What do you wear when entertaining at home... - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

What do you wear when entertaining at home...

Laurie

Veteran

I entertain frequently. I used to throw large parties which everyone loved bu that left me utterly exhausted. We now entertain on a much smaller level, mainly dinners at home with 2-4 guests at a time. Everyone loves to come to these dinners, too. I make a lot of effort so that when people come in the house looks nice, the music is on, the food is good, and the wine is plentiful. And my husband and I also look nice for our company. Because..company!

I'm always running late right before everyone arrives, so not a lot of time goes into my outfit. I wish I'd snapped a photo of what I had on last weekend, simple but pretty - just ponte split hem black pants from Rack, an asymmetrical sleeveless tunic and a pair of slingback heels (Ok, I just had to go collect them. Paul Green, gold...so so pretty and comfy!) No jewelry. Shower and make up.

Both of my female guests were literally and vocally upset that I was "so dressed up". One came in jeans and sneakers, which is her signature style. My other friend has rather given up on her appearance over the years. She looked fine, just a regular outfit that she would wear to work. There was no dress code for the evening. If I had gone to dinner at one of their houses on Saturday night, I would have probably worn the exact same outfit I picked. And they've been here many times before, so my style is not a surprise to them!

They made me feel a little bad. Like, guilty. And I feel really bad that these women are feeling too insecure to either own and rock what they've chosen to wear, or how they've chosen to look. I have recommended YLF to both of them over time, and know they could both really benefit from our healthy community.

BTW my jeans-wearing friend is the one who is benefiting from my fit problems. She's just *that* much smaller than I am, so she got those Wit and Wisdom chinos recently! And she's inherited lots of other nice YLF-inspired hand me downs, which she appreciates because she hates to shop.

Would it be advisable to tell people what I'll be wearing when I invite them over? It's not exactly black-tie!

Paul Green Slingback Pump

View Info

Top Pick

1

Vince Camuto Crepe Ponte Split Hem Pants

View Info

Top Pick

1

General

29 replies

Latest reply was from anchie

JAileen

Veteran

Your outfit sounds perfect. I would probably tell people what I was generally planning to wear, just so they felt comfortable, but not as a mandate on what I expected them to wear.

Gail

Veteran

What JAileen said .
Wear what you like, it's your home and your party.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh gosh, that’s sorta an interesting question in this day and age. I don’t suppose there’s an unspoken standard in my world. And with those not quite from my world, there’d be a few words exchanged. But I like to talk clothes...

Gretchen

Veteran

We just hosted an open house last week and I wore a Boden denim shirt dress and keds. I was super comfortable but overdressed compared to friends who showed in jeans/shorts and woven tops.

My take: Your home, wear what makes you feel comfortable. But also, you can set expectations based on the invitation - is it an open house? A soirée? A dinner party? Maybe you can give more guidance through your invite?

Anonymous

You sound just like me With very similar entertaining styles . You know , it really bugs me when someone tries to make themselves feel better about not dressing up by making remarks about how dressed up I am . I think it shows respect for the effort you have made to dress nicely for an evening out . And no , you shouldn’t have to announce what you’re wearing ahead of time . They know you by know , surely ? Just continue being you

Runcarla

Veteran

We usually host something monthly. They are casual get togethers, but I eschew jeans and sneakers on those occaisions. Usually I do a black pant, pointy toe flats, and a fancy top, or simpler top with a scarf. Our social set is mostly in their 60's and I don't see a lot of jeans, nor has anyone apologized (or needed to) for their appearance.

If I get an invite of any kind these days, I enquire about the dress code, and err on the side of being more dressy, rather than less.

FWIW, I like to send a 'thank you' note to the host/hostess afterwards.

Also, I was pleasantly surprised recently when my 20 something DS's hosted a games night at our house (DH and I were going to go out for dinner) and one of the 'kids' brought a bouquet for me as a thank you for the use of the house! Some young'uns are being raised right!

taylor

Veteran

Hold your head high and carry on !
Dressing and entertaining the way you are most comfortable and happy and you may just raise the bar:)
I receive similar comments ....” oh, everything so fancy “.
Well....ya, of course .

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I always want to dress up a little if I am the hostess. Luckily if it is our best friends coming my bestie totally shares my love of fashion. We have been friends for 24 years and I have noticed we are beginning to dress down a bit more if just the 4 of us meeting at one of the homes-not like we don’t know all our styles. We still dress up more for restaurants. For hosting a party, which we are doing less and less, I would put effort into my outfit, even although like you I may end up in a slight rush!
I agree with Lisap- they are being all about them rather than about you. Keep being you!
I personally also feel they would be showing you more respect if they put in a bit of effort.

