Trying not to freak out.... - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Off Topic

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Trying not to freak out....

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

My husband's boss hired a consultant who now wants to come on full time... After a week of closed door meetings with him droning on and on and conversations that have no give and take or exchange of ideas, his boss seems to be taken in completely almost like he was brainwashed and has lost his sense of humor, is attacking my husband's every move as wrong . Where they once were a team learning this industry together, he is now using new jargon and acting contemptuous that my husband did not bring to the table what this guy says is necessary... this guy is gone for 10 days and I am praying that my husband can talk to him and see if he can turn this around...

It is so scary to me because I saw this exact same thing happen in his last business and that Toxic guy has done so much damage to that company and keeps getting promoted...

Off Topic

19 replies

Latest reply was from Eliza

Mochi

Veteran

I have not one shred of advice for you, Tracey, but I'm sorry to hear it. I hope that as the dust settles, it turns out to be something else. Good luck.

Alassë

Veteran

I'm so sorry, Tracey. Praying things will turn around for you & him.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I feel like he is being set up to fail. He was asked to do up a marketing plan, they've never had one before, and was given two days and no guidance on what they were looking for...I had my own business and did up a phenomonal business plan (best one my business realtor had ever seen!) and it took me weeks! I researched online how long it takes and got that same answer.. Hope he takes my advice and takes an assertive stance declaring the time and more direction of exactly what he wants on the plan as they can vary dramatically!!!!

Marmee

Veteran

No advice here, but lots of sympathy. It's so hard to be in the passenger seat and see someone go through something like this. Sending positive thoughts.

rachylou

Veteran

How does your husband feel, being on the front lines of this?

My strategy has always been: Don't panic. Smile, relax those shoulders, and keep your mouth shut until the moment passes. Don't jump to answer every little point or even any point at all. Let people do what they have to do. I've been in more than a few situations where a hot shot comes through like the bull in the proverbial china shop. I've found invariably they hoist themselves by their own petard. It's a waiting game.

I also wouldn't be too worried about the business. 1) It's CEOs who drive businesses into the ground and 2) I say this as someone who worked in human performance, it is positively amazing how many businesses succeed when everybody sucks and how many fail when everyone is doing a great job.

Of course, there are select times to show a little bite. You have to feel your way. Once had a guy, a PhD in neon lights, if you know what I mean, who wanted to implement a new system (it wasn't) and kept insisting it was very complicated and you had to have a PhD to understand it. I said to him, "No one who's going to have to use the system has a PhD. If it's too hard for them to use, what is the point? I'm not being snarky. I mean this. It's a serious issue." He was gone soon after - and might I add I found the CV he was working on, on the company computer, and it was all lies.

Mochi

Veteran

Tracey, my husband has a marketing background and is wondering which keywords the consultant used. He may have an opinion about these words. If you care to look into it. In any case, hugs and best wishes in an extremely stressful situation.

Mochi

Veteran

And yes, hubby echoes rachylou's point that fear is the enemy, if it causes your husband to act less than optimally, and that eventually this consultant will muck things up.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

Mochi, he isn't using key marketing words but saying things like they are not trained for "the high end customer" his marketing plan is to go to lodge meetings if he gets the postiion and moves here. My husband has been in sales and marketing in our area for 20 years and knows this is all bogus jargon he is making up to add value for the owner to hire him on full time..;. The selling for water treatement systems doesn't change and my husband has dealt with many millionares and see this as crazy...

The scary part is that the owner spent a week in meetings and now is looking at my husband with contempt when previously he valued my husband tremendously. He's lost his sense of humor and is repeating everthing this guy said yet can't say why these things are so....This guy kept him in the office for hours droning on and on in a monotonous tone, constantly lecturing and saying "don't you agree, don't you agree" When I looked up brainwashing techniques it was kinda scary how prevelant they were...

