What is "approachable" style?

Cerinda

I've been re-reading a lot of style musings on the forum, and two themes keep making me wonder.

Over time, a number of members have posted both about not wanting to stand out and not wanting to disappear. Others have used the phrase a second glance. What, if anything, does this mean to you?

And a number of conversations deal with wanting to look approachable. What is approachable style?

10 years ago

General

24 replies

Latest reply was from Cerinda

Diana

Veteran

Hm, I think I may have a somewhat different view of this than many others.

So, first off, I will say that I do dress to some extent to stand out and be memorable. This is partly to do with the fact that I am very introverted and do not have a "loud" or very charismatic personality. So I dress in part so that people will notice me. And yes it does get people to approach me, and ask me about my shoes or whatever. So it's a way to start concersations, break the ice, whatever.

But I don't think that most people find my style "approachable" in the typical sense. It's a bit weird and different and may be intimidating, I don't know. I wear stompy shoes a lot. I would guess typically approachable would be someone dressed more like the environmental norm.

I walk every day through a place that is swarming with tourists, many wanting directions or photos taken, and I rarely get approached for these things. My husband, for example, gets asked much more often. But a lot of this may be due to attitude. I usually walk fast and don't make eye contact, lol. Plus I have some mild RBF.

ETA: I'm also conscious of being a small, Asian woman. It does make me feel safer to dress or act in a less "approachable" way. Take that as you may.

10 years ago

Anonymous

I suppose it varies a lot from person to person. Approachable for me is just about anyone who doesn't look scary or off-putting in some way. It's more about the attitude and behavior than the clothes for me, I guess.

10 years ago

Anonymous

I think about clothing that gives a rebellious or scary effect - something that would make me hesitant to approach or interact with someone.

I remember once when a young man came to my door and I almost didn't answer it because he looked scary with lots of tattoos and black goth attire. The only reason I did was because my DH told me that one of his students would be stopping by the house to pick something up. Turned out that was his student,

10 years ago

Adelfa

Veteran

I started a job 2 years ago where I had to learn to look more approachable. My uniform from my previous job, trousers with a silk button-down and the occasional blazer, was too formal and stuffy for my new environment. I switched to gray or black jeans instead of gray or black trousers, worn with tops that had less structure and more drape. Cardigans instead of blazers. I also started wearing more creative jewelry. Also more color, and more blendy color schemes instead of sharply contrasting neutrals. Oh, I even grew my hair and started putting soft waves into it!

To me "approachable" is all those things--less structure, softer fabrics, less contrast, more color, with perhaps arty/boho touches.

10 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, I think approachable style is 99% el blando and 1% bright/blingy. Undemanding and unfussy in the overwhelming main, but the tiniest bit of flash to say 'I'm ok with attention. I'll talk to you.' But not so much flash as to be god's burning bush commanding worship thru the sacrifice of your best ox. Specifics vary by social setting. Here where the gentrification wars are going down, the colonizer's approachable is the native's 'Viking ships in the harbour!'

Yes. I've coined a new term: Clipboard Mugging. This is where your new poncy neighbor comes and asks you to sell your pickup and donate the proceeds towards landscaping their yard.

10 years ago

Anonymous

Erm, run that one by me again, rachylou?

10 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Read this post:

https://youlookfab.com/2011/07.....roachable-
style/

My personal take on what makes someone seem approachable is not wrapped up so much in what they wear but rather HOW they carry themselves off in their outfit. If you have a friendly demeanor, a smiley face, and your body language suggests that you are attentive and open, you will look approachable to me, no matter what you are wearing.

10 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Xtabay - I'm not kidding. This one guy wanted $80K from us for a private patrol service, basically for his family. The patrol shines spotlights on everyone else... He got suckers on Kickstarter in the end to give him the money. And these people go around starting neighborhood associations to 'build community' - overlooking the already established NAs. They get on NextDoor and report their neighbors, old timers, read 'undesirables', as 'suspicious.' Property values you know...

10 years ago

Anonymous

Well, that doesn't sound very approachable, or neighborly!

10 years ago

Anonymous

HOAs aren't ever neighborly.

10 years ago

Staysfit

Veteran

i have to agree with Angie about body language having a big effect on whether someone looks approachable. In some cases however, I think confidence can also be intimidating to some people because it can signal someone in power. In my work setting, where I am generally taller than most, confident about my skills, and in a position with power, being more approachable involves more than my smile, sense of humor, and body language. I try to dress in a way that balances my professional role but also conveys to people that I have a soft side.

I am also going to say that approachable style seems by definition to be congruent with personality. For example, my neighbor loves to wear mostly animal print, faux fur, leather, and lots of black and yet she is very easy going and approachable. If I were to wear the same type of clothing I would not look approachable at all! I think it would be the opposite. It would be off putting and harsh looking.

