This is why we can't have nice things (the staind clothing edition) - YouLookFab Forum

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This is why we can't have nice things (the staind clothing edition)

Robin

Just a great big ARG!

Spilled some food on the silk dress I wore to the wedding yesterday. Had the brilliant idea of dabbing it up with water (no, I've never worn silk before).

Small stain. No idea whether it's food or water.

Dress is at the dry cleaner's now.

No idea whether they can get the stain out. If it's water, they say they can't.

Worst thing is i'm with my mother, who will then take over and try to fix things for me, as well as talk about how sad it is that I stained the dress at first wearing.

Figuring out how to deal with dres stain I can deal with (though I'm uber-annoyed with myself). Dealing with mother's potential responses and eagerness to try to fix things - not so much.

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23 replies

Latest reply was from DonnaF

Anonymous

I think if you agree with her about how sad it is, instead of trying to deflect, she will naturally default to being the one who will try to cheer you up.
Tennis-y analogy. I'd say part of the trick in these situations is not to become the backboard. Whatever she sends your way, instead of hitting it back, run over to her side of the net and hit the same thing with her.
And a good opportunity to be incredibly generous and even if she's being annoying, remember that she's your mother and if it was up to her your life would be all perfect, all the time, so she's trying to acclimate to this disappointment too.

You did look amazing in that dress! Maybe a discreet seam to absorb the stain?

Anonymous

I empathize, Robin. My mom was a fixer too. Sometimes I think parents never realize that one is an adult. I am trying hard to treat my own sons as responsible adults, but sometimes I go into Mommy Mode.
I wash most of my silk things by hand and hang them to dry or dry flat if they might stretch. If all else fails, you might try that with the dress. Many Eileen Fisher dresses are washable. I've read that one should not let silk things soak, that it weakens the fibers.

donnat

Veteran

Awwwh! That sucks! So sorry to hear about the dress. If it comes back from the cleaners, and they dont get the stain out, let mom at her...
and yes, I have done something similar, I think we all have..

Anonymous

Oh gosh, I am so sorry this happened to you ! But yeah, never dab silk with water - it will show that (insert bad word here) stain and mark forever. You're supposed to blot the stain with club soda, or salt, or, in a perfect world (but who has cornstarch nearby when out for dinner?) cornstarch. I know EXACTLY what you mean about your mother's interference - oops, I mean "help". That gets old fast, doesn't it?

karymk

Veteran

Oh crap! I hate it when that happens!!!

Glory

Veteran

Fingers crossed the cleaner will resolve it.
You look fantastic in the dress and it sounds like you had a wonderful time at the wedding!

anne

Veteran

Oh, how annoying! I hope the cleaner will fix it! And I LOVE isobel's suggestion about dealing with your mother!

Also some empathy. I was also at a wedding on Saturday and had my cup of black tea split on my ivory jacket, though I can't seem to find the stain.
Worse was that DD7 wore a gorgous white dress she had been given - would have been suitable to be a flower girl - and she got a chocolate stain on it (from someone else, she didn't eat chocolate) and my initial cleaning efforts haven't got it off.

shiny

Veteran

Hmm. Never heard you can't use water on silk. In fact, have heard the opposite, that hand-washing in water is preferable to dry cleaning?

Perhaps your dry cleaner said that because they didn't want to make promises. Crossing fingers for a happy outcome.

pil

Veteran

Hope the stain comes out of that pretty dress.

Anonymous

The fancier and more delicate the fabric I wear, the more likely I am to get it stained, so I definitely sympathize. Also sympathize on the mother front. Hope the stain comes out with no trouble!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I feel your pain. At my very own wedding I manage to get a sizable amount of red wine spilled on my (rented!) dress. Luckily a friend managed to get it out with white wine or something. She was a magician with a stain. One reason I like second hand stuff is someone else had first crack at the pristine stage and I can relax a bit.

Nebraskim

Veteran

I hand wash most if not all of my silk garments in cool water. My Japanese grandmother said to me once, "Japanese ladies have worn and washed silk since way before dry cleaning was invented." So I wash silk things very gently using a dab of soap like Dreft. And I actually accidentally machine washed an expensive silk scarf that somehow got into the laundry. And it came out perfectly fine. It's tougher than we think. I hope your lovely dress is salvageable. I got nothing for you on the mother issue. Mine would do the same thing, while adding the "this is why you cannot have nice things because you just wreck them" commentary. I'm 60, she's 85 and this still bugs me.

approprio

(website)

Veteran

Dry cleaners always moan at you when you try to get marks out before they do. I think it's part of the training. And it's rubbish - many silks can take a laundering or three.

