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Venting

Helena

Veteran

Hi all, just need to vent ... I have worked freelance virtual assistant jobs for years but just got a part-time contract with a local non-profit as assistant to the ED ... started today and my anxiety is on the march. Having been out of proper workplaces for so long, I feel old and out of my depth and like I'm starting all over again as a newbie, except with family stressors and sleep disturbances, etc. to contend with. It happens to be a super-busy time of the year, which doesn't help.

Additionally, the day after I accepted this job, I found out I have a thickened endometrium as well as some sort of 3.5cm something that could be seen on ultrasound. I've been referred to a gyno and for an MRI, but things move slooooowww here so I won't see the gyno for nearly a month and the MRI won't be until the end of summer. So that is stressing me out.

Anyways, nothing to be done but power through ... I've taken the contract so I need to make it work best I can; similarly, I can't do much but wait regarding my health situation. But I just needed to get that out because DH has loads on his plate right now, as do my closest friends and I am trying to not lose the plot with my kids, with DS months away from uni and DD needing extra support in many ways right now.

I am incredibly privileged that I even have a choice about my work situation, that I have healthcare, etc. Still, it feels like a lot right now.

Thanks for listening xoxo

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28 replies

Latest reply was from Helena

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Oh Helena, do not feel badly about venting. Sadly, there are always people worse off in some objective way, but knowing that does not make what you are dealing with any easier, does it? Starting a new job is very stressful, and I hear you about feeling your age (even though you seem like a spring chicken to me). And on top of that an unresolved health concern and teenagers. That is a lot.
Without knowing the details of the non-profit, I will say one of my most enjoyable jobs (a very long time ago) was as assistant to the ED. I was a good counter-balance to her strengths and weaknesses, got to interact with all the facets of the organization, and found it very interesting. Good luck with everything! Sending you a warm cyber hug.

Helena

Veteran

Thank you Jaime! ❤️

Bijou

Veteran

Helena, at different times life really seems to throw everything at us and all at once... The fact that your health appointments have been scheduled for a longer time out is an indication that on the balance of probabilities these are not serious conditions. However, having something like this hanging over you is stressful. I would speak with the gyno's assistant and request to be put on a cancellation list to speed the process up. When seeing the gyno, I would discuss the stress of having to wait months for the MRI and see if that can be moved too.

You have always struck me as someone who looks after their health through a good diet and exercise. The other magic ingredient is getting enough sleep. If you can, perhaps meditation or regular massages could help alleviate stress.

Goodluck with the new job and feel free to vent here on YLF.

avicennia

Veteran

I’m so sorry to hear about the rough times. It is a lot. Bijou has some practical suggestions to explore, and Jaime’s words are wise. I know I don’t comment much but have aways admired your style and thoughtful posts. You are held in high regard here. I’m likewise sending you a warm hug.

Sal

Veteran

Oh Helena - these times are hard. I agree with Bijou's comments on health - definitely go on the cancellation list and make it work when you get called in.

First days are hard. I do inductions regularly for staff as part of my role and we hire people from graduates (to student interns) through to people at retirement age - and most if not are all nervous. We hire people at different ages deliberately - they all add value. You will have been recruited for your skills including life skills and maturity.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Sorry to hear An ED is an Emergency Department to me but I guess it might mean an Executive Director?
And Canada’s health delays sound similar to ours. YLF is a good place to vent. Sending positive thoughts!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Helena, I'm so sorry about the stress. It sounds as if you have a lot on your plate. A new job is always a lot to manage and it can be confusing, especially if online, to feel properly introduced and on-boarded, and if your husband and kids are also extra busy and in need of emotional support, and you have a health issue to contend with, well no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed.

Bijou gives very good advice and counsel here - it is likely that they are not overly concerned or they'd have scheduled things sooner, but going on the cancellation list and taking an earlier apppointment if it comes up is a great idea.

How long is your contract? It might help to remember it is not forever...especially if you continue to worry about the fit. But it may indeed turn out to be a good placement.

Your style is always so collected. May your inner self feel that way again soon!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm sure you'll be running circles around the lot of them at the new job in no time, Helena! Best of luck and one day at a time.

It's the unknown that I personally find very stressful, so I third Bijou's advise to get on a cancellation list to speed things up.

Good luck and take care!

Irina

Veteran

Sorry to hear about your challenges! Please, stay strong!
I also suffer from anxieties and have to remind myself often that this will pass, too. Hugs!

rachylou

Veteran

Understandable. Are you onsite at this new place?

Helena

Veteran

Thank you so much everyone ... I appreciate having this 'safe space' to have a whinge Feeling a little better today, as I ploughed through a little more onboarding this a.m. Fortunately everyone at the non-profit seems extremely kind, which helps immeasurably!

Rachy, it's a remote position but I can work from the office if I want - its really close to home which is great, and I'm going to go in a little more up front until I get a bit more confident in the role. I actually kind of like the option to go in sometimes, and it's a nice, quiet office environment.

Suz, it's until November and you're right - in the event its not working out from either side, it's not a huge commitment. I truly am lucky that I have options ... I can ramp up my freelance work if I want as there always seems to be opportunities, which is great. And lord know I'm never bored with dealing with my family DH is likely to have a significant increase in his travel in the next while, so I don't have to worry about being idle regardless!

Jenni, yes Executive Director

Avicennia, Sal, Bijou, Angie, Irina thank you so much for all the kind words and suggestions. I will ask about the cancellation list; that's a great idea. It's so true, the unknown is so stressful.

