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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

To Arrive at our Style

Synne

Veteran

Mostly lurking on the forum these days, not participating much. Apologies. Life gets in the way

Just felt like sharing some thoughts.. When do we ARRIVE with our style? How did you land on what feel authentic and true to YOU? Style that feels good and looks good. When it just works. Everything is right. Is this for ever a moving target?

I feel I am on a steep learning curve. Figuring out trends, what's flattering on my body, with my colouring. What's practical and useful for me. My life.

Clothes aren't just clothes anymore. I am trying to look my best, yes, but also to use clothes as means as to tell a story. Let the world know who I am. What I am all about.

Do you have any thoughts to share on this?

Dressing

31 replies

Latest reply was from Style Fan

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Interesting question!I feel that I am a work in progress and hope to go on learning and ,hopefully ,improving until the day I die so if my style is a reflection of me prehaps that will go on changing along with me rather than arriving at a fixed point.Better to enjoy the journey I guess.

Joyce

(website)

Synne, this is a process that we go through as our lives change; I don't know if we ever "ARRIVE" it might be better defined as a constant journey.
As we change and the demands in our life change it just makes sense to look in our closets and drawers and evaluate if the contents support who we are today.
Change happens inevitably, that's what life brings. If you want your style to reflect this change it often takes a wardrobe review; trends may or may not factor in, it is all about you!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Like most things in life, I never feel like I've "arrived" so much as I appreciate wherever I am in the process. I'm pretty content with my style, considering limitations of body type, lifestyle and personal preferences. My tastes evolve slightly, but my core style really stays pretty consistent throughout the years.

The Cat

Veteran

Synne, your interesting questions made me remember Angie's blog post from last year with her top 13 style tips: https://youlookfab.com/2019/05.....tyle-tips/
In particular, note what Angie wrote about #12.

rachylou

Veteran

An interesting question. The clothes have to change - wear and tear, jobs, activities, moves, health and body. But I wonder how much innate style changes v it being uncovered or applied in different ways. I feel there are both a lot of constants and a lot of changes that my style has seen.

rebekahphoto

Veteran

good question, I feel it is much like travel, the journey is the destination. So much is about learning exploring and trying things out. some work some failures. I think the more honest I am about personal goals, beliefs in life, etc that can translate into understanding my style goals easier as well--if that makes sense.

My style specifics have changed along with my needs, body, etc. but overall my style goals have remained relatively constant over the years.
I feel I have "arrived" as you say when i feel true to myself, when I feel comfortable and powerful in whatever I am wearing.

Christina F.

Veteran

I did a lot of hard work in figuring out what I liked and what my essentials were, and then suddenly everything clicked for me. It was a combination of my age, increased confidence and decreased caring about figure flattery, and what was available in stores. So in my case it seems fortuitous, but because I had worked on it, when stuff I really was feeling hit stores, I was able to capitalize on that.

Sal

Veteran

If I look back at photos of me in my teens, twenties - even as a child - many things have not changed.

There are exceptions of course - but there are many constants in my hairstyles, shoe choices, colour choices and overall vibe. I never liked frills and layers and florals - and often chose colours and general vibes I still like.

I feel pretty confident now with my choices - I feel like my relaxed elegant bold aspirational style is very much me. I tweak things - but in general I don't look at what I wore last year or ten years ago and think "what was I thinking?"

I do think at times fashions resonate more strongly with us - at the moment I am seeing lots of pieces and footwear that I like. About 2010 I remember trying to find clothes for my 40th, or for work and struggling with short hemlines, leggings, shapeless tunics and a choice of ballet flats or platform nude heels. I felt very out of style.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I think it may be different for everyone.

My initial goal was to be dressed appropriately for the activities/places in my life. To not stick out negativity. But I always had a strong sense of what didn’t feel like me, so I couldn’t just put on what someone else thought I should wear/looked good.

Now that I have an almost complete wardrobe, meaning I have something to wear in most situations, I play with both remixing my clothing and adding more “pop”.

I expect that I will keep looking to elevate my look while filling in holes and replacing items as they wear out or my life changes,

CarolS

Veteran

Great question, and I think your comment about telling a story about who we are holds part of the answer.

Who we are is constantly changing. We get older; we have children, or we don't have children, we get promoted, we get fired, we work from home, we gain weight, we lose weight, we undergo loss and experience family crisis. Our story evolves

I think we use different tools or devices to tell our story at different times. Maybe its jeans for the years we telecommute, power suits for when we're promoted to Director of somethingorother, and athletic wear for the year we spend traveling the world in our Winnebago.

