Weird forum etiquette question - YouLookFab Forum

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Weird forum etiquette question

Nadya

Veteran

Ok, I sometimes feel like there are unwritten rules in online society that I don't grasp. (And I've felt like this since my usenet days!). So here's my YLF question: if you post a compliment or suggestion on someone's threads and they don't click appreciations does that mean they're just busy, that I was out of bounds somehow or that they wish I wouldn't post on their threads? Ditto sending PMs...If someone doesn't write back does that mean I'm coming off stalkery? I mean I've probably sent a grand total of six PMs in my year here, but about half weren't answered.

Honestly, I'm just baffled sometimes at this delicate intersection of real life and virtual. We are real people and having real conversations, yet there is a difference in cyberspace compared to face to face interactions I sometimes struggle to navigate. Any insight or help appreciated. Because sometimes being just a lurker seems very attractive, but I'm actually a very outgoing person, so that makes me sad.

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17 replies

Latest reply was from Ornella

Tina

Veteran

I am mostly a lurker but I will give you my take. Some people on this forum post a lot and I think they simply can't keep up with the responses. I do sometimes reply to a thread, sometimes it gets 'appreciated' and sometimes not. I just think that they either, a. Are too busy or b. are not in the habit of doing it at all. Please do not take it personally, I highly doubt that is the case. Regarding the pm's, there is always a chance that it got lost in cyber space but sometimes we, as humans, are not as sensitive as we should be. We all have to cut one another some slack, just like in real life. Just carry on, I like your contribution to the forum. You have valuable insight.

Mochi

Veteran

I definitely think it's being too busy. Or not being aware of the function of those buttons. PM non-response could just mean being busy again, or feeling shy about "talking" with someone they don't know..... I feel very comfortable in online communities, but I'm finally realizing that a lot of people don't, even if they're here! It's just how they are and I wouldn't take it personally at all.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I wouldn't take it personally either. I know that there have been a couple of times one of my threads has been resurrected, and I click on it and realize I never checked one of the feedback buttons for the responses. Oh! And I just remembered that Jonesy asked me for a close up of one of my pairs of boots a couple of weeks ago and I *still* haven't posted one. I keep thinking of it when I'm on my iPad, which doesn't allow for uploading photos.

So I would chalk it up to people being busy or not realizing all of the tools available on the forum. And I can't imagine you ever coming across as stalkerish!

citygirldc

(website)

Veteran

I always forget about the appreciation button. I need to remember to do that.

Nadya

Veteran

Thanks for the insights! I guess we all have areas where we feel awkward and this is one of mine. Or, maybe, just maybe, I over think things!

Diana

Veteran

Personally, I try to remember to push the forum buttons but sometimes I forget. I am worse with PMs, and often forget to reply. (By the way, I do the same with emails and phone calls from friends, I am super bad at keeping up correspondence. I really need to work on that.) Don't take it personally. I really do read and appreciate all the comments/PMs!

Inge

(website)

I do make a point of using the appreciation buttons and try to reply to PM's asap, but as the other lasses have pointed out, the forum moves very fast and it's quite easy to overlook or forget the buttons.
Please don't worry about this too much, Nadya, I am 100% sure that your comments are always appreciated, and I too love YLF exactly because it's all about real conversations and interactions.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I try to use the buttons, especially since I don't usually type up a written reply to everyone's responses on my posts. I know some ladies do, and I admire them for it, but I would just get bogged down at even the idea of it! The buttons are a good quick easy way to acknowledge the post. That said, maybe some don't even have time for the buttons!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

i try to use the buttons, too, but sometimes I miss a person or two and sometimes they don't work, for reasons that confuse me. (I'll think I've "appreciated" and then it won't show up later on the thread.) I like those buttons, though, and think they are great, but I am not sure everybody knows about them or understands their function. Some people generally just don't seem to use them.

I am sure your comments are always valued, Nadya! I certainly value them. And I enjoy your outfit posts.

catgirl

Veteran

I watched MaryK click on the appreciation buttons like a madwoman in CA. Meanwhile, I am barely able to keep up let alone do that sometimes. And sometimes I'm not sure what the difference is between "wisdom" and "solution", or some combination, and don't know which would be best received.

So please don't take it personally, at least if it's me! I appreciate any and all comments, honestly.

Anonymous

I find there is a certain window when a thread is active when I try to get the appreciations done. But I have found threads later where I didn't get to it. I think it is just because the forum moves so quickly now. But I don't think you need assume that it means someone didn't appreciate your comment.

As for PMs, I always try and answer mine right away, but I can see how they would be overlooked or become buried if you didn't have time or inclination to respond right away.

Diana

Veteran

Oh, also meant to add that I often read the forum/PMs on my ipad, which is great for reading but not so great for responding. Often when I get back to my computer I don't remember that I didn't respond to something.

MsMary

Veteran

Heh. I am appreciation madwoman!

Honestly, I think it's just a matter of individual style and I would bet a million bucks that nobody particularly notices!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I think I might be crazy but one of the things I love to do is press the appreciation button....having said that I'm okay with people who don't - we all have different priorities.
I also always answer PMs.

cciele

Veteran

Yup, definitely chalk it down to busyness and general forgetfulness -- I often forget to click the buttons too!

And like Diana, often I'm browsing on my tablet and by the time I get to the desktop I've moved onto something else

Irene

Veteran

Hi, don't take it personally.

I forget about the buttons. The thing is, I answer them like an exam. I THINK about the button like my life is pending on it. It tires me. Is it wisdom or solution or comedy? Sometimes it's the three of them, sometimes none! So when I don't want to think, I don't press the buttons. I'll try to do this in future occasions since I see it might come up as rude.

If I am offended by one of your comments, you be sure I will tell you. I have in the past.

I don't receive many PMs but the ones I have, I believe I have always replied.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Thanks for asking this Nadya, it is a question that comes up from time to time. I do wonder the same and although it is perfectly logical approach not to take it personally, it does sometimes bother me. Those buttons are a perfect tool, there to help people acknowledge each other even if they don't have time for more detailed response.

Personally, I too am guilty of forgetting to click them sometimes, when I'm off-line or deal with busy threads, like recent Secret Santa operation. But, between buttons and PMs, I chose to spend my time on PMs. And answered them all

Regarding other threads if I anticipate a possibility I won't be able to respond quickly, I try to say that too and come back to the thread when I have time.