Grateful for you all! xoxo

Peri

Veteran

That does sound like a boatload of stress and I think the most healthy thing is to not give into that instinct to downplay it. Brene Brown: "Other people have it worse AND your pain is real." I don't know why, but we all have a tendency to do that...but what, only the worst off person in the entire world is allow to feel bad? We'll never find that person but the rest of us will be forced into exhausting denial!

When I was under major stress, people would tell me to think "this is just my life right now". That's a common expression but I hated it and considered it terrible advice. It made things worse because then my gut reaction was "well my life is awful right now and I hate it." I much prefer a line from a poem I read that said "wherever you are is called Here". That felt much more neutral to me and more centering. The poem is called "Lost" and the poet is David Wagoner. It is wonderful.

So, acknowledge this stress, don't try to downplay it, but trust yourself to make your way through it. Allow less perfection in other areas. More takeout meals. A messier house. A request that DH and kids help more and ask less for a certain period of time. They will be way better off if they understand what is happening anyway, because they are most definitely aware of the "powering through".

Laurie

Veteran

You know what really, really helps me in my most stressed times, like one that I am in one right now? People who acknowledge it, but don't even try to "fix" it for me. Just the validation that it is indeed very difficult, causing stress, and that they want me to know they see it provides me with a modicum of relief, and energizes me to keep going. So, I hope that is how you feel here! We see, acknowledge, and support you. Your instinct to share was spot on. You have things coming at you from many sides all at once.

I really love that Brene Brown quote above.

Helena

Veteran

Peri and Laurie, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words Peri, I love that poem!

It will get better, and I will get through this! (current mantra lol)

Appreciate you all very much! x

Runcarla

Veteran

If it wasn’t for all the other s+#$ going on, it sounds like the contract with the non-profit could be kind of fun?!

Helena

Veteran

Carla, I am always up for a gentle challenge, so yes I think so ... although I'm surprised at how negative my thoughts were about myself yesterday, it also gives me an opportunity to prove those thoughts wrong. The truth is in theory it should be a relatively low-key job relative to my experience and capabilities - but I was thrown by some of the hybrid workplace tools that everyone has become so proficient in the last couple of years since Covid, but with which I don't have much experience (yet).

You're right though - when it rains it pours as they say But hopefully will be fun once I get my feet under me!

Staysfit

Veteran

Oh my! That’s a lot all at once. I am sure you were hired for this position for a good reason. Someone sensed that you are up to the tasks at hand. I hope you can find the part of yourself someone else saw and nurture it despite your anxiety.

I am not familiar with the Canadian health system and have no idea how they prioritize people for scans. Did it take a long time to get the ultrasound also? Where I live, there is a shortage of radiology technicians and they have to triage people for scans of all sorts. The same is true for many medical specialists. However, as a physician, if I believe someone’s health may be at risk without quick evaluation and intervention, I can push to get someone prioritized for a test or to be seen by a particular specialist. It may be a stretch, but I want to believe this can also happen in Canada. Also, could it be that your physician does not know you have so long a wait for the tests? They ordered them, but did someone else schedule them? It may be worthwhile to find out from your physician if they believe waiting this long is okay, and if not maybe they can try to push for an earlier scan.

RobinF

Veteran

You do have a lot going on! Starting a new job is always stressful and even more so with other things happening too. It is hard waiting for health information too, I tend to imagine the worst. You have lots of good advice above, hang in there, it will get better.

Jules

Veteran

I realize you didn’t ask for advice here per se so forgive me if I’m pushing it
When I’m a new role at work it helps a lot to adopt a ‘growth mindset’ (and by adopt I mean fake it till I make it, not some instant personality shift).
Lots of sources online:
https://www.bloomtech.com/arti.....th-mindset

Joy

Veteran

Helena, you are not alone. I worry about everyone.My DS2 and family just went to Mexico see the solar eclipse. I worried about their safety. DS1 is coming from Japan for a month's visit. I worry about his travel and that he will be bored here.

Helena

Veteran

Joy, hugs for your stress!

Jules thank you so much for the article ... I found it extremely helpful and calming! Screenshotted half of it for quick reference hahah ... And also shared with DH who has his own transition happening right now. Appreciate it!

Robin thank you x

Staysfit yes you're right ... My rational brain is reminding me that if it was urgent, my wonderful GP would be pushing for a quicker scan. And if the gyno is worried, we can look into quicker private options too (gods of Canadian public healthcare forgive me!) Thank you for the reinforcement - and your kind words of encouragement. X

catherine

Veteran

Ugh. Sounds so, so stressful.
When I started a new job at age 60, trying to remind myself “you don’t have to knock their socks off the first week” kind of helped.
Still difficult, though.
Sending good thoughts your way regarding health issues, too.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Helena, you’ve already gotten such great words of wisdom here, but I’ll add my support. I also have trouble with anxiety in times of stress (especially with anything health-related!), so I understand. And when I vent to my husband, he is wonderfully supportive, but he also tends to think he has to fix things (ie, give me solutions), when that’s not what I need!

I am sending hugs and good vibes and I know things will get better soon.

pirouette

Sorry to hear you are so stressed there’s nothing I can say except it’s good you feel able to talk about your anxiety and hopefully things will settle down for you there’s a lot going on for you at the moment.

Dee

Veteran

Oh Helena that’s a lot to have to deal with all at once, just wanted to offer my support. It’s tough keeping anxiety at bay when grappling on so many fronts.

Bonnie

Veteran

We are so lucky to have this wonderful group of understanding friends when we need help. You've gotten a lot of great advice. Let us know how things are progressing because we care about you.

April

Veteran

Stressful things never come singly, do they. "Not single spies, but in battalions."

As you already know, we're here for you. Sending a hand-squeeze and a lighted candle.

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Helena

Veteran

Thank you all so much. This community is a real blessing xx