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Updating an SO's look - How should I do it?

Kristin L

Veteran

Let start out by saying that I love my BF and don't want to change him. What I do want to do is update his wardrobe a little bit. Like replace his old, worn out khaki pants with khakis that are not double pleated and add a few more shirts and ties in colors other than blue. Besides me just buying him new clothes, have any of y'all figured out how to get them to understand that small adjustments are ok? And that he looks great in other colors?

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18 replies

Latest reply was from cheryle (Dianthus)

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I'd probably say I found this site - insert link here - that looks at men's clothing in an interesting way & what did he think? Example below
http://imagegranted.com/style-.....-wardrobe/

DonnaF

Veteran

Ummm; I have a sartorially challenged spouse. We've been together for well over 30 years. He used to have a VERY polyester blue gray plaid sport jacket that I could have and should have melted. My DH is not interested in clothes and is a bit color blind. This means that it seems to be okay with him that I go out and buy him stuff. If I can, I show him online pics to give him a choice; that seems to work best of all. He does NOT like to be dragged out to try on clothes. It would occur to him to branch out in looks. I should really take pics of his tops and bottoms and the various combos that go together so that he doesn't dress for lack of success when get ready to go somewhere.

Your BF probably dresses for comfort, is not interested in developing a critical eye, and figures what he has isn't broken (even if your eye says it is, lol) so why change it?

BTW, my dad was in the same mold, so I'm rather used to it. . . .

rebekahphoto

Veteran

well, My Mr is very much NOT a fan of shopping, and so I have to do the legwork to order things that might expand his taste a bit. Sometimes I will point out & comment on a man on the bus who has a nice style on our daily commute. Or I will show some things online, & ask what his opinion is on that style & would he consider trying it? Mr is a bit interested in fashion, but only in that he likes clothing to look good.

I have found that I will buy him some new clothes that maybe have a fresh color, or new shape and put them in his closet. when he wears them and gets a compliment on the street or at work, then I notice he will wear it again...

FlorenceFearne

When my SO and I first got together... I... there's no charitable adjective that comes to mind. He looked like one of those caricatures of geeky kids that get beat up a lot. Highwater khakis, short sleeved plaid shirts over faded tee shirts he'd owned since 9th grade, and oversized worn out sneakers of the sort usually worn in food service jobs. Does that sound just awful? If so, then I'm still not fully explaining the badness.

But I was not going to be one of those women that passive-agressively "loses" his favorite shirts, and I definitely didn't want to insult him or nag him either. So I waited until some of his old pants got a hole in them, and I took him to get a new pair. I said that instead of khakis, he might look at getting some jeans, and mentioned that I was sure jeans would look really great on him. He was ok with that, so we chose several to try on. I had him try on a few different styles, but nothing crazily outside his comfort zone. (no purple plaid skinnies here!) Some he hated, and some I hated. And then there were a few he didn't hate, and that I really liked on him. We bought those and I began to pile on the positive reinforcement.

Every time he wore them, I made sure to tell him how super handsome and sexy and amazing he looked. Really, I laid it on thick. And eventually he started wearing that pair of jeans several days a week. Pretty soon he suggested that maybe he really ought to buy a second pair of jeans, as some of his old pants (the ones he previously insisted were "perfectly good") were wearing out. Of course I felt like bursting into song, but instead I casually said, "Huh? Oh, sure dear, I guess we could get you some new pants." Now he wears his jeans all the time. Those awful old khakis still sit in the back of his closet, and I have never suggested tossing them out. He'll decide to do that himself some day.

I know some folks may feel like that's manipulative, but I don't view it that way at all. We're both happy now, and he truly does look gorgeous in those new pants.

TL:DR - positive reinforcement works wonders.

Liz A.

Veteran

I just tell my boyfriend what I like. If he's willing to give it a try, he does. If he hates the idea, he doesn't. If he is against something, but I really think he might come around if he gave it a try and I care enough, I'll buy it for him. This approach has worked well for me. My boyfriend actually likes shopping, so I guess I'm lucky that way

Anonymous

I buy all my husband's clothes, mainly from Costco, Macy's and REI. If he does not like an item, I return it; I never buy anything that cannot be returned. I only do shopping for him when REI has sales or when I remember to pick up a couple of shirts from Costco. He never minds that I do this as he does not like clothe shopping. Since I pick up what I think looks best on him, he looks great in my eyes.

Kristin L

Veteran

@Caro and rebekah - Brilliant!

@Donna - Thankfully, no polyester jackets here. I like the picture idea.

@Florence - Your BF and mine sound almost identical. I'm definitely not about to lose any of his favorites or trying to be passive aggressive. I've been doing some positive reinforcement, so I think I might just turn that up a bit. Amazingly, he's good with jeans and casual wear. It's the office wear, like double pleated khakis.

@Liz - Good idea!

@Lynn - That's a good idea. I think one of our department stores is suppose to be having a men's pants sale soon. Maybe I should go snag a pair or two that are different and just let him try them on.

