The psychology of old/older clothes - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

The psychology of old/older clothes

Runcarla

Veteran

A thoughtful response by Jenni on one of Fashintern’s recent threads https://youlookfab.com/welookf.....ts-dresses had me thinking about ‘enclothed cognition’ or the symbolic meaning of clothing.

The term is used around concepts like ‘dress for success’ or ‘wear bright colours to lift your mood’, but I haven’t seen ‘old’ or ‘older’ clothes addressed as an issue.

I know that when I did a big edit in 2018 - about 8 months after I retired - it was more than an edit, it was a purge! It wasn’t only clothes associated with my job/work, but also older garments associated with a younger me, and more poignant - clothing from my Mother’s early adulthood and clothing-as-gifts from her. (She is the only person who tries to dress me, or form my appearance on the regular, and our relationship is *complicated* )

I believe that with the purge of the items I decided against keeping, I shed clothing that was about conforming and compromise, and not reflective of the authentic me going forward at this time, and my age, and stage in life. Two years later, I have zero regrets regarding the items I jettisoned. It was freeing, actually!

I’ve kept (and wear) a few old(er) garments. I think the oldest might be 10-15 yo. Most of my clothing, shoes, bags, etc. are 5 > years. I haven’t qualms about vintage garments or shopping thrift, so it’s not the idea of old clothes, but more the psychological import of garments that I had been holding onto for reasons other than having something to wear.

Do you have any thoughts on old/older clothes? Are they good friends, or skeletons in your closet?

General

59 replies

Latest reply was from Jaime

LAR101

Well said!

MsMaven

Veteran

Thank you Carla. Lots to think about here. The necessity to stay at home most of the time and my determination to wear everything in my closet has provided a chance to rethink my wardrobe as a part of my real life. Yes, lots of food for thought, especially as I move out summer items and bring back the cool weather clothes it looks like I won't wear this year or the next.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Carla, for years, my mother did the same as yours—tried to influence who I was in multiple ways, including buying clothes for me. She generally got complete outfits, which is guess is practical, but it made me feel like a Barbie doll. I think when it finally stopped is when I objected to her ignoring what I said about clothes for my son. Of course, not everything associated with her is bad; most of the 4 items she got me in the pix I posted today are things I really like, which is why I’ve kept them (there is one, the linen skirt, that I’m indifferent about). Of course there are easier ways to get something to wear, if that was the point—malls are open here and even if they weren’t, the internet still would be. But who here is going to say just being covered is the point? Some people like to buy things more often and keep that closet churning, but even they want the things they buy to somehow reflect them. I hear you that you were eager to move into the next phase of your life, and shed remnants of that you get self. That isn’t what’s going on with me, but I also don’t think I’m being Delta Dawn* or that woman who insists on wearing her high school jeans or wedding dress or whatever out of vanity. It’s really a simple thing, that some things feel like “me” and as I get back to “me” in my life, those are the things I want around me. But, as I said in a reply to Liesbeth, just as the “essential me” is in a new situation and is doing different things—while being the same person—the clothes I keep will also need to “do” different things, as I find different ways to style them.

Delta Dawn, what’s that flower you have on?
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I am very particular about what to keep from past eras of my life, and how to wear those items. They have to resonate with my current style and not feel too young or too try-hard or too *anything* that doesn’t feel like me at the moment. If I can’t style it in a way to make it *me, now* it usually goes. Or if it’s super nostalgic, I’ll store it away. Sometimes it’s hard to put a finger on the exact aspect that makes an item feel dated *for me* but once I have that feeling, it’s hard to shake. I don’t believe that just because something fits, it’s a good idea to wear it or keep it.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Janet, I agree. Fitting is the easy part; styling takes more effort, but can be so worthwhile if it’s a piece with meaning for you.

Irina

Veteran

I’m always fascinated that some women keep and might wear again garments from the previous decades. I wonder since I haven’t been able to do the same. I either wear something out or my style preferences change or an item doesn’t fit well anymore. The fit issue is not due to a weight change. I’m 55 and my weight is off by a couple pounds from 15 years ago. However, my body doesn’t look like it did 15 years ago. Also, my style evolves, my color choices change to suite my hair and skin tone as I age. I try to imagine what would I want to wear from what I had 10 years ago? Nothing - my blazers and tops would be too fitted for “current” me, my jeans were lower in a rise, I wore higher heels. I ask myself sometimes if I buy clothes that just doesn’t have that timeless look. My clothes is mostly simple and plain, so it should work for me. But I still like my style to feel current, at least to me.

slim cat

Veteran

I kept a few pieces that fit me before and fit me now ( couple classic trouser pants, some tops, sweaters ). Some are work clothes that I started using again this year, some are favorite tops that I'll love and wear forever.
Some of my older things look great but some starting to disappoint me.
So I'm being careful in combining my old things with new ones.

kellygirl

Veteran

I think I've pretty consistently shed clothing that didn't work for my lifestyle. I got rid of all of my work clothes after DD2 and I decided to do the SAHM thing for awhile. It was freeing to dump those button downs and dockers, I tell you. It was my work uniform--to blend in, not as one of the men, but to not look like a woman if that makes any sense at all. It was a different time back then!

