Thinking through aging and youthfulness in style - YouLookFab Forum

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Thinking through aging and youthfulness in style

Ket

Veteran

I’ve been thinking on this lately and then LJP's excellent post got me to thinking… i am not quite sure how to stay youthful? I have a glamorous, romantic boho vibe and sometimes I worry that will "age" me as years go by. (I live in an area with old hippies, and I'm an aging hipster. And well... sometimes holding onto things tightly can look dated.) Other times, I feel that authenticity is the way forward to staying current and youthful, even if the style isn’t current per se.

I am not afraid of aging. And I also don't want to fade into the background. I'm in my 40s now and already noticing the fading, of sorts. People calling me "ma'am" really bugs me, as I'm only 42. My great-grandmother was roller skating with neighbor kids in her 60s. (I am not kidding!) She died traveling by train to visit family at age 99. I hope and desire to have such youthfulness as I age <3

Being myself while still honoring some modernity and youthfulness feels like the way to do that. Of course, it's always the working out in real life that's kind of the thing. :} Still feeling it out as I emerge and regain my footing from the last few years.

One thing I was struggling with recently was how to approach is hair. I'm growing my hair out a bit, and I'm faced with a decision: do I keep the caramel baylage? Do I go back to coloring it my solid natural color? (Not ready to go grey.) I feel a little uncertain.

In July I got a heavily layered haircut and I just adore it. Photos 1-2 are what I took for inspiration/direction for my stylist. Photo 3 is the result. Little too much length was taken off which I didn't care for (hard with curly hair to nail length), but I adore the overall shape and vibe. It's growing out now but definitely think a heavily layered haircut for now is the best direction for me and my curly hair. I envision something between Sophia Loren and bohemian glam and I think this is it. So maybe I just roll with this for a while....

Thanks for listening to me ramble <3

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32 replies

Latest reply was from Ket

MsMary

Veteran

I LOVE your new hair!! No danger of being invisible with that stunning do!

Cookie

Veteran

I really feel this. I would like to think no style that’s really authentically “you” is age-inappropriate or aging. Least of all your specific glamorous-boho style. I wore a lot of cute retro almost pinup-style dresses until recently and would probably go back to them if I lost a few pounds (they are the least forgiving things in my wardrobe) but I had also been thinking “How long can I dress like this?” I have been genuinely more drawn to the artsy-interesting style lately but it can be a fine line between that and shapeless menopausal give-up wear, lol.
After having a lot of photos taken on my recent family trip I am really DISLIKING my gray hair. I don’t know what to do about it. I have never colored it and the whole concept is very daunting. Maybe I just want it to be a little darker. It looks weird with my skin tone all of a sudden. And I am almost as useless with makeup as with hair color.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I am with MsMary -- love love love your hair!

Also, I have several decades on you, and I still squirm when salespeople call me ma'am. I'm in my 60s and while I'm not out roller skating with the kids, I would do it, if I had a pair of roller skates. I do still ice skate.

I think what Cookie says is true. It's when we feel uncomfortable in our clothes that questions of age-inappropriateness come up. If we feel authentic wearing it, it's probably appropriate for us, even if it might look or feel "off" on our same age best friend.

As for what styles "age" a wearer, I think that is an easy shorthand term, but it's not especially accurate.

It's not that a wearer looks older, wearing this, that, or the other style. It's that a wearer can look less current or aware if she, for exaple, wears the exact same (and I mean exact same) outfit as she might have worn 20 years ago. With the exact same makeup and exact same haircut/ colour. A wearer can look a bit ossified if she does that.

Or not! Because, you know, Anna Wintour has worn the same style of dress and exact same haircut for decades and she's a fashion maven! And while she's perhaps an extreme example, most of us have a signature style that includes items that we probably loved in our 20s and still love now (e.g. for me...chelsea boots, shorter jackets, lots of blue, denim mixed with silk or more luxe fabrics, etc.)

