't just happen by itself! Wanna make something of it? LOL

But as for other people -- I couldn't care less how much or how little time and money anybody else spends on their grooming or whatnot, as long as they are decently covered and don't smell!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Ha ha MaryK - you crack me up!!! Love it!

HelenInCanada

Veteran

MaryK, it definitely pays off - you always look perfectly polished and confident!

I think "high maintenance" only becomes a negative when it interferes with one's ability to function otherwise - affecting work, your main finances, your relationship, your kids. None of which is happening in your case, I suspect!

I personally don't worry about it one way or another - to each her own! As long as I'm not judged unfairly because I let my hair go au natural for years...LOL! I think every woman has to figure out her level of comfortable maintenance.

nicoleb

(website)

Veteran

Me. I'm high maintenance.

I take a long time to get ready for the day and i require a lot of products and help to do so. Don't try to take me camping. You won't like it.

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Haha MaryK, you are a hoot!

I love When Harry Met Sally! That's what I think of when I hear the term high maintenance. Here's the quote from the movie
Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally Albright: Which one am I?
Harry Burns: You're the worst kind; you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
Sally Albright: I don't see that.
Harry Burns: You don't see that? Waiter, I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side. "On the side" is a very big thing for you.
Sally Albright: Well, I just want it the way I want it.
Harry Burns: I know; high maintenance.

My mom is high maintenance. She always wears heels and never likes anyone to see her without makeup. And she's often overdressed. I definitely think of myself as low maintenance. I don't style my hair (wash and go) and rarely wear makeup. I do like fashion and dressing up but I try to dress appropriately for the situation. But I hope I'm not one of those high maintenance women who think they're low maintenance!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I'm like Rae; I figure if you are doing it all (or most of it) yourself and not burdening other people with your needs, it's not high maintenance. It's when you need to involve everybody else to the point of inconveniencing them, or when you obsessively court admiration (without regard to how others might be feeling) and when you can't simply have fun with real people in real life (because you'll ruin your "look") that you become high maintenance. So, MaryK, I call what you're doing "working hard to look fab," not "high maintenance." And Victoria, I think you are "just right" and your friend (the one who kept everyone waiting while she changed her outfit again) is "high maintenance." And I think the other friend (the one who accused you of being high maintenance) is just threatened because you always look great!

A person who dresses inappropriately for an occasion is much more likely to come across as high maintenance than someone who does not. So, ironically (to me at least) a person who shows up to a formal party wearing gym wear looks just as high maintenance (to me) as the person who shows up to go camping in fake eyelashes. Because in either case, others are going to be put on guard and made uncomfortable.

Fruitful

Veteran

Yes, I am high maintenance.

"But I think you gotta be, and frankly I enjoy it!"

Kath Day-Knight

http://www.kathandkim.com/default.htm

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MNsara

Veteran

"You say 'High Maintenance' like it's a bad thing" That's one of my favorite fridge magnets.

My husband calls me high maintenance too, but it has nothing to do with grooming, it has everything to do with my quirky requests when we are eating out. So, I equate that sort of 'high maintenance' with being demanding of others' time/attention/help.

I do agree that there's the grooming/personal beauty 'high maintenance'. I also happen to think that 'high maintenance' can even refer to what it takes to keep health conditions in check. . .

P.S. I don't really think I'm high maintenance in restaurants!

MsMary

Veteran

And not to be all strident and everything, but I tend to think that "high maintenance" is one of those terms that is trotted out to put women in their place when they dare to, you know, actually ask for the food they want to eat in a restaurant where they are paying for the privilege, or take time for some self-care instead of spending all their time, money and energy on everybody else. Moreover, I find it incredibly ironic that we are EXPECTED to look perfectly groomed and dressed at all times, yet mocked for actually putting in the time and effort necessary to fulfill that expectation.

/feminist rage

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I am high maintenance.

I expect things to be done a certain way; and I'm not very flexible about it. If I go traveling, so does my face cream and cleanser of choosing - if I use random stuff, I will just break out like no tomorrow.

I expect nice facial cotton. I buy them in huge packages in bulk and spend a night cutting the 1 sheet into 6 little squares so that they will last me 6x as long and makes them affordable, though; but I still want my French cotton!

I expect things to work - whether that is my cellular phone or my laptop. Things that don't work or are slow make me angry.

I used to think I was "low maintenance" - but found this gave people licence to ignore me. Make fun of me. Stomp all over me. Put me in a bad mood in order for them to feel better. Etc. RAWR.

