Friends, I would like to revive this thread with a long entry, if I may, because my daughter will be married next October, and I am feeling a bit wobbly about what to wear. It will be an evening wedding in a beautiful historic building, with cocktails and a seated dinner after the ceremony. My daughter's dress is a chic, stunning, one-shouldered Carolina Herrera gown. The bridesmaids will wear lovely midnight-blue velvet wrap dresses asymmetrically hemmed from knee-length in front to tea-length or longer in back. Their bouquet flowers will all be white, the centerpieces also, in deep blue-and-white porcelain containers. I began looking for my own dress early, because I knew it would present a challenge. Most of the MOB standbys--drifty chiffon, full skirts, floral prints, and delicate lace--make me look and feel hopelessly frumpy, and so many of the current trends in dresses (bathrobe-like wraps, ruffles, very high or low necklines, droopy hemlines, slinky fabrics, splashy prints) just don't suit me at all. I feel best in a body-skimming, slightly structured dress with luxe details. I thought I was in luck when I found a short a-line dress with a v-neck and dramatic trumpet sleeves, made of heavy, almost metallic, openwork lace in a gorgeous shade of steel blue (one of my favorite and best colors.) It's beautifully made, with a lighter blue silky lining showing through the lace to create a brocade effect. The hem and sleeves are shaped by the curved edge of the lace. My plan was to wear shimmery sheer hose and silver shoes, and carry a pretty silver beaded envelope clutch. The dress has a retro '60s vibe, so my mother's vintage rhinestone earrings and brooch seemed like the right touch of bling. I'd thought I was all set, until the mother of the groom told me that she definitely intends to wear a floor-length gown. My daughter assures me that I should wear whatever makes me comfortable, and my friends urge me to go with the length and style that suits me best, but I can't help worrying that I may look insufficiently dressed up, especially after reading some of the above comments about the difference between wedding guest and MOB outfits, and that this could in turn make my daughter's future mother-in-law uncomfortable. I would really rather not wear a long gown, and have not yet seen anything in tea-length (a possible compromise) that "sparks joy", as Marie Kondo would say. I don't usually dither this much over wardrobe choices, but for such an emotional occasion, I would really like to get the tone right. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

I say - wear your lovely ensemble and a big smile because you know you look your best and you are celebrating a very happy occasion. Do not succomb to the pressure to be matchy-matchy with dress length especially since 1) you found something you love and “sparks joy” (as elusive as that feeling can be) 2) DD said to wear what makes you more comfortable and 3) your friends obviously think it’s appropriate because they told you to be true to yourself.

It sounds like you will not be mistaken for a guest - you have plenty of celebratory glitz and polish built into your ensemble (the silvery accents, the lovely fabric of the dress.

Congratulations!!

I agree, start a new a thread. Where I will chime in to tell you to wear the dress you planned on! It sounds lovely and well-thought out.

Another who thinks you deserve your own thread! Exciting.

Tulle, so many parts of that dress sound just right for you, and like it fits in with the bride and groom's ideas for the wedding very well. The nice part of being MoB is that it is a unique role; you don't have to match anyone. Yes, there is a MoG in a similar role, but I don't see why either of you have any pull or rank over the other.

Sounds lovely! Will you have corsages? Corsages orchestrate everything...

Your dress sounds perfect! I think you should wear it. You don’t have to match or blend in. I remember when a good friend got married, her mom wore a suit to the church ceremony. It was so chic and classy. It was so simple, yet it’s the only outfit I remember from that day.

Would love to see the dress but I’d say fit and quality trump length. Long gowns can be hard to find also and many times I’ve seen ladies in formal wear that looks nothing special if the gown dies nothing for their body type or best features. Or has any other advantages, such as, sometimes with a long gown one can get away with lower heels ( if willing to have it hemmed).
I may be biased because at my daughter’s wedding I wore a Kay Unger cocktail dress while MOG wore a long gown. It was all good, I thought.

If the bride doesn’t care, I say do what makes you most comfortable. Your dress sounds lovely.

Tulle - 18 months ago I bought a long gown for two family weddings (I wasn’t in either, but it was the dress I liked best and was appropriate to the events, plus sun coverage for Hawaii in July!). Last year I hemmed it to a shorter length that was more in keeping with my style, and wore it to DD’sgraduation. I agree you should wear what you love and makes you feel best, particularly if the bride doesn’t want something specific. But have an open mind as you approach the event. Congrats and have fun with this!

Exciting to be MOB. As to what to wear, I think it is whatever makes you feel your best on the big day, assuming the bride is happy, too. Our daughter was married in a formal wedding last year. There was no question of the MOG and I being on exactly the same page, as she was wearing an elegant sari, while I was in a simple silk gown. The mix of saris and largely cocktail attire on the women guests was stunning (made for gorgeous photos). I would have considered a very dressy pants look, but my daughter preferred the gown option for me, likely because she had not seen how formal pants can be.

If the lovely dress you described is your "it" dress, then enjoy it. If your mind is open to other possibilities pleasing you even more, hang onto if you can and keep your eyes open for something that tops it. But I wouldn't sweat the length. You will look beautiful either way and few would be comparing by dress length. Sounds like a lovely time lies ahead.