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Weight Loss/ Body Image

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

We got onto this topic in another thread, and Sarbear posted a link to this interesting article:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31.....ns_health/

I was saying that when I was shopping last night, I had a hard time believing the sizes that were fitting me (12's). I think this happens at each size that I go down (and I started in a size 22W last September), and I don't know if I will ever stop being surprised. When I look in the mirror, I don't see the weight that I have lost, but rather what I still want to loose. I'm definitely more conscious of my weight/size now than I was nearly 50 pounds ago. I don't see myself as the size person that I was before, but now that I am able to see my frame under my flesh I can see how small it really is, and how much excess is really on it. My body image has really changed through this process.

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16 replies

Latest reply was from garmenta

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

That article was very timely for me. I thought that when I lost all the weight I'd be able to embrace the new, fabulous me. But the feelings of self doubt and self criticism are much stronger than they've ever been. I nit pick like I never have before.
The article hit it on the head for me. I can believe that I'm dropping sizes because I'm putting in the work. But I don't see a smaller me in the mirror yet. Just goes to show that this is just as much of a mental transformation as it is physical.

shiny

Veteran

This is so very true. I know with my past big weight loss (well over a decade ago) it took a long time for my mind to catch up with the image in the mirror. Back then, I had a friend (and fellow shopping buddy!) who helped me get over it. She took my clothes and put them on herself, to demonstrate to me that I really was as slim as she was. It wouldn't register for me, even if theoretically I knew we wore the same size.

I also found, this last (comparatively minor) loss, that at some point I just had to stop weighing all the time, because that would feed into my self-critic. Of course now I am weighing again - and getting depressed because my weight is right back up again: this flu was one of those "feed a fever" types... I couldn't stop eating! Argh.

Laura

For those of you who are working on losing weight and reguarly take photos of yourself, does that help?

I would think that the ability to compare photos side by side might help your brain grasp the change?

rute

Veteran

It's very difficult and the photos don't help it's even worse because on the photos everyone looks wider.. I guess.. when looking at the photos I always think first: this outfit makes me fat and the other one makes me not so fat, but it's a mental process, when I was 17 I weighted about 92 pounds (i had lost about 40 pounds) and there was not a single moment where I look at myself and tought.. I'm slim.. you always have your old image in your brain.
Later I had to gain some more weight because I had no period, for me it helped to think: ok you are what you are, you are not slim but learn to work what you have! My ideal weight is not the same as the slim girls but I can look twice as better!
It's a mental process CS you need to repeat that to you over again!

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I do take regular pictures and so I can compare them. I can look at the pictures of before I started and see the difference, but my whole concept of what my body can and should look like has changed. I didn't have a particularly negative body image before, but I also didn't think of myself as being the same as a "normal" person. I never thought that I could come down out of plus sizes- or really even wanted to. For me, I was so far overweigth (obese) that when I would read things, or hear people talking about weight/body issues, I didn't believe that it applied to me. It's as if I thought of myself as a separate "breed" of human. Obviously, the rules for normal sized people didn't apply to me. I really thought that I had a huge skeletal structure that made the normal guidelines incompatable with my body. Now I can *see* that I have a normal sized skeleton, and that I can be a normal sized person. That sounds so lame, but it really was a revelation to me. At the weight that I am now, I am still "obese" according to my BMI. I'm not in a healthy weight range, and that is part of the issue. I don't want to get comfortable where I am and give up. I have a goal- for my health, not just my looks, and I want to be able to reach it. It's not like I have undergone this process quickly (like someone who had gastric bypass or lap band surgery would). It will have taken me 10 months to loose 50 pounds. Mentally, I have made a lot of adjustments, but I don't think that a person who has been so overweight will ever think the same as a person who has not- you know?

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

Hugs, CS. I know how you feel. When I was obese I was just generally fine unless I was comparing myself with smaller people. But that was just a general feeling. Now I critique my body like it's an item I'm looking at to purchase. I've noticed that my lower legs are not lean at all, I have wide ankles, and ab definition? What's that?
I have photos for proof, but there's this sort of mental block in my head preventing me from really seeing the difference. I don't reach for the larger sized clothes in the store anymore, but I see my heavier self in the mirror and still feel like everyone else views me as overweight. Like rute said, you don't see the change you see what still needs to be changed.
The most disappointing thing of it all is that I had NO IDEA I would feel this way. I expected with each pound lost and each new size I'd be so excited. I am, of course, but the disconnect is in the mirror. I *know* I wear a smaller size the the scale has a smaller number, but I just don't see it or feel like a smaller person. Yet.
I think it is a process. And I think it's so important to deal with the mental and emotional aspects of health as well as the physical. I'm 15 pounds away from my (healthy) goal weight so I still have some time. I'm doing this the old fashioned way (as you are) and realize that it takes time. I've been on an up and down journey for two years, and now that it's almost over I'm starting to get scared as to how I'll react. I realize health isn't a goal, but a lifestyle. But dropping weight is a goal and for someone who's never been at a healthy weight before, I'm very apprehensive of the whole thing. And what am I going to do when I'm "done"? Will I appreciate myself then? Hmm.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

A very interesting article. I would never have believed it, but since you lovely lasses confirmed it’s sentiments, I believe it wholeheartedly. Wow. How mind blowing – literally. It just goes to show that there is truth in the saying: “mind over matter” .

