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What do you expect fashion to do for you?

ironkurtin

Veteran

This question is inspired by two recent threads. One, the Modesty Project, where a young lady deliberately covers herself to defy expectations and be what she terms "modest." And two, Dress Your Truth, where a guru-type offers advice on dressing, alongside other tips on money, spiritualism, and talking to angels.

It seems to me that both of these women are approaching their clothing as the ticket to some kind of life solution. They seem to be saying, WEAR THIS and you will BE THAT - smart, spiritual, successful, happy. They're not saying, look like this and you will look nice, they're saying, look like this and you will change who you are.

Does anyone think this makes sense? I personally never expect my jeans to be the pathway to something bigger. I like my clothing to be well-made, interesting, comfortable, and flattering, but that's it as far as life-altering expectations go.

51 replies

Latest reply was from Lisa

ramya

Veteran

Fashion clothing is fun and something I enjoy. They cheer me up when I am down. And when something is not right I do get annoyed. But is it what makes me? I don't think so

Astrid

Veteran

I think this is true in the way that fashion has definitely boosted my confidence. Dressing more fashionably instead of 'hiding' in my clothes meant faking confidence that wasn't there in the beginning, but it resulted in a lot more real confidence in the long run. My clothing did however never change something fundamental about me as person.

MsMary

Veteran

I do feel like the way I dress (after finding YLF and getting super interested in fashion) has helped me EXPRESS who I am more accurately and more appealingly than my pre-YLF way of dressing. But I don't think fashion has MADE me who I am.

That said, it's a pretty absorbing hobby and I do feel like I'm more "together" in some ways than I was pre-YLF. But again, my experience has been about expressing and refining what was already inside me, rather than doing a total outside-in makeover.

ETA: Astrid said it better than I could!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Astrid - wearing the right clothes helps you project confidence even when I feel that I don't feel any - and helps me appropriately blend into my new workplace

I don't think wearing scruffy clothes will make me an axe murderer, though.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

As a fashion professional who has worked with many, many women across a diverse set of socio-economic backgrounds, I absolutely believe that fashion and style can be life changing. Bringing out the magic on the outside helps bring out the magic on the inside - which in turns makes things even MORE magical on the outside.

There isn't a doubt in my mind that having a sense of style boosts confidence and creates a sense of inner peace, calm and happiness. I've seen this happen too many times to ignore the power of style. And I am dedicating my life to helping people achieve this type of happiness.

missvee

Veteran

Fashion for me is a creative outlet first and foremost. But clothing can and does send a powerful message and I think we all use it in this way. For example if I have a difficult situation at work I don't wear a floaty boho hippie look - instead I wear something more sharply tailored that says don't mess with me. No clothing will drastically change who you are, but it sure changes others' perceptions of you.

ironkurtin

Veteran

@ Angie - Exactly, you're bringing out what's there already and making it strong! But you don't use fashion to make somebody over into something they're not, right? If someone comes to you and says, I want to look better, you don't say, here's my vision of you, NOW GO BE IT.

Has anyone dressed explicitly to be something they're not (aside from Halloween)? Did it make you feel you WERE that person?

MsMary

Veteran

Interesting question, IK.

After thinking about this some more, I am inclined to agree with Angie. I mean, WAS I a "Business Bombshell" before I started dressing like one? Was I the confident Lady Who Lunches at the fancy country club before I figured out what to wear for such an occasion? Perhaps that question isn't as easy to answer as it may seem at first.

And honestly, I wonder whether I'd have had the courage to make this big change in my life if not for the confidence I've gained through my fashion adventures.

FlorenceFearne

This really got me thinking. It feels like a 2 part thing to me.

First, it seems clear that we all agree that what you wear impacts how people view you, and that people may make assumptions about the type of person you are based on your clothing. Dressing outside the norm, particularly in a way that people might identify with a subculture they don't understand, often leads to very negative character judgments. I.e., "That girl has lots of eyeliner and a nose ring; she's clearly amoral and addicted to drugs." Your clothing influences the kind of person that people THINK you are.

If people are making assumptions about the kind of person you are based solely on your clothing, maybe this is basically an attempt to reverse engineer? Basically, "If I dress like a nun, I will be more spiritual?" And to some extent I think this is true. Lots of people throw on a moto jacket or a pair of big black boots when they want to feel a bit more bad-ass. Put on a suit, and you can practically feel yourself slipping into executive mode. Put on your highest pair of heels, and try a brisk jog. Actually, don't - it's not safe in those shoes. In this case, your fashion choice has directly impacted your ability to even do certain activities. Now does any of that mean you are becoming a whole different person? No. But it goes to show that what you wear also impacts how you feel, and in some instances also how you behave.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I like my clothes to communicate things about myselff and my views on the occasion... Respect for an interview, for example. At DFS it was amazing how the right clothes could help women turn into the people they wanted to be. But I still think that falls into the category of bringing a quality out as opposed to painting a quality on. The latter definitely is used in costume design, but in real life I feel that contrivance looks... contrived. From my experience with myself and others it seems like dressing inauthentically is more likely to just make you feel uncomfortable and depressed.

