Eirlys, I loved your post. At 55, I am feeling humbled by signs of age that, when I was younger, I thought would not be an issue.

I also have a neurological illness that has lately begun to affect my mobility and balance, such that I now move like a much older person (slowly, carefully) and will probably soon benefit from using a cane.

I am not facing these things with admirable equanimity, but rather with disbelief.

Here's what I have come to realize. Many women have bought into an idea that we're not supposed to be seen unless we're young and quite slim and stunning. I have a friend in her 60s who underwent abdominal surgery and then removed her bandages before it was time because she had a wedding to attend and wouldn't go without putting on industrial-strength Spanx. I didn't realize that I too had internalized some of this attitude until I saw it in others.

At 88, you've seen ideas of feminine beauty shift over time. I feel we're now in a moment when there is more room than ever for all types of looks, and when women are pushing back on the idea that being conventionally "pretty" is the only thing about us that matters.

Also, when I feel insecure about my looks in any way, I always find this song comforting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BWQ3KHk_QE

I admit to cringing a bit each time I open the forum page and see this title at the top of the list. It's so aggressive and harsh. And sad. I don't know you at all, and don't have anything to add that hasn't been said already. What this post did do for me was to remind me not to get caught in those feelings if I can help it - and to find ways to honour those feelings and understand where they come from. I think my mother suffered greatly from these feelings in her later years and it frustrated me . I admit to trying to ignore her when she started talking like that - because I felt at age 80- what difference did it make? But it did, clearly, and I didn't (and maybe still don't ) have the tools to help someone deal with that.

Eirlys, I would tend to agree with those who previously suggested that "looks" you receive from others may, in fact, be glances of admiration. I know I always notice those who have a presence that shows through in their appearance. Perhaps at times I appear to be looking a little too long (I hope it doesn't come across as rude), just because I am noticing and admiring. I've always heard that confidence is the best accessory, and I believe it makes a world of difference. Hold your head up high!

Hi Eirlys, when I saw your photos I thought "what a lovely and stylish person". However, I understand the feelings you express, because no matter what age, we all have anxieties, even if we don't post about them. I rarely post photos because it is so seldom I have one I feel half-way good about!
Wear what makes you feel best that day, and be kind to yourself. If you are in the mood to be visible that day, you can certainly show'em how it's done with your colors, smart details and your radiance!

Erlys, I'm late to post here so I can only echo what Angie and Taylor and others have said. You are a beauty, inside and out, and we are all SO GLAD to have you here, reading, posting, enjoying fashion.

We all have days where we feel "low" and wish we could just fade into the background, and that's okay. But I like Rachy's suggestion to ask yourself why you want to be invisible, or if that is really what you want in the first place. I suspect the looks you are getting are admiring looks far more than anything else. We *all* want to age with style and you are doing it! People are always looking for others they might pattern themselves on. The eight year olds pattern themselves on the twelve year olds, the twelve year olds on the eighteen year olds, and on and on.

My late mother always got glances when we went out together. Her snow white hair, beautifully chosen colours, and fiery temperament meant she could never be ignored. Even in a room of fashion models she would probably have stood out. For years, she didn't bother much with style because she was raising us kids and didn't have a lot of money or energy for it. but when her love of style returned it returned with a vengeance and I was so happy to see it. As Joy suggested, we older women (I'm now in the 60+ group) can influence the younger ones for the better.

The very fact that you are still interested in fashion puts you way ahead of many others in the 60-plus age group (at 59 and 10 months, I count myself in that category). Our society is so judgmental of and unrealistic about women’s appearance that it’s impossible not to get sucked in. I try to stay positive but i have to admit that I no longer post WIWs even in this super-supportive forum because I am loath to display my disappearing waist and softening jawline (and a little intimidated by those who are far more fashion-forward than me). When I see a post like this from someone as lovely as you, it makes me vow to do better.

I have read and re-read all the above posts and your comments have nearly made me cry! How kind of you all to take the time to re-assure someone you will never meet. The Web does have a good side and Angie's website is one I love even if I don't always post. I have learnt such a lot from her and from your good selves. THANK YOU.

I have hesitated to respond only because I am torn between reassuring you that you are lovely (I looked at the pictures you posted and you truly are, and I am certain no one is looking at you because you are ugly but rather with admiration), and feeling conflicted thinking about people who might be outside of society's norms for attractiveness.
Anyway, all my life I have assumed people are looking at me because something is wrong with me, so I do relate to your feelings Eirlys. The best lesson I have learned is that people are thinking about themselves much more than about anyone else. I remind myself of that frequently.

