What is going on here? Obsessions and fails.

I've noticed an alarming repeat purchasing behaviour over the past year or so, and I can't figure out what is going on. Particularly with footwear!

I become obsessed with finding a certain item (this past fall - 2 pair of boots and I pair of shoes) and search and search for days/weeks until I find whatever it is. Order it, keep it, and then never/rarely wear it. My internet searches are ridiculous and with one pair boots I ended up at a small boutique in Montreal who still had stock of this certain pair of boots from last season that I HAD to have.

I find that every time I launch into one of my "must have" campaigns, I end up with something that is perfectly fine, but not the unicorn I thought I was buying.

Case in point: 1. brown Ecco boots below. In September I had to have a pair of brown boots. Could not find anything that I liked. Couldn't be suede because the season is too short for that here. Ended up with these Eccos that fit like a dream but that I have worn exactly ONCE. They were $$ and sit there starting at me.

2. Black Naturalizer Mary Janes. Same scenario : I had to have a pair . Thought they would update my work wardrobe nicely. Searched and searched. These fit beautifully, quality is great, but I honestly could care less that I have them. UGH. These admittedly may be better in spring/summer but who would have thought that of black leather shoes? Not me.

3. Black leather Miz Mooz boots. I saw them on a woman whose style I admire but is also about as far from mine as can be. I like to update boots every year and decided these would be great. Here's where I end up ordering from a Montreal boutique after a protracted online search . I have worn them twice since. They have not moved the needle in my closet, not taken the place of anything, and don't call to me when I'm getting dressed. I also find I'm not wearing boots as much anymore in the winter (inside as part of an outfit I mean) which is interesting to me.

So am I getting old and crazy and obsessive now ? I don't know what to make of this . If it was simply a matter of the search being more fun than the end result, I could see it, but that's not the case. The search is annoying !

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4 hours ago

Roberta

Veteran

I get the same fixations. Last year it was also a pair of Miz Mooz boots, of all things! I bought them on eBay, but never wore them, and they are in the Goodwill bag as we speak. Right now it is a pale pink sweater. I saw one on Pinterest with olive green pants and I feel like I have to have it. I can resist these itches, but it is hard. I think our brain likes a pattern and a goal, no matter how small or ridiculous. It is satisfying on some level to feel you are going to find the thing you want, especially when it takes some time and effort to do so. My fifty cents.

3 hours ago

slim cat

Sometimes I go through the same road of fixations - lol. I was trying to add solid colors tops/basics to balance my patterned ones - got couple solid tank tops ( one donated and one worn couple of times ) , solid almost plain tee in nice green color ( worn twice ), and so on. It just not really my style - I'm happier in printed/fun pieces even if they not always go together in a best way .

cat2

I divert a lot of that hunting and gathering energy into other things. Planning a week of meals at a time and putting the grocer order in. Sourcing what we need for the house. E.g. we need a new towel rack and I just found a great deal on eBay. Planning our next vacation. For me the dopamine reward is finding a way to get what we need without spending too much.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

These are not failures, LJP! Your wardrobe and style are giving you feedback and it's good info to ponder.

My two cents:

Your arctic weather and daily all-black sporty work uniform takes considerable time away from wearing non-gym clothing and sneakers/snow boots. In Winter especially. When you're not at the gym working, you're at home in house shoes, right?

The Mary Janes are warm weather shoes, IMO. Also, after athletic sneakers most of the week, they might feel overly flat on your feet.

Drawing from my client's experiences: Dark brown boots are a big shift from black. They might not seem like it, but they are. You're generally going to choose black over dark brown shoes unless you really commit with the rest of your wardrobe. Lighter brown shoes, OTOH - that create a higher contrast with black - have been much easier to transition into a wardrobe and remix into outfits. It's a bit counter intuitive.

The fact that you don't wear boots as much on this leg of your style journey, puts adding two new pairs under a bit of pressure!

As for the fixations - what Roberta said. We all have them!!! All been there!!!

There is drive to satisfy a need, and a great sense of accomplishment when we've reached that goal. This is an incredible feeling! We are human after all. The tricky part is identifying the right needs. That is where understanding the WHYs become extremely important:

Where does the need come from? Why do I have this need?

Is it sensible and does it serve me to follow through on that need?

Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. We can only do our best, and you are doing GREAT. Look as how amazingly and stylishly you've pulled together a work uniform despite the many constraints!! Impressive

1 hour ago

Helena

Lisa you've got great advice and the only other thing I can think to add is from my own experience, when certain items become an pervasive, like "must have" brown boots were this fall, I can get sucked into the hype. But if I wasn't reaching into my closet looking for brown boots that weren't there, that purchase is likely to be a fail for me, no matter how good the boots. On the other hand, if I was *already* looking for that item (or even was looking for a trendy boot or a dark neutrals boot, while trying to put an outfit together), and then I see items online that make me obsessed, there's a better chance it will be a good purchase. This is especially true for me in the fall when the looks are just so good and there's lots of new pieces being featured. Not sure if that makes any sense!

LJP

Well I'm really glad to know I'm not alone .

Helena - you are absolutely right in that unless you are already /reaching looking for this piece that isn't in your closet, adding it isn't going to do anything . Bingo. Why don't I know this already??

Angie - your thoughts on brown vs black are leaving me dumbstruck. I would never have realized how big a jump to brown in winter it was until now. Brown boots need brown (or plaid or other non-black neutral) outerwear , which I actually don't have . And these are winter boots which makes it even worse. I do have brown/plaid/cream etc outerwear for fall, but that's a really short season not worth investing a lot of $$ on. And a lighter shade, like a cognac or taupe, would have made more sense - but I've already gone down that path and found I don't need nor wear a shoe in those colours often. I got caught up in the brown trend and didn't even realize it. Ack. I wear brown sweaters and sweatshirts, even pants in the summer, but who needs brown boots??? This is so interesting. I wonder if I should try selling them. Same with the Miz Mooz. I don't want things in my closet that annoy me .

55 minutes ago

Angie - you’re also right about the Mary Jane’s feeling flat . Hope they get more wear this spring and summer .

51 minutes ago

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