what a body allows (longish musing) - YouLookFab Forum

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what a body allows (longish musing)

Adelfa

Veteran

I read two things today that converged in what felt to me like a very dramatic manner. The second was Day Vies' remark that her all-blue outfit was "as androgynous as my body will allow."

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....lues-10413

This reminded me of a blog post that I read this morning.

You see, DD has turned me on to blogs that follow the style of HRH Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (okay, laugh). And one of the bloggers is a very petite young woman who uses a wheelchair or a walker to get around. Today she took a typical Kate outfit--then changed it up to be an outfit a petite woman might wear--then changed that to be an outfit that someone with mobility concerns might wear.

http://www.apetiteprincess.com.....accessibil

She writes, "I have a hard time with buttons and zippers and well you can forget about seeing me in a shoe with any heel worth mentioning as my balance is already severely compromised, and stumbling around in heels that you don’t know how to walk in is not fashionable AT ALL. So here is how I would make the outfit above work for me."

Wow!

I commented, "It is the ultimate in chic to mix fashion with the requirements of your own body, whatever they may be!" So you see how Day Vies' remark fits in exactly!

The thing is that I'm so often cranky about my body's requirements. This morning's blogger puts me to shame. And Day Vies, with that blogger, shows me the way to a more realistic, accepting, productive attitude. Their vivid examples will help me remember.

21 replies

Latest reply was from PetitePrincess

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Wow, what a great post, Jody. Where is the "love" button?

So often we fret about what our bodies do and don't allow. Yet as DV and that blogger show, and as Angie repeatedly reminds us, style is not a body type. Or size. Or age.

In fact, I often think that genuine acceptance of the bodies we have is the first step towards genuine style. It's harder than it seems. Not only because we fight what we are (wanting to be something different) but also because sometimes we even fail to see what we are. I guess that is what makes it a process.

MsLuna

Veteran

Thank you for this post! It really resonates with me at the moment, given that I made two major boot purchases due to my fussy feet! I still struggle with trying to see what my body needs versus the conventional definitions of being stylish. I lean towards the casual side, for instance, and is a lot more comfortable in waist-surrendering styles and practical bottoms (in my case, they are narrow pants). I often think: should I not dress this up further and wear wider-leg pants for more polish? Do we really need to sacrifice personal comfort for the sake of looking good?

Sometimes style is about listening to your body and what you feel most comfortable in. When you are comfortable, you're usually happier and more confident, no?

Lantana

Veteran

Adelfa, I think you are so lucky to share an interest in style with your daughter.
And you are so right, sometimes we just need to get a grip on reality, after all, we can only work with what we've got for while it lasts.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

I have to admit I am guilty of his as well, moaning about my body limitations and how hard it is to buy for not-average body. I agree, this post does put everything into perspective.
I agree that i is the highest degree of chic to respect your own body and dress with its needs in mind rather that try to be what you cannot be.
Thanks for the read!

Runcarla

Veteran

Sveta said it so well, "the highest degree of chic to respect your own body". Thanks for the thread, and the links, Adelfa.

Day Vies

Veteran

I am so happy for you that you've had this realization! (Happy dance)

You really have to accept your body because it's the raw material you have that can't be easily changed --clothes are the easiest thing to change. Wanting X or Y isn't going to change the fact that you don't have X or Y -- plus it's stressful and unproductive. Figuring out how to "make it work" (Tim Gunn) will give you endless amounts of pleasure. Put your focus there and you'll never be disappointed.

The work comes in with analyzing the elements of the look you want to copy. What do you like about it (color, clean lines, organic elements, graphic print etc.)? What do you have that is similar? What proportions work best for you? What do you need to add, or take away to make the outfit sing.

catgirl

Veteran

Wise words, and recently I've also learned to consider "what a life allows" - because my life has changed to where my wardrobe must accommodate it, not the other way around.