MovingFashionForward

When a person chooses to dramatically change her style of dress, including starting to dress in a way that one might think is dressing to project an image that is not her, I think that it really IS her, or that some part of her is that which she is projecting, or it would not appeal to her in the first place.

Absolutely agree with Angie: style most definitely has the power to change lives. It can help a person evolve into the person they want to become. It can give a person confidence that changes everything. It can give a person the joy and excitement of creativity. And by changing the way others treat one (as it does), it in turn can change and improve the person by her own lights.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Yes, Dana. That's the goal and you are right. To bring out what is already there. Reinforce the good and the positive. With my clients, we strive to create a style that is authentic, and makes them feel the best version of themselves. Not something they are not. I'll take myself as example. Put me in quirky and wacky clothing and it's ridiculously laughable! I am so not a quirky and wacky person, and couldn't be one if my life depended on it - to your point about what clothing canNOT do for you. You've seen the LG videos. I'm quite formal, proper and disciplined. That's why when I wear clothing that reflects these traits, it feels right. AND it makes me feel powerful because it's authentic.

Nice one, Mary, Rae and MFF

Anonymous

I worked with a school teacher for a while and she said the teachers and kids both started acting less polite with a more relaxed attitude in general when the dress code became more lax. On picture day when the kids all wore their best they once again acted more respectful and more obedient.
I think what you have around you stimulate different thoughts. Like it has been said for years about cluttered surroundings causing anxiety. Or looking at a work of art being able to produce very real emotions. Your body is your closest surrounding/canvas.
There have also been numerous studies done on the power of thought so what ever you think about a particular item of clothing can be very powerful. It really matters less what you actually wear than what you think/feel about what you wear.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Rae, I like this one: "I still think that falls into the category of bringing a quality out as opposed to painting a quality on." Brilliant!
I completely agree that the way we dress can change the way world sees us - and especially the way we see ourselves, which is actually much more important. I firmly believe that your inside and outside should be in perfect harmony with each other and your inner self is what is driving your outer self.
As for the "modesty' post I did not comment on the Denise's thread but what struck me while reading the article was that this woman rebelled against the society norm she found oppressive. It is not the clothing which changed her but the rebellion, clothing was just a manifestation.

Adelfa

Veteran

I expect fashion to get me taken seriously at work, and I think it does. As I've commented before, I believe that personal style is the current version of the '80s power suit, for women at least. Women who dress appropriately, stylishly and authentically are going to get taken more seriously than those who don't.

I have two examples of what can happen when style isn't appropriate or authentic. First--I had a phase where I was artsy and native. Hand-dyed silks, Guatemalan weave shorts, an orange and green hand-knit beret.... you get the idea. I remember the exact moment when I realized that I was getting treated disrespectfully quite a bit and I realized that this style was not appropriate for my very conservative environment, as well as being possibly inauthentic. I switched up to a more classic style and everything got better.

Second--I got feedback at work that I was too brusque and so I started dressing in a soft, casual, feminine style to project the niceness that I knew was inside me. Believe it or not it made things worse! Anyone who was taken in by my clothes received a rude shock later! It worked much better to telegraph with my style my competence and assertiveness so that people sort of got the whole picture!

I think that, as Angie and MaryK are suggesting, sometimes we don't know who we are. A style can become a working hypothesis. An unsuccessful one has the merit of narrowing the field. And a successful one can teach us a lot about who we always were.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

"A style can become a working hypothesis. An unsuccessful one has the merit of narrowing the field. And a successful one can teach us a lot about who we always were."

Brilliant, Adelfa! What a fine way of putting it.

Lyn D.

Veteran

I believe in the power of dressing for the person (even work-role) we want to be- as long as it is authentic.
When I was cleaning for the aged and frail I did not wear the jeans and work-out shoes others wore, but just as comfortable tailored pants and 'Nursing' shoes.
It was assumed on more than one occasion that I was a Registered Nurse, and this was the role I later achieved by returning to study.

Adelfa

Veteran

Lyn D, I love your story!

Aziraphale

Veteran

What an interesting question, Dana. I'm not sure. I've certainly never used fashion in attempt to communicate with angels.

I'm nodding along to all the comments about how fashion can help bring out qualities that you already have. I think that is true. But mainly I'm interested in fashion because I simply like clothes, and I like how the right ones make me look.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I agree with most of the comments but what Tracina said resonated with me. I don't think it is an either/or situation - your costume does not magically transform you into something you are not, but style does create a powerful signal that does affect how the world treats you and how you see yourself in the world. Over time there is an interaction between how you dress and how you are and that could be life altering. That said, mostly I approach clothes as a very fun hobby.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I expect fashion to

make me happy
help me express who I am
make me feel pretty if I want to feel pretty
make me feel bad ass if I want to feel bad ass
help me land a job by being appropriately adorned for the occasion
etc
etc
etc

LOL - not make my BF angry by the credit card statements ;P

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I'm going to have to ruminate on this, it's something I've been considering though.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I've gone back and read through this thread 3 or 4 times over the course of today and have very much enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts. It's an excellent question IK.

