This week so far: difficult - YouLookFab Forum

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This week so far: difficult

Cococat

Veteran

My style reinvention has been challenging and I'm feeling a bit of a failure at the moment.

I'm trying to stick to my black and white aesthetic, but I've realised that I have hardly any white in my wardrobe and very few 'basics'. I know I wasn't going to shop, but I have bought 2 white tops, a white man style shirt, and a black and white top and I was able to return the boxy fringed top that didn't look great.

I'm feeling that everything I put on looks awful and nothing seems to work together.

Anyway, on Monday I wore this dress (an old pic) with cage booties, Tuesday I wore my lantern skirt with el cheapo stripey top and today I wore slim pants with the ankles rolled and an old Guess shirt I've had forever. I tried on so many tops with the pants and everything looked awful. This top looks less awful I suppose. Perhaps I should have tucked and belted.

I need the spend the weekend making 5 work outfits that incorporate my new white tops with the black bottoms that I already have. Perhaps it's not helping that my Pinterest inspiration board is full of slim 20 somethings with amazing style and I'm a curvy 50 something with a style crisis. Lol.

Dressing

22 replies

Latest reply was from Aida

Deborah

Veteran

Give yourself time and don't put yourself under too much pressure:) I like each of these outfits.

The dress in #1 is gorgeous on you and I think reflective of your new direction. Cage booties would look fab with this. Where you happy with this? I am finding at the moment I am a little over the sandal booties and 'edgy' footwear I have been wearing for the past few years. Could it be the footwear that you chose that was not making you happy?? I ask because the dress is fab.

#2 is gorgeous and I am envious. I don't have the figure to pull of this look Effortless chic at it's best. For some reason I want to pin a Chanel camellia broach to the striped top.

#3 is simple and elegant. Did you wear any accessories? I see a some fine layered necklaces in the neckline working beautifully here.

Can you pinpoint what was bothering you with the outfits this week?

Greyscale

Veteran

That dress in the first pic is so amazing. And the lantern skirt outfit is great! I think you're doing a lot better than you feel. Style transitions are always nerve wracking.

As for matching black shirts and black pants - this is really tricky. It's no wonder that you had to try on a lot. I do think your final outfit works well, but I know what you mean. For all that I only wear black, there are very few days I wear solid black pants + shirt, because it's hard to get right. More often, I use slightly contrasting textures (knit + woven) or colors (solid black top + faded black denim) or shapes (relaxed top, skinny bottoms or vice versa). But, your shirt+pants outfit looks chic and even a bit Parisian to me, so it can definitely work. (Speaking of Parisian, what about adding a narrow silk scarf on your neck?)

rute

Veteran

you look amazing! To wear a black and white wardrobe you must love these colors, it must feel natural and fun to you otherwise you'll get tired soon.
For me there is nothing more chic than black and white, I'm on a black and white phase too.
You look amazing, chic, trendy and never boring!

unfrumped

Veteran

I agree!

Anonymous

I am SO SORRY to hear that you are feeling bad about your personal style transition. Change is hard. There is an adjustment curve that sometimes requires expenditures to make it happen (like a few new tops).

I love the idea of black and white. It is so elegant and makes such a statement. Finding the pieces you love may take a bit of time and some trial and error, but I am absolutely certain you will achieve your goals. Sometimes identifying what you don't like is the first step.

For what it is worth, I think you look great in the pictures you posted. I say this knowing that how you feel is far more important then anything I can say and I don't want to discount your feelings.

Number 1 is my favorite, but all of them look great. I'll watch for future pictures of you and offer you what little advice I can. Best wishes for the rest of your week.

Cococat

Veteran

I'm sorry for sounding whiny and thank you so much for making me feel like I'm not a complete failure.I really appreciate it.

I did like the dress with cage booties and I received some nice comments. I wore a chunky necklace with it and it felt good.

I do like my lantern skirt but the top felt cheap..it was $5 from Kmart so was very cheap! Perhaps I should try it with a plain white tee. I now have 2.

This morning was awful trying on my pants with everything, including the beautiful crisp white shirt I bought from Zara, and I looked frumpy and blousey. I need to find a different way to wear the white shirt. It looked so boring and unflattering, which was very disappointing. In my mind I imagined that I would buy my classic white shirt and tees and I would be instant chic. Nope, not happening.

Astrid

Veteran

I agree with Deborah, you need to give yourself time. How about taking outfits you loved to wear in the past and then tweaking those to have a more similar vibe to your inspiration board? Baby steps might be easier and better for your peace of mind than an all or nothing approach.

donnat

Veteran

These truly are some nice outfits. Change is hard.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Coco, I am watching with empathy and great interest. I'm learning that making a major style shift -- even a longed for one -- is never easy. No wonder you feel a bit adrift. The point about "instant chic" is so important, I think. Especially (maybe?) for those of us who are past our 20s.

Maybe there's a reason we've made the style choices that we've made over our lifetimes. Not to say that change is a bad idea or that we shouldn't try a new aesthetic (on the contrary!) But we may not be fully aware of all the tiny fine-tuning adjustments we made to our previous style to get it working so effortlessly over the years. Something about what we were doing before was working -- and now, with the new style, we need to figure out ways of making equivalent tweaks. I wish I had some easy answers.

I do think you looked great in every one of these outfits, but I also understand what you are saying; if they don't feel right, they aren't quite right, no matter how you look, objectively speaking. And even though you do look great, you might not look exactly the way you are hoping to look. There may be something that isn't hitting your style objectives. But the more you experiment the more you will figure out what those objectives really are. Simple black and white can be interpreted in so many ways. It may be that even your inspiration board fails to capture precisely the look you are after. So it will take some time to figure it out, I suspect.

