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Wardrobe orphans

Lynette

I have always had the problem of wardrobe orphans. Lots of them! Many items hang in my closet year after year with the tags still on them. This is very frustrating and a waste of my money and my time spent shopping for these items. Why does this happen? I have been contemplating this for a while. First off, I am very hard to fit (short waisted, large thighs, thin calves, tummy ) and usually have to try on tons of items before I come across something that fits. When I finally find that elusive item I do try to think about what I have in my wardrobe that will go with it but I am often wrong and then realize I have purchased yet another orphan. This usually leads to a rabbit trail of buying items I hope will work but don’t. Eventually the poor little orphan gets hung in the back of the closet with the other orphans and I put it out of my mind. Do any of you Fabbers struggle with the problem of wardrobe orphans? How do you go about solving this? Would you gather up the orphans and take them out shopping at b&m stores so you can try them on with complementary items? Or order a bunch of things online to try on at home? Or maybe return the orphan if you haven’t let too much time go by? I am determined to break this habit and learn to be a better shopper in the future!

Shopping

35 replies

Latest reply was from DonnaF

nuancedream

Veteran

Hi Lynette! I found this previous YLF blog post especially helpful in addressing the problem of wardrobe orphans.

https://youlookfab.com/2015/01.....e-orphans/

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Hi Lynette, when I came to YLF 4 years ago I had what felt like ( for me) a too-large wardrobe with too many things I wasn’t wearing much at all. I have slowly whittled the items down from around 200 to around 160 over those years, continuing to buy but trying not to buy too much ( 2020 was the lowest only 12 items) and being very much Angie’s PPP! ( Patient, Picky and Practical).
The biggest help has been writing out my whole wardrobe on paper and tracking the wears, which stops me forgetting stuff and helps me think of combinations that up wears on less worn pieces. Then when I feel I need something new, I take the lists with me if I am B&M shopping. I also dress nicely to shop in something that might go with the new items. This has all really helped and the new stuff gets worn much better.

cat2

Veteran

I prune mine slowly over time by making a detailed list of what I need to make a complete outfit for each and then shopping for the completer pieces. It made me actively look for the missing pieces and over time what I need shows up even though I shop sales. So it could be “print top to go with burgundy pant” or “cream lace tank to go with deep purple dress” or whatever.

always trying

Veteran

I usually have a few hanging around. Sometimes what i usually wore something with is out of style, just no longer like, or no longer fits. Maybe take the orphans one at a time and take a good look at why it is an orphan. Post the things that you like, and that fit well and ask for styling advice. Get rid of what you just don't like. IMO, if you don't really like something you will not be happy in it no matter what.
A motto I have used for years when shopping with my sister--always ask self--do I really like it x number of dollars worth? One fault with this is one can buy too many sale or cheaper items.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

I have found,abit like Jenni,that recording my wardrobe so that I can see what I have got is really helpful.l use style app and you can add in pictures of pieces that you haven’t yet bought but are considering and see how they relate to pieces that are already in your wardrobe .
This has been very helpful to me in terms of avoiding un necessary purchasing.

Anonymous

When I joined YLF many years ago, I had this same issue. I'm not totally free from that kind of shopping behaviour, but I'm a lot better now. It seems with the end of every season, I am struck by what NOT to buy anymore - packing the clothes up for the winter (for example) forces me to take a good hard look at what I own. I actually make notes of what I'm overloaded with and what I never wore - so as to not repeat that mistake. A shopping *tip* that works for me is that every piece I buy should work with at least 2 other things in my closet. And I have cut back on shopping for entertainment's sake.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My dear Lynette, are the items orphans because you don't have anything to wear with them that you like, OR because you are saving things for good?

FWIW.....if not now - when!

When you introduce a new item into your wardrobe, you need to try it on in your all important dressing room at home, and do a little outfit creation session with it.

Does the item fit well and make you feel fab? (Does it need an alteration to fit well).