PetitePrincess

Thank you for your comments over at http://www.apetiteprincess.com/ I am somewhat speechless at learning that my words yesterday had such an effect. I'll be honest and tell you that there are still times that I get visibly upset and even flat out cry when i can't make things work for me or when I feel like people are going to think that it's "cute how she's trying". I hope that you'll continue to enjoy posts at my site...i can hardly wait to start exploring over here
Trisha

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I need to print out Day Vies' words and commit them to memory. So true. I'm always learning!

Wendi1984

You know, I think that's one of the reasons a forum/blog like YLF is so helpful. It's made me more aware of the elements of fashion, so I can figure out what it is I like and don't like, what looks good on me, and how I can incorporate the elements I like in my own way. Otherwise, I might just try to copy an outfit exactly, find it doesn't look good on me, and give up. This way, I can look at an outfit or item and try to figure out what it is I like about it, and eventually learn how to incorporate that into an outfit that does look good on me!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

That is why I have such a hard time judging clothes when they are not on people. Fashion is about clothes, style needs a person to exist. Thank you for this wise reminder.

deb

Veteran

Thank you for the link to the site. She is an inspiration.

Beth Ann

Veteran

Beautiful thoughts, Adelfa. Dressing in a manner that honors the body we have, without apologizing for what we are not, is such a healthy way to live.

Loved the link, too!

Adelfa

Veteran

Suz, genuine acceptance of our bodies is *a lot* harder than it seems! Thank you for saying that! And yes, this is partly because we can't even see our bodies. Which is even harder when the body keeps changing.

MsKK, I think comfort is extremely important to style! Angie has pointed out that there are different kinds of comfort. But I'm a big believer in the idea that if you're not comfortable, you won't be relaxed, and you won't be truly stylish.

Penny, yes I am lucky to share an interest in style with my daughter! And what a great reminder that what we've got isn't even going to last!

Sveta, it's really hard not to bemoan, isn't it? At the latest meet-up a fabber was sad that she didn't have a body feature that I have, when I would trade bodies with her in a hot second! A million times over! Which means we were both bemoaning! I'm quite envious of you when I see your posts. I guess the best thing is to realize that there's a lot of envy floating around and that it should point us all the more towards respecting our own bodies.

Carla, I'm glad you enjoyed the thread and the links!

DV, this--the subject matter of today's realization--is something I've been working on for decades and I may never stop. But I do believe I'm better off than if I *hadn't* been working for so long. Repeat: Clothes are the easiest thing to change. Make it work. Thanks for being such a great example of someone who works with her own body! And teaches us how to do so as well!

Una, what a wise observation. Limitations all over! I've loved watching you dress for your more conservative work environment while retaining your own style.

Trisha, I am honored that you posted here! Thank you for your vulnerability as well as your strength and wisdom! I think petite women always have trouble with being thought "cute" and I can see how it might be worse if you add in a visible disability! Taking HRH Kate as your style icon might really help with this, as her style is clean and elegant and beautiful but not really cute!

Janet, it's so hard growing up in this world as a woman with a body that maybe the very best we can do is to always be learning!

Wendi, I agree that ylf helps so much in the way you described and also just in an all-around fashion to get us off of self-pity or fashion victimhood or a range of unhealthy attitudes and behaviors, and on to intelligently and wisely clothing the body we have!

Shevia, what you say is so deep. Style needs a person to exist. So much to think about.

Deb, Trisha *is* an inspiration, isn't she? I'm inspired by random people with disabilities, but it's extra fun for people like us to see her tie fashion into it!

Beth Ann, I think you are a fabulous example of someone who dresses to honor her body and her whole self. Thank you for that!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

YLF is really great for reminding us that EVERY body has fit issues! While in the past I might have imagined that it would be so "easy" to dress well if I had so-and-so's height, or so-and-so's curves, or so-and-so's delicacy, or so-and-so's slenderness, in reality -- as I have seen here time and again -- no matter what our bodies look like, we'll find some items easier to fit and others harder.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

ETA Caution: long post ahead

A few weeks back there was a discussion here about fitting room angst and how some of us (yours truly included) battle the feeling that our bodies are wrong, rather than the clothes, when we try on something that we love but just doesn't love us back.