For some of us, embracing and incorporating trends is key to feeling and looking like our current selves. For others, cleaving even more powerfully to our personal signature items is a way to feel authentically ourselves at any age. And for most of us, it's probably a little of both!

Dee

Veteran

Honestly, I can't say that I really worry too much about being youthful per say but I do want to keep current and select the right items that make me feel good, and that suit both my body proportions and my personal style.

Boho Glam looks fab on you, Ket
I dont think you can go too far wrong when you stay authentic to what you enjoy and feel best in, no matter what your age.

LJP

Veteran

Well, not to be argumentative, but the idea that a look can be aging - or not- is a matter of opinion and I disagree that it's inaccurate. My comment had to do with how I view myself, not how I view anyone else.
I also think Anna Wintour does look a bit staid - she wears the SAME THING in every photo and has for years: printed dress, patterned boots, statement jewellery and the bob. I get the idea of a uniform and all, but I find her look very uninspiring and very uninteresting. But then again, she's not dressing for me ! Hahaha!

Anyways - your hair is fabulous at this length - I think it's super flattering. Colour is a whole other issue - and I never feel I have a good handle on it myself. I had my hair cut and coloured Friday and I hate it- so I've got my own problems, LOL.

Back to the issue at hand of staying authentic to one's style and maturing /getting older........I've been having those same thoughts. Which is also why I took a dive into the deep end of some artsy-er/indie fashion pieces ......energizing my look, so to speak . I think you might have fun exploring more into the romantic boho looks and pushing the envelope a little. Can't hurt!

Irina

Veteran

I think boho is timeless. You might want to adjust fit or colors as you age but only if you feel like it. Boho has this certain vintage feel that looks romantic and a bit nostalgic. It suits you perfectly - the silhouettes, textures look organic with your makeup and hair.
I had a variety of styles in my life and I don’t want to repeat previous versions although fashion is circular. Trying new styles, colors, proportions is an adventure to me. Youthful to me is having fun with fashion.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Interesting topic. I’m 18 years older than you are, but as I reflect on the topic, I realize I don’t think at all about “youthfulness” when shopping or dressing — other than sometimes acknowledging that a style feels too young for me. Instead, I try to keep an eye on what’s current and what feels like me. I think “current” can go a long way towards “youthful” but authenticity must balance it out. That authenticity plus curiosity and open-mindedness are, to me, a big component of what might be termed “staying youthful.”

I look my age — I really can’t deny it anymore since letting my grey hair grow out. My skin shows it too. But I have a preferred style and vibe in how I like to dress that I feel transcends age. At least I hope so. A younger friend recently called me “vibrant,” which I found interesting. I think that may mean letting one’s personality come through via style and presentation. Keeping current but staying true to oneself. It’s a balance — I can tell when my outfit is too *something* and doesn’t feel right for me, and I can usually quickly pivot.

I think you look great! You have a style that to me transcends age, and your hair and makeup are always amazing. I like this cut on you. My hair is not as curly as it used to be, but I know all too well how challenging it can be to find a stylist who gets how to work with curly hair.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, and it looks like I cross posted a bit. But I agree with Lisa about AW — yes, she has a distinct style, but I do think she looks a little ossified (great term, Suz!). *ducking* Sorry, just how I see it!

JAileen

Veteran

I’m a lot older than you, and you not only look youthful to me, you look gorgeous. I look at pictures of me in my 40s and now I think wow, did I ever look young then!

BTW, I heard Anna Wintour interviewed this morning on NPR. I never really liked her before, but I did in this interview. She did talk about why she has had the same haircut forever.

https://www.wnycstudios.org/po.....7699eb7823

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

First off your hair looks great.
For me - I turn 60 next year and have mentally already put myself there - 42 sounds so young . I think it is premature to worry that your current style might not age well. Style evolves with age and experience and you don't have to decide now what you will want to wear in 10 or 20 or more years. A lot of things can change. If you practice wearing what feels right to you now you will develop the style sense that will carry you through the changes. At least that is what I like to believe!