Does it go with some of the items you have at home - at least 2 or three - and do you like the outfits you have created?

Do you need to purchase something else to go with it? Are you prepared to do that?

Is it an item that is on your DO NOT BUY list? If so, return it!

Do NOT purchase a skirt without a top to go with it unless you know you have one (or a few) at home that REALLY do work!

Thinking about which wardrobe items might look good together in your head is usually not good enough. Not even for very style savvy people! You always have to try on the outfit to see if it works, and whether you like it.

cat2

Veteran

Angie: I don’t think this works if you have a job that requires formal clothing or you have trouble fitting into clothing. I have never had a shopping experience like you describe where there are more than a couple of things to try on or where you can just spin around gleefully when you are done because you found what you need.

Anonymous

Seconding everyone that tracking your wardrobe and wears really helps. Also, if you gather all your orphans together, do they have anything in common? I did this and it was almost all skirts. Then you can analyze why that category, or type of item, or color, or fantasy style etc isn’t being worn. For me, I realized that since I’m drawn to pattern I would buy patterned skirts. But since I also have mostly patterned tops, I would need to buy solid colored tops just to wear some of the skirts. I may try that in the future if I really like a skirt. In the meantime I have avoided even looking at skirts since I know I would have to buy more to make them work.

unfrumped

Veteran

I have had this problem sometimes, when I fall “ in love “ with something for some reason.
You think you are hard to fit- I get that for sure. Is there any common thread amongst the “ orphans”? That may sound paradoxical as they could be a hodgepodge, but here’s what I mean:
Are these separates? For example, do you find it easier to buy tops, but
bottoms are a challenge, hence no outfit? Or vice versa? If some of these items are well- fitting and practical ( right color, right dress code, etc,) but lack a “ mate”, these are worth wearing to go shopping ( more than once) and see if you can find something that works with it. This would be intentional shopping, trying not to get distracted by random other things.
Do you sometimes come across things that fit great but were in random colors or colors that are not in your palette , but because finding things is hard you got it but then you’re not able to mix things together? Or it’s not a good color at all for you? That takes some thinking-to avoid going down a rabbit-hole of creating a capsule around a wrong color, vs. creating a list of reasonable ways to utilize it. Rabbit- hole = toss it.
But creative color pairing or knowing certain colors are trending and readily available, or finding a print top, or accessories, can salvage some colors if the fit is great AND you overall like the color (s).
Do you have things that you thought fit, or “ settled” for so-so fit, and now you see it’s not right? If it’s not something that can be easily tailored , you should trust your feelings if you don’t like it. These are items you should return or give away and not look back.
Do think about tailoring if you haven’t already. It’s very hard to get perfect fit off the rack. Maybe you can identify the smallish tailoring work that would help to the most. For example, I have to size skirts and pants for my hips, then the waist seldom fits without alterations. I still look for “ almost fits” and avoid gaping waists that usually mean the garment cut is too wrong for me, but still.
Or are some imaginary lifestyle things? I have tended to do that. If I came across a great formal gown that made me look
fabulous (!), I’d be so tempted to buy it and hang it in the closet for “ just in case”!

Sometimes I lack the imagination or vision for how to wear something I brought home- even after trying it on with all my stuff. Some of these items are fails, or too much trouble, so I take them back. but you can try searching Pinterest very specifically for outfits containing one item, and see what turns up.

Lynette

Nuancedream- Thank you for that help article. Angie’s solutions are always the best!

Jenni, Cat2, and Cardiff Girl- oh my goodness why don’t I have a list/pics of my wardrobe? I am a list person! Such a helpful suggestion! Thx!

Lisa- having better notes might solve half the problem. Thanks! Being a California girl all my life I have never switched out my closet for seasons. I’m now in the Pacific Northwest and wonder if people do that here. I should intentionally take everything out at least once a year for evaluation.

