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what guys desire?

sheena

Member

Hello everyone.
I am 5'9, weigh 145 pounds and my measurements are 37-28-39.
I am flooded with compliments by people around. I hit the gym everyday n don't have much fat.
Personally i feel i shall look better with 5 pounds less. But i am not sure as i was never of that size.Please advice.

Body Type

25 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

ManidipaM

Veteran

I'm not sure whether you're asking one question or two, and if the latter, which is more important.

If you're wondering whether guys will find you more attractive at 5lbs less, then the ones to ask would be those guys that you desire would, uh, desire you.

If you're wondering whether you should lose some weight because you will look better to yourself, that is a question no one else can answer because it is purely about your *own* idea of what looks best.

On the whole, not sure any of us can second-guess a stranger's idea of the desirable! Even with people we've known a bit through the forum, I don't think we always understand each other's desires (style requirements) *perfectly*, and even enough understanding to advise comes with time and watching to learn their attitudes. So really, only you can perhaps answer this question/these questions at this point.

That said, if most people around you compliment you often, I daresay most people here aren't that different from them to say otherwise...if we could see you that is!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Hi sheena, and welcome!

It sounds as if you are quite attractive, and people are telling you that regularly, yet you seem to question it. The title of your post makes me wonder if your motives for losing weight are to attract a guy, or to feel better about yourself. You are obviously at a healthy weight, so that doesn't seem to be an issue.

I can relate to feeling like another five pounds would make a difference in feeling a bit more attractive (I'm working on losing another 5-10 after losing about 10-15 last year) but I'm doing this not only for vanity's sake (I've been at that weight before and think I look best there), but also for health reasons as I'm approaching my menopausal years and it can be harder to keep weight off then. As for attracting guys, well, my husband has loved me at 135 lbs and 155 lbs, so he's proof that the right guy doesn't care what you weigh.

That said, this forum is full of beautiful women of all ages, shapes, and sizes, and we are all exploring our personal styles, helping each other dress the bodies we have, and encouraging each other to embrace our individual shapes. We even have an occasional "healthy habits" check-in for those of us who are trying to eat well and exercise. I have to say that my body confidence has increased a great deal since I found YLF. I hope you stick around and participate in the style forums!

Louise

Veteran

I think you ultimately have to be happy in your own skin and only make changes if they make you happy not because someone else wants you to change any guy who only likes you because you're 5lbs lighter quite frankly isn't worth your time! X

rachylou

Veteran

Men like more fat on women than women like on women. Evolution and fertility and all that. You seem pretty slim, according to your measurements.

By way of comparison, I'm 5' 4" and 135 lbs. As a diabetic, I will tell you that at 120-125, my doctor would start the look out for my becoming get-to-the-hospital thin. So I try not to drop below 130. I have a larger waist than you tho, so I think your 145 is pretty good.

Footnote: When I was 155 lbs, I got the most dates and proposals ever. No seriously! Men don't like skinny women; skinny doesn't say *fertile.* If you meet a man who does, watch out. Ever seen the movie *Secretary*?

sheena

Member

Thank you all for your considerate replies.

Actually, since last year i am interested more in fitness and i have lost 22 lbs. Naturally i am elated and just need to know whether my weight and measurements are right or should i lose more.

Personally i think i need to loose more but my friends say just the same as rachylou that guys prefer some fat on bones. So i am confused whether to stop here or to continue losing some weight and whether my measurements are fine for my height.

Lyn D.

Veteran

Your own body knows what is 'best' for it!
If you are always feeling hungry but are denying it you are probably too thin, and sooner or later you will put on weight if you stop your current eating plan.
I would just continue working on your fitness and not worry about what the scales (or other people) say.

sheena

Member

Thanks Lyn D.

I am not starving myself but i eat quite healthy. Yes i am watchful and avoid junk food.I do 1 to 1 1/2 hr. exercise daily which includes cardio, weight training, aerobics, yoga etc.on different days. I am losing weight through this routine only. I plan to stick to fitness through out my life now.

I am eating my normal diet but still losing.

You are right, one should continue with the fitness routine.

sheena

Member

Dears i thought to share my photo,

http://s1250.photobucket.com/a...../sheenate/

anne

Veteran

No wonder you get many compliments - you look great. I wouldn't worry about the extra 5 pounds - just keep on being healthy.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

My personal philosophy is that the scale is a flawed tool. For one thing, muscle weighs more than fat, so if you are working out and developing muscle mass, your 145 lbs may be more healthy and slim than someone at your height and weight who does not exercise. Pay attention to how you feel. It sounds like you have made healthy changes in your life and that is the most important thing. Five pounds will not change your life, nor will it change who finds you attractive, I promise. Keep up the good work and don't fret about the numbers.

ironkurtin

Veteran

I can't help but wonder why you're considering changing your body based on what men like? Surely they will like you first for wonderful you. If a man won't look at you because of 10 pounds, he's not worth attracting in the first place!

Joni

You look great - I am super jealous! I wouldn't go any thinner personally - you look about perfect.

rachylou

Veteran

Ok, seeing your pics and believing you are not Asian, I wouldn't drop the extra 5 lbs. I mean, skinny doesn't say fertile because skinny is *not* fertile, not robust enough. Also, 5 lbs is not much. I mean weight can vary a surprising amount over just the course of a day, week, month without essentially changing on average. I can gain 5 lbs by eating a fast food breakfast 3 days and lose it just as quick.

