I grew up in Houston….and love Austin! (especially in March….)

LOL, IK- just backed up to your reply.

You are a good sport. The episode at Half Price Books would have probably made me feign my death to get out of the writing gig.

Oh man, looking for erotica in B&M stores, that is old-skool.

If this is a commission, the likelihood is that the commissioner has something they can point you to as to example works in the genre they are looking for. A lot of writing in this category seems to be online now though, as you probably know, either self-published, or m/m, urban fantasy, traditional romance, you name it, lots of specialized presses that sell ebooks primarily. A lot of the biggest writers also started out writing online fanfiction.

Rabbit - yes. I signed a NDA, but this is subgenre sexual fantasy. I'm going to be tapping my inner fanfictioness...

Sounds like an interesting assignment! I agree that it's not what you wear, it's how your present yourself. As you know, everyone has different ideas of what is "hot," so even a so-called bland nondescript outfit might attract a certain type of person. Definitely plan your responses and also what persona you will be that night. I don't know you, so I can't say whether being yourself is the presentation you want/need.

Hmmm, I went eons ago to a Bondage a Go Go night south of Market in SF with a girlfriend and a mutual gay acquaintance. It was interesting. I had no issues, but my very attractive friend got rufied and I had to carry her out for her safety. A guy had her halfway thrown over his shoulder when I tapped him on the back and ordered he put her down. BE CAREFUL with your beverage.
The goings on on the stage was anything and everything you could imagine. Eating dog food while self stimulating and saying 'ruff ruff!' every few bites was one that sticks in my mind. Anyway, as I recall, we wore regular going out clothes - jeans and a bodycon top (it was the 90's after all!). I agree your actions more than your clothes will tell people how to treat you.

CCiele - me either. I mean, I'm married and I have a kid so obviously SOMEONE thought I was hot once. I plan to be pleasant, but not encouraging... a friend suggested "Thanks, I'm just checking the place out tonight. Taking it slow."

Mo - Dog food? Guess there's a lid for every pot.

This place is BYOB, so if I keep a bottle of water in my bag I should be OK. (I don't drink. Obviously I am so perfect for this assignment.) Pretty sure no one is going to bother to rufi my 44-year-old butt, but you never know... better to be careful!

Hi IK,

You've helped me so of course I want to help you!

Lots of good replies here.

I don't have any direct polyamorous/"The Lifestyle" experience but one of the first people I met in LA while taking (group) tennis lessons was a swinger.

He held a doctorate in human sexuality and was a professor at a respectable university. Educational attainment aside, he was a pretty average guy with a terrible serve. He did ask me repeatedly if I went to Catholic school but I shut him down quickly and politely.

Good luck IK!

ETA: After I got over the intrigue (not right word) but we're not in Kansas! feeling of getting to know an "out" swinger (and his wife), it was a bit of a let down to realize they were not nice people (and it had nothing to do with the swinging). Once he blasted a kid at the pro shop for being out of his favorite Balance Bar flavor.....

I know that the Catholic schoolgirl thing is such a cliche--but I guess it was his thing.

"Swingers" means couples who like to exchange partners, not singles.

Just so everyone understands.

I'm not so sure you should go to this place alone as you'll be such a target. It actually could be unsafe.

My best tip: Wear something that covers yourself and please get the bouncer to walk you to your car when you leave!

LACeleste - The only swingers I ever met were so horrible I instantly decided I would never be one if these people would be there. Swinging does not belong in the office, is all I will say. Although I did see what his wife got out of it, since any other man would not be HIM.

TexStyle - There is no way I would go alone! My friend Curtis is coming. He's very tall and very gay and will totally help me if in need. Also a fellow writer so I can count on him to spot anything good. Although if you look at the link I sent, single women get in free. Wonder why. I'd rather pay the couples entry fee and write it off.

Will you be interviewing or just watching?

Deb - Just watching. If someone strikes up a conversation, I'll be happy to talk back. The one and only time I went to a strip club I had a really good talk with the stripper. They were trying to unionize despite interference from the mob! It was really interesting.

I think single women get in free so they can join a couple.

I would suggest you do not wear a tee shirt with a unicorn on it.

Otherwise, wear shades of gray - naturally!

I don't know, but my uninformed guess is that a single woman could face more potential dangers at a singles club, than interacting with couples - especially in a smaller lifestyle community where most people know each other. The drink advice is good. If it were me, and I wasn't going with a wing person, I might want to have someone I was checking in with by phone/text just if I started getting weird vibes or needed some advice in the moment.

I'd probably even practice responses to approaches or roll-play them with someone beforehand, just so I felt comfortable and confident, and therefore projected that. (lol, I'd prepare like a job interview).

oops cross-posted, cool that you are taking a buddy.

Maybe I"m being a bit relaxed about it, but it's a bar, not a crime scene. I"m sure that you're not the first person to come down and check out the goings-on, and decide that maybe it's not for you.
"Ladies get in free" (or "single ladies free") is a common-enough occurrence in bars that I wouldn't take exceptional care one way or the other about it.
General rules of safety should prevail--keep your eye on your drink, you've got a wingman who can bail you out if you get someone around you who's a little more interested than you'd like. After that, just a way to make sure the other person gets home OK, and you're set.

