Angie/Greg - if this post is completely inappropriate please delete it.

Let me first apologize at how ridiculous this post may seem to most of you. Not being "dog people" you might not really get it, or might think, "Oh, those dog show people are all weird" or whatever. You wouldn't be wrong! If you do read on I thank you, as the dog part of it really only serves as a backdrop of the relationships of the humans involved.

I'm thinking the best thing I can do is just to forget it and move on with my life but I feel badly about something I did. Here's the background:

There is a woman whom I do not like very much. Let's call her X. In roughly 2001, we co-owned a dog for roughly 8mo. I had planned to import this dog from Australia to the US knowing that I did not want another dog of my own - I already had 5. But she was lovely and I was looking for another dog to show. I also felt she would be a great asset to any breeding I might do. So I asked X, whom I'd known causally and felt I had a good relationship with, if she would like to co-own the dog and have it as her pet and let me show her. We did. Blah blah blah, the relationship ended badly - different ideas of how things should be handled, money, etc. I had spent a lot of money and just gave her my "half" of the dog. I was very sad to let go but it was the right thing to do.

I tried to be as gracious as possible. I did my best to be the bigger person and let it go and just end things as amicably as possible. I was able to do so on the surface but deep down, even after 10 years, I still hold some bad feelings about the whole mess. It's pretty much been a non-issue because we have minimal contact, mostly only via email lists and such. As long as she left me alone, we were fine. I had no trouble being nice to her provided things stayed superficial.

I recently got an email marked "Private for your eyes only" from X. It it she said some unkind things about the woman from whom I just bought a puppy (which tends to be a somewhat unique relationship "in dogs") which she refused to substantiate. I thanked her for looking out for me but told her that her email was sort of useless if she wouldn't explain. I tried to be firm - let her know that she wasn't accomplishing anything constructive - but kind. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but again deep down I felt like she was stirring up trouble. It wouldn't be the first time she'd done it, though never involving me before.

I did something bad.

The next time I saw my breeder we went to lunch and chatted. During the course of the conversation I told her about this email. It had bothered me a lot and I was wondering what was going on. I wanted an explanation and X hadn't given me one. It hadn't been my intention to speak of it, it just came out. Oops.

Of course there was no explanation. What I effectively did was perpetuate gossip and rumor mongering. X found out and sent me a nasty email about what a terrible person I am, and that I am a betrayer of confidences and friends. It was very condescending. I got angry and pretty much told her exactly what I thought: that she was being purposefully hurtful and just trying to draw me into her drama because that is the sort of person she is.

I feel awful about it. Not because I think I'm wrong about X, but because I -was- wrong to open my mouth. X and I have not been, and will never be friends again. I might see her at dog shows sometime this summer and am not looking forward to the tension. My problem is I feel a karmic duty to admit I was wrong. However emailing X seems like asking for more trouble, especially after my last email to her that was pretty rough. She responded but I deleted it without reading. I really just don't want to deal with her and wish the whole thing never happened.

Bleh. Not sure what I'm looking for here. Validation that I'm not awful? I should let sleeping dogs lie, not to make a pun, right?