My doc says if you eat balanced, are active, etc. - your weight should fall to a natural, desirable equilibrium point.

ManidipaM

Veteran

I think you look perfect as you are. If you want to lose a few more lbs for reasons of health, and that's within a healthy weight range for your height, go ahead and see if you like that lighter feeling better --- I wouldn't bother for *looks* alone, which according to me is the wrong reason to worry about weight in the first place. Adding 'what boys think' only adds an extra level of 'issues' to the equation.

Healthwise, though, don't be surprised if you find you actually feel better, more energetic and fitter at the *higher* weight (your current one) --- very few people actually belong naturally on the lowest end of the healthy range, most people being happiest near the middle and some even at the higher end!

ironkurtin

Veteran

Rachylou, would being Asian make a difference? I never heard that about weight before.

rachylou

Veteran

Ya, being Asian makes a difference. Like even tho I'm mixed-race, those Asian genes do me in. The docs want you a lot leaner for your health.

But I should note: Asian seems to be changing meaning. By Asian, I mean 'oriental' and thereabouts - Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai. Not for example, Indian or Persian or Pacific Islander.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Actually, medically speaking (even if I don't entirely agree --- I think there are factors other than weight per se to consider here) Indians are also asked to aim at the lower end of the scale because we're genetically much more prone to Metabolic Syndrome.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, that's interesting Mandipa!

What was that show, Journey of Man? Maybe everyone on that 'first' wave, southern route of migration... up from Africa to Southern India, Southern China...

I think leanness as opposed to weight is probably a better indicator. Also where you carry your fat matters too.

Anyways, I prefer to have a little extra in case of sickness (no matter what my doc says). When I became diabetic (and thus was starving to death), ribcage became visible incredibly quickly. I can see going into organ failure before getting in to see a doctor would not be that hard.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Yikes, Rachy! You keep your padding, woman!

Yeah, the point of Indians being prone to MB has to do with the ease with which we develop apple-y bellies... and then insulin resistance... and then... well, it's all downhill from there! I rather suspect a better diet and exercise should *still* be mitigating factors, though, given a higher than 'doctor-endorsed desirable' weight.

sheena

Member

Dear all,

I really wonder why i did not get to this site before..oh my its amazing the ladies we have here.

Thanks to all for the compliments and advice.I sincerely feel that all lovely ladies here are very confident and knowledgeable and i am quite lucky to have them to share my feelings with ;-)).

Joni, anne u make me feel so good.

Ironkutin i love your attitude.

Rachylou and Manidipam, I am indian.

Manidipam, you are right we are prone to weight gain and fear about falling back to square one. I am conscious because of the same reasons.

Janet, u r right, I shall continue with my healthy diet and exercises.

Ladies can you guess my age and i would like you to help me to know my body type too.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Um, actually I was NOT saying that Indians are especially prone to weight gain; but that they are prone to certain diseases and *when* they put on weight, *most* genetic groups of Indians tend to add more around the belly than elsewhere, which can cause extra health issues.

As for your age, I'm no good at that game. But as for your body type, I'd say a slender hourglass.

Vicki

(website)

Veteran

Just chiming in, sheena, to say that you look great and very healthy, too! That's a pretty dynamic fitness program you're on, but you're young, it seems. I think your body weight depends on what YOU desire and it must also include you feeling healthy, strong and energetic. Losing too much weight is not healthy just as carrying too much weight. Living in Southern California, with fairly good weather all year round, it does seem like the women and men are on the leaner side. Seeing your photo shows a really nice and balance figure. I think you're doing a great job and simple maintenance is all that is required.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Sheena, I wouldn't worry about attracting a guy. You are perfectly normal and healthy. You should only worry about pleasing yourself! Being hyper-worried about how guys see you will only attract the WRONG type of guy!

Echo

Veteran

rachylou and ManidipaM are right, different ethnic groups are more prone to certain health conditions and certain ethnic groups are more prone to carrying more fat or muscle at the same number on the scale, so recommendations can sometimes be different. While this isn't based on ethnicity, my father had Type II Diabetes even though he wasn't overweight, which puts me at a higher risk and makes it that much more important that I stay active and at a healthy weight (working on it!).

sheena, you look fantastic, and you need to have your weight where YOU feel most comfortable. A man who wouldn't be interested in you because of 5 lbs one way or the other is NOT worth your time or interest. A lot of things happen over the course of a long term relationship, and weight gain is sometimes the least of someone's concerns. If someone cannot love you for WHO you are as opposed to WHAT you look like or what size you wear, they cannot be depended on in the long run. That's not to say that health doesn't matter; it does. But you need to be healthy and comfortable for yourself before you cinsider anyone else.

As for judging age, I find that impossible to do without seeing a face. I've been shocked more than once when a person turned around and they were much older or younger than I would have guessed before seeing their face!

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, you've made me think of something, Echo... need a pic of the hands too to guess age (!)... but I will pick 22 out of the hat!

I think, Sheena, you are a "pear" shape, with your "visual weight" being a little lower than the hips (in silhouette).