The only things I've hung on to is an wool coat from I.Magnin (30 years old) that was a gift from my mom and my wedding dress which is in a box (20 years old)--pretty sure no one will wear that again. Everything else is relatively current (less than 10 years old) or suits my current life. I tried the coat on the other day when I found it (yes, I forgot I had it) --it still looks good to my eye (too dressy for every day) but perhaps I'll try it on and show you all for fun.

Joy

Veteran

I don’t keep anything for emotional reasons, thinking that the best is yet to come. But I am practical and wear things for as long as they make me happy and they are useful in my wardrobe. This fall I did a huge purge of bottoms that interfered with my glucose meter as I should not wear them again, There is more that should go and willl. Something that can be worn once every 6 weeks does not deserve a place in the closet..

rachylou

Veteran

I'm probably in a minority here. I think I'm Iris Apfel and I'm into granny chic. I have a big collection of very old clothes in my closet - not just bought from vintage stores, but bought from vintage stores 35 years ago! I think my clothes are treasures, old friends, better than people! Lol I remove mistakes, I remove things that have died, but everything else remains. It's ok to me if I don't wear a thing for years, and I do completely come back years later and start wearing a thing again. My eccentricity and RATE style is accommodating that way in my head (I could be wrong!)

Must say something though... I feel my older pieces, and I mean really old, have held up whereas more recent purchases - say in the last ten years - have not. Maybe that's all Lilypup's fault. I don't know!

Bijou

Veteran

Carla, I may be the opposite of you. My former job was in a formal office environment and I enjoyed wearing formal and dressy suits. I have now changed jobs, and the need for these clothes are greatly diminished. My issue is, I do need some formal suiting and since I have already spent the money and love these items, why not hold onto them and see if I can wear them in new, less formal ways. The clothing has no baggage attached. However, I keep reminding myself that I don’t need to purchase any more dressy fabulous clothing. Smart casual is where I need to stay, so as I replace items such as blouses, they will be more casual than my previous tops.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Interesting to see different attitudes about work clothes! I’ve mentioned before that I wore a lot of khaki—pants and skirts mostly, but also a jacket—for the work I used to do. I was very happy to let all of that go! I wore it mostly for the part of the job I disliked, but also occasionally for one of my two favorite parts.

Lynne

Veteran

I was thinking about how strong our associations with certain clothes are, too, Carla! I have a top that I last wore on a doomed date, and it's remained unworn ever since! I actually like the top, and the date wasn't even that bad, so I don't know why I have such a strong reaction to it; maybe I need some kind of 'dissociation ceremony' ?!?!

anchie

Veteran

Most of my wardrobe was bought this and last year. I am not sentimental regarding clothes and edit and purge regularly. Last time I was this size was almost 14 years ago, and I don’t have anything from that period. Even if I kept it, it may fit my body but not my life. I lived in different country, had a job with different dress code, and was still coloring my hair.
I am another member of getting dressed by mom club. It was not until my late twenties when I was finally able to afford buying my own clothes. I still remember huge fight with my mom when she bought me complete maternity wardrobe when I was pregnant with my son 23 years ago. My mom and I have very different taste, the clothes were very old fashioned, tent like with ruffles and bows and hideous patterns. I was hormonal and had enough of wearing the clothes that I did not choose. That was the last time she bought me clothes.

Vildy

Veteran

I'm very interested in the work of Daniel Miller and Sophie Woodward.
Have a wonderful book by Woodward, Why Women Wear What They Wear. She cites women who will *only* wear old clothes and their reasoning is very different to adhering/combatting old influencers. The old clothes are worn in and have taken the shape of their bodies and their lives. I totally relate to that. I don't feel anything is mine yet until it follows my body in a "broken in" kind of way. And yes, I can do my own tailoring and that isn't the meaning of this.

Liesbeth

Veteran

Wow, thanks Carla for starting this discussion. I love all these different perspectives. I think I have rarely let go of clothes because of emotional baggage. My emotions revolve around letting go of clothes I no longer like but that aren't worn out and the frugality versus vanity of it all.
When I've 'shed' my skin and wardrobe throughout my life it's so far always been a slow process, with lots of stuff being carried over to be picked up again later. I'm thinking of my pre-pregnancy wardrobe for example: there was a time after giving birth I thought I'd never be able to wear cashmere again. Now I do, I just don't baby it anymore.
But I never really had to wear stuff that felt inauthentic or was way above or below my own level of formality. So maybe that's why many individual pieces have worked in different life stages even if there's still a lot of churn due to changing style preferences and lifestyle requirements.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Lynne, I have had those experiences with clothing items too. Associations can be so strong for me that when my dear friend was in hospice in February and we knew we were going to visit her on her final day, I chose to wear a nice top that I had already placed in a donation bag. After that final wear, it went off for donation. I knew that it would be hard to wear whatever I wore on the day she died ever again.