People are only truly ugly on the inside.

Beautiful lady, I would never associate the word ugliness with you! You truly are beautiful, graceful and inspiring. I would be happy to look as lovely as you when I am 88. You have been given excellent insight and support from all the Fabbers. I won’t repeat what they said, but I echo their compliments. We are human and therefore subject to our good and our not so good days. I often think we judge ourselves harshly and think others may, too, but in reality, they are not judging us at all. Carry on, beautiful one!

What Cee said. I don’t think anyone is ugly on the outside. Ugliness comes from the inside.

My mum is in her 80s. She loves fashion and dresses to be seen. She is gorgeous and super stylish and you are too.

I really appreciate your honesty expressed in this thread, Eirlys. We all have those doubts at times, or feel ugly, don't we? Well, I do. I've been reading this thread for a few days now and had to go look up your photo. As many have said here on this supportive forum, I see beauty and vitality where you are. It makes you radiant. No ugliness!

When you mentioned being invisible, or wanting to, that old blog called Advanced Style came to mind. I looked it up, it's still going. Inspiration can help so much when it comes to giving permission to be ourselves. Here is the link: https://www.advanced.style

For me, role models or style icons have helped so much. Mine is Margaret Howell...also grey hair, always in pants and flat shoes, and just my age. https://www.mrporter.com/en-ch.....howell/242 Sometimes we just need a bit of validation and I hope all these responses have given you some.

Eirlys, my gosh, you are absolutely not ugly! Your eyes sparkle, you have beautiful cheeks and a lovely smile. If anything, you are one of those people who retains the brightness of youth even though you are no longer young!

I think I understand what you are saying though. For me, I notice all the things I'm NOT anymore - I'm not naturally brunette anymore, I'm not free of wrinkles, I'm not able to go without makeup (and feel pretty), I'm not going to turn a head in a bar anymore.

My neighbour told me on her 40th birthday that she was lamenting to her husband that she didn't look like she did when she was 35. To which he said, yeah, but you were unhappy when you were 35 because you didn't look like you did when you were 30! His point was that this is always the day we'll look back on with wistful remembrance tomorrow. I try to remember that.

PS - at 88, you are also fully within your right to tell someone who looks at you rudely to piss off I'm pretty sure that's the rule!!

Haha Torontogirl and ditto Cee

Damn right, Toronto Girl !

Toronto Girl: Your comment made me laugh also. I recall a TV sketch where a complaints girl had to deal with a telephone caller who went on and on complaining about a programme's contents. The poor girl kept apologising to 'madam', but could hardly get a word in edgewise. In the end she said, "Oh, piss off!" It was so unexpected that we had a good laugh.

What lovely people you all are. :O)

Haha!

Hugs to you and everyone else who has responded. So much wisdom here. At 55, I sometimes miss my smoother-skinned, less achey, etc. former self. But I wouldn't trade the life experience and self knowledge and joy that have come with those wrinkles and pains. The YLF community has helped so much with giving me more confidence about style choices for all occasion of my life, and why some clothing makes me feel right and some doesn't. It is sometimes hard to post photos here, but I hope this thread helps you feel the support you have here, and understand how lovely you are right now!

Karen13 ; You are correct. The support I have received here has been so heart-warming. I have learnt a lot . Again THANK YOU, ALL.

Such lovely kind comments for Eirlys.
Thank you all.

For a cheerful pick me up you might enjoy the works of Ari Seth Cohen. These ladies are hip, timeless, classy, fun. There is a book(s), blog film. At least one is called Advanced Style. I find the book fun and cheerful if creative.

https://m.barnesandnoble.com/p.....wAodaJAASA

https://m.barnesandnoble.com/p.....wAodR58G5w

https://www.kickstarter.com/pr.....style-film

https://www.advanced.style

https://www.theguardian.com/fa.....lder-women

https://m.huffpost.com/us/topi.....style-blog

Lar101: Agree re the kind comments.

I had the book "Advanced Style" and passed it on to some friends. The women photographed wore amazing clothes in amazing colours. They were like birds of paradise photographed amongst dowdy sparrows!

I do deplore the modern tendency for the Young to wear grunge clothing. They will never be that beautiful again! Some days I never see a woman wearing a skirt or dress. Result? I find myself living in trousers though I do try to buy well-fitting, tailored trousers.