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Unwelcome attention

Sihaya

Veteran

The other day I was running an event with about 40 people in the room. When I walked in, this guy looked at me and let out a wolf whistle. I'm quite sure it was directed at me since he was looking my way, there was no one else near me, and it coincided with when I walked in the room. I was professionally and appropriately dressed with nothing revealed. I had on my bright yellow lisbon shirt and silver grey lisbon jacket, black vest, dark trousers and black shoes.

I definitely was the most dramatically dressed person in the room but I found the whistle to be inappropriate and very unprofessional. Fortunately people were busy talking to each other so I don't think many noticed what was going on and I chose to ignore him.

It's been a couple of decades since I've been whistled at. Does anyone have any thoughts on how best to deal with this should I run into something like this in the future? And what to do had it been at a time when the whole room would have noticed - would have been harder to ignore in that case.

I should note that this was a three and half day event - so however I responded, I would have to still be running the event with him there for the whole duration. Also, he didn't say or do anything else inappropriate towards me for the rest of the time - if he had, I would have talked to him one on one to nip it in the bud. Lastly, he's from a country in western Europe though has lived and worked in the U.S. in a senior role for many years.

Thanks!

General

16 replies

Latest reply was from Munequita

Nicole

Veteran

This is tough because of the position you were in when it happened. You have to be professional, regardless of someone's behavior. Hopefully he was embarrassed when he got no reaction from you or anyone else near him.

If it were a social situation--you could say something smarta** like "The construction convention is down the hall." or "Kettles ready!" but ignoring him is probably the best approach. The less attention he gets from his rude behavior the better.

Maya

Veteran

I think cat calls and the like are always inappropriate, but the situation you described sounds completely off. I agree with Nicole that ignoring it is probably the best course of action. You never know what kind of sleazebag/creep/lunatic you're dealing with. I mean, what else can you do?

This sort of thing happens all the time here. All you have to do is a) be a woman and b) walk down the streets. According to some, I am supposed to enjoy the attention and whatnot because I'm young? I am by no means old fashioned or prudish, but I just find it incredibly rude and degrading, and do not feel the least bit flattered. I, like you, do not have a very "sexy" style (or alluring as Angie would say). But when you've got a pair of DD's on you, it doesn't matter how you dress. At the end of the day, that's what grabs the most attention from some people whether I like it or not, and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. I've learned to just deal with it, but that's a big part of the problem with my body image--I feel like I'm stuck in a body that seems to draw attention in the exact opposite way of what I want.

So I went on a bit of a tangent there, but I just wanted to say: I sympathize, and ignoring is best. I have a good friend who always gives sleazy guys on the street a flip of the finger and a piece of her mind, and I admire her for it, but I could never do it myself. And your situation was a bit different and you really had to be professional. Just hope that he felt even more uncomfortable than you did.

Ellen

I think ignoring it is a pretty clear message. As much as I'm a person who would love to tell him off, it seems like any kind of reciprocal action is perceived by others as responding to the attention. Frustrating, eh?

Nicole

Veteran

Maya, I have the best solution for men who stare at your chest. Look them square in the crotch. It takes a lot of ba**s to do it, but you will teach that man to never look a woman in the chesta again.

Ana

(website)

Veteran

LMAO Nicole. I'll definitely keep that in mind (not that I have a problem with guys staring at my chest, really).

Ellen

Nicole, you're hilarious! I'd never have the guts to do that... I guess mainly because I've have a few guys staring who were such sleazes that they'd probably take a crotch stare as an invitation to do something!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

*chuckle* at Nicole, and *serious face* for Sihaya.

That’s awful, Sihaya. I’m sorry you felt uncomfortable. You must have felt caught between a rock and a hard place. I have more to add to this thread but I’d like to pinpoint exactly WHY it is that we feel uncomfortable when someone wolf whistles. (I do too so don’t get me wrong). BUT, 25 years ago I’d have welcomed all the wolf whistling I could get.

This thread is a coincidence. I was actually wolf whistled at today- by rif raf downtown. I rolled my eyes, raised my eyebrows and continued to walk along as if nothing had happened. I do not have a large chest nor an alluring style. I was wearing a striped grey shirt, cropped black biker jacket, straight leg jeans and Converse.

Anonymous

I think ignoring it is the same as rising above it. How very professional you are to not let it get you all frazzled, and go on with business at hand.
What a co-inky-dink that both Sihaya and Angie experience a cat call on the same day.

Sihaya

Veteran

Nicole - you are so funny! Thanks for your input, sounds like I did the right thing. Another suggestion my husband had was to turn around and stare at the person straight in the eye and then walk away. I think I would do that in a street situation but in this professional setting, probably completely ignoring is what would be best.

Angie - what a coincidence! On the kind side, he could have been caught by surprise by the drama and bright colors of my outfit and sometimes we make poor choices when we're surprised. I think I felt uncomfortable because it felt cheap and sex object-ey - not an image I want to portray.

Nicole

Veteran

There really is NO excuse for such behavior. I don't care what country you are from, or what the woman is wearing. NO excuse. It's rude, degrading and embarrassing. The fact that you were working, makes this guy even more of a boob than if he was downtown riffraff.

Personally, I think men who do that are being aggressive and are very insecure with themselves. THey do not think they paying you a compliment--they are trying to make you uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Sihaya

Veteran

I think in this particular case this person had issues with people in authority. I was also blown away that someone who is a senior manager in today's corporate climate would dare to do something like this. However, I can't control other people's reactions, only mine ...

Tanya

Veteran

I also believe it is the best to completely ignore this reactions. I find them very rude. And in the job setting it's much worse that on the street.

Nicole, you do indeed make me smile. I don't think I'd have the courage yo actually do it, but who knows, on day I might.

Nicole

Veteran

Senior managment Sihaya?? Do you work at the same company as him? That is grounds for sexual harrasment.

Sihaya

Veteran

I work for myself. Yes, this could and as before, I really think the best route is to ignore this. I have to run another event with this person as well so this is not the end of the story. This is not to say that if I found this big enough of a deal that I wouldn't bring it up - I am very capable of standing up for myself, but just think that in this case, the noise would only play to his enjoyment and give him the attention he seeks.

Dawn

(website)

How rude! I think your best option was to ignore him because if you did create a fuss about it there and then, he could potentially create an even worse situation by trying to make you look like a prude or someone who can't take a joke. However; if it does happen again, you should definitely pull him aside later on and have a few words with him. Don't get angry and just explain how you didn't think it appropriate or found it intimidating.

This reminds me of something that happened to me a few weeks ago when I was flying home from London after a wonderful weekend celebrating my two-year anniversary with my boyfriend. We got through security and I was collecting my hand luggage, liquids and my jacket. I was wearing a black mini-dress and a pair of dark green tights- cute in my opinion but by no means slutty. I was chatting away to the security guard at the end on the line while I was putting on my jacket but I found it to be very warm after I put it on. Anyway I commented to the security man that it was far too hot to be wearing my jacket and he replied: "You're making me feel hot taking your clothes off like that." I got away from him as soon as possible... ugh...

Munequita

Sihaya, I'm so sorry you had this experience. I agree that you did the right thing by ignoring it.

I sympathize with all of you that have posted terrible experiences. I have lived in countries where men love to do this kind of stuff, actually sometimes they yell some horrible things. It has NEVER been something I find flattering. I absolutely HATE it! I don't know why but it makes me feel so vulnerable and it is hard for me to just brush it off.