April

Veteran

I will let guests know what kind of attire would be best if it's an event where they wouldn't know.

For example, we hosted a large Passover seder this year, with numerous guests who'd never been to one before. Because Christian holidays are often "Sunday best" affairs, I made sure everyone knew that the most important thing at Passover is to wear "eating clothes."

Otherwise, I only mention it if someone asks.

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

Your outfit seems perfect for entertaining- low key, practical but pretty. I often attend events in homes where shoes are taken off at the door, and though I totally get it from a cleanliness point of view, it disappoints me to remove the shoes from the outfit! Your gold heels really make your outfit special.

One year we hosted a new year lunch and one of the ladies (hubby’s colleague) showed up in gym shorts and tee. I felt offended! Gym shorts! Of course I had busted out the silver and the good china...

Lucy

Veteran

I agree that your outfit sounds perfect! I think that their comments say more about your friends than about you! I have people over a fair bit, and usually go the smart casual route - that's what I'd also expect going to someone else's home. I'd only want to know a dress code if it was more posh than that or required a costume!
In a way, I think you should just do you, and enjoy your lovely clothes and shoes.

Anonymous

Ditto Lisa P and Jenni NZ! You shouldn't feel bad for wearing what you like-not feel obligated to dress down to suit others.

Lesley

Veteran

I love to dress up when entertaining, even if I'm a little more dressed than my guests—it puts me in a jovial mood, a la Auntie Mame, and I feel like I can wear stuff that sometimes the weather would not permit if I were stepping outside. My friends generally appreciate my style, or at least they say so, which I think is what friends should do (or say nothing)! I know it's not possible for everyone to relish good style, because of disinterest, or shifting priorities, or just generally going through a tough time, but don't ever let what they say make you feel like you did something wrong. As Sammy Davis Jr put it, "I've gotta be me."

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Your home - your rules, Laurie. Full stop. Your outfit was perfect. Your friends should know how you dress!

I entertain a lot too. I'm always dressed up - but comfy because I don't sit still and need to host. Shoes on. We don't ask guests to take off shoes downstairs. People expect me to be dressy - my line of work! - and dress up. Our dinner parties are far from casual. They are elegantly seated with many courses. You'd feel off if you didn't dress up

cjh

(website)

Veteran

To the question what I wear when entertaining at home, I do wear something dressier than my day to day look. According to old etiquette that I learned, the hostess has the prerogative to out-dressy the guests. That being said, if an honored guest is present, the hostess should not outshine said guest; and we remember that good manners is often just about not making someone else uncomfortable.

Another thing I consider even entertaining at home, learned from my mom and some disastrous and regrettable outfit choices as a high schooler (tatty cutoffs, rubber flip-flops and baggy peasant blouse to a barbecue in the country club neighborhood even though she offered to iron my favorite, pretty cotton culottes and matching top), is that you’re always happier being a bit more dressed up than you think is necessary. That means wearing jeans with flats instead of tennis shoes, choosing a blouse instead of knit tee, adding a piece of statement or classy jewelry, or making an interesting color combo with cool accessories.

If having guests for dinner today, I would wear black jeans, patent loafers, a sleeveless print popover blouse, and probably a 3/4-sleeve cardigan, along with interesting jewelry and refreshed bright lipstick. Your outfit sounds perfect... don’t change your style.

The Cat

Veteran

What lisa p and Lucy said.

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

agreeing with other Lisa

Sal

Veteran

I like what you chose to wear - simple refined elegant and easy.

I think your friends were possibly embarrassed - and I agree with the sentiments above - you can choose what you want to wear in your own home.

In summer I typically wear a dress with flat shoes, maybe light pants and a dressy top. Entertaining is usually outside on our deck.

In winter/autumn/spring it might be an indoor meal and I might wear jeans and a nice top, or a dress, or pants, blouse etc.. I do usually change from my day look, add jewelry and more makeup. I don't wear high heels but might wear low heels.

karen13

Veteran

How lovely that you entertain, and it sounds like your outfit was perfect! I live in a very casual sporty mountain town and very few here dress up even to smart casual levels. I'm often at the high end of dressiness, even in jeans and sneakers!

I recently spent a few nights in Las Vegas and DH and I found we had not brought quite a dressy enough capsule for the events we chose to do (it was the beginning of a National Park Great Circle road trip, so mostly gear oriented). We were never the worst dressed at the restaurant or show, but we would have liked to up our game a little.

