The sometimes painful task of closet editing - YouLookFab Forum

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The sometimes painful task of closet editing

Janet

(website)

Veteran

As I said in another thread, I'm going through some unworn things, putting together a donation bag, and finally getting around to listing a bunch of stuff to sell, since I've had a pile growing for a while now. The process is making me confront some painful realities of past purchasing mistakes, and it's making me even more resolved to be more careful and less impulsive moving forward. Some red flags are:

-fits that were *almost* but not perfect and not an easy or possible alteration
- buying for a dressier fantasy lifestyle or the lifestyle I used to have
-getting carried away with how something *looks* and not paying enough attention to comfort and practicality
-buying certain styles that I struggle to style for the seasonal weather realities of where I live
- being too quick to buy multiples
- always counting on that five-pound weight variation to swing in my favor...yeah, no
- getting carried away when a new trend emerges and buying not just one of a style but two or three

Heavy sigh. Well, I'm moving onward and hoping that when these things leave the house, my guilt will subside. If anyone has some encouragement to assuage my feelings, I'll take it. Anyone else feeling this way? I'm a little blue today anyway, so maybe this activity is not the most helpful. But it's been looming in the back of my mind so I decided to stop procrastinating and do the dirty work.

General

39 replies

Latest reply was from Lisa

Sal

Veteran

You will feel relieved when it is over...I think most of us make mistakes so you are not alone. I have made some of these errors too- in particular buying something where the fit is almost right or the length is almost right.

I donated six items to my Mums's church fair last week and have a pile of summer items to try on this week. A couple of them are not exciting me- shorts I am looking at you!

kerlyn

Veteran

I'm sorry you're feeling blue today! Maybe you'll feel better with a more organized closet after your cleanout. I don't know that I can offer anything very useful, except to sympathize. I was so excited to add a couple bold print tops to my closet this summer. How many times have I worn said bold print tops? Once each. And one of them is surely destined for the donate pile, since it just isn't fitting right after I washed it.

But if we don't make those mistakes how will we learn what works for us and what doesn't? You've posted some great outfits lately, so you're clearly moving in the right direction.

And I'm still waiting for the five pound weight variation to swing in my favor...I'm not sure wine and chocolate are helping my cause!

Anonymous

As long as you're learning smarter shopping strategies from these "ghosts of shopping trips past," don't feel bad about it. That's usually how we learn, by making mistakes, right? Also, the things you're passing along might be a thrilling find for someone else, and that's a nice thing. So have a nice glass of wine or cup of tea, and congratulate yourself on that clean closet!

catgirl

Veteran

Yes and yes. But why did I think those purchases were perfect at the time?! See all the things I'm selling for examples. How can this be prevented?

kellygirl

Veteran

sorry you are blue. I've been guilty of all of the above at one time or another. I think we all have. The other ladies hit the nail on the head though--we learn from those kind of mistakes. You are a wiser shopper now I don't edit very often but when I do, it's painful so I can sympathize!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Thank you, ladies! You're the best.

Not sure what's up with the blues, but I'm reminding myself that doing this long-delayed task is making me feel better in the long run. Of course, I feel like I also should have gone for a bike ride today, but I'll just have to do that tomorrow!

That glass of wine sounds like an excellent idea, LM.

Anonymous

Yes, tomorrow, get outside and pedal those darn blues away. Bike therapy is wonderful!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

It's hard to look at evidence of spending like that -- to think of better ways the money could have gone, to see the evidence of our false beliefs or hopes or maybe the fears and anxieties that drive us. But we've all made these mistakes or others and you really will feel better when the stuff is gone!

Also, give yourself a break because some of these supposed mistakes may not even be exactly that. For instance, sometimes we buy something that would work in a typical year -- and then our lives our topsy turvy as we travel unexpectedly or take on a new job. You've had a number of transitions in the past few years and a lot of travelling. I know that has affected how I look at some items in my closet.

