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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

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catgirl

Veteran

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General

43 replies

Latest reply was from RandomThoughts (Andrea)

MsMary

Veteran

Huh. I actually think I the way I dress pretty much reflects who I am: A prosperous Pasadena matron who takes pride in her appearance and is confident, fun and friendly. The part you might miss is the whole high-powered-career thing (or not -- I think I dress professionally but YMMV on that point). But that's okay -- that part is kind of on a need-to-know basis! LOL

crazyone

Veteran

AG: the son's nanny thing is sad I'm also Indian, but I don't feel like I face so many of the assumptions that you do, but perhaps I am actually quieter/meeker than you are In general people have made mostly positive or jokey, but in a positive way, comments since I've started dressing up more. I sometimes wonder if they think I'm not "serious" enough because I dress up so much--today I swirled into lab wearing my silk midi skirt, for example.

Kate

Veteran

People often think that I'm younger than I am and that I'm more sweet/innocent/naive than I am. I've found that this tends to be more a result of my face (especially my smile) and height than what I wear or how I present myself. Luckily, I get a kick out of surprising people, so it's not that bad (except when my sister's best friend's grandma goes on and on about how I look like I'm 14, not 24).

Thanks to my build (or at least having broad shoulders compared to the rest of my body) I've had people think that I was more athletic than I am. Just a week ago a sales associate at Ann Taylor asked me if I'm a swimmer.

That's all that I can think of for now (at least that have been true in the past couple years, and actually all of these have been consistent for about the last 10 years). I'll add more if I think of them.

rute

Veteran

people often wrongly assume I:

- I'm not nice because I don't talk much!
- I'm a lot younger (love this one)!

Anonymous

people wrongly assume:
-i'm a sweet girly girl because I ofter wear dresses or skirts ( my nature is rather sarcastic / dry humor than sweet, but hey, maybe they see a better me!)
-i'm younger ( now at 23 it's kinda annoying, especially if I want to buy liquor)
-i'm very driven ( and I am the laziest person in the world. it's only the ambition and the ability to skip several nights'sleeps that pushed me through college)

Lavinia

I'm in the same boat as Kate: people think I'm 16 and young/innocent/naive etc.

Queen Mum

Veteran

A friend recently told me that she used to think I wouldn't want to be her friend because she always thought I had a perfect life, perfect marriage, etc because (her words) "You always look so cute and put together."
This made me a little sad because it made me wonder if I seem unapproachable. I do think there is more contributing to that than just how I dress.. I tend to be on the reserved side, so it is hard for me to approach people who I don't know well. you know.... when you're in the grocery store and you see someone who you met at such and such... for some reason I'm hesitant to approach them because I'm afraid maybe that they don't remember me, or don't want to be bothered by me. So yes, I can see how I put across a bit of unfriendliness at times. I"m working on that though....

marianna

Veteran

Like Rute, people sometimes assume I am not friendly or that I am stuck-up because I am not very talkative or outgoing.

I can't think of anything else, really. A few days ago a non-English speaking couple ran up to me at the mall and asked me if I speak Dutch... they needed help finding something, but sadly I couldn't help. I think my fair complexion lead them to assume I might speak Dutch!

Lisa

Veteran

people wrongly assume:
-I'm younger than I am, not only do I still get carded purchasing a bottle of wine (in my 30s already, geez) but I've had disagreements with people because I am married (apparently I look too young to be married). Funny thing is, when I wear make-up there's less issues. The days I go make-up free start all the problems with my age.

-I'm a mixture but my complexion does look Polish and I have had people come up to me speaking the language, which I do not know.

-I have one tattoo which really suprises people, I never realized there was a "tattoo type" and I've had mine for ~15 years already, still a shocker to some.

-That I'm a "hard" woman, I have a huge heart but am slow to open up and my natural "face" apparently is a scowl. I've lost rack of the times I've heard from complete strangers "why don't you just smile once in a while."

nancylee

Veteran

Same as Kate: that I'm "sweeter" and younger than I really am. The sweeter part gets annoying....but I'm going to be 50 in September so I'm ok with the looking younger part!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

This was an interesting read.

Una, are you sure that people think that of you? Perhaps it was just an isolated comment in passing. It's awful when judgments are inaccurate and we perceive them as negative. As long as the most important people in your life judge you correctly - that's all that really matters. I'm all for self-improvement, but you also can't be something that you are not.

I think that this thread is a great lesson for me to remember that inaccurate negative judgments can be hurtful. But I bet everyone enjoys an inaccurate judgment when it's perceived as positive!

Beth

Veteran

I think people assume that I'm more ladylike than I am and I don't like to get dirty. In fact, I love to get grubby and I have a highly irreverent and off-color sense of humor.

Di

(website)

Veteran

I think people assume that I won't be as quiet or serious as I sometimes am.

I wonder how much of this stems from a general difficulty in perceiving that people can be lots of different things at the same time?

Aziraphale

Veteran

I think people assume that because I'm little and cute, I am also sweet. I'm not. I'm willful and forthright, and I've got the sense of humour of a fourteen-year-old boy.