But I do think there is some almost intangible way of doing things (our "style" of doing things) that stays with us throughout. That's what leads us to choose the pieces we choose. My jeans look won't be the same as yours; my suit look won't be the same as yours -- but I bet there are similarities in how I choose my jeans and how I choose my suits or in the way I put those outfits together -- colours, necklines, hemlines, fits, pattern mixes (or no mixes), drape, texture... the list could get long.

I'm way heavier than I used to be, and I can't wear the fashion shoes that used to be part of my toolkit, so I have to find other ways to express my style with the current set of tools available to me.

Hits and misses are part of the journey -- I think each time we have to adapt we can expect we might get it not quite right sometimes. The sweater we thought was the new way to express ourselves told totally the wrong story (!).

Many, many years ago I worked in retail ladies wear, and I was always interested to see how the same outfit could look so different on different people. It came from how they carried themselves, how they saw themselves in the outfit, how they accessorized it. A dress could look dowdy on one 5'6" client and FAB on the next, even if it fit both of them. I think it was just that it aligned with one client's style but not with that of the other.

Style isn't so much about what's trendy or classic, it's about the choices we make and the unique way each of us carries it and pulls it together -- whether it's jeans or ballgowns. I suppose the more we know ourselves, the more true we can be to expressing our personal style and not just regurgitating trends.

Wow, I was very long winded there and not sure I added value, but I definitely had fun thinking about your question!

MsMaven

Veteran

I thought I had "arrived" in the mid-80s. We finally had enough money to spend some on clothes, we were going to lots of charity balls and important client events, and I hadn't yet begun the inevitable mid-life weight gain around the middle. I got to shop on 5th Avenue in NYC and on the Miracle Mile in Chicago and I had places to wear the stuff I got!

Then came the 90's, blah for a lot of reasons. Not much better in the new century, and I'm still working on it with a different body and a much different life. Trying to figure out what to wear for an important occasion eventually led me to YLF.

Heed all the good advice above about lifestyle changes, work changes, fashion changes, and body changes.

I do believe that there are certain core ideals that rarely change. We do have to accept our bodies as they are at any given moment. Forget trends that don't suit us. I like to follow bloggers and posters "of a certain age" who continue to explore trends and ideas--and I have learned a lot from them about how I want to appear to others and what makes me happy about what I decide to wear.

taylor

Veteran

I felt that I arrived after these things came together,, through much experimenting :
Colors- I discovered I am a solid girl, I will wear pattern but usually on the bottom and almost always in neutral .

I don’t like bold, bright or neon. I much preferred neutrals .
Silhouette- I found 3/4 silhouettes that work for me, and I stick with them. One for dresses , one for skirts , and a couple for pants and jeans.
Style- I have decided I am definitely a “dressy” person and prefer to not dress down . I am perfectly comfortable running errands looking like I just came from/ or going somewhere that requires something
more than sweats, or jeans and a tee..
Jewelry- Is something that I wear daily, it’s part of my persona. I have tamed it down over the years, but I am never without by stack of bracelets.
Shoes- I love pretty shoes, I don’t have fussy feet, so anything goes. I prefer heels, yes even this old lady wears them most days. And they must be delicate.

Hair and Make up. Must be done daily, no exceptions!
mind you, these are my own reflections of me, my style, who I am and in no way expect these of others!
None of this is earth shattering or new info. These are the things that define me. Knowing these things have cultivated my wardrobe and my daily style. Finding what defines you...reflected in your style ,speaks to the world. These tools/ideas help me define my style.

I think we intuitively know what works ....it’s just finding it .
It starts at the top of your head (hair). And goes all the way to your feet (shoes)!

cindysmith

Veteran

I'm a few short days from 50, and I haven't arrived yet. My style evolves constantly. I'm still enjoying my dipping dots colors, but my lord at the whites and creams I've added over the last months :-O
And cargo pocket joggers
And athleisure
And and and

Anonymous

It's always a moving target, but I have to admit I'm not that "deep" about it. I know what I like, and what works, and although I'm open to new ideas, I try to remember to trust my intuition . I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this stuff anymore, because it hasn't been productive for me. I'm very visual, and if I see a look I like, I know what to do with it . However.......I have those days where I second guess myself, like today, for example. I drove home from a meeting with a designer (home renos and styling ) and shop owner who was dressed SO simply and chicly in a pencil skirt, cashmere sweater, sock booties and no jewellery other than her watch. Almost no makeup either. I felt like I was an example of too much of everything : colour, design details, makeup, jewellery and too much hair spray. I wanted to start all over again, but alas, I'm not Jennifer and never will be. Still makes me think I'm not dressing exactly the way I want to. BUT , this paragraph is about how much time I will devote to this subject today Interested in reading everyones replies here

DonnaF

Veteran

I am thinking that my style is rather like a tree with its many rings: The core is always there, but the details of the exterior may change and adjust to lifestyle/activities, body and coloring changes, climate, and what is commercially available. Another piece of this IMHO is self-confidence and willingness to buck the norm.