I actually think there is a strength in clothing and style that actually can change who you are, at least to a degree. Believe it or not, I used to be fairly shy. And as a result, I dressed to hide. I wanted to blend into the world around me and so chose to dress like everyone else.

When I started reading YLF (about 9-10 months before I officially joined), I started changing how I dressed, first in small ways - a funkier accessory, a colour other than black, that sort of thing. People started to notice and make comments, mostly positively. Then when I officially joined and started making more obvious changes in my style, people would approach me and give compliments or ask questions (both in my private life and my work life). I was forced to come out of my shell and respond to these people and I began to really enjoy more interaction and became very social.

I would now consider myself to be an extrovert and it is in large part due to the changes my evolving style have brought about. Yes, it made me more confident which has been discussed here by others - but it actually changed me from a shy person to an outgoing person.

That's my take on it FWIW.

Echo

Veteran

At first glance, I didn't honestly believe what Angie said. And then I realized (as she clarified in her second post) that a person needs to know who/what they are INSIDE before they can dress authentically outside. That's what I've been struggling with.

I think it is easy to use fashion as a costume to try to pretend to be something to the outside world. When a person does that, there is no sense of style because everything is a costume designed to make the wearer appear one way or another. It is easy to put something on and say to oneself, "You look like ___ ____ in that. That would be great to wear for ____." But that is using fashion and clothing to define who/what you are instead of the other way around (using who/what you are to choose what you wear to accurately portray that). It is a subtle distinction, but important.

Anyway, my point is that I have been trying to get in touch with exactly who I am so that I can choose outfits to portray that and feel comfortable being ME in instead of outfits to try to be something else in. For a very long time, I've denied the fact that I am a stay-at-home-mom who mostly attends school functions, and I have dressed for a "fantasy life". It is only recently that I have realized that I can dress fashionably for who and where I am in life, but it is a little more casual than I am used to and is taking some adjustment.

Sharon

Veteran

I think clothes can change us.
It goes like this: I don't think people have fixed, unchanging, immutable identities. Although we may have basic personality traits, who we are is constantly modified by our experiences and interactions with other people. I am a very different person to who I was 5 years ago, even though many things about me have remained constant.
Since other people will make judgements about us based on what we wear and will behave towards us in a way that is congruent with those judgements, our experience of life and therefore the development of some of our identity is determined by clothes.
JMO.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Sharon raises an excellent point. People react to us on the basis of our appearance (clothing included) and this, over time, can change us.

Echo's post also raises an interesting angle. People who don't know who they are, or who deny their actual life circumstances, may end up dressing in a way that feels inauthentic to themselves and/ or to others.

And putting the two points together: Is it possible that for some of us, inauthenticity breeds further distance from ourselves? What I mean is -- let's say you're not confident in who you are, or you don't like yourself, or feel ashamed of yourself for some reason. So you dress to hide yourself. People then react to you as the person you appear to be -- which confirms you further in that identity. Maybe that is what happens to some of us when we get depressed?

I've always had a pretty clear sense of who I am. And yet -- looking at me from the outside, you would never have known that. Why? I have no idea. Somehow, I never could dress in a way that felt right. I felt as if I was costumed. I'm only now beginning to figure out what to wear so that I feel like myself. For some, maybe this is easy and natural. But for me, it is has taken some work.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Echo, what was it that you "didn't honestly believe" from my first comment? I'm curious.

Sharon, totally with you that people's identities change throughout life. That's a good thing!

Shevia, absolutely loved your thoughts here. Succinct and insightful. Look at how Shannon came out of her shell after she re-addressed her style. The magic on the outside brought out the magic on the inside - and the two energies continue to have a ripple effect on one another. That's power right there.

Suz, high five. So with everything you said in your last comment. To your point. Self Awareness - (which is very different from being self involved), is not and easy road. It's scary getting to know who you are on the inside because you might not like it! Or it's really different to how you perceived yourself in the first place. The good news is that there is ALWAYS the opportunity to become a better person. Each day, my goal is to be less judgmental, and more positive and emotionally intelligent than the day before. Each day, I want to reach my most zen point of happiness and peace. I want my style to reflect this place in my heart and head. And I LOVE CLOTHES !!! So it's a really fun process to make the two energies merge and harmonize into something visual that is meaningful to me. High five, Sveta!

Dana, you are going to wish you didn't ask this deep question! I miss your outfits so I think you should show us what you wear when you're out and about or on date night

Peri

Veteran

My first thought when I saw the title was...I expect fashion to make my life easier (at some point in the future because really right now it is making my life harder!).

By that I just meant to have clothes in my closet that I liked and were comfortable and appropriate to my life, so that it was easy to get dressed for the day and for any occasions that come up.

When I saw how deep the answers were I postponed reading the thread! I had to get ready to think. I'm in awe of everyone's answers. I wasn't even thinking in terms of the importance and the power of fashion and what it does for our souls.

But...I'm still at my first answer! I think I have to make progress on that first.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Angie, my outfits lately would give you a hernia. I'm wearing a gray tank top and cut-off James Perse cargo shorts and flipflops. It's 100 degrees outside and humid. This is my life these days...

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