Anonymous

I hear myself in some of your comments - and although I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who struggles with feeling chic and polished in black and white without a whole lot of effort, you ARE on your way there. Deborah's advice to be patient is bang on ,and also reminds me of a little Facebook posting I saw this week suggesting that change can't be forced nor rushed, and the effort will one day just be realized, and will no longer be, well, and effort. Sorry - I'm getting all expansive and philosophical here.

I am nodding knowingly at having a pin board full of tall , super skinny young women wearing these things and looking fantastic. Me too Half of looking good in all black is attitude. And being disappointed that owning a white shirt and 2 white t-shirts didn't automatically make you feel chic! Me again. Sigh .

I think you look great in these pictures - the lantern skirt being really outstanding on you. Keep going, it's working !

Anonymous

You don't sound whiny at all. You echo what many of us have felt when we started a similar transitional phase in life. I think most of us have been there. What makes this forum so useful is that we are all at different steps along the transitional line.

Ginger

Veteran

Everyone else has terrific advice! I can definitely echo that you DO look really good. I'm a curvy pear, definitely not 20s, and I get the challenge of reinventing yourself. I also love the lantern skirt - that's a look I do myself. And yes, finding the right top for a flamboyant skirt is hard. I think this one looks good!

You sound like you're disappointed in yourself that you went shopping. My first thought - How do you reinvent your style without shopping?! Don't be hard on yourself; you haven't failed at anything. You're trying something totally new. And I like what Suz pointed out about the tiny adjustments and tweaks you've made all your life in previous style(s). Just keep trying things, try to analyze what you like and what you don't. You WILL figure it out.

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

You look great in all these outfits. But I do empathize with you....sometimes you think that adding a new piece or two will give you that instant chic, but sadly it rarely ever happens that way.

I love what Lisa says - Change can neither be forced nor rushed. The effort will pay off one day. But for that - you will need to invest time into experimenting. There are thousands of ways to rock a white shirt. And thousand more ways to pair just black & white. You'll need to make use of your free time to experiment and photograph. This is what I do too, and it really helps. I never pull off a new thing off the hanger and just pair with something in my closet to feel instant chic. That happens 1 out of 20 times - a combination that works in my head will work just as great in real life too. The remaining 19 times I have to *work* to make it look effortless.

Spend your weekends making 5 to 8 workwear combinations for the next week. You'll be able to play with accessories - belts, scarves, necklaces and shoes - to make fail-proof combinations. Then it'll be easy to get dressed every morning. Over time, your experimentations will slowly make you more intuitive towards what will work/not work in sync with your style change.

It's ok to feel like a failure. Failure means you tried. Now go try again!

Best of Luck!

Anonymous

I was thinking more about this while driving DD to school - and now I'm back! What might be missing here for you is the finishing third piece we often talk about . Especially with your pants and shirt outfit. Adding that last piece in the form of a jacket (knit or structured) , a statement scarf, etc can absolutely make a look.

Cococat

Veteran

Thank you again for all of your fabulous and wise replies. You have all said something that has inspired me to keep at it, make tweaks, take my time, and not be so hard on myself.

Even though on the surface it's only clothes, I think there's something deeper to my desire for change and therefore, subconsciously, the stakes seem very high.

I need to relax. Tomorrow is another day.

ps. Just saw your post Lisa. That's a really great idea. I'm usually just working with 2 items, and it might just need the third thing to pull it together. When I was trying the white shirt, I put a black cami over it and it looked really good (a third piece)...but then I decided it was too dramatic. Today, I should have tucked in my shirt and worn a great belt. I need to play.

celia

Veteran

I echo what others said. Whenever we want to make a change , no matter in what, we want it to happen right now, as if it was a magical thing. But things take time and to be happy in relaxed in our new choices there has to be a lot of work involved.
Nevertheless, I think you look great in your outfits. I am sure you will find your groove.

Sara L.

Veteran

I think all three of these outfits are great. #2 with the full skirt and fitted top is especially nice. The shirt doesn't look cheap even though you paid only $5 for it.

shedev

Veteran

I like the outfits you posted, but I think maybe the drama is what you are missing. The things you pinned were a little more dramatic. You can ease into it and see how you feel. I'm doing a style shift towards my dystopian fantasy life. I'm also doing the 5piece French wardrobe. I approached my picks as a capsule. It takes time to find all the pieces to complete a shift.

Anonymous

I used to wear black and white almost exclusively, but after 50 I noticed that black seemed too harsh on me and I moved to other neutrals, more in the brown, dark blue, and cream area. I'm not sure why, but these colors just seemed to work better than black. Maybe it's just that I was tired of black, who knows?

rachylou

Veteran

You know, there seems to be some picture distortion going on in your photos... I like the outfits, but confess I find the first girlish, less sophisticated than your nature. You have a powerful stance. I'm wondering if pumps rather than sandals would equalize things...

Anonymous

I love your lantern skirt; I think it looks completely amazing on you.

Aida

Veteran

It can be tough moving in a new direction, especially when we don't have all the pieces necessary. More hugs and empathy from me, definitely try to enjoy the process and don't worry about trying to rush into the "new look" all at once. I've been in transition for almost two years, and am still not where I want to be. But taking that long allows me to refine what exactly it is that I'm after, and has actually helped minimize the mistakes along the way.

These outfits are all very nice. The first two have the architectural feel you seem to be after, as well as being feminine. The last seems a little too stark. And after reading about the white purchases I was expecting to see some white! I will say though, that exposing skin will add some of the same type of drama and contrast that actual white clothing items can add.

Hang in there, you seem to be on the right track!