Thinking one thing, then doing another

Forewarning, this is a bit meandering with a whole bunch of "I" statements:
So in my mind I feel like I want to dress more feminine, or feel like a should. It's be complicated to explain. I'm trying to be more social, going to new events and different groups to meet more people. A good chunk of my friends are paired up now, and some have kids.
So I think I need to be a bit more approachable, if that makes sense.
But then last night I place this order from H&M, which fits with my current and past style, but really isn't feminine. Notice I didn't get a boho blouse like was thinking in my outfit from Saturday. Old habits die hard I guess. Or maybe I'm trying to force myself in a box that doesn't work.
Age is becoming a factor as well. Some of the events I've been to are way heavy on the 20-somethings.
I'm also trying to be more aware of how and where I will wear such things, including trying to find things at lower price points. So the black boxing shorts are a bit of a stretch for practicality and wearability; honestly they may not fit as the sizing wasn't matched with H&M size suggestions. I did choose the white hoodie over the black though (Clorox bleach crystals are great BTW). Also tried to think about how they'd mix with existing wardrobe pieces.

ETA I did get a small 15% discount through some random code, which pushed to order a bit more.

H&M

Silk-blend Boxing Shorts

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H&M

Oversized Hooded Sweatshirt

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H&M

Leather Waist Bag

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H&M

Cycling Shorts

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4 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

That’s an interesting thought. I don’t see that anything you ordered is inherently UN-feminine. Also, I feel your hair contributes a lot of femininity. I suppose the final word will be in the final outfit. The items are definitely approachable in my book... not fussy.

Sal

This is very thought provoking.

I think it is all in the mix and the styling. Being true to yourself but tweaking things. Of course you don't have to change your style direction....but life is like that, we do change, both on the inside and outside.

And you have the legs for the bike shorts and the boxer shorts.

taylor

Anna, do you have a style, or a person who’s style you admire and would like to copy or take ideas from ? Do you like to wear dresses/ skirts, and what style works best for you ....things like that.

Dressing feminine means something different to everyone. For some it’s bows, ruffles and florals...but not to me .
Try and find what dressing femine means for you....then start adding those pieces .

You have the best luck living near Angie and a couple of other fabulous ylfers , you can possibly tap them for ideas.

Sara L.

When you wear items that you consider feminine, do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable? Happy or unhappy? Going in a different style direction can feel a little awkward at first, but at the same time you should feel excited and happy. I've never thought of your style as particularly tomboy or masculine, so you may have to also work out what you feel is feminine, as Taylor mentions.

StyleDetective

Active Member

Hmm. I notice that you say that you "should" buy more traditionally feminine items, so that you can look "a bit more approachable". But do you actually want to? Are you excited to do it? When you look more feminine, do you feel good about yourself?

I think Sara L is on the money when she says that you should feel happy and excited about going in a new style direction. And looking confident and happy is also an aspect of meeting new people and making friends.

Jaime

(website)

I don't think feminine and approachable are the same thing and it really depends whom you want to have approaching you. In my experience, wearing one statement item that people feel emboldened to comment on is a good (or in my case bad- I don't actually like being approached) strategy.

Angie

Fashion Stylist

I'm nodding along with Jaime. If you're not true to your sartorial preferences - it won't work! The "Anna Box " is dead right for Anna.

An approachable style is about being approachable - which you ARE.

I know Anna style from 8 to 10 years ago used to like some soft and pretty. (We were one of the few on YLF who liked lace!). You'd mix boho and soft, with hard edge and wackadoodle. Over the years, I've seen you add in Sporty and Relaxed. I see all that except the boho reflected here

Bijou

This is interesting because if I was at a party and did not know anyone and saw you in the room, you would be one person that I would feel that I could approach. You project as someone who is interesting and exciting to know. These new purchases reflect that and with your inherent beauty project a strong female presence.

Jessikams

I LOVE those shorts!! Great choice.

Anonymous

Seconding Bijou! I definitely don't think of you as unfeminine or unapproachable either, but you saying you "should" worries me. Your style to me is fun and creative, and you're not afraid to try new things. Change as you feel it, but don't if it doesn't feel right.

Helena

Ditto to those whose antennae swivelled at the mention of "should" - there is definitely no "should" in this scenario - the one exception being, if you feel you've used clothes specifically to be 'unapproachable' in the past and that's something you'd like to change?

It seems to me that the consistency between a person's insides and outsides is very attractive. On the other hand, if you wear something that isn't 'you', you'll likely feel self-conscious and less approachable as a result.

Jenava

Oh, I agree with Bijou as well, and have proven it as that's how we became friends! It's up to you, but it sounds like you need to think about it a bit more before you decide to change anything.

Sometimes I feel tired of sticking out. I want to wear what I like but then when I wear it out I feel stared at or like a misfit and that's tiresome. But does that mean I should dress differently? I have no answers....I'm grappling with this same quesiton.

I will say, in Brene Brown's talk on Netflix she emphasizes the difference between belonging and fitting in. Something to consider. Do you want to fit in, or do you want to belong? If you want to belong you need to bring your true self so others can see and know you.

annagybe

I really appreciate all your thoughtful responses. I'm going to reread them and answer more fully later.
Y'all are awesome

Preppy Pear

I just want to say that I love your style and that you have been personally been a fashion inspiration for me on YLF for a long time. Your style always looks cool and intelligent, and just right to me.

tulle

What I see in you, Anna, is an ineluctable softness that is the essence of femininity. So you can wear avant-garde without intimidating, and sporty gear without seeming mannish. Or you can go for boho and lace and look romantic, or vamp it up in a sexy dress. Play around with any or all of it, and have fun, because no matter what you wear, you ARE feminine and approachable.

lyn67

I kinda get what you mean...but yess, it's so hard to explain....I do want to be true to my inner myself but my age and body always change the trick is to always get the right path for doing that-as sometimes I get stuck in an image of myself of some times and sizes ago...:-). Age and gender appropriateness "should NOT" count anyway if you are self confident enough like up or down (sizes) doesn't matter per se either but only for my personal feel of the so called "up to date" of me who I am to the very moment and without feeling me ridiculous. That's all. But IT IS hard, indeed. Hope your haul we be successful, you always had a great rebellious style, pls do not blend in what exactly(?)..and just for the sake of...anything!

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