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Well, poop.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

So the guy that I've been flirting with a bit came to my wine party last night. Only three people showed up so it was an evening of just the four of us sitting around and talking. Not exactly conducive to flirting.
So today I sent him a message through facebook thanking him for coming. We chatted a bit through the messenger and I said we should hang out sometime. He's going camping next weekend. But he said nothing about it after that.
I guess I read too much into the flirting.

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23 replies

Latest reply was from Janet

Anonymous

Oh, how disappointing! I hope it isn't the case.

Raisin

Veteran

Aw, poop is right! Well I hope he gets back to you and you get together. Sounds like it was going well, I don't know why he backed off. Men....

Mochi

Veteran

Sorry to hear it, anna.

Adelfa

Veteran

Poop is right. Entertaining is so risky! You never know how it will turn out. Good job putting yourself out there and giving people a good time, including Mr. Flirt.

MsMary

Veteran

Well, poop!

Here, have some coffee from my fave mug!

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Caro in Oz

Veteran

So sorry - that is really disappointing.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

MaryK, that coffee mug is very funny. But at this point, I'm tired of moving on. I moved back to Seattle five years ago. I've been dating the last 4 1/2 years, completely unsuccessfully. I'm tired of the rejection.

ElleH

Veteran

Sorry to hear that Anna. I hear how you feel. I dated for 7 years between 1st & 2nd husband. I don't have any advice, just hugs.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Hugs, Anna....that is hard. After you had such a nice time, too....

Krista

Veteran

Oh, I wouldn't write him off yet, Anna! Guys are pretty black and white; hanging out "sometime" might mean - to him - after he comes back from camping next weekend. I'm not saying you have to wait for him, I'm just saying that you have to let it go and be open to the idea that he might pop up out of nowhere again in a few days. My first date with my husband ended in a very vague way. I was disappointed because I had had a great time and I expected him to seal the deal at the end of the night by asking me out again. He did not. In fact, he hugged me and said something like, "Talk to you soon." Like, thanks.
If I've learned anything from being married, guys think they are sending all kinds of signals to let women know they're interested and women are looking for a whole different set of signals - so the message is rarely received in the way we are expecting. It's a miracle we ever get together!
I would say it's a very good sign that this gentleman felt comfortable enough with you to stay several hours at your party in your house with just two other people (who are your friends) to make conversation. If he didn't want to be there, he would have bailed pretty quickly and with some form of excuse. I say leave that door open a little while longer - you never know!

Scarlet

Veteran

Maybe I am dense, but it doesn't sound to me like from what you wrote that he made it clear he is not interested. Maybe he just can't think more than one week ahead. I'd wait and see. I can understand your frustration though.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I'm sorry Anna, that sucks!

Men need a lot of space to figure out their feelings for women in the beginning. They go through much more uncertainty and "rubberbanding" where they run hot and cold. Have you read the Mars/Venus series of books on relationships and dating? ("Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" and "Mars & Venus on a Date" in particular.) It changed the way I look at relationships. I would not be in my present relationship if it weren't for absorbing the information in these books and participating in this forum years ago.
http://askmarsvenus.com/forums/

Deborah

Veteran

Anna I am really disappointed for you. I think Denise speaks a lot of wisdom here. If it's any consolation, I spent 6 or 7 years alone between a serious boyfriend and my now husband During that time I dated only 2 guys neither of which did I see any promise in, so dating was only a matter of a couple of months with each before I decided not to pursue the relationships any further.

One of them 'courted me" fairly consistently and then up and went interstate for a time - we didn't keep up with one another during that time. And then he sent me a letter saying his was returning and included his return flight details... I think he expected me to pick him up from the airport. Needless to say I DIDN"T! Men are from Mars!!

Anonymous

Ack, that shucks...
Perhaps he wasn't having a talkative day? I find guys are generally challenged in the communications department lol. The just don't think like we do, as you know.
Let's hope he turns around. I would not initiate any communications at this time, just to give him a chance to miss me
Denise, that is some awesome site!

MsMary

Veteran

Hugs, Anna! I hope you know I didn't mean to make light of your frustration! Hang in there!!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I thought the same thing as Krista and Scarlet. I wouldn't loose hope yet. Perhaps ping him again on FB after he's back from camping. I do empathize with your frustration. xo

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Anna - sorry to hear this. I know you've been feeling alot of frustration over the dating situation of late. But I still think there may be some hope with this fellow. Wait until he gets back from camping and see what happens. Honestly, knowing how my hubby thinks, if he were going camping that is all he'd be able to think about right now and really wouldn't be picking up your signals or considering after - his mind can only focus on one thing at a time.

rachylou

Veteran

Anna, this weekend I asked my bf if he remembered our first date. You know the answer: N. O.

Ahahaha!

I told my bf, before we started dating, that we should meet up for coffee or whatever. It took him forever to "arrange the situation." *Like* way over two weeks... um, yeah, ok, my memory isn't that much better than his, but *whatever.*

Anyways, Shannon is right about focus IMHO. Also, tangentially, I think feeling free is a very important one for men. When a woman thinks a lot about what a man is doing (or not doing), the man tends to feel untrusted. And when a man doesn't feel trusted, he will know he's not the man for the job. A nice man will then just disappear. Men come back when the woman feels free enough to forget about him in a certain way. I think this explains a lot about some things - like the guy you never considered *that way* suddenly declaring his love for you. That sort of thing.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Anna, you have opened yourself up and feel hurt but he has not rejected you, as much as we like to play by rules there are none in this situation, give him time to respond but don't put your life on hold in the meantime.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

OK, so I got to meet the guy. First of all, I had no idea you were interested in him! I thought he was with Natalia at first! I think you were a littled distracted because not as many showed and you were making sure wine was open, food was ready, etc.

He is pretty charming, so hopefully he isn't just charming with all women and you're reading him wrong.

Lastly, I will point out that HE CAME TO YOUR PARTY, so he must enjoy your company on some level.

Message him again, but try to forget about it. Don't message him the second he gets back...just wait a few weeks and then say, Oh, by the way did you want to grab a coffee or something...

Don't feel down! The party was small but I think we all really had SUCH a good time!

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Thanks everyone. I guess I'll just have to wait then. He did make an effort to come to my party. Also at one point in the evening he sat next to me on the couch. Jenava is right I was a bit distracted by the poor turnout and was trying to keep the wine flowing.
Someone who didn't make it tonight said I should do it again. I still have a lot of wine that didn't get drunk.

ironkurtin

Veteran

If it is fated, it will happen. You can't go wrong letting him know you like him. Then you just kinda wait and see. And if nothing happens, he was not The One.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Anna, you just never know. It certainly does not sound like rejection to me (yes, guys can be much more obtuse when it comes to this stuff). If he doesn't turn out to be the prospect you hoped for, there will be someone else better out there.