I think my biggest "mistakes" are not even mistakes, maybe. Like my suit. I wear the jacket quite often in the right seasons, but haven't ever worn the trousers, 1.5 years into owning the thing!! And yet I know that one of these days, I am going to need that suit and be thrilled to be able to pull it out of the closet. It won't really date for a while -- it's a classic yet unusual style. Most of my "occasion" wear is like that -- rarely worn. But how well I remember the misery of not having anything suitable for parties or events. Even if I wear these things once every two years, I won't consider them "mistakes."

Peri

Veteran

I would call it the Always painful task. Even if you aren't focused on "mistakes" there is the pain of favorite things wearing out or just the pain of making decisions, which I hate.

One conclusion I have come to is that Anthropologie is not my friend. I get tired of things I buy from there faster than any other place. Even if I think I really like something at first, by the second year or sometimes even mid-season the first year I am tired of it and wondering what I was thinking. I have one or two exceptions, but for the most part I need to be super careful or just stop shopping there altogether. I can't answer Una's question of why I thought they were perfect in the first place, but I hope I will be making that mistake less now!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, Suz, your first paragraph resonates with me so much. When shopping is an emotional thing, which it is for me, there is a real danger of giving way too much importance to the magical ability of an item to meet some (likely imaginary) *need.*

Looking at these things later on is a big reality check on how warped a sense of *need* or even *want* can be.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Yeah, I know -- all of us who shop emotionally have been there!!

But again, we couldn't learn without mistakes. The list you made of things to watch out for really resonated with me, especially the fantasy lifestyle buying (see how well I try to justify it in my comments above, LOL??) and also the not buying for climate. But again, sometimes it seems to take, like, about 50 years to get through my thick noggin what kind of climate I am actually living in! Is there something unusual in that?

Maybe I should just blame the fashion bloggers for making me confused with their own seasonally confused outfits.

carter

Veteran

I've sold 10 or so items on ebay this past week. I added another dozen or so this weekend, and yet I still have a HUGE stack of mistakes waiting their turn to go to a better home. Live and learn, I suppose.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Carter, that makes me feel better. I put a few things on eBay and then threw up my hands and said I'm taking the rest to consignment. I only feel like dealing with so much payment collection and shipping, you know?

High five for getting rid of guilt-inducing things!

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

The 'lifestyle I used to live' stuff is the most painful for me, because it brings up a lot of emotions about the past, not always good ones. The 'when I was skinnier' stuff just makes me feel blah.

Twice was my primary method for getting rid of stuff that was still decent and OK brands; I ordered a Thredup selling kit the other day to see if it's a similar selling experience. Fingers crossed.

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

Oh my do I make mistakes. It is easy to kid yourself into imagining all the ways you can wear the item that isn't practical for your lifestyle. It is also easy to buy or keep items you don't love because others love them on you. It is also easy to want the toy that the other kid is playing with.

Have a glass of wine and relax. We have all been there and done that and probably will again. Being aware makes it less likely to happen as often but hey, we are human and we make mistakes.

Have a second glass of wine if you still feel guilty.

Anonymous

I absolutely identify with almost all of what you are feeling/seeing here. All of those things are what directed me here to YLF to begin with I wish I could say I've figured it out/stopped buying like that/shopped smarter. but I'm not sure that's the case. One thing I do know is that writing it down (as we've done here) and acknowledging these issues "out loud" seems to solidify thinking for me . It's tough though, I was doing the very same thing this weekend myself. 7 green garbage bags off to the Salvation Army donate bin. SEVEN. Now not all of it was my clothes, but most of it was. Boots, shoes,bags and clothes. Ugh. And the world is suffering far greater crisis than we are .

Carla

Veteran

Sorry you are feeling blue. I am too - maybe it is due in part to the end of some big exciting events - like your big bike ride and your recent European trip? I am always sad at the end of a racing season and wonder if I will get psyched up and physically able to do it again? Also, I am not relishing the dark days of coming winter and am happy for the endless summer we seem to be experiencing.

There is always something to plan and look forward to, though - an exhibit, another trip, a holiday, or a family celebration.