Angie, I don’t think the problem is that I am saving things for special occasions, at least in the pre-Covid world. Where I really run into problems is with shape, rather than color or patterns. I will imagine several tops to go with a pair of pants or a skirt only to find out when I try them on at home that they are the wrong shape. I have started to realize after so much trial and error that I can only wear short form fitting tops with pants that have straight or wide legs and with skirts. Otherwise I look like a box! But with skinny jeans I need to wear long and flowy tops to camouflage the thighs. Your suggestion of buying a top and bottom at the same time is a helpful hint for me in the future. Otherwise, do you suggest taking wardrobe orphans along with me on a shopping trip? I do struggle a bit with wardrobe creation sessions. After I have been at it for a half hour (and nothing is working) I start to feel discouraged. Do you have any tips for a productive wardrobe creation sessions?

Lynette

Gillian Pearl- Good point! Many of mine are skirts too! I don’t tuck tops so skirts need to go with short form fitting tops or short tops with a welt, which are hard to find for my short waisted self.

Unfrumped- yes, yes, and yes to all those questions I ought to be asking myself! Lol! Thank you for the good reminders about buying things on sale that are not my colors, buying things that don’t fit so well, buying things for my imaginary (dressy) lifestyle, etc.

unfrumped

Veteran

Yes yes wear things shopping. Be aware of your limits and don’t overdo the trip.
When/ if dressing rooms are open, B& M shopping can give the feedback you have about type of top for type of bottoms, so you can skip over the obvious wrong things. Then if something works, you can buy it ( still always keep receipt/ tags until after the home tryon). But you can also learn more about what to look for online.

cat2

Veteran

I am not like the gals on this site who create outfits in their sleep. I throw everything I already have for the season onto the bed and put possible outfits together and then put them on. Then I literally hang the ones that work in the closet together so I remember to actually wear them. Less literal people seem to take pictures instead. Anyhow, if I have the orphans on me, I can figure out how to describe what is missing well enough to shop. I think you have the key, though, which is it’s silhouette that is doing you in. For me, it’s getting stuck on particular color combinations and not mixing things up as much as I could.

cat2

Veteran

Angie had a good post on welted tops with skirts that may help.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Lynette, I have found it invaluable to have my wardrobe documented digitally. I do so in YLF Finds. It keeps me very organized and focussed. I don't count wears, though. That part I don't personally find useful, but many Fabbers swear by it. Whatever works! It is absolutely worth the initial effort in the long run.

(I'm GLAD you aren't saving things for good! )

"I have started to realize after so much trial and error that I can only wear short form fitting tops with pants that have straight or wide legs and with skirts" = this makes sense for creating traditional flattering proportions. But you can explore with other proportions, and we can help you get the details right. The right garment details can offset the too boxy look that you are concerned with.

Have you tried semi-tucking? You are not too short in the waist ......it can work. Or fluid tops with a V-neck and some diagonal integrity to wear untucked. The right WELTED tops as cat2 suggested, and those are untucked too.

"But with skinny jeans I need to wear long and flowy tops to camouflage the thighs" = no you don't!

I 100% get that things can become discouraging. It's why I have a job! The forum is here to help you with outfit creation, and I am too. Show us your orphans with the items you thought would look good with them, and we can help you troubleshoot the proportions, and find solutions. It will involve you taking pics and showing us, though. And some homework! The same way I'd help you in-person if we were messing around in your closet, or shopping together.

(Yes, take orphans along when you're shopping. But you first need a sense for what you are looking for. The forum can help you with that too).

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

When you get home and discover they don’t work with the thing you intended, why don’t you return them to the store?
If you don’t need to swap out clothes seasonally, you don’t need to, but do make sure you can see everything. Cat2’s idea of physically pulling things out sounds great.
Since joining ylf, I’ve stated being able to logically figure out likely matches—I realize that this bottom part needs this kind of top, and then methodically go through my tops/toppers to see which of them come close to that description. But then, just like you after a shopping trip, I have to try it out for sure to see.
I’m down for the play-in-the-closet session, but you’ve seen how those go, right? Sometimes people jump right in with suggestions, other times....not so much. Just be prepared for that.