Back when I used to teach science, people would often ask if I taught kindergarten (what? I'm useless -- totally flustered and irritable -- with groups of small children, although I quite like them one-on-one), and when I said no, I teach high school, they would almost invariably assume I was either an English teacher or an art teacher.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I had to argue my ethnicity last year to some guys in the bar visiting from Boston. They swore I had to be Jewish. I explained I am no religion, but whatever - they had their ideas and I wasn't going to convince them.
I also sometimes think others perceive me as daintier than I am. But I am the gal who swims across the lake rather than bathes in the sun on the shore.
Strangers may also assume I'm not as smart as I am. Always an honor student, but never fit in that crowd. I suppose many assume waitresses to be doing that work because they're not smart enough to do other things. Several of my coworkers are actually teachers with college degrees that make more money in the restaurant than teaching at the high school, sadly.
Anyway, outside of work I think most people see me as an average gal going about her day . . .

Charmian

Veteran

I'm soft-spoken and "nice", and I'm a programmer. Because of this, I am mistaken for non-technical or "lesser-technical" roles (eg, a technical writer, a product manager, etc.)

Sometimes, I deliberately dress down in the hopes that strangers will trust my technical chops more. Yesterday, I wore torn jeans and a graphic tee to work (my company's dress code is "clothed"), but the sloppiness of the jeans drove me crazy. I'm not sure what to do here.

catgirl

Veteran

Angie, which comment were you referring to?

I love how you are always able to take away a new positive approach to everything!

Diana

Veteran

I worry that people will think I am not a serious scientist because of the way I dress.
I think that people might also assume that I am high-maintenance and ladylike.

And, not fashion related, but people who don't know me well definitely often think I am stuck up and aloof, when in reality I am really shy and don't like to make small talk!

Astrid

Veteran

Like with Kate, people often guess I'm younger than I really am. I always get controlled twice if we go out and they are often surprised to see I'm already 21 (for those that don't know, in Germany you are of age with 18). And I get adressed informally all the time! It's easy in English with the universal "you", but it's not so easy with our "Du" and "Sie". I was at the eye specialist yesterday (I got the prescription for new specs, btw) and she knew my year of birth because she had my personal information. And she said "Du" all the same, then she noticed it and changed to "Sie" and told my she was sorry, but I would look SO young.
And I was always thought to be bookish and boring in school, because I always had a book with me and was rather quiet. When we finished school we celebrated and I know many people that didn't know me well were surprised I would dance and drink beer and stuff.

Kate

Veteran

Lisa, people are shocked by my tattoo too. But it seems to be acquaintances and people who know me (but not really well) who think of me as super rational/logical and always planning and thinking ahead. Their notion is often that people with tattoos are more free-spirited, leap before you look types. So far as I know, strangers don't make many assumptions about whether I have ink (at least nobody has ever said anything to me about it), but people who think that they know me are a different story.

In general, I think that acquaintances' assumptions have larger implications than strangers' assumptions. They tend to be based on some kind of observation or limited information, and can be difficult to change, even when they see evidence that challenges their assumptions.

Jonesy

Veteran

I'm not sure...no one ever shares their incorrect assumptions with me :)! Well, here's one: Sometimes other (usually older, and male) academics think I'm a student when I'm at conferences, but I can quickly challenge that perception. And as I get more gray in my hair I'm sure that will change...

Heather

Veteran

What an interesting thread!

It is like three truths and a lie (maybe more).

It makes me sad that dressing nicely equates to unintelligence for some people/some professions. You ladies need to prove them wrong!

Anonymous

@ Charmian
I SO GET YOU. I am programmer too ( even though I switched to Databases/BI from micro-controllers and embedded C) and I used to get the you're not wearing the programmer uniform* a lot . ( *Programmer uniform=T-shirt and Jeans and Sneakers ).
My advice : own who you are. Maybe I am high maintenance and girl y, that doesn't make me less technical or less smart.
Can I put an anecdote here?
I was in a special study group for physics in high school. There were 3 boys a very misogynistic teacher and me. One day I was a bit late: And the teacher told me ( much to the amusement of the boys) "Are you late because you had to do you mani?" . I said no and we took a test. I finished first, I had an intensive week-end , I was confident and told the teacher: "Can I braid my hair while you boys finish these?"
Well, I was never teased for being girl y again.

Kate

Veteran

Anya, that's amazing, GO YOU!

I also find it fascinating that people assume that just because someone looks put together that they're high maintenance and spent a long time getting ready.

Marley

Veteran

Well, there a few wrong assumptions that people make about me - and they are usually positive, so I kind of like them!

Here's a few:
* that I am an artisit
* that I am a movie star or someone famous?
* that I am an interior designer
* that I am younger than what I am

Things people are surprised about:
* that I LOVE all sports and can talk circles around most guys when it comes to football and basektball
* that I was for years a high-powered exec in a difficult challenging business
* that I am a "Cat Lady" (think cat socks and tee-shirts, dangly cat earrings, cat purses and pins, etc. etc.)

catgirl

Veteran

Angie, all of these things have been said to me, either by people who later became friends and told me their preconceptions (like "I had no idea you would be so irreverent") or by complete strangers. People have asked me how much I get paid for watching my son (to which my answer is "Not enough!").

rachylou

Veteran

mmm...

...younger (must be the shoes)
...an artist (must be the shoes)
...Filipina, Central Asian
...easy going and progressive
...i'm a talker

MsMary

Veteran

All I know is, after my nip/tuck tomorrow, people BETTER think I'm younger! ROFL

rachylou

Veteran

Charmian - that is so true about "technical credibility" and clothes. It's like no one is gonna let you near so much as a digital camera unless your clothes are worn and faded... and maybe even exactly the same day in and day out. "5 olive green polos and 5 well-washed Levis."

I am at this moment trying out "dull colors and patterns." Have blown it by wearing yellow shoes...

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