Unwelcome touch?

biscuitsmom

My recent encounter with my ex-supervisor has me wondering if anyone else has had a (non-sexual) physical encounter that they were uncomfortable with....I dont mean from your family members, spouse or a very close friend (unless you didnt like it.)

14 years ago

General

20 replies

Latest reply was from biscuitsmom

celia

Veteran

Rarelly, but sometimes there are people who I wish wouldn't touch me. It usually doesn't have to do with if a person is clean or not but mainly with how I feel the person is.There are some people that by their behavior are as unconfortable to touch as snakes.

14 years ago

HeleenH

Veteran

I was really angry when my boss touched my pregnant belly. I don't understand why people think they can touch a pregnant belly without asking. It is over 13 years ago and it is the first thing that pops up in my mind after reading your question.

14 years ago

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Celia, I know whatcha mean! Some people just have that 'vibe'.....HeleenH, ABSOLUTELY people have *no* right to do that! Ive heard that complaint from several women and I dont know why some people think thats ok to do without asking....I would get excited to do that if the baby is kicking, or you can feel it moving, but I sure as hell wouldnt do it without asking first! I like to touch a baby's hand or feet (SO cute!) but always ask the parent first....PS- its *not* the same, but I get really irked if anyone tries to pet B without asking....probably because Im not sure what his reaction will be! lol

14 years ago

Cilleena

Veteran

When I was in my 20s, I had many encounters where men liked to touch me in my work place. It was usually a casual touch at my waist or on my back and it really creeped me out.
I'm one who wasn't bothered by people touching my pregnant belly, but maybe no one tried to touch it that bothered me. No strangers did anyway. I had a few female friends that asked first and it didn't bother me at all.
In the area I live now, rural Northeast US, I've noticed that most people are NOT as touchy as we are in the south. I have to watch myself because I have a tendency to grab a friend's arm when I'm talking to them to make a point or touch their back to fix a tag. Maybe it's the mom in me coming out.

14 years ago

Aziraphale

Veteran

I think I give out a "back off" vibe. Strangers never touch me. I've got sharp, pale eyes and can glare very effectively, so perhaps that's it. During my entire first pregnancy, I kept waiting for strangers to try to touch my belly (come on, I dare ya), and it never happened.

Where I live, people hug in greeting. I don't like it. Whenever a feel a hug coming on from anyone other than a good friend or family member, I block it by sticking out my hand for a handshake. Oddly, I'm OK with the french double-cheek kiss in greeting. It somehow doesn't invade my personal space as much.

14 years ago

Anonymous

Elisabeth~ Lol! Me, too on the *effective glaring*! I definitely give off vibes when I want to. On the other hand I'm a big hugger, we are surrounded bu huggers here and I don't mind, as long as it's women. I don't hug any man unless I'm related to him.....

14 years ago

Aziraphale

Veteran

I'm OK hugging my male friends -- you know, real friends, not mere acquaintances! Also, I'm not dissing hugging in general, as most people seem fine with it. It's just a personal thing with me. I'm so little, and I think my hugging aversion stems from feeling swamped and claustrophobic. Or perhaps it's because of that awkward moment where you're saying goodbye to you're not sure if you're supposed to hug or not. Because honestly, I don't even like hugging women, even small ones who don't engulf me.

14 years ago

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Ive tried to give off a vibe like that, and failed miserably....it really bugged me when I was working, but I hadnt been seeing those people very often till I started shopping there again- about once a week or so....I have blocked a few people by giving a hand-shake, but *still* some will lean over and pick a hair/piece of lint off my shirt or adjust my jacket/shirt ...I PROMISE Im *not* a slob! Stuff like that bugs the heck out of me!

14 years ago

Aziraphale

Veteran

How annoying! I can see why that bugs you. Next time it happens, try looking pointedly at the offending hand, then back up at the person's face, and raise one eyebrow. That oughta do the trick.

14 years ago

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Elisabeth, thats a great idea! Now I just have to learn how to do that!

14 years ago

Diana

Veteran

I don't mind being touched by friends or relatives or even acquaintances in general, but what I HATE is being touched by complete strangers who have no sense of personal space. I'm not talking about strangers giving me a hug or something (although that would be super creepy!) but more about those people you always end up sitting next to on the bus who cram themselves in next to you so that their leg is touching yours and every time they go to check their phone they end up elbowing you in the side. The leg touching thing in particular really bugs me, and when I move in my seat so that my leg is no longer in contact with yours, it's NOT an invitation to spread yourself into the suddenly empty space!

OK, rant over.

Heleen, I know a pregnant lady who claims that when people touch her belly without permission, she reaches over and rubs their belly in return... apparently it's a very effective deterrent once someone realizes just how intrusive it is.

