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Updates v. Feeling silly

Dimity

How much time do you give something new and different to see if it's you or not? If you feel funny in it, do you pass it on right away? For example, I bought a pair of sneakers a few months ago and I quite like them, but I always feel sloppy and rough around the edges when I wear them. I love them on others, but apparently not for me. So, after trying them several times, would you decide that they aren't right for me and move on?

Dressing

21 replies

Latest reply was from Dimity

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I'm having this issue right now with 2 accessories I have yet to put into action. I don't know . . . could be you need the right mood or occasion. But if I truly feel weird I'd probably move on. There are plenty of other awesome things waiting to be worn that make me happy

Mander

(website)

Veteran

Sometimes I find these things take a long time to feel right to me. I always hated the way I felt in flat sneakers of any kind but I suddenly started to enjoy a pair that I'd had in my closet for ages, and I ended up wearing a hole in them! If you have the space you might just put them away until summer and then see how you feel wearing them.

Dimity

Yeah, good point. I have lots of things that spark more joy. Why not concentrate on them?

Dimity

We cross posted, Mander. That's happened to me before, too. And I don't really know why I feel awkward in these. I suspect it is something similar to that post of Suz's wearing her skirted leggings and many said that they just weren't 'her'. I want to like them and be cool and casual but at heart I'm more of a leather shoe, librarian type. I can try again next summer.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Since sneakers do come in handy in certain situations, I would hang on to them but not force myself to wear them. I have definitely come round to things after time.

Dimity

True, Shevia. And they're really comfy.

DonnaF

Veteran

First, I would try to figure out if the weather/climate isn't cooperating or if the item is for my fantasy life. Then, I would try to determine if it is a styling issue or what the problem is.

Awhile back, I bought a (cheap! F21!) clutch just to try out that style. A few months later, I passed it on to DD because I determined that physical issues make it next to impossible for me to hold a flat envelope style clutch and I hate the look over my shoulder plus it doesn't really stay put. Am I completely off clutches? No. But I know that I need to have a baguette shaped one (hard to find) or one with a wristlet (starting to get easier to find). I also would need to commit to carrying less. Right now, I keep my baguette shaped clutch in a larger shoulder bag that I use most of the time. I still love the clutch, though!

I am quite willing to skip trends I don't like or don't work for my body. I saved quite a bit of $$$ when all the tops and dresses were empire cut. Flowered dresses are all over the place at Nordstrom, and some might even fit and look nice on me. But for some reason, they *feel* too feminine to me. Must be post-menopausal lack of female hormones. So I will leave that look to others including my girly daughter.

It is interesting that you note that sneakers you bought feel too RATE for you. I am drawn to some very RATE looks like moto boots as well as a few very refined looks. But when I think long and hard, neither extreme ever feels quite right on me so I need to avoid both so as not to make [more] shopping mistakes.

Sal

Veteran

We've all done it. Especially I find with jewelry and with hats. I bought this great crocheted wool head band/ear warmer two winters ago which I had seen someone wearing and loved. Every time I put it on I felt like a bad leftover from Olivia John Newton's "Physical. " And I still have the pink dress in my closet, it has been worn twice, but each time I felt "silly" in it. Speaking of which it is the season to wear it again.

It is easier if you know from the start the trend is not for you - pre distressed jeans - no thanks - great for others, not for me. But it is fun to try something new and experiment a little and I think about 1/4 of the time it does not come off.

If the sneakers are comfortable I would keep them for walking or day trips where you are on your feet a lot.

Dimity

Donna, that's a good point. I do occasionally like combat boots with a skirt, which for me is a big step. Funny, but they seem more me than sneakers, which doesn't make sense. I can't wear girly dresses as I feel just like you. I enjoy a more tailored look.

Kiwigirl, I laughed at ONJ. Oh i remember it well! And I'm with you on the distressed jeans. Just not for me. That one i knew for sure so I guess it's just part of learning and moving on.

Astrid

Veteran

Yes, I totally get it! I tried and wore many things because of YLF that just weren't "me" in the end. And I share your feeling about sneakers. They are comfortable and nice to have just in case, but I wouldn't want to build my everday looks with them. It's probably because the rest of my style is rather casual too, so the sneakers on top always make me feel a bit blah. Definitely prefer leather shoes.

ETA Oh and I try to give everything a chance. And if the piece doesn't really feel like me I try to find just one or two ways to wear it that feel alright to me and stick to those.

Dimity

Style friends, Astrid! Leather shoes are the way to go for me too.

Summer

Veteran

Dimity, I've become quite ruthless about this recently. If I'm hesitating about something, I move it swiftly along. I can't tell you how many times I have put something on, taken it off again, put same item on, taken it off again ...

Dimity

I need more ruthlessness, Summer! Maybe some of yours will rub off.

unfrumped

Veteran

I've had the same experience and use it to try to get to the essence of what worked and did not.
I've gotten several types of metallic footwear that have not worked out. Always feel trying too hard or something. Instead, I found that rich and/ or nuanced shaded colors in grays and burgundies are my thing.
Also had to experiment with different versions of pants taper and length to get to " me" versus silly/ self-conscious.

Anonymous

I know usually after one wearing. Something doesn't feel right or look right. I may not always know what that something is, but I have learned that it means I won't be repeating that outfit. I might try to use the piece a second time in a different outfit, but that rarely works. I donate earlier rather than later.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I always take a long time to come around to a new style for myself. I'd give it some time. Typically I find that it's often the way I've tried to style it that was wrong. There are some times of course when it just doesn't work out. Example: I'm really not great in black moto style jackets. I've tried two versions and neither ever feel quite right for me. Good thing one of them was the infamous "Lemming" Spiegel which was only $30 with shipping.

I much prefer sneakers with my pants rolled and no socks, but some skin showing these days. I found some washable inserts that can take the place of socks and it works for me. I wonder if you've already tried them that way?

puppycat

This just happened to me this weekend. i found the cutest pair of banded bottom lounge pants (harem pants?) and since they are superstretchy AND they were marked down to nearly nothing, I bought them without trying them on.

When I got home, I put them on and they looked ridiculous. I know dropped crotch is in style, but the combination of dropped crotch, baggy legs, banded bottoms and super-slouch style made me feel like I was wearing clown pants (even though these were black). Not "me". I had planned to only wear these at home, but I won't even do that. They make me feel unfab.

On the other hand, I also bought a pair of boyfriend jeans and loved the look on me for summer casual days. Go figure.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Dimity, nothing ventured nothing gained. Good job.

Give it a little while - things can grow on you. Also, I echo what Texstyle said about wearing sneaks. Perhaps you need to address the HOW a little more before passing them on.

Dimity

Thanks so much for your great advice! I think I'll have a play in my closet to see if I can come up with some new ways of wearing them. It's been too hot for boyfriend jeans but it should cool down soon and I really like the idea of wearing them with rolled trouser legs, texstyle. I'll try to get to the bottom of what it is that makes me feel weird so I can learn from it as unfrumped suggested. Address the how. I like that, thanks Angie.

unfrumped

Veteran

And Dimity, even on the metallic thing, I am not completely off of them--I think there are "my" metallics and situational metallics , but I learned that it's a area that is tricky for me and not the simple "metallic is a neutral" as it is for some folks. So that was not really discouraging in terms of options, just that it is easy for me to create an orphan or less versatile item with those, so I needed to take that into account.

Dimity

Unfrumped, I get that. I find that for me, metallics have to be a little muted or else I feel like I'm too shiny and I prefer to be more relaxed and quiet in my dress. Of course, everyone is different and that's good.