10 years ago

kkards

Veteran

I totally agree with Angie, that how you carry yourself is more important than what you wear.....but that being said, I know that I carry myself as reserved and closed off. That's my nature, but the thing is, that doesn't mean that I'm not a great friend or uncaring or not a people person, it just means that it take a little while to get to know me. So for me, I don't want to add another barrier to this, and so like Adelfa, I've tried to moderate what i wear so that it's "softer", less corporate.

10 years ago

Anonymous

I know I used the term "approachable" here the other day, so I'll try to explain what I meant....although I admit after thinking about it now, it's a tough one to articulate. Yes, it's definitely to do with body language and a friendly face , but also to do with not having your clothes speak louder than you do, or turn people off, or intimidate them. How does that happen? In the publishing community , there is still a bias against dressing too well. For some reason it's seen as putting your energy into non-intellectual things, and earning too much money. Bizarre, but the truth. In the other things I do, I just don't want to have what I'm wearing be the first thing people comment on - so as much as I want to dress really well, I don't go over the top with overtly logo'ed , flashy, avant-garde or crazy/artsy looks.

I guess what I'm trying poorly to articulate is that it is entirely a personal thing: that level of comfort. I tread that fine line between wanting o to look as good as I can, while respecting the rest of the people I'm with.

10 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

How you carry yourself matters, who you're willing to say good day to on the street. On the other hand, as evidenced in my neighborhood, you will be judged from afar by your clothes and your vehicle...

10 years ago

Cococat

Veteran

My husband tells me that my sharp sleek bob makes me look less approachable than when I put waves in it.

10 years ago

Anonymous

Wow, Staysfit! If confidence is intimidating, I must be downright scary. I do prefer to soften my look, so maybe that's something I unconsciously do to look approachable. I'm an outgoing person.

10 years ago

Staysfit

Veteran

Yes, in my world confidence can be intimidating in its pairing with power. In my profession, I am by default in a power position with everyone around me. I try to maintain my awareness of this role because it carries heavy responsibility, and it also requires that I work hard to ensure that the people around me receive equal respect and my full attention.

I am a natural introvert but I am also very self confident in most everything I do. The one area I had a gap in confidence has been with my wardrobe, and interestingly, I think that gap is closing with the help of the YLF forum. I am building a wardrobe that suits my lifestyle. It allows people to approach and feel secure, to open up and talk. I look less intimidating (although my personality has not really changed). I am still a decisive, powerful, competent, professional woman.

So, I agree with Angie, but I would add that there are certain situations where softening a look can supplement confidence/positive body language, and one of these is when there is a power differential between the two parties.

10 years ago

Anonymous

I have a voice that some customers think isn't friendly, so I have to "put sugar on" everything I say. It's probably because I'm in the Deep South.

10 years ago

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

I am one who has said I aspire to look approachable. And I have associated that effect with softer styles, muted colors in low-contrast patterns, etc.
Reading the post that Angie linked to, I think I agree with her that approachability probably has way more to do with my demeanor than with what I wear. But I may tend to be a little reserved, which reads as less approachable to others. I may look aloof when I am really just not super outgoing. I feel I'm not all that smiley, although in some situations I do find myself smiling a lot, so I think I may have a skewed self-perception about my appearance of approachability (i.e., more negative than is warranted, perhaps).
So, going along with Angie's analysis of approachability, I think it would be more accurate to say that I am comfortable with muted colors, softer styles, low-contrast patterns--because I feel they look good with my coloring and some of my features, they don't overwhelm my stature, they feel good to me--and when I am comfortable in my clothes, I am more confident and more approachable. I never really associated confidence with approachability, but I think Angie is really onto something there. When I'm confident, I'm more open, not putting up my guard.

10 years ago

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I prefer to look somewhat unapproachable, perhaps strengthened by living in a very friendly culture. I find eye contact, and clothing wise a hat, seems to invite approach. I won't give up my hats but I rarely meet anyone's eyes :-).

10 years ago

milehighstyle (Linda)

Veteran

Like Shevia, I find that people talk to me far more often when I'm wearing a hat than when I'm not. I've wondered about that before - is my hair intimidating? I guess I could have a different attitude when I'm wearing a hat, more comfortable with the world because it gives me some cover?

10 years ago

Ginger

Veteran

At least for me, I find that people really like hats. (Assuming you're not talking a plain beanie or ordinary ball cap.) I wore a white straw wide-brim fedora a lot in the summer, and I got a lot of quick "likes" in person. When I'm doing vintage, the hat is what people are most likely to comment on. I think people are drawn to hats because of the cool factor. But since mainstream fashion abandoned them about 50 years ago, a lot of people are hesitant and unsure how to use them. They like it when others wear them.

10 years ago

Anonymous

I've noticed the hat effect also. They do seem to attract people, but in a good way. They seem to impart an aura of friendliness and general good humor, no matter the style, and make you stand out in a crowd. It makes me understand why kings and queens wear crowns as part of their regalia.

10 years ago

Cerinda

Veteran

So maybe hats = quirky? What about glasses?

10 years ago

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