FlorenceFearne

@K - yeah, our former workplace was SUPER casual. So he didn't need a work wardrobe. But when he applied for a new job and needed an interview outfit, I had quite a job explaining why double pleated kahkis with cuffs and a white button-up shirt from the walmart were not going to cut it. Despite his suspicions, he wore the outfit I picked and got a new job, so I think he's starting to trust that I might know my stuff.

Good luck to you; I know how it can feel frustrating when you see your man for all his amazing qualities, and everyone else doesn't see past his clothing.

Anonymous

I managed to update DH's jeans yesterday. He's reasonably amenable to a few changes here and there. He mostly does online purchasing when I show him something that may suit him. He hates going round B&M stores and likes that he can just try things in the comfort of his own home.

Emily

Veteran

My strategy is basic - copious compliments on what I like, gentle critiques.

Sara

I do the same thing as Lynn... Buy things that are returnable! Unless he's really attached to double pleats, this could work. And, start slow. You can't put him in skinny jeans overnight. My husband only wore white or pale blue button downs to work when I met him. I gradually introduced a saturated blue, then a blue stripe, etc.

Anonymous

I honestly just buy a whack of things online and then make him do a fashion show for me when they come. He is supremely disinterested in fashion and has no sense of what looks good on him, so he is happy to be my paper doll.

Carla

Veteran

DH has known the power of clothes in the workforce, and always dressed one small gradient better than his peers at every stage of his career. Then there is the 'costume' that is sports apparel (and he has acquired some pretty snazzy gear for his different sports.).

He struggled a bit when he went from warm brown curly hair, to cropped silver fox, though. By that time I was shopping with two teenaged sons who enjoyed clothes and were brave about colours. After one of our successful expeditions, DH asked if I would go shopping with him.

I remember the look on his face when I convinced him to 'just try' a purple striped shirt! Stunning on him, with his silver hair, fair skin, and beautiful blue eyes! He now owns 4 shirts with purple/mauve. I also convinced him to get his first leather jacket, and turned him on to Winners (when I scored a pale

blue Cutter and Buck topper he wears all the time, and top brand golf gear!). Then last year there was a nice lightweight charcoal car coat that looks like it was tailor made for him!

We do a big all day shopping trip every year for his birthday, after he goes through his drawers and closet editing out worn items or stuff he doesn't love anymore--and makes a list of what he needs. We are actually going to Toronto for an extended weekend getaway that will include much shopping, including the pursuit of the elusive grey dress shoes.

He says I'll never get him into dark wash jeans, and he refuses to even try them on! "Over my dead body!" Or some such nonsense.

rachylou

Veteran

Bf #3 I sent out with a list and notes on how things should fit. Ahaha! That tickled his mother's fancy. But he had a girly interest in fashion, I'll have to admit.

*The* bf I leave alone because I approve of his clothing and salt-of-the-earth style, even tho this involves dad jeans. Not that I don't tag along on his shopping trips, I do. I scour the racks for the him and play dressing room attendant. However, I don't ask for sartorial educated-ness anymore. After bf #3, I tend to feel it's a bad idea... corrupting. Ahaha!

Anonymous

My DH told me not to shop for him, but he always asks me about color combinations, and he always takes me with him when he shops for clothing (including shoes).
Truth be told, I don't want him to shop for me, either. So...

JillG

What worked for my DH was trying on both double pleated and flat front pants in front of a 3-way mirror in the store. Even he could see that his tall, slim build looked even better without the pleats.

Kristin L

Veteran

@Florence - That's it exactly! He's been talking about wanting to transition up where he works. I won't say that his clothes are hurting him, but I want him to shine. Because I know how awesome he is.

Thanks everyone! I went out yesterday and found a couple of pairs (that were returnable) of khakis and he willingly tried them on earlier this evening. He liked 2 of the 3 I found, so I think it was successful.

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

It sounds like you have received some great advice. I do believe that men want to look good just as much as women do. My SO is an IT geek (system architect) and had the usual wardrobe of pleated khakis and plaid or windowpane patterned shirts almost all in blues and like Donna's SO he is also color challenged. He has a very muscular or sturdy build so needs to dress to elongate so the pleats, cuffed pants, double breasted jackets, and narrow jeans that were the male equivalent of mom jeans were not the most flattering.

He expressed some interest in fashion so I explained some things without referring to him specifically. For example, cuffs on pants have a tendency to shorten the leg line so they are best for really tall leggy people to balance out. He asked if there were any recommendations for him and so I made a few suggestions. When we were out shopping, we would stop in at the men's department and look. He no longer wears the narrow jeans but some of the pleated knakis still live in his closet. He doesn't buy any more of them though.

For his last birthday, I bought him a custom tailored suit in a fabric of my choice. It is a lovely blue/grey with a large but subtle windowpane stripe.

I also make a point of telling him how good he looks in the colors I like and explained why the patterned tie with the patterned shirt weren't the best pairing.