Peri

Veteran

I think I'm with Rachylou. I don't have as distinctive a style but I do tend to hang on longer to things I loved in the past. I have a weird guilt about getting rid of things that is, as far as I can figure out, a problem with allowing myself to change. I know that's backwards since it seems like most people have more guilt over holding on to things they aren't wearing. Complicated subject!

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Lynne, I love the idea of a disassociation ceremony! The khaki stuff was really something I was pressing myself into that didn’t feel authentic, separately from its association with that part of the job, but remembering an earlier thread in which many people said they had never again been able to wear what they wore to their parents’ funerals, I see the need. When I swap clothes seasonally and note things I haven’t worn, I should ask myself if there’s an association that blocks me from wearing something. I remember arguing with my mom when I was in grade school about a dress she wanted me to wear. I had been wearing it on a flight when I got air sick. There were no stains or odor on the dress, but I absolutely could not shake the connection in my mind. I don’t think she ever got me to put it on again after that.

kkards

Veteran

Interesting reading so far. Looking forward to reading where it goes.

I am sentimental, about everything including clothing. And I’ve kept a lot of clothing that means something to me. I mean, i have the 1st item i ever bought for myself with my own babysitting money. I have the Levis denim jacket my mom got me when i was a freshmen in college, i have my dads Burberry scarf and his favorite Red Sox hat. But, I don’t feel like i need or want to wear many of the pieces i have saved, for me they are more like collected pieces than clothing.
For me what i wear is about what i want to convey to the world (or in HR terms what i wear needs to be “on brand”), and for me, it a about being modern, current and showing that I’m open and interested in what’s new and now, that’s not to say that I’m chasing trends, because while I’m interested in trends, I’m not interested in trendy, but I don’t want to look like I haven’t changed my look in decades.

nuancedream

Veteran

I am not sentimental about clothing/shoes/accessories in the least bit. I recently consigned the coat I was wearing when my husband and I had our first date. It was a lovely Christmas gift from my mother about 15 years and it no longer suited me. Also, I replaced it with something that is more in line with my smart casual look. However, I kept the red boots from that date night because I still wear them, they're in good condition, and in line with my current style. After my mother passed last year, I immediately got rid of the dress I wore to the funeral service because I knew I could never wear it again.

nemosmom

Veteran

What a fab, deep-think, Carla! I do hold on to clothes (despite my bonkers churn numbers over the last couple of years). I have some pieces that marked important milestones - a couple of my first 'designer-to-me' pieces, a Kate Spade tangerine bag, a Theory blazer and shift dress in very conservative ink blue and black. I have a beloved JCrew peacoat in a happy mustard color and pair of Frye riding boots that are at least 15 years old, possibly 20. But, I hold on to these because they still feel authentic to me, even after all this time. I don't give a rat's tush if anyone else likes them, because as long as I feel good in them, and they fit, and are flattering to me, they stay.

Now, there are many (many) clothes I have passed on at the conclusion of various phases of my life. My office worker self and Toddler-rearing self never really felt authentic. I mean, I tried to look as good as I could for the situation, but the reality is I don't feel authentic in trousers or dresses or yoga pants or tunics. Not then; not now. So, it felt GOOOOD to say bye to those items and I have felt zero desire to add more. I have bought black dress pants out of need (funeral), but I literally dust them because they sit unworn.

I happily shop secondhand/vintage/pre-owned, and have a couple of key pieces that I love. I just don't want to look (or, more importantly FEEL) like I've stepped out of a time machine, even in the age of DYOT.

I also had a complicated relationship with my mom. She never tried to dress me, but she certainly felt the need to voice her opinion on every single thing I wore, and how I looked. I would be lying if I said her words did not influence some clothing choices. My `ghostly white cankles` still won't be caught in a pair of shorts. Even in 100F heat!

Anonymous

This is a fascinating thread. I am so glad you started it. I know exactly what you and Jenni are saying. It is hard for me to put into words, but I know immediately when I see it in practice. I can't explain it. Those individuals seem "stuck in a time warp." This was part of the reason that I committed to staying true to my favored silhouettes but updating them so that they were current. KKards said it really well.

Anonymous

My clothing doesn't retain sentimental value for me and if I don't see myself wearing something anymore I give it away without hesitation so as to give someone else a chance to enjoy it while it's still in excellent condition.