You almost certainly did the right thing by taking swift action. If there's still a water mark, try using something like K2R stain remover, a product which has saved me a fortune in dry cleaning bills. It's worked for me on silk too.

Summer

Veteran

Oh, Robin, what a disappointment, and on the first wearing of that lovely dress. My fingers are crossed that the cleaners can remove the stain.

Karie

(website)

Veteran

Stain Master reporting for duty! Oh I should explain, I'm the master of getting stains in, not out. My most recent? A brand new pair of J.Crew ankle pants that got spots of dye on them in the laundry. The spots landed on the rear end, not the ankle, of course.

I also have a white BCBG blazer that I got some sort of black soot-like stuff on the front of on its first wearing. I still have no idea what it was but I ran to my dry cleaner and they got all of it out.

Hopefully your dry cleaner will be able to work some magic on your pretty dress!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Crossing fingers that the cleaners can get the stain out. I've gotten water on many silk items, and they've been just fine. Maybe it depends on the particular fabric? Oh, and I got a rust spot on my brand new white top yesterday, so I can definitely relate. I discovered it quickly, so I was able to take it off right away and attack it with some dish soap and water -- I then hung it up to dry. Last night when I looked at it, I could barely see where the rust marked it. Whew!

SandyG

Veteran

Results depend on the silk fabric itself, as much as the stain. I've had oil spots come out perfectly with dry cleaning an expensive silk top and have machine washed cosmetic stains out of cheaper ones.

But then I've had simple water spots never come out of a couple items! Silk is beautiful but dicey for me

Robin

You're all wonderful! Thank you! Your stories about staining clothing are particularly helpful, actually.

There's this thing many blind people experience where we're given the impression that we make messes because we can't see, and people who can see don't do those things. ((yeah, utter BS, I know.)

Whatever will be will be, and I'm already thinking that decoratively tying that black scarf will work to hide the stain if by some curse of fate it doesn't come out.

I'm also staying optimistic, which is why I did not share with my mother what the dry cleaner said (my father took it and told me privately). If I had, we just would have been hearing about it for the next two days: "Do you think it was water? Or food." "I should have told you you shouldn't use water on silk." "What should we do if he can't get it out." etc, etc.

(Please don't get me wrong. I adore my mother and she's super helpful and supportive to me with many things. She's just very intense.)

Your reply

Jeweled

Veteran

Robin, I can spill and stain with the best of them.
So here's a couple of fixes that have helped me - depending on where the stain is:

Wear a brooch over the stain.

Or have a lace applique or a pretty ribbon rosette (or a cluster of them) stitched on top of the stained area.

You may be able to turn the stain into a beautiful feature on your gown by covering it with something artistic.

I also like your idea of covering it with your scarf.

Anonymous

I haven't spilled anything in a while, but I have accidentally shrunk some garments. Embarrassing and not fixable!

I hope your dress turns out okay. As for your mother, just tune her out. My mom was never that way, but I have two very critical older sisters who are. Ugh! I just remind myself that it will pass, and thank God we don't live near each other.

Rubygirl

Speaking for my self I am an accident waiting to happen. I think I am a professional at spills and falls etc.

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

You look stunning and radiant in the dress!

It is just a dress. A thing. Stuff.

In the end, it doesn't really matter whether they can get the stain out or not, because there are of photos of you, captured at a very special moment in time, and you have such an expression of sublime happiness - that moment will always be there to be revisited, in the photos, and in your memory, and that is what really matters.

I've accidentally stained and torn more of my pretty clothes than I can begin to count. I've dinged my car and walked around sulking for days. I've accidentally put a nick in a favorite chair with the vacuum cleaner, and I was absolutely gutted. But it's life. Stuff is meant to be used and enjoyed, and then, used up. There will always be more gorgeous silk dresses waiting for you, and I hope every one of them gives you that same radiance of expression!

For the record, your mom sounds a lot like my mom! But my mom badgers/nags out of love and concern, and exasperating as it sometimes is, I'm just grateful to have her in my life. Interrupt your mom with a big hug the next time she gets started on you and see what happens

DonnaF

Veteran

Glad you have a dad who could help you out! I will have to implement with my mom the suggestions you were offered and will try to hold my tongue with my own daughter.