Sal

Veteran

I like your hair a lot. Colour is tricky and I
constantly changing mine to make it lighter or darker - sometimes it lasts longer and other times it fades quickly. And add a bit of grey to the mix it changes again.

I know for me there are some styles I have left behind and others I happily wear at 55. My style has changed in some ways but in a lot of ways it hasn’t changed that much. I think confidence in what you wear goes a long way. And getting the fit and colour right.

slim cat

Veteran

Your hair look great and your make up is always fabulous! The Boho style is trending again ( not sure it ever went away completely ).

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Well, Anna Wintour's style is not my own and I don't want to emulate it. But I respect her decision to evolve a distinctive uniform even though I'm not a uniform dresser myself and have no desire to be.

The thing is, when she started wearing her ladylike dresses the dominant look for women in power was very different (broad shoulders, big hair) and her style spoke to the world and made people take notice. Whether you liked it or not, you knew she was talking to you with what she wore. Femininity and even delicacy can be powerful, her look said. It was deliberate.

Anyway, while I don't love her uniform, and agree it comes across as quite rigid (and yes, that word "ossified" occurred to me for a reason, LOL) , I don't think it ages her, or not exactly.

The only thing I've ever considered aging on a person is extremely harsh makeup in the absence of a personal style that deliberately embraces that level of harshness.(Like on some artists or musicians, for example).

Or colours that are entirely wrong for the person, worn next to the person's face.

Even then, I'm not sure I consider it "aging" so much as just plain unflattering. Because a person who looks their age but looks good and most importantly, feels good and is dressed authentically for them, to my eye looks wonderful -- grey hair, crow's feet, laugh lines, and all!

Ultimately, iwe probably feel the most "aged" by our own clothes when we are under the weather and / or injured or dealing with major life stresses. That is the time when we hope our clothes might give us a bit of a lift, and if we have chosen well, they can and do. I like what Irina said -- "youthful to me is having fun with fashion." That will mean something different to each of us -- whether it be experimenting with a new-to-us style or colours or digging in our heels and going for broke on our own uniform.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I don’t think I have any helpful advice. It happens throughout the life stages that how everyone seems to you, whether they seem or look young or old, depends so much on what age you are yourself at the time. Which is why at 42 you look and feel so young to many of us in our 50s or 60s. But I know in my 20s and 30s I thought people in their 50s and 60s were old. And I can tell by the way younger people act towards me that they think I am old. I have stopped resenting it, which I did for a while, especially being thought to be 65 for the first time when I was 57.
The new haircut is really beautiful and suits you. I like the balayage, it’s pretty. Most of my hair decisions have related to convenience and feeling like myself, even though the styles have been similar since I was 35 the natural colour changes and texture changes have had enough differences over time to only very occasionally wish for a major change. Which I then get over!

Ket

Veteran

Have to dash to a school event today. Coming back to reply when I return, everyone Such good, helpful thoughts from you all! Your thoughts are helping me a lot, my Fab Friends

Bijou

Veteran

Your hair and make-up are always beautiful and will always give you that polished glam look which is totally authentic and not aging at all. I like how currently your hair has a natural gradation of colour.

I can understand that being in your early 40's does cause a bit of contemplation about personal style. I know I started thinking "Is it OK for me to still wear shorter skirts?" "Is a red lip too bold on me?"... Wearing outfits that make you feel fabulous and authentic, such as your leopard dress, help to stop second guessing yourself.

In terms of personal style, I really like what Jaime wrote, that style evolves with age and to just enjoy the journey. I currently have more fun with fashion now than when I was 42, as I am free to dress to please myself rather than to dress the part in whatever role I was playing - mum, career woman, daughter, friend...