Extra hugs to you all :0)

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I know Angie- it seems crazy, doesn't it?

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

This is a topic I've been thinking about quite a bit in recent weeks -- and interestingly, Angie just asked me a similar question in my outfit thread this morning!

My body went through a pretty drastic change about a month ago; I didn't lose any extra weight, nothing obvious or dramatic happened, but suddenly WHOOSH I went from someone who was clearly losing weight to someone who is slender. I'm still about 4 pounds from goal, my BMI is still just over the edge into "overweight", and I do still see some flaws in the mirror, but all of a sudden my body transformation became undeniable -- not just to me, but to everyone. Even DH started really commenting a lot about it, without prompting.

Part of that, though, was also mental; suddenly *I* couldn't deny anymore that I wasn't the heavy girl I have been all my life. Taking daily photos has played a big role in that mental acceptance, but so has continuing to shop and try on smaller clothes as I went down in size. Every day, I could see the change in how my clothes fit, or pants I tried on a few weeks earlier were fitting by the time they were on sale.

I've been very conscious of working on both the mental and the physical changes in tandem this time; I've lost weight before and wasn't emotionally ready for it, and I've had the emotional readiness and the weight just wouldn't come off. This time I want both together. So now that I'm at the point where I can't deny the physical changes, I'm also ready (and excited) to accept them.

Vani

Veteran

Kristen, you might as well been reading my mind when you said "I've lost weight before and wasn't emotionally ready for it, and I've had the emotional readiness and the weight just wouldn't come off. This time I want both together."

When I was at my lowest weight and in the best shape of my life, I still saw and thought of my body as it was before any changes. I held off on even trying clothes that would actually make fit me well and me feel good about where I was because I still felt like I was trying to fit into clothes 2 sizes too small for me.

And now when I'm finally at a place where I understand my body well and how to dress to flatter in a style I have evolved into, I wish I were 2 sizes smaller...LOL

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

(Continuing on with a new thought...)

But it's not easy, and I do experience a lot of the "phantom fat" moments from that article. I actually think there are two phenomenons at play in the article and in this discussion, and it's important to see the distinction between them.

The first is the "phantom fat" effect, when you have trouble adjusting your eye (to use a YLF term) to how your body fits in proportion to the outside world. Being surprised when you fit into the airplane seat, pulling the seat belt in the car too far across your little lap, always grabbing the larger size pants when you're two sizes smaller now, etc. This is easier to resolve; all it takes is time.

The second is letting go of our self-identification as overweight people. Thinking we still look unattractive, waiting for the weight to come back, not seeing your true smaller body in the mirror. This one is much tougher, because it ties in so much of our self-esteem and life experiences. We have to work at this, just as hard as we did at losing the weight. And there isn't one right way that works for everyone, unfortunately!

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I had a weird experience yesterday, and it would actually be a good exercise for anyone dealing with these issues. I was in a department store on the escalator, and across from the escalator was a wall of mirrors (which is pretty common). I was able to see myself on the escalator, as well as several other women above and below me all at the same time. It was a good reference to size, and it really surprised me.

medusa

Veteran

Personally I find it useful to see someone a similar height/weight to me and realize that I don't think about her body the way I think about my own. Links for this:

The height/weight grid:
http://www.cockeyed.com/photos.....ight.shtml

Illustrated BMI categories:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7.....199008819/

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Medusa- those are really interesting. I especially like the height/weight photos. The BMI photos just show how whacked up the BMI index really is, I think.

ChristineB

This is so interesting, especially to me this week. I lost about 30 lbs, which I know is no where near as much as some of you have lost. I've kept it off for about 6 months. I've always thought that I've had a pretty healthy self image. In fact, I debated loosing weight because I liked myself the way I was, but I decided I wanted to be healthier, and that was my main motivation.

Anyway, my 'problem area' has always been my upper thighs. Always. This past week or so, I've decided I really like my legs. I do. I don't see the problems that I used to. I'm not sure why that is. I had gained 3 or 4 lbs back, and I've been working on getting them gone again (just finished, actually) and I've been super busy with work & family stuff, so I haven't been exercising as much as I would like, or as much as 6 months ago when I met my goal, but somehow, my legs seem to be a different, better shape now than they were 6 months ago. I think it's just my perception & acceptance of my body more than anything else. However, it was kind of weird to try & reason out in my very logical mind.

garmenta

I don't know if any of you watched the short-lived style show on Bravo hosted by Tim Gunn, but one of the most interesting moments was when Tim used a software program to generate the MO's actual measurements and project them lifesize onto a screen. Everyone of them was surprised by her actual dimensions. Not a one had a body image that was the same as her body size. And these weren't women who were obese or overweight by any reckoning--they were between average and slender. How strange and how sad!