Geez, this so resonates with me and my hubs, why is it always this way? Parents just seem to favor the flakes, why, why, oh why?

You know how you hear about certain ascended masters who are "in the world, but not of it" ? That's how you can position yourself. In the family, but not of it.

Just chiming in to say I understand first hand how hard it is to deal with problematic parents. You may in fact be a much BETTER person than they are - Suz's example was right on the mark!

I won't go into too many details but I will say that I chose to live far away from my own parent for good reason! My dad is gone - and I didn't really know him all that well as he and mom divorced when I was very young. My mom is in a world unto her own and always was. I can't really say we've ever had an adult conversation. It's weird - sometimes I honestly forget she IS my mom. I try to "do the right thing" and stay in touch but it's very hard sometimes.

So, I know, it's a different situation than yours, but still a dysfunctional family thing and that definitely can make certain life events extra challenging (holidays, weddings, birthdays, etc.).

It's nice to vent sometimes.

Dana, thank you for sharing that therapy wisdom - I do have to take responsibility, either for keeping the wound open or closing it. I sometimes think it is like being in an abusive relationship, where people seek out confirmation of their feelings of low self worth. Going back over and over, reconfirming my fears... that doesn't sound very healthy.

Julie, your comment was a great followup to Dana's. To be "in the family but not of it" sounds like it would indeed bring a great deal of zen to the situation!

Texstyle, I'm sorry to hear that you have parental struggles as well. It can indeed make life events super awkward. IKWYM about forgetting someone is your parent - a bizarre sensation, isn't it?

Wow, so much in this thread! Rae, I am sorry you're going through this, and on the heels of a traumatic time already. It's natural for emotions to be high.

Gaylene and IK made some points that really resonated with me. I come at this from a very different perspective, as the baby of the family, and yes, apparently the favored child. My parents never "gave" me anything (I paid for my own college education, my first car, etc.) but my sister has always felt I was the favorite. This was mainly because I lived under the shadow of all the friction in the home between my sister and our parents as she went through her very rebellious teen years, and I learned to keep my head down and never make waves. I was the "easy" child who never caused trouble. This led to a whole other set of issues that I had to learn to confront in therapy, but that's another story.

But I really have to echo IK's words. We cannot change our parents (or anyone else). I had an amazing shift for the better in my relationship with my mother after I truly embraced this idea and decided to love and accept my mother the way she was, which meant listening to her with compassion and not trying to change her. I certainly wasn't perfect in this regard -- I was impatient and short with her just a mere day before she went into the hospital before she passed away -- but the effort was so rewarding, I can't even begin to explain it.

As soon as I dropped my expectations of her, it seemed that her expectations of me eased up as well. It had been as though she was trying to pull me closer as I was trying to push her away, and all of a sudden when I stopped pushing, she stopped pulling.

Ah, I'm rambling. I have no idea if any of this is helpful to you, but I wish you the best! There is a lot going on for you right now, and you don't need more drama. Big hugs!

Much wisdom here. Are you still seeing Dr. Shrink? Can you talk about this there? Might be a good place to delve into this and perhaps get some ideas for dealing with it.

Rae u r not the only one i have a bit bitter funny story... My dad i am his favorite ...while mom favorite is my 2 year yonger bro !! I have (because i still i do!!) this sibiling rivaly with my bro because Dad have been away since 1995 working in Los Angeles ...while I was in Guate till i was 15! (2003) so for 7 years i have to suffer the favoritism of my mother with my bro ...i was very innocent but with a potty mouth hahaha. Mom would ground me for everything i did or even if i didn't while my bro ...he was more disrespecful ...go out with permission (just because he was a boy)

That was very hurful for me ...becuase i grew up recenting her and not telling her anything about my life . One time went and hit me out of no where and saying that somebody told her is was in a moto with a dude riding in the city!!! which wasn't true...

The fights between my bro were very umm violet from hitting with sticks, brooms, rocks ( one throw a rock in his head), fist, etc. Sometimes we scared the c.. out of her >_< and after the fight we would be hugging each other and be inseparables again. I love my bro and always will but i think all this violence was because we were jelous of how parents treat us ...like my father was pretty unfair with my bro when he went to vacations to Guatemala.

At the end i grew tired and left the country and came back to my home town (Los Angeles) ...at the age 15... to live with my dad ...Mom after that started to change(for good)...she said it was a hard lesson she learned...(Because i didn't speak with her on the phone at all till i was 20) and that was because i DH (boyfriend back then) convince me to give her a second chance. and I am glad that my two lil sis live a better life than me !! and try to trust them..

As far as i know ..i am was the only one of the daughters/son that barely got into trouble, was sincere, not have a bf till the age of 20 , hardly go out, help her as much as i can and the one that suffered the most of her irrational untrusting issues...but i still love her ...She is my mom u know...

So my advice in that matter with ur family i can say this ..tell them how u feel and tell them you have enough of their favoritism and if they can at least ban the topic ...when u talk with them of helping more ur sis than u because u feel a bit jelaous and it hurts.