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Upstaging the bride shoes

ElleH

Veteran

The bride & bridesmaids are wearing flats. I don't know what kind of flats or dress but the groom is wearing khakis, tweed jacket no tie so I think it is casual. I have asked too many questions of MOG already. I haven't met her yet, she is my no nonsense SIL who probably wears comfortable shoes. I know comfortable shoes is what I aim for too but I mean the really sensible looking ones. I could be totally wrong but...She will probably think I am a shallow bimbo. She is focused on politics etc, not fashion. I love these shoes but I would be upstaging the bride wouldn't I? Apart from not wearing white one is not supposed to draw too much attention to themselves at a wedding. It is not my day. I had my day & plenty of other occasions to dress in such a way.

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26 replies

Latest reply was from ElleH

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

OK those shoes are seriously all kinds of awesome. But they seem too much for what you have described.

Anonymous

I love those shoes but don't know the answer to the upstaging question.

hedgiehog

Veteran

Well, I have no idea about upstaging the bride but I think these shoes are killer! I think one should wear what makes one feel comfortable and happy.

Jules

Veteran

Love them! Buy them for fun but not for the wedding, I think your instincts are right and you want to feel appropriate.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Ok, I haven't seen the rest of what you plan to wear, but I love those shoes. If your outfit is very simple and not flashy, maybe these wouldn't be OTT?

MsMary

Veteran

Honestly, I would wear those without a second thought. You are who you are. Is it possible you're over thinking this?

Thistle

Veteran

I love those shoes! But I would go with your instincts on this one. If you think you might be petaling the bride, I would opt for something else. Especially for a SIL. No point in creating tension, but especially in your soon to be close family.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Love those 100 million x - I'd probably still wear them ... but probably I'm not invited to weddings for a reason :p I'd go with your instincts better than mine on this issue!

Kristin L

Veteran

Those are some fantastic shoes. I'd say go with your gut. If you think it may be too much, go with something else.

ElleH

Veteran

Janet it would be one of these dresses. It is now looking like warm dry weather so probably the peach one. Here is a link to the 2 dress options. Sleeveless if hot, DVF if cool. I now have a cream & leopard DVF being shipped to me from NAS as I think shoes will be easier to find. Black shoes gotta be easy right? Even if they can be worn on grass, mud, rain & don't upstage the bride & don't look too casual lol.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Those are amazing!

I am with Mary on this one. Be who you are. Be polite. Be attentive. Be kind. But don't try to be the person you think they want you to be.

OTOH, if you would be uncomfortable in them at this event, then find something more subdued and save these for when you get back.

ElleH

Veteran

Yes MaryK you are right, I am over thinking, which is why I don't want to ask SIL anymore questions. She is not the bride she is MOG but still...I want to make the right first impression I guess. What I have been told is it is outdoors in a field, music festival vibe wedding with bluegrass band, no tie on groom & flat shoes on the bridal party femmes.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Ah, ok. Outdoor music festival vibe makes me wonder if these light-colored shoes might get grass-stained or something. But if that's not a concern (I can't tell what the fabrication is, leather?), I'd just go for it and wear what makes you feel fab. I agree with Mary. I can see them working with either of the dresses.

Who makes those shoes? They really are drool-worthy.

Total aside, but in your other thread, something about your photos reminded me of the actress Michelle Forbes, if you're familiar with her. I've always liked her -- she gets interesting roles -- so I hope you take that as the compliment it's intended to be!

Susie

Veteran

Appropriate or not, the shoes are amazing!!

Karie

(website)

Veteran

Absolutely fantastic shoes, and I say bride and co. are the shallow ones if they have issues with you because of the shoes you wear. Be who you are and don't apologize or feel bad about it.

Having said that, if this is an outdoor wedding/casual vibe/grassy field, these shoes might get stained or not be comfortable or practical for walking on lumpy grassy areas.

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

These are gorgeous and amazing shoes - but I don't think they are going to upstage a bridal gown! I think you should take a deep breath and ask yourself if your hesitation is because you are truly worried about the possibility that these shoes will upstage a bride in all her be-gowned glory.. or if your hesitation is because you are too worried about what the MOG/SIL will think of you.

If you don't wear the shoes for either reason, that is fine! But I agree with the ladies here who feel you should be true to yourself.

Although it sounds as though the venue itself might pose a hazard to those amazing shoes...that would give me pause.

Eliza

Veteran

The shoes are amazing and if they were mine, I'd want to wear them to the lav to brush my teeth. Why not? They are gorgeous.

I would not be concerned with upstaging the bride with shoes. To me it boils down to dressing in harmony with the formality and tone of the event, coupled with the practical considerations of the venue. Wedding guests can contribute to an overall atmosphere with their attire, amplifying the fun.

If the shoes could endure the day (not getting ruined for my walk to pick up the newspaper the next morning), and my overall look would not make me fear others thought I got lost on the way someone else's wedding, I'd wear them. They do have the field advantage of almost a wedge heel, but the light color could make them vulnerable.

If you decide they don't fit for the wedding ensemble, create frequent opportunities to wear them. They are great on you and don't belong in a closet.

DonnaF

Veteran

Those shoes are amazing, BUT! I worry that the grounds will have gopher holes and other irregularities such that you will twist your ankles as well as ruin your shoes. Plus, sometimes they have hidden muddy patches. I'm wondering if you will also have to trek a ways given the bridal party's footwear choice. Call me Queen Practical, but I don't want to see you suffer with a twisted ankle or other injury. But buy/keep those shoes for another occasion!

Carole

Veteran

I agree that you need to be you. If you can wear such great shoes I can't imagine you being happy in flats, can you? But trusting your instincts is a good ...if not these shoes, are there others that would be appropriate and make you feel fab?

rae

(website)

Veteran

Holy monkey, those are awesome! But yes, they would draw attention, fo sho. I think your instincts are probably correct, unfortunately.

Lantana

Veteran

It sounds like you will be meeting members of your extended family for the first time at this wedding. I sympathise with your feelings-first impressions are important but they are just the beginning of what will be many, many encounters over the years.
You could ask yourself, what would I wear to a do like this if it were attended by folk who know me well?

cloud9

Veteran

Just to be on the safe side, don't wear to the wedding. Why risk it... Just like you said, you've got plenty of other chances to "shoe" it off. And what an amazing pair that is!!

ElleH

Veteran

Janet they are by Maiyet.

AviaMariah

Veteran

I think you should never wear those shoes again and send them to me! Actually got my heart beating fast when I saw them. Awesome!!

Echo

Veteran

Everyone should be who they are, but everyone should dress appropriately for the occasion as well. If you are hesitating about these shoes, for whatever reason it might be, I think that is an accurate indication you should not wear them for this particular occasion.

However, I think you ought to buy them and wear them the entire rest of the summer!

ElleH

Veteran

They are too expensive to buy if I can't wear them to the wedding as I need to spend my shoe money on the wedding. Oh well.