There is freedom in getting older that provides the space to evolve your style into something that is unique to you. Whether that style changes over time or whether like Anna Wintour or Queen Elizabeth it becomes fixed in time - that is up to you - both approaches can be fun!

Column

Veteran

Boho glam over 60 https://duckduckgo.com/?q=boho.....iax=images

Staysfit

Veteran

First, your hair looks amazing, Hair styles are a great way to update one’s style as are changing eyeglass frames and other accessories, although I can think of examples when that is not the case. For example, I do not suit large eyeglass frames so when frame styles get large, I stick with small. I do not think it ages me as the large frames look ridiculous on me. Instead the smaller frames become a signature part of my style and keep me from looking like a fashion victim, or maybe a clown. Second, in my experience, most of us, when young, dress both to fit in with our peers and also to distinguish ourselves from the previous generation. As we age, it’s one thing to stay fresh and another to try to completely adopt the styles that a younger generation is wearing to “stay youthful” because, as you identify, it would look silly. Instead, I have seen most on this forum develop more specific personal style parameters that feel right for them and they find ways to stick with them and adapt them to work with various fashion trends. Or, they pick and choose the trends they will adopt and those they will skip, like I did with eyeglass frames. I also have allowed my hair to go gray and it has not had any impact on people perceiving me as old or too mature, I suspect this is because of my personality, my energy, my physical stature, maybe the environment where I work, etc.

It took me a long time to figure out my personal style, and once sorted, I haven’t changed it much, although I have sharpened my focus over time. I admire Anna Wintour. She’s obviously been very successful, influential and at times controversial. It doesn’t bother me that she has a uniform or that she hasn’t altered her look over time. Identifying what feels right and staying true to yourself comes across as confident and secure, and projects an energy and authenticity that is ageless.

cat2

Veteran

Big topic! I think at 42 I did an assessment of what I had in my closet and what I wanted to keep or change. It was at that point that I came up with a list of things to keep and things to leave behind. It wasn’t really about aging, but more about having tried a bunch of things over the years and deciding what makes me feel confident and what isn’t really me. I ditched anything too body con, with a front slit, too modern, too Menocore or too architectural because I really don’t like those looks, decided to ignore fashion cycles that involve them, and moved on with the next chapter. But when fashion does cough up something I like, I jump on it to update my look. So I think you can keep boho as a styling preference but I would suggest accomplishing it with a wardrobe weighted towards current versions of it so you don’t get stuck in time. For example, don’t get in a rut and repeatedly buy a kimono jacket, but instead look to see what jackets are current but have your vibe. I am no longer coloring my hair, but when I was I switched stylists every few years to someone younger because many stylists get stuck in a rut, and I didn’t want to be doing an old color technique when everyone else has moved on.

The Anna Wintour thread I find tiring. She’s an executive in a global corporation. She’s dealing with fashion industry executives as well as creative talent. If she spent too much time on her own looks she would be viewed as frivolous. Having a uniform is exactly the right choice.

judy

Veteran

I have kids your age! And you look gorgeous in your new haircut!

Focussing on fulfillment and vitality serves me better than how old or young I look. Though of course I still think about it! But we are allowed to age. And I take delight in the clothes I wear, for the most part.

I sometimes take inspiration from photos of older women: (Anna Wintour is not among them :). To me, it looks like she is hiding a bit )

Linda Wight is one. It appears she feels very at home and happy in her clothes, and in her body. https://www.instagram.com/lindavwright/. Not hiding her age and clearly having fun with her outfits.

Just adding this: It sounds like you are contemplating how to evolve your fashion as you age. And what a great thing to contemplate, to get more in touch with what you love to wear that gives you joy and being willing to be fluid about it, yet remaining true to yourself. Perhaps the Anna Wintour controversy here (no disrespect for her achievements!) is that she is someone that appears to have not evolved ?