Fabulousness here!!!!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Well, when you say someone's "high maintenance", you're either talking about their personality or their appearance. A woman can be high maintenance in the grooming sense, meaning she spends a lot of time doing stuff like styling hair, painting nails, applying makeup, and assembling outfits. A low-maintenance woman, grooming-wise, is one who rolls out of bed, throws some clothes on, pulls a comb through her hair, slaps on some chapstick, and is out the door (and, if she's like my friend who is REALLY EXACTLY JUST LIKE THAT, no kidding, then she's probably off to the ski slopes or the soccer pitch as well. It helps that she's got naturally flawless skin and dark eyelashes). People tend not to have a problem with women who are high-maintenance in the personal grooming sense. A guy might roll his eyes at how long it takes his wife to get out the damn door, but he doesn't see it as a character flaw.

When you say a woman is high maintenance and you're talking about her personality, what you mean is that she's picky and demanding. That's totally different, and not a compliment.

ETA: And in the personality sense in particular, "high maintenance" doesn't just apply to women. My husband often talks about this guy he works with who is annoyingly high-maintenance -- he actually uses that term -- and what he means is that the man is difficult and demanding with coworkers, and doesn't just get down to it and finish things.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I just asked my bf what he thinks this term means.

He said high maintenance means "nothing's ever good enough." So, picky and demanding as Elisabeth put it.

His example: a woman who wants a man who drives a new car, demands a certain lifestyle.

He doesn't think grooming has much to do with it.

My thoughts on restaurant high maintenance: it's fine, we're here to make you happy, but please be nice about it.

Anonymous

Oh MaryK, you are my new idol. Yes, I think to that word comes from the old idea that a woman should be embarrassed spending all those money / all that time on herself. She should be selfless and blissfully unaware of those womanly accouterments, but look out of the box.
I think I am high-maintenance too. I do my nails ( many pedi ) constantly ( at home, but it still takes time and money for good polishes). While my hair is shoulder grazing bob, growing it out is a hard thing. I like to go to dancing class twice a week. In summer I like to bike. When I am disciplined I do a exercise routine followed by skipping rope. I do have lots of heels. And dresses. I enjoy style. I read about fashion.
At restaurants, I am high-maintenance. As in, I read the menu twice and rather pick two entrées if i don't like any main. Or ask if they serve wine by glass if everyone else is having beer and I don't want a bottle to myself. So what?
I'm not a make-up addict ( hello, I'm 24) but i respect each woman and man's right to put as much time in his appearance, as much concern in his diet, or whatever make her/him happy. I feel happy in a dress and heels. Other girls feel happy in perfectly curled ringlets and crisp ironed clothes. It's not really my business.

Fruitful

Veteran

Agreed, Anya. Hail Mary. ^_^

Sona

Veteran

To me MaryK or Lyn or anyone else on here that's described themselves as high maintenance is not the way I see high maintenance- they are taking care of themselves. As a nutritionist once told me " your body is your frist temple/altar of worship'- treat it with the respect and reverence it deserves.
High maintenance to me is the woman who goes to the beach in her high heels,demands a sunshade be put up for her and then wants someone to feed her frozen grapes of a stick. She won't dress down in jeans for casual friday and expects a sapphire and diamond tennis bracelet or some other bauble every time an 'occasion' rolls around. And no matter that he husband and kids beg to go camping she will NEVER go.

DeniseP

Being sixty-one years old. LOL

Anonymous

To me, high maintenance involves either too much time or too much money. It's about excess. The definition would vary according to one's budget, of course. I'm sure some people think I'm high maintenance because I wear makeup and dress nicely every day. I don't spend much time or money on my appearance, but I suppose compared to someone who doesn't wear makeup or dress nicely, I do. Still, I'm low maintenance compared to someone who doesn't shop clearance sales, dyes her hair, pays for pedicures and manicures, etc. It's all relative, isn't it?

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Someone who takes too long and/or uses too many products just to be 'presentable' for their day. This person would not be able to throw together a small duffel for aspontaneous 3 day weekend in 15 minutes and hit the road. It would take an hour for them to choose and corral what they needed and that stuff would never fit in a small duffel or back pack anyway! And wherever they ended up would have to have electricity for their primping routine and appliances.

Now off to see what others have said!

Aziraphale

Veteran

I've gotta say, there's been many a time I've wished I could be lower-maintenance, grooming-wise, than I am. The sad fact is that everything becomes more work as you age. I need moisturizer every day now, and sunscreen, and I'm very careful about thoroughly cleaning my teeth. My hair's still not too much work, but my skin is vastly improved with some blush and a touch of concealer in the right places, and these lips of a certain age sure look better with lipstick. And don't get me started on keeping my feet from getting all dry and cracked!

The amount of work it takes just to be as presentable as I was when I was 20 is depressing. I sure feel high-maintenance now!