Irina

Veteran

Good return policy is a must for my shopping. I might fall in love with a garment in a store or online and have some idea on styling it but upon trying it at home, find it just doesn’t look good or doesn’t work with what I already have. For me, a great addition to my wardrobe is something that works with a lot of my pieces and doesn’t require me to purchase another item to make it into an outfit.
Last year I bought a Final Sale top and now have an orphan in my closet I’m planning to either sell or try tailor it to my needs.
I also have boards on Pinterest with all my clothes for visual aid

Lynette

Angie, I am chuckling as I realize you are telling me in a kind way that I am being overly critical of myself! You are right! My eye only seems to focus in on tummy and thighs rather than the whole. I do not semi tuck for that reason. I only see tummy. I will have to give that another try. It sounds like my first assignment is to document my wardrobe and start to post some WIW‘s.
If we ever get back to shopping in actual stores again it is my dream to gather up all the orphans and go on a shopping spree with you! I have the feeling you could solve the problem in five minutes.
But for now I feel motivated to be working on this from home. Thanks!

Lynette

Fashintern- now that is the question! Why don’t I just return them? I think it might be that I have invested so many hours in the process of finding an item that fits and if I returned it that time would be wasted. Hmmm but if I keep it both my time and money has been wasted.

Lynette

Irina- it is a good reminder to me that I should return items that are going to turn into orphans. You are doing great if you only have one orphan!

rachylou

Veteran

Popping in to say that I totally wear an item, which I need pieces to go with, to go shopping. Nothing like having it right there and already on(!) Not a way to solve multiple orphan issues in a swoop, but so much less pain. My threshold for shopping is actually low - I can go often, but not long.

Lynette

Rachy- I agree. Short shopping trips more often are better for me too. And wearing the item is a great idea. Thanks!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sweet, Lynette. Blast this ongoing pandemic

I'd love to help you online in the mean time. It's been working well with clients who are prepared to take LOTS of pics daily and send them through to me via text. Good team work goes a long way, and we can do this! PM me if you're interested. Or stick to the forum. All good

cat2

Veteran

I cheerily disregard the advice not to buy orphan skirts; except with evening wear I have found that I spend more than I need to when I go all in on an outfit. I find it’s easy to find less expensive tops later — sometimes I will forget I already have something, or if I have time I can find a less expensive solution than full price in store.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

cat2, you sound like you know what types of tops to look for with new skirt purchases, perhaps wear skirts frequently, and will remember to buy a top later so that the skirt won't be orphaned. Good for you! That knowledge and skill set will effectively limit skirt orphans

In my experience of dressing women as a fashion professional, this is not the case with most, especially when they don't wear skirts often. And it's even tricker when the wearer doesn't like to tuck tops, and the skirts are flared. Hence the rigid guideline. Pencil skirts and tube skirts are generally easier to style.

slim cat

Veteran

Interesting read - I have some orphans too in my wardrobe. Often it’s the color I love ( or print ) but the style or shape/proportions all wrong. Or it’s the right style/shape but color is off ( got some of those out of desperation- nothing fits ).
Doing better now but still have missteps

Anonymous

Are the orphans due to color or silouette? If color- limiting your color scheme and/or making sure you have enough neutrals is key. Are there too many print orphans, and not enough solids?

If silouette- create some silouette capsules, starting with the things that work. Do any of the orphans go?

And of course there's the question of why. Were the pieces bought on impulse, boredom, some other triggers?

Lynette

Suntiger- it’s definitely the shape. I assume an item will work with three tops but when I try them on the shapes don’t go together. Creating silhouette capsules is a brilliant idea! I will try that. Thanks!

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