Last week hubs and I were cleaning out our closet together, and he has a truly wonderful but very difficult to fit body. He's 6'6" and about 210 lbs. Tall and thin, with a very long torso and long arms. It is darn near impossible to fit him well off the rack. Even 36" inseam jeans can be short on him. His dress shirts are almost all custom made. We've never found pajamas that are long enough for him -- they look like capri pants.

So as we worked through his side of the closet and recounted his fit issues, it occurred to me to ask, "When you try something on and it doesn't work for you, do you ever feel like there is something wrong with you?"

He responded immediately, "No, never."

And I proceeded to tell him about our conversation here and my own feelings of being somehow judged by designers and clothes that don't "get me."

His response: "That's f***ed up." And I laughed because it's true.

So when I tried on the JBrand skinny faux bois printed jeans yesterday that I love but don't love me back (oh, printed skinnies, we were just not meant to be), I remembered that it's not my thighs, it's that the pants were not right for me.

Our bodies are all amazing. We have varieties of builds, shapes, abilities, etc. But you know what's even more amazing? Our minds and spirits. Style is a chance to celebrate our physical being in a way that conveys something about us on the inside, don't you think?

I have been on a mental journey over the last few years to be kinder to myself and appreciate myself for what I am able to do. It's a slow process, but it is getting easier to shrug off the ill-fitting garment with an "oh well" rather than a feeling of despair. And I have certainly gained perspective on all of this by having some friends battling illnesses that change their bodies in irreversible ways. So I am growing to appreciate my body as my own, with its limitations and its aspects I enjoy celebrating.

So Adelfa and PetitePrincess, thank you for giving further inspiration!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I need to read this post over and over again. I have such a love/hate relationship with it and have battled weight my whole life.

But I'm so lucky that my body works and I'm healthy and need to be grateful for that.

Janet, your reply and comments about learning to love your body brought tears to my eyes.

Thanks for this post Adelfa

Adelfa

Veteran

Suz, you're so right that ylf helps us so much with these issues. There are the examples, as you say, of everyone having some trouble with fit. (At the meetup I saw Angie sadly rejecting tops whose necklines were too open, when really I would think she could wear anything!) I also think that trashtalking our bodies is very discouraged here, gently but fimly. You don't get very far here saying unkind things about your body.

Janet, there's a guy for you! In my experience guys just do the self-image thing so differently from us, and I've often thought I need to be more like a guy! Thanks for this vivid example! When I was a small girl living in Latin America my tall daddy could not get shoes to fit his feet. Now--don't get me wrong because I'm not knocking anyone's culture, merely commenting on self image issues--I never got the feeling from him that he thought there was anything wrong with his feet! Only with the limited selection! While when a friend went to China and she couldn't find clothes to fit her, she definitely thought she was too fat.

And I love this too much to paraphrase: "Style is a chance to celebrate our physical being in a way that conveys something about us on the inside, don't you think?" Yes! I hope so!

PetitePrincess

Everyone,
Thank you so much for all the kind words, I am drawing such strength as I sit down to work on everything for the week ahead. I hope to do several posts similar to the one that all of you have read in the very near future. Have a blessed Sunday!

Adelfa

Veteran

Shannon, I think we cross posted which is why I didn't respond! I didn't see it! Count me in among those who've battled weight their whole lives. So hard. I know. But I'm glad we are both trying to be grateful and healthy!

Trisha, this forum is wonderful. I think we call draw strength from each other and I'm glad this happened for you this weekend! Thanks for a great post that gave us so much to think about! I hope your Sunday has been blessed, too!

PetitePrincess

Adelfa,
it has been a lazy day at home with family which I really needed. I have also spent time getting to know the YLF forums and checking on things at my blog since there has been a noticeable rise in traffic after the first Petite Fashion Week and the link you posted here.

Do me a favor and tell your DD thanks for being a reader at the blog and tell her to reach out and say hi sometime, I LOVE getting to know my readers.

Trisha