Irina

Veteran

I thought about it and want to add that styling is getting more important if a wearer wants to look current. I treat vintage carefully, what might look cool on a young woman, might very well look on me like I haven’t changed my wardrobe in 40 years. A grandpa cardigan on a 20 years old and 60 years old are bound to look different. An outfit on a mature woman would benefit from modern elements, either clothing or accessories to make it intentional and youthful, whatever is the main style (classic, boho, preppy)

AW’s dresses, accessories and shoes changed with time even if the elements of her uniform remained the same.

Sal

Veteran

In seeing Irina’s comment above I concur. I also try to be a bit more polished. This is specific to me - I used to love “bed hair” or a very casual -I just threw this on - look.

This doesn’t work as well for me now - I feel too unkempt.

I can also see that it could work the opposite way for someone who was very polished or classic.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Ket, your new 'do is GORGEOUS, and suits you beautifully!

Continue wearing your signature looks that make you feel fab until you want a change.

Having any kind on fun - in fashion or elsewhere - is youthful! Being unaffected by what others think creates ease, honesty, and confidence that is youthful. Ironically, this ease and vitality comes with age!

Liz A.

Veteran

I have nothing wise to add, but I wanted to say that you have gorgeous eyes!

Lisa

Veteran

I like your hair. Aging is a tough one, we are all going to age, so trying to fight it, sounds like a lifelong struggle to undertake. I decided years ago that I'd rather a simpler life.

I grew out hair dyes and highlights years ago and my hair is sort of stuck in this looks like it is growing out phase now. When I pull it back you can see how grey it is, when it's worn loose it's sort of a mixture. It's very grey at the roots, but the strands are thin and they sort of disappear at the ends. Maybe it's just growing slowly? Maybe the non greys will eventually be replaced by greys? Who knows? I stopped worrying about my hair color, instead I try to focus on my hair health. Healthy hair always looks best to my eye regardless if it has greys or not.

I have noticed as I age that colors are really important. Black was never my best color but now, it really does wash me out. So I'm transitioning to navy instead. These adjustments to colors help as we age (IMO anyway).

I also notice that I have more fun with fashion than when I was younger. I am more likely to wear styles and colors and colorful combinations that I enjoy, whether it's "in style" or the "norm" in my area or not.

Carol

(website)

Veteran

I wrote a whole thing on this post the other day, and it disappeared! It's a very interesting post.

I am lucky to live in an area where people don't judge too much about fashion or income, so you can dress young if you want, and it's fine. Or go out, or whatever, and it's fine.

I do think that no matter what age, you should be able to dance, go out late, have romance, music, whatever. There is a bit of an implication that we are supposed to stop these things, and a lot of people do. But if you think about some of these "younger" activities, they are really just things that are exciting. And we should still be able to do that.

The appearance/health part is tricky, and something I work on everyday. Having worked in supplements, I know that there are compounds/chemicals etc. inside our bodies that just start depleting as we get older! And that is part of aging. So I supplement those things when I can. I also pay attention to what works for other people--like intense-moisture hair products, etc.

Staying youthful in fashion while aging is a huge thing to think about...although aging hippie is fun, if you want to do that. You could take your boho in a more Scottish/Irish direction by adding in structure--trousers or tweed blazers/coats with what you already have. Or...you could go in more of a Grace Slick/Janis Joplin direction, which would be a little darker, more attitude. More psychedelic...more paisley, more black.

Cool haircut! I like that you had a straight haircut reference. Must be a good hairdesser.

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Cookie--LOL.I am also drawn to artsy/interesting clothes, but part of it is that I can breathe! And they actually can be good for when I get...hot...a lot, at my age.

Did you see the video someone shared about that style???

https://www.google.com/search?.....31&gs

karen23

I like your hair. As for the "ma'am" bit, some folks are just being polite. I don't read much into it other than that.

Ket

Veteran

It was a wild couple of weeks with much commuting and activities. So anyway.... sorry for a late reply!

MsMary, gosh, thank you!! I’m aglow with your kind compliment!