I think you are right that they felt insecure, but they should not have made that your problem. The only appropriate thing for them say is "You look lovely". And they should be comfortable enough in their clothing choice to wear it to a nice dinner with friends. Hopefully next time they will wear clothes they enjoy that don't make them self conscious, but, again, not your problem.

Helena

Veteran

Nodding with Lisa ... fwiw, I have a group of friends that get together often ... our get togethers are casual since we all are busy with kid activities, etc., but we'll often use it as an excuse to dress up! Sometimes, one of us is super-casual while another has gone red-lips-and-heels dressy and you know what - no one cares! We appreciate each other and make each other feel comfortable with our choices.

That said, if I'm not sure then I, as the guest, will ask what level of dress the hostess is going with. I think the only reason the host should have to say what they are wearing is if there is a specific theme or level of dress that is an important part of the evening - in which case that just makes sense. But if you as the hostess is easy about it, then they shouldn't really have an issue.

Anonymous

If I was invited to dinner and I thought it was a casual affair, I would have been mortified when I showed up and saw the hostess had dressed up. I would have said something to the hostess out of sheer embarrassment.

Is that making it the hostesses problem? I don’t know. I sure would be uncomfortable.

When I was traveling I was the most casually dressed person present, but the people I was with were so charming and reassuring that I felt good about myself. My casual ensemble was quickly forgotten and I just enjoyed the company.

Liesbeth

Veteran

I agree with everyone here. I don’t ‘entertain’ at the moment, our young family just occasionally has friends and family over for a barbecue or a fun evening with casual supper included. Before baby I did on occasion invite people over for a really nice dinner and would dress up kind of like you. Guests would do so too instinctively (except for the men - my husband being a prime example of always in jeans and tee). Now I don’t have the energy for more than said casual hosting and I make it a point to tell people not to expect anyrhing fancy. That includes my outfit :).

The Cat

Veteran

I find it interesting that so many view wearing a simple pants outfit as being "dressed up." But I guess this will depend on what these persons normally wear. If their daily "uniform" consists of jeans, sneakers, and the like, they might feel that wearing nice pants and smart footwear amounts to being "dressed up." For me and many others who wear skirts and dresses most of the time, wearing a simple pants outfit actually means that we have "dressed down."

Laurie

Veteran

I would love to invite each one of you over for a lovely but casual dinner at my house! Thanks for all of the support.

Alicewonderland

Veteran

Definitely wear what you like!

Sometimes, when going out with friends, I WILL playfully suggest dressing up a little . “Let’s get afternoon tea and get dressed up a bit”.

Sometimes people just get into phases of their lives where they just don’t think of their appearance at all, and seeing someone who puts in the effort makes them realize what happened.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

We entertain frequently and part of the fun is dressing up a bit - at least for me! Our usual guests know what to expect, but we have friends who wouldn't dream of coming in anything but jeans and it is fine also. I think your friends were expressing their own self consciousness and you should absolutely continue what you are doing, as said by Lisa and many others above.

Mainelady

Veteran

Your events sound lovely and your attire spot on. You are the hostess and should wear exactly what you wish. If others arrive and feel underdressed, that is their discomfort. It really shouldn’t be nudged over to you. I am sorry that happened to you. Perhaps your friends felt awkward, but to comment that YOU were too dressed up shows a lack of manners and appreciation. Be you. Nobody does it better!
We host large events from time to time and smaller events pretty often. We have become more casual over the years, as many of the attendees are now children and sometimes dogs, too. When the weather allows, we often spill outdoors to the screened porch and back terrace. Sunsets are pretty special views from that side of the house.
Even though more casual, we do still “dress” when getting together. I will often slip on a pair of slacks....or dressy jeans and choose a fancier blouse or sweater. Nice sassy shoes and jewelry finish the look and still allow me to entertain with a bit of flair.
If anyone enquires about attire we let them know what we will be wearing and suggest they wear what makes them feel most comfortable.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

I love the opportunity to dress up for something that isn't work, and will grab the opportunity.

I agree with others that you should dress as you want and not worry about others. If they were concerned, they should have asked!

I'm lucky (sort of) in that my DH's definition of dressing up is wearing something less than 10 years old. So he balances me no matter what

anchie

Veteran

I think your friends felt inappropriately dressed but they should not push the blame on you.
We entertain only small circle of close friends (5 families including us) and it is always very relaxed and casual since we know each other for 20+ years. Everyone dresses however they feel like it. Sometimes they come straight from biking or hiking still in their gear, and sometimes they use opportunity to debut a new fancy outfit - it is all good. We always remove shoes indoor so that also makes outfits less dressy. We have the next gathering on Sunday but not at our house. I will pay more attention how everyone is dressed.