14 years ago

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Bugs me too! Although its been almost 3 years since Ive been on a public bus, I still remember how creepy that is! LOL@ the belly solution!

14 years ago

Anonymous

I think I must be a very *touchy-feely* person who expresses myself a lot through touch. For instance, the other day a neighbor whom I'd never met (we are new here) came running over in a complete panic screaming "call 911"! While my father-in-law called 911 I ran behind her to see what was wrong. When we got into her daughters house her 24 year old daughter was on the floor unresponsive. I thought she was dead, I TRULY did and so did her mom! That woman was terrified and so distraught. I was convinced I was at the scene of a death, so much so that I told my FIL to have 911 hurry up cause I thought she was gone! Her eyes were opened but no breathing, laying on her stomach. Very scary situation. Anyway, this mother was a complete stranger, but I thought nothing of wrapping my arms around her. I held her, rubbing her back until help arrived. Once her daughter came around a bit I knelt down beside her and held her hand while someone else took her pulse and tried to assess the situation. It came completely natural to me to comfort this woman and this girl in the only way that I knew how to...through touch. They knew I cared, and when they left in the ambulance that mom told me how truly grateful she was. To me that was a true demonstration of love to a perfect stranger.

14 years ago

Barbara

Veteran

Yikes! I remember when I was VERY pregnant, some guy backed into me on a crowded elevator. I jumped like I was on fire and scared the bleep out of him!

I did have a supervisor that, during a work-related conversation, barely touched me on the shoulder - ONCE. Again, I jumped like I was on fire and glared at him. He never came near me again.

Only family members and friends have the 'right' to touch me. Otherwise, it just creeps me out. Jumpy lass, I am!

By the way, most Europeans have a very large 'bubble' around them - you don't get too close because it's considered an invasion of their private space. It's a matter of respect. Italians are the exception. Mama Mia!

14 years ago

Melissa

Active Member

My comfort level with touch varies wildly depending on a ridiculous number of factors (ie, what kind of vibes a person has, how much sleep I've had, etc).

I have developed an entire arsenal of tricks to keep people out of my bubble when I am working, especially at conventions where I seem to have more problems with space-invaders. For instance, I always keep a clipboard nearby, not because I need one, but because I can pick it up and insert it between me and another person to create space. I also frequently leave one foot in place and then slide the rest of me away--the invader can't get any closer, because my foot is in the way.

I also sometimes employ these tricks to get away when people smell terrible. Ah, the joys of working retail.

14 years ago

celia

Veteran

Oh yes,I forgot to mention that I'm pretty good at the'don't you dare touch me look' which isn't a very popular thing among mediterraneam cultures where touch is part of life

14 years ago

krishnidoux

Veteran

Diana, next time on the bus don't move your leg. Say something. You can start by looking at the person. I find often it's all it takes. Often it's just inattention. And if I see the person not only stopping to touch me but also moving away I may say a little thanks. But sometimes, more rarely, the touch was either intentional or the person is obnoxious. Then they can react in a defensive way when I politely ask them not to touch me, but anyway they stop touching me.

Shabbychick, what a story! I am sure you brought a lot of comfort to these people.

14 years ago

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Shabbychick, OMG...That was so wonderful of you! Emergencies are a whole other story to me...I wouldnt mind then at all..I bet she was very grateful to you! Barbara, I would try that, but it usually happens while we're making eye contact..hmm, maybe it would still work for me! Melissa, that IS good! I use my purse when I have it with me...I worked retail for over 20 yrs, so I know *exactly* what you mean-lol There was this one guy who not only smelled SOOO bad, he was a 'close talker' and kept leaning into your face-UGH! I hated waiting on him, but it was *far*worse when he was near me checking out or in line at the bank (we have a bank in the store where I worked) If he was behind me I didnt even need to turn around to verify him- thats how strongly he smelled..eeeww! Celia, I'd LOVE to learn how to do that correctly! lol...Krishnidoux, I'd have such a hard time speaking up like that...I'd end up sitting almost sideways first, Im afraid...I ust had it *drilled* in me 'be polite, dont make anyone uncomfortable, dont speak up, etc' and its REALLY hard to change....its very interesting hearing from all of you-thanks!

14 years ago

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I forgot to ask those who've worked in retail if their bosses *always* sided with the customer, no matter what....I know the standard motto is 'the customer is always right' but am curious how many bosses acted that way....most of my retail experience has been in the grocery industry and almost every one of my supervisors ignored even blatant scam/shoplifting attempts and harassment of the staff...one lady I worked with was even stabbed in her hand!

14 years ago

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Bumping to see if I can get a answer to my last question.....

14 years ago

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