Have I changed? Yes; I wear less color than when I was young. I am waiting for my hair to turn even grayer so that wearing white shoes will bookend my hair and I can transition my wardrobe to more creams and white, assuming that I learn to be neater and have a cleaner house.

I get into trouble if I buy for an imaginary life with imaginary abilities to keep clean and deal with fussy details or if I try to emulate someone else's style. Or if I buy the trend of the moment (or actually for this late adopter, a trend whose moment has almost passed), and it is not really *me*.

I am fine with the journey and don't expect to ever *arrive* because that will mean The End.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Enjoyed reading everyone's thought very much! I definitely am in camp moving target but CarolS's response also resonated. I do think we do have a certain something that I will call taste that is basic to our selves and how we respond to the aesthetics of the world even as it evolves and is informed by life. Just like we have a basic set of intelligences and talents that can be developed and educated but are still the basis of how we think and do. Hope that even makes sense, I am just thinking about this now.

CarolS

Veteran

Great analogy, DonnaF. Yes, Shevia, I think that does make sense.

Our tastes change. We gain appreciation for a type of clothing we always disparaged. We need to shift what we wear because of age or weight gain or illness. But something about how we interpret that new clothing or adapt to our new circumstance, seems to stay constant.

Zaeobi

(website)

Veteran

I've also been away from the forum for a while, but the Coronavirus means it's safer for me to stay indoors & work from home right now. In other words, spending a lot of time in front of a screen, without time taken out of my day with a commute, translates to a lot more time to reflect on things (like my style) digitally, haha.

I've been honing my style in my absence & have interestingly found that, although I think I've come leaps & bounds since then, a lot of my past forum posts still reflect my core style. Things that I thought were an epiphany were from items I have been wearing longer than I originally thought (like an orange pussybow blouse that I'm looking to replace).

I have a vision in my head of what my wardrobe should look like, but this is in terms of my closet layout (since I'm a very visual person). I love colour, so I organise my small closet in a rainbow. But I'm not so interested in varying my silhouettes - I've tried & tested what work for my shape & lifestyle, so the ultimate goal is to have these 3 core shapes replicated in all of my colours:
(tunic) blouse + pleated maxi skirts /
long cardigan + shell top + slim pants /
cropped jacket + wide leg trousers or chiffon maxi skirts.

There may be a little variation in the items within these categories (because it's difficult to find certain things due to trends), but my clothes are usually my core pieces & my accessories are usually the statement pieces. I hang any harder to iron items from my single rail & everything else is stacked into boxes below that (space is a commodity in Hong Kong, so I luckily don't have the space for drawers or anything that might impede the direct view of my clothes). Maybe I'll eventually muster the effort to post a diagram, haha.

I've been mulling this 'visual closet' of my core wardrobe for years now, & am slowly building my way towards it. Only time will be able to tell if it will reflect a final 'arrival' at my intended style, but fingers crossed!

Jenni NZ

Veteran

For me, it has been getting back the joy of clothing. I definitely had that when I was a teenager, I remember from 13 onwards, and even at uni with less money I loved secondhand shops or sales. I lost it a bit in my early to mid 30s with 3 little kids and the years of leggings and long jumpers ( sweaters) and again past menopause for a while. I have my mojo back and YLF has really helped, thank you Angie and all! I get compliments on my outfits every week from clients and happily compliment my female clients on particular items or outfits, it helps build rapport.
So I think as DonnaF says, there is a core of what makes me happy even although the rings of the tree have changed through being a student, a young Mum, a professional, a middle- aged woman, long curly brown hair to short grey hair. I do feel pretty confident in my style these days I reckon

Gigi

Veteran

For me, it's pretty much always a moving target, though it will sometimes stay in one place for long enough that I can just enjoy my closet. I feel that as we change in life, our style changes, so we will never be totally "set" in one way of dressing.