You have a fun and inspiring wardrobe, Janet - full of workhorses you love - like those great 3 year old strappy sandals, an amazing collection of denim, and the best leather jackets on the forum. So you've come to the conclusion that lower heels are kinder to your body, and some of your pets aren't pulling their weight in your closet. Time to move on, and move them out. Your closet should make you happy - and your outfits should be a '10' on the happiness scale.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I have a small tip for emotional shoppers - give yourself a small budget, like $30 - and buy whatever fun tee or inexpensive top (or other item) you want, reminding yourself it is guilt free. It's not much more than you'd spend for a dinner out, right? And if it makes you feel better, but ends up only being worn once, you can donate it guilt free too.

Thistle

Veteran

With all the body changes from two children, and having to deal with all of their clothes as well, I wish I could wash it down with a Cosmo. Or two.

Seriously, though, no use crying over spilt milk. Best thing to do is see what you can learn and consign/sell the rest. Chalk it up to the cost of experience and learning.

Kristin L

Veteran

Goodness, haven't we all felt that way? I totally get how painful it can be to look at those mistakes. And it's worse when they are expensive ones to boot. Ugg. But, you will feel better once they are out of your hair, either by selling, consigning, or just giving away. I had a bunch of things that I just let hang around after my wardrobe edits from YLF and swapping. One of my friends in town hosted a clothing swap and and I brought several boxes of clothes. It felt great to see them go to people who could wear them (and they looked great in them) and it was nice not having that hanging over my head anymore.

I think it's fantastic that you've id'ed some red flags. That's always the hardest part of editing to me.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Runcarla, I am definitely having a bit of a letdown after all the activity over the last six months! It was nonstop with getting ready for my exhibition to finishing a couple of client projects to RAGBRAI, to vacation with my husband... And now, nothing really exciting to look forward to, and no projects in the pipeline to get me motivated. I know that now is when I need to dig deep and find some motivation from inside to do things like work on my marketing, finish my website redesign, etc, but I find that much harder than external motivating factors. I'll get there, I suppose it is only natural to have a lull after all the excitement of this summer. Thanks for all the great thoughts, ladies! I know this is far from the worst problem to have. I'm just trying to make sure I learn from this.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Janet I really sympathize with your mood - I'm not quite at the letdown after the activity but I am sure it is coming. Anyway, when I look at what I was thinking? things, I try to see it as how far I have come/how I have evolved/how I am not stagnant. Admittedly works best in a good mood or with a glass of wine of preferably both.

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Janet, I could have written this post myself!

I'm guilty of all the above, and then some more. I've got a better handle on most of these now (well, Atleast I'll like to believe so...it may not be true!) but the Duplicate Items That Look Great. I bought a gorgeous dress in April. I loved it so much, I bought 5 more...different prints and colour but essentially the same style. And what happened??? When I look at them, I'm too confused about which one to choose, so I just chose another dress. How sad is that?!

Well, I'm not throwing them away for sure just yet....but I know exactly what you mean. I'm hoping the wine and the purging helped assuage some of the guilt! Hang in there....you're most certainly not the only one!

unfrumped

Veteran

Keep the faith.
I'm going through ops and thinking, what WAS I thinking?
A small weight gain threw me out of several pants and skirts and did feel blue!
Over- duplicator, too!
So this weekend I started my prepare- ahead outfits so that I'd stop choosing things that were almost but not quite right and perpetuating feeling meh.
I only had the energy to decide to toss a few items, and had to stall out and move some items to a holding zone until I can think about them more clearly.

Gigi

Veteran

Janet, it's unfortunate, but we seem to learn best by actually getting out there and getting our hands dirty, by making mistakes. Mistakes have been some of my most powerful learning experiences. It's part of being human. I think we have all made the above mistakes at one time or another.

I've been wanting to go through my closet too. The sad thing is, most of what I want to let go of is warm-weather stuff, and it's too late to take that to consignment. So next year will be a big purge. But I learn about myself during each purge, so there is value in it!

Summer

Veteran

It's painful for sure, Janet, but it sounds as if you have learnt some valuable lessons from these mistakes. Onwards and upwards!

Sadie

Would you be comfortable explaining your mistakes? My shopping successes/failures are all over the map and it's often helpful to see what others view as mis-steps so I can learn from them as well.

PS I am happy to share my mistakes as well since I have been carefully tracking my shopping for the past year.