My husband left his previous company because after 18 years of providing the salesmen with qualifiied leads the new toxic guy started calling them " opportunities" and treated the sales team with contempt saying it was their job to get in and sell. He no longer had to put quality leads out there and it was like the owner who had set up the 4 basic qualifications of a lead that had made him a multi millionaire threw it all out the window and began looking at the sales team with the same contempt...In that last situation the owner would fire anyone for disagreeing with him in any way, so everyone watched with disbelief...This guy even suggested taking one of the product lines and making it a separate company, which he would run (a ploy when he was failing at the marketing) It was a crazy fiasco and short lived, and no one could understand how in the world this very intelligent owner went for it... It was truly insane!!!!!

This time my husband is going to be more assertive, yet cooperative in changes that really are needed in this company, but not allowing them to throw him under the bus, which seems to be this guys plan to make room for himself... After just one day of him being gone, my husband has made some headway and is optimistic.. He has 9 more days til this guy comes back in town. .My husband is excited about this industry and has the perfect skill set and experience to really take this company from the one office to the three that the owner is trying to create...

Thanks for everyone's kindness... I am just praying that this all works out as these toxic people in business really are everywhere and I've seen too much of what chaos they create....

rachylou

Veteran

Lodge meetings? That's the grand plan? Hoo-wee. He's doing the grandma-$10K-cereal box - you know where the scamster gets an elderly widow to send him $10,000 in a cereal box.

It is incredibly hard to pull back from a bad hire, someone who poisons the well. Darn, I wish I knew where to look for this article this person did on the matter.

If I were your husband, I'd be asking the boss *what interesting things the consultant said,* listening/nodding, and showing hesitation - or better, totally lackluster enthusiasm. *Hmm, shrug.* I'd be herding the boss to pull back, take his time, and "think about" it. *That's very interesting; I wonder. If we did that, tho, the risks are... The world won't collapse in a day if you take a little time. What could it hurt, right?* I'd be like, *I ran some of these ideas by some colleagues in the field of marketing small businesses, and one of them suggested...[insert anything else, like advertising in church bulletins and on the back of grocery receipts]*.

If people are really hysterical, I'd do the right thing and tell it like it is. With presence of mind and my firm conviction. Calm-like.

Jeez. Lodge meetings! You're right. People like this are like cock roaches. A businessman has to constantly watch out for them.

Gigi

Veteran

I'll pray that everything turns out OK, Tracey!

I don't understand much of what has been said (I don't understand much about business matters on the upper levels), but I wonder if this new guy is somehow capitalizing on some insecurity of your husband's boss. It sounds like maybe the boss is treating your husband with contempt because he wants to prove that he (the boss) is truly better and up higher on the corporate ladder than your husband (which he is, but it sounds like previously he has been acting more like your husband's equal). But even if that is part of the problem, I wouldn't know how to use that info to his advantage.

Let us know what happens!

Mochi

Veteran

I talked about your response with my husband, Tracey. I'm typing up his responses as he talks (so this may come out sounding a bit jumbled--I hope overall meaning comes through here). His immediate opinion: the organization not well structured. There need to be checks and balances to make sure the brown-nosers can't end up winning. If the boss is managing thru his emotions rather than reality, facts and analysis, then the organization is going to eventually bust. All these problems come from the owner's insecurities, and these sociopaths are very good at finding those weak points. The organization should be structured so that one person can't turn things on their head 180 degrees. There need to be a senior management team to provide the checks and balances--there should always be at least one level-headed man or woman. And even if it's a small company, there should be outside business mentors of some sort, who could be influential and yet impartial, with the interest of the company in mind and who have the trust of the management. The boss really needs unbiased opinions and will be seeking outside opinions to make sure s/he doesn't go into this myopic direction. It's also very important for any company to go thru a certain dynamic; company has to evolve. But, you don't do this by throwing out the things that ARE working. And if the things that need to be changed are in excess of 20%, the company will need to change its DNA. That needs to be undertaken with extreme caution.

To sum up hubby's opinion, toxic guy is a symptom, not a cause. More critical issue here is the boss and his vulnerability to being played.