I do notice that my style changes less frequently than it did several years ago, when I first started thinking about personal style. It is fun to reflect back on the types of clothing I tried and how I felt wearing those pieces.

I think most of us will have a relatively permanent core set of principles of dressing and types of items that we like, but there will always be tweaking and new things thrown into the mix.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

I remember when YLF first began. I was a lurker. There were so many styles I appreciated and I loved Angie’s take on EVERYTHING.

I never knew how to be stylish. I saw the ladies here and just thou maybe just maybe I could be elegant stylish and just me.

My style has evolved but is still basically who I was as a teen.

Bright colors patterns textures more is more is more buying in multiples in a paired down way. Wide legs athleisure sporty nut classy.

I evolve my style about every 5-10 years but now we have been through something major and I’ve had another shift

I have uniforms but they are completely me, the have my flair but I feel completely comfortable to do the work that I need to do for my work life and my daughters therapy life and the massive amount of appointments we have.instead of aspiration dressing. I dress for the life I have

RobinF

Veteran

Such a great question and I have enjoyed reading all the answers! I love DonnaF's analogy, I never thought of it that way but it's so true that the core is the same and the exterior changes and shifts. I have been impatient with myself and my lack of a coherent wardrobe. I have to work on it and do a little analysis but remember to trust my gut too.

Bijou

Veteran

What Janet wrote really resonates with me. I have many items in my wardrobe that are old (like over 10 years old) and I still wear and enjoy them. I do like to edit and add new items too - so I have an evolving style with different preferences and some absolute constants.

My love of wearing dresses, coats and boots has been with me since childhood - so that part of my style is likely to remain.

wendy

I always loved fashion from my childhood. But, we didn't have much. My way around that was to scour, rummage sales, fleamarkets, and Goodwill for that perfect item. Sometimes, that perfect piece wasn't so perfect on it's own and would need personalizing.

One example my, Dad worked a military surplus men's clothing store. He would bring home duffle bags full of used military clothing. When he brought home dress green jackets, I knew that I had scored gold. I took one of those jackets added all kinds of vintage rhinestone jewelry, stuck a lace hanky in the pocket and had myself a one of a kind. I became "the girl in that army jacket". These experiences defined how I thought about fashion.

Fast forward many years later......

When I hit menopause, things fell apart for me. I would spend hours and days googling about how to dress as a mature woman. Every time I would look at anything, the first question was, "Is that too young for me?" I ended up here (and other sites) and told myself, "Oh, you need to dress like them." "You need to keep up with the trends better." "You just need to update your wardobe with these items and you'll be good."

Unfortunately, that caused me more heartache. I may have looked okay, but I didn't feel like myself. I felt like I was wearing someone else's clothing. I've accepted that I still am and will always be "that girl in that army jacket" and am okay with that.

Liesbeth

Veteran

This, what Gigi said:
'For me, it's pretty much always a moving target, though it will sometimes stay in one place for long enough that I can just enjoy my closet.'

judy

Veteran

"When do we ARRIVE with our style? How did you land on what feel authentic and true to YOU? Style that feels good and looks good. When it just works. Everything is right. Is this for ever a moving target?"

Interesting questions, Synne. For me, the feeling of both arriving and evolving can be constantly happening at the same time. I can feel both satisfied with what I have, and also open to more and different, Inspiration is everywhere and as we give ourselves permission to experiment...and make "mistakes"... the idea of some future imagined perfection can be replaced with just enjoying the journey today. Not to get too philosophical Style evolves from so many factors, internal and external. That's part of the fun, it's never static. To me, the "arriving" sensation feels more of an internal okay ness for the moment, an embrace of supposed "imperfections". Learn some basic guidelines, what feels good on you, then play!

Anonymous

Just a whole lot of trial and error, with plenty of mistakes along the way! Then one day I realized I wasn't making too many mistakes any more and I felt more surefooted fashion wise. It was a process, and all I can say is thank heavens for Angie and YLF! Now my friends ask me for fashion advice. Progress? I think so!

Synne

Veteran

Oh, I love all these replies. Will pour my self a glass of red and enjoy the read more thoroughly on Friday night! Wonder where on earth I'd be stylewise if it wasn't for YLF....

Anonymous

What many others have said resonates with me. Many things have been consistent for me, or I always return to them-like dressiness and deep colors. Otoh, needs change- different jobs, hobbies, body changes, budget. And even when you think you have it sorted- you know your colors, your style type, and have a clear vision- retail trends may not be forthcoming. You have to adapt to what's out there, unless you can DIY or know a skilled seamstress.

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