On the maybe three lifetime occasions I've looked for something, forgetting I gave it away, it has seemed more humorous than sad and I've been pleased to think it still had current appeal in someone else's closet.

Runcarla

Veteran

@racheylou - you are a collector like Daphne Guiness. One day you will decide to empty your closet and hold an auction to raise money for charity! Dibs on your Victorian skirt and Christmas suit.

@Vildy - Miller and Woodward have fascinating bibliographies. THANK YOU!

@Liesbeth - shedding skin is such a good metaphor for signifying growth through style evolution

@kkards - you’ve articulated balancing loyalty to old friends who make you feel good with being forward looking and engaged.

YES to disposing of things that don’t make you feel good or work for the life you lead, NO to feeling bad about it!

Echo

Veteran

This is really interesting. My mum has always purchased clothes for me, but I never viewed it as trying to "form my appearance." I am now a parent myself, and I enjoy "dressing" my teenaged daughter, too. It's only natural that the person buying won't buy things they don't like or think look awful, so in that sense I guess it is "forming" someone else's appearance, but I guess I never viewed it as nefarious. I always figured my mum was doing it from a good place, not a controlling one, though of course YMMV. Family relationships can be complicated, but I guess I prefer to assume good intentions instead of bad.

I am also one who has pieces that are a decade old or more. I recently have lost about 30 lb and am able to fit into things I've kept (and loved) again, so it has been rewarding in that sense. I was going through my closet the other day and exclaimed to my DH that I had really great taste in clothing! There were things I had forgotten about because they had not fit in so long that I fell in love with all over again.

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

I love what Vildy wrote about Woodward's book. I've long felt that clothing takes a while to become "attuned" to me, and it doesn't happen with every piece I own. When it does, though...oh! THOSE are the ones I can't imagine getting rid of, that I'll mend and repair and wear until the end of days (perhaps their days, rather than mine, for some of them).

Those aren't the only pieces in my wardrobe I love, or have loved--I love some for the moments in time they represent, some for the people who choose them for me, some for their practically and how well they serve me. All those, I'm usually fine moving on from when the time is right. Taking WIW pics preserves them in memory for me, much like I photographed so many of my son's childhood art projects before letting them go.

Bed Stu 'Bonnie' Boot

View Info

Top Pick

9

Johnny Was Biya by Black Kaleid Hooded Duster (Medium)

View Info

Top Pick

18

Eileen Fisher Silk Shirt

View Info

Top Pick

9

Fossil Emma East West Leather Crossbody

View Info

Top Pick

4

View Info

View Info

SarahD8

Veteran

Really interesting discussion here. I have purged items that have developed bad emotional associations. A gray and black colorblock cardigan that I wore a lot the year my mom had cancer and I was going back and forth between Baltimore and Washington DC comes to mind.

I do have a couple of dressy items that I purchased secondhand/vintage in the 1990s! I don't wear them often but I enjoy when I do so I have no plans to pass them on.

In theory, I am one who wants to keep clothes for a long time (like...10 years seems like a good goal for the length of time something should be in my closet, idk why and I certainly don't think everyone "should" aim for that) but really, when I look over my wardrobe inventory with an objective eye I see that most of what I own has been acquired in the last 5 years and especially in the last 3 -- with the caveat that I shop secondhand so many things may have been *produced* earlier than that. Weight/shape changes, wear, and the realization that things start to look shabby after being stored all mean I pass things along more rapidly than I imagine I am doing.

Then too there is just evolution or maybe more precisely refinement of my style. My phone has been showing me pictures from 7 years ago, 3 years ago, etc...some of them are outfit photos and I can see that I was aiming at something similar to what I think I'm still aiming at in terms of style, but some of those old iterations are pretty cringe to me now. I wonder if I'll think the same in 3 years!

I don't have the experience that many here describe of having had my mother dress me or buy things for me that weren't "me." However there was a prevailing yet largely unspoken sentiment just sort of in the air when I was growing up that caring about and spending money on one's clothing and appearance is shameful (hi, Calvinism!), and that is a whole other can of worms.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Echo, I highly doubt either of my sisters would say our mother is controlling with the clothes. She is generally much happier with their lives in general, which is probably why we read this differently. But then, one of them learned to return unwanted stuff many years before I realized that could be ok, and the other was amazed I didn’t just dump out unwanted food like she does when our mom loads us up on the way out the door (though in my case, it wasn’t just about the food we didn’t want—it was also about not being able to make an exit as we wished/reworking our day/weekend around it). The next time we visited our parents after that, I asked mom to prep whatever food she wanted to send along ahead of time, and to put it in containers she didn’t need to get back, so we could give it to panhandlers on the way home. Problem solved. High five on your last paragraph! I recall an earlier discussion with Jenni NZ in which we both agreed that the extra weight reshaping your body is disorienting,’as you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror and have to double take. It’s great to see “you” again, isn’t it?

12