Don't be afraid of walking away from the job--my husband always left previous jobs after a big fight with the owner or boss. If they couldn't agree on the principles of running the business, he would leave (ETA: and because he had great skills, he always found a better position). He says your husband exhibited sound judgment when he left his previous position. While I understand the stress around that as a possible outcome this time, and there is hope that it won't come to that in this situation, he thinks the larger issues need to be resolved. Which they may!

I am crossing my fingers that this works out within this company. Good luck and keep us updated.

Eliza

Veteran

Best to your husband and family. It is remarkable how far afield things can become when one person or team has the capacity to derail sound business practices or prevent new ones from being implemented. It can be hard to exhale and let it play out, while simultaneously highlighting what is going right currently. Sometimes, the "third" party's presence does you a favor, by providing a context to discuss possible changes or improvements. A "while we're thinking about X, how about Y" talk type of thing. Negative past experiences can erode confidence. I hope your husband can hang on to his- they hired him for a reason!

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

You all are very wise and hit the nail on the head. This owner inherited this business and is in over his head, so ripe for a toxic person. This morning my husband took my advice and had a successful conversation where he was assertive in asking for what he needs to be successful and got a very positive response for now. Real problem will be when consultant returns as he is older,retired but has "no attachments" in his life and angling hard for full time position.

Isabel

Veteran

Wow, what Mocchi's husband said is a real eye opener : it is a symptom not THE problem.

I want to throw in that your husband needs to document everything. When he gets an assignment ( like the business plan ), he should ask for it in writing with specifications. He should tell his boss that this ensures that everyone is on the same page and that he delivers what is wanted/needed. He needs to protect himself as well as facilitate his job. He should also come across as agreeable yet pragmatic. For instance, with the business plan he could say, " It is impossible to put a successful business plan together in two days but I can get you a rough draft as a starting point. Once you look at it, we can expand in an appropriate time to get it done. " If he starts acting as if this consultant is a threat, this is going to be a bigger headache than it is.

If his boss is overwhelmed he is going to look for a life raft anywhere that he can. But this "consultant" seems to be more interested in landing a full time job than actually consulting. To me, that tells me that he is not very successful as an independent consultant.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

Good point Isabel.. Your suggestion was his exact approach to the business plan and what I suggested and Boss responded that he wanted something very basic. . I think he was blown away with how well DH did the marketing plan. DH has been recording all his efforts last week when owner was holed up with the consultant and reported it so things seem much better... Boss apologized, agreed to switch the days of the weekly meetings at my husband's request and a few contest requests , all positive stuff... Just waitng to see what happens when the consultant returns... The consultant use to go sit in my husband's office and talk with him, but not anymore....My husband's assets shine strongly and are undeniable.. so the worry for now is gone and my husband is aware of the issues and will assert himself in a cooperative manner to be more involved and not cut out of that process.. This should be a time of an exchange of ideas, not hours of mind boggling lectures that sends the owner to my husband's mini fridge in search of caffeine...hopefully once was enough of that and it won't happen again...

Isabel

Veteran

YAY !!! I am so glad to read all this , Tracey. Phew.

Even if this happens again, your husband now has a tried and true strategy to deal with it. : )

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

Thank you Isabel!!!!

A funny thing happened this weekend... we went to a furniure store to pick up mattress for our oldest son and brought our 18 year old with us.... The salesman asked if we'd purchased from there before. My husband mentioned that he did a short stint as a salesman there 18 years ago to get insurance to have our present son...The salesman said he has been there 15 years , so missed him by 3 years... He then went to the computer and punched in our phone number.. Seeing my DH 's name he turned and with great excitement mentioned that when he came on his manager spoke very highly of my husband and mentioned that he left to sell Finacial products.... This really struck my husband that this guy came in 3 years after he left after working there for less than a year and his old manager mentioned him in glowing terms to this guy... Not a surprise to me, this guy is UNFORGETTABLE! A fabulous boost for DH!!!!!

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Wow, so cool! What a day-maker

Eliza

Veteran

Great, full circle story!