(Around here it's "get home okay?" "I'd like a <your fave drink>, please")

I am so clueless and naive that I didn't know that sex clubs existed until maybe 25 years ago when I had a secretary from New York who thought that all San Franciscans went to them! I think that's what her boyfriend told her. My big takeaway from that conversation (as I tried to look cool and keep my pupils from dilating) was that the place had an excellent buffet. And I don't think she felt pressured to participate.

And umm, I happen to be acquainted with one of the founding mothers of a sex toy store who IMHO over shares re sex but maybe that's because she's a sex therapist and as an Asian, I'm very private about such matters. Anyway, she went to a sex club or similar type places looking for a fellow whose fantasy involved sex with his mother or maybe Mrs. Robinson. I think she was at least in her sixties at that time, so you may run into people from a wide range of ages and who would look terribly ordinary if you saw them on the street.

And then there was the couple who used to attend our liberal church in a liberal denomination, but I guess we're not THAT liberal. One morning, they announced they were in a polyamorous relationship, and somehow I recall rumors that they'd held sex parties in their very suburban home. Her typical style was very modest and very classic and so was her husband's. Total suburban.

My guess is that porn books, magazines, and films are a far cry from the reality, just as any other fictional depiction. For one, no one ever has cellulite!

DonnaF, if you watch the movie "Shortbus" it is about a sex club that was apparently right around the corner from my loft when I lived in Brooklyn. This was back when the neighborhood was still kinda dicey so the only people who lived there were artists with large dogs. The boy and I used to see biggish crowds waiting to get into one of the buildings and we assumed it was some kind of music thing and felt sorry for our friends who lived two stories up. (We ourselves were across the street from a favorite rave space and man, people on E can be LOUD.) Anyway, if you watch the movie, everyone in it is so, so, SO much more attractive, better dressed, and well-groomed than the scary crowd I remember.

So yeah. Less cellulite, impossibly gorgeous bodies, and no weird unerotic body smells in my book, I'm thinking.

IK - well no idea, I've never been any place like that. So I can't imagine. But I would probably choose jeans (slouchy skinnies) boots low heeled and sturdy (good for getting out fast and crushing insteps), tank with either black boyfriend jacket or black moto jacket(Moto fits in better, blazer more professional and powerful). crossbody bag ( you need to be hands free). I agree have cell phone ready (better if you could bring a male friend (a big hulking beast of a friend would be best) otherwise agree - timed check in's. Do you have an iphone (ie the find phone setting so people can keep track of you?) Watch your drink for literally don't drink anything - you don't want anyone slipping you something and needless to say, please be careful. Gosh girl, this is a perfect venue for you "repel'-ware!!

I am going back to just wearing black all the time. ; )

But I am stunned at what a HUGE part of the US I have been missing !

Hmmm, sounds like it's extra challenging to align your style philosophy, life philosophy, AND bar philosophy.

Gryffin - Yeah I'm thinking boots.

Isabel - Since I mostly own black, it may have to be black! I hope I don't see more than I want to. Going to the bathroom is going to be interesting.

Unfrumped - This is what happens when you hang out a sign that says "Will write 4 money."

IK wear a svelte diaper. ; )

Following up on what Angie said -- it's absolutely true that your behavior will speak louder than what you wear (assuming you're not dressing in anything fetish-y, which I know you weren't contemplating). But you have to remember that one of your behaviors will have been going to the club in the first place, so it will be natural for the other people there to assume that you're "interested" and it's therefore very wise that you're going with a male friend for safety.

Still, you have more courage than I. I would be tempted to just stay home and order up old episodes of Real Sex or Cathouse or something like that, and let my imagination do the rest.

Well what an interesting evening on YLF! This sounds like a fun assignment. I think it would be a hoot to check it out. Glad to hear you are taking a friend for safety. I say just wear your regular going out jeans and a dressy top with fun boots. You just want to fit in w/o the attention a costume would bring to you. Can't wait to see the WIW!

April - aren't those shows about male fantasies, though? Not that I am an expert by any means.

IK , pppsssssssstttttt, this is what I found just now in googling the question. I have to go and " clear history " so that my husband does not see this ! Uh- oh, this guy says people get down to their undies quickly. : (

http://www.sensualinterest.com.....-or-event/
May 27, 2012 - Its your first swingers party and you have no clue what to wear - here is a quick guide to help you choose. ... Sexy couple dressed for a theme party ... A meet and greet depends on the venue; if its a public bar or place we ...

Isabel, you amazing girl! Thank you!

Aaaaaand just to add a little innocence back into the mix, a link to clear the palate of anyone who, like me, are wondering how on earth the sex toys on April's link work. I never knew there was so much I did not know.

http://kotaku.com/i-want-these.....1537200458