Elly

Veteran

So, Janet-- you know me, I don't even like to shop, I have a low budget and that often keeps me from duplicating, etc and I STILL manage to do all the things on your list. Plus, you closet represents a longer time period of enjoying fashion than mine. I agree with Gigi, it's a learning thing.

-fits that were *almost* but not perfect and not an easy or possible alteration (or just realizing your alteration person sucks, I have two pencil skirts and two blouses that she did and I'm just not happy with them-- she does fine on trouser waistbands)
- buying for a dressier fantasy lifestyle or the lifestyle I used to have (remember how worried I was about my interview capsule? 2 of the 3 jobs I've had since then have been phone interviews and the 3rd I wore a sweater under a jacket to-- no NEED for a white button down)
-getting carried away with how something *looks* and not paying enough attention to comfort and practicality (mostly shoes-- for awhile I thought comfortable dress shoes didn't exist)
-buying certain styles that I struggle to style for the seasonal weather realities of where I live (not something I do much, but you can bet I'm going to get myself into trouble trying to switch dominant climates, this year!)
- being too quick to buy multiples (see 3 button downs above-- and then I thought I'd kicked the habit, and then I bought 2 Madewell plaid courier shirts in shades of blue--- gah! but I love them)
- always counting on that five-pound weight variation to swing in my favor...yeah, no (assuming I'm in my mid-twenties and my boobs aren't going to grow anymore-- didn't change my bust measurement, just my bra size and raised my bust about an inch which means many of my tops don't button)
- getting carried away when a new trend emerges and buying not just one of a style but two or three (madewell shirts? I try to be sooo good )

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Sadie, I don't mind at all. The "mistakes" really do fall into those bullet points I mentioned in my original post. I'll give a couple of examples.

Among them are a dress I bought that was a duplicate of a summer dress I enjoyed wearing a few times a couple of years ago -- I thought I'd finally found my great versatile summer dress, so when I saw another color of it, I pounced. Well, I tired of the first one before I ever bothered to wear the second one. The first one is still in my closet, on a little hiatus because I still like it and may pick it back up next summer, but the second one, still with tags, is in the consignment bag. Fortunately, they were not expensive, (Marshalls), but still, those kinds of mistakes add up.

Also up for consignment is an adorable pair of shoes that I love the *looks* of, but early on, I ignored the fact that when walking for any length of time, they rubbed on the top of my foot to the point where they would actually cause a blister if I kept them on. They're not wearable with hosiery, so they mocked me from the shelf of my closet until I decided to give them up.

Another example: a beautiful but *slightly* snug top that is also *slightly* scratchy. I bought it enamoured with the colors and, I confess, the good deal for a designer item. I wore it once and felt like I needed to keep yanking the sleeves down and was distracted by how it felt all day long. It's gone. I'm paying closer attention to how fabrics and fits feel, regardless of how good a deal something is.

OK, here's a really embarrassing one. I'm letting go of the white Stuart Weitzman gladiator sandals I got a couple of years ago. Something has changed in the way things fit my feet and ankles, maybe I am swelling more these days, post-hysterectomy? Or it's all the bicycling? I don't know. But those sandals, which I once wore happily and comfortably, now feel too tight around the ankles, which is WEIRD. Most things flap loosely around my ankles unless they're cinched to their smallest. I have fairly low-volume feet. But the elastic straps on those sandals are digging into my ankles when I walk and leaving marks on my legs. So not fab.

Also, I have too many lightweight jackets. I look at my closet and see a bunch in there that I *do* wear, but almost just as many that don't get much wear because there are only so many days of "jacket weather" here in my climate. We go from hot summers (with nights that don't cool down enough for jackets) to brief falls and springs, to winters that require heavier jackets, layers, or coats. Lightweight jackets have limited use windows here, although I stretch it out as much as I can to wear those jackets! Hence my remarks about buying too much for seasons we don't have for long.

So, those are just a drop in the bucket, but some examples of the kinds of mistakes I've made, and reasons I'm letting go of things. Fit, comfort, duplications, practicality...

Good luck with correcting your shopping mistakes too, Sadie! I'd be curious to read your thoughts on this as well, maybe we can all learn from each other.

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