Cookie, “authentically you” — I agree. This is exactly where my thoughts have been landing after pondering it. I have some styles that I’m mostly given up, such as short baby doll dresses. They’re wonderful but I kind of feel their time has come and gone maybe?? LOL re: shapeless menopausal give-up wear!! That style does exist, I just never thought of it like that. You gave me a good chuckle! Grey hair is hard. I LOVE it on so many other women, including other Fabbers. But I’m struggling to enjoy myself with it. I feel washed out. Also, my son is still fairly young, so being a mother of a 3rd grader with greying hair doesn’t feel hip and fresh.

Suz, thank you so dearly for the hair love!! I just love that you ice skate! That’s fabulous. And yes to authentic! I do so agree bout this. Such a good point about looking current. June Allyson wore the same styles and exact same haircut her entire life. I heard a makeup artist say he thought it made someone timeless. Honestly, I think it really aged her. *Shrugs shoulders* Ossified — now that’s a great word! I agree. Love your thoughts on signature style too. I also have a signature style, and I like your advice and experience to incorporate trends with what is already authentic to us.

Dee, so far, the comments are overrunning with the word current and authentic. Those seem to be the two most important things to mix in an outfit. Re: boho glam thank you! I really, really love it. It is my heart, I guess.

Lisa (LJP), Anna Wintour has never inspired me either, despite loving my own versions of patterned boots and statement jewelry lol! Thank you so much! I am very happy with the hair cut. I am sorry to hear you aren’t feeling well loving your hair color. That is such a bummer! Love your thought to energize my look. I think that is more what I’m wondering about?? I will take your advice to push into the envelope. I’m finally coming out of illness this year. Prior to that due to the weight gain and all, I hid and played safe with my style and clothing with only a few exceptions. And now I want to really explore romantic boho.

Irina, such wise words! Thank you <3 It is helpful to hear that boho is timeless. I guess I didn’t think of that, since trends have majorly shifted again. And yet — youthful to me is having fun with fashion. I love this!! Maybe it’s time for me to have more fun!!

Janet, I was really trying to express myself and didn't communicate well. You’re right: current is probably the better way of approaching it. I do see the need to keep authenticity, while still flexing a bit into current looks. You absolutely transcend age!! Your style is superb and certainly doesn’t look a certain age. It’s very fresh and you! Thank you for such kind words too!! I really love my haircut. I’m hoping she can do whatever she did again. Since I only see her every 3-4 months, sometimes I’m not sure if she remembers exactly what she did the time before. :}

JAileen, thank you for such kind, kind words!! I will admit, my dad’s side of the family look extremely youthful for their age. Always have. Still waiting to see if I’ve tapped into that or not. Couple months ago I was being legitimately carded. This month, people are calling me ma’am. I really do think it’s because I’ve let my greys show. Anyway… onward. PS Thanks for the AW article link! So interesting.

Jaime, thank you! I would have never guessed you are nearing 60! You have aged well. Fair point about premature worry! I am guilty of this. I supposed I’m having a big readjustment period after the 5 years of illness. It feels like a whole new world and life and yet, I’m older now. If you practice wearing what feels right to you now you will develop the style sense that will carry you through the changes. Taking this to heart <3

Sal, thank you so much! Colour is tricky, I agree. I have a really lovely stylist who is phenomenal with color. I took have left some style behind, while trying some new ones. And then, I have my “zone” where I primarily live. So I very much agree!

Slim cat, thank you!! I so appreciate your kind words <3 Ya know, that’s probably true about boho. I guess because I didn’t see it as a predominant trend I thought maybe it had faded —and would possibly fade again. But you’re right: it probably hasn’t really ever went away.

Jenni, you always have helpful thoughts and advice! I love hearing your perspective. That is a good point about age being relative. I think I’m also feeling older because I’ve been in public gatherings where there are all of these 20-somethings. It makes me feel old, I won’t lie! I too like the haulage. Maybe I just need a good refresh…

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