QUOTE FROM IRONKURTIN: My father used to say that nothing was as sweet or as tender as children, especially when fed beer, massaged daily, and roasted slowly.

Ironkurtin: This makes me think about my 11-year-old nephew, whose helicopter parents have managed to turn him into an A class, #1 brat. My DH and I "grin and bear it" whenever they visit, while our DDs hide out in their bedrooms with the legitimate excuse that they have homework and/or need to study. He was so naughty this past week that I was nearly ready to cook him and serve him for Thanksgiving, along with the turkey. We're all resting & relaxing now that they've gone back home.

I'm not sure I can add to the great advice you've already been given but I can commiserate with you. We did not have DD until we'd been married for almost 15 years. Most people knew that we were battling infertility but that still didn't stop the commenting - it just changed to advice. I'm not sure there's any way to make it better except just prepare yourself and have someone to vent to afterwards, Hugs to you on this really hard journey. Don't forget to be kind to yourself and give yourself many breaks. xoxo

Actually, there's a 10-year difference between my DD #1 and DD #2, and not because we weren't trying. I laughingly tell people that whatever was broken somehow got fixed, because there's only a 20-month gap between DD #2 and DD #3. DD #4 was totally unplanned and came 5 years after DD #3. Go figure!

Oh this is horrible! You would think people would have learned.

I had this a lot. We had four years of trying before I had my DS, and we had been married for ten years before we started trying, and then together seven before that. So you can imagine the expectations!

I tried lots of things, mainly ignoring, counting under my breath, deflecting. Jokes tended to work best, I often deflected to my dog as our baby. But for some people nothing worked until I plucked up the courage to say, I've had a series of miscarriages and I'd rather not discuss it. That did work, though obviously in the case of your SIL you don't trust her enough to say it.
I think Adelfas idea is a good one, getting my husband to have a quiet word with one or two relatives did work.

And I agree that it never ends. Despite the many problems I had, frequent surgeries etc people kept asking me about a sibling for DS!!!! As if we weren't trying....

Great! She found your Achiles tendon...Umm, It is time to find hers. Sadly, the best thing to do with these type of people is not to get mad, but to get even. I know, not exactly the nicest thing to say or the best advice to give,but sometimes being the bigger person just.does.not